A New Kind of Bliss (17 page)

If the situation wasn’t so frightening I would’ve giggled at her last remark. I wouldn’t want to live in Pittsburgh or New Paltz, much less take my last breath there, myself. Instead I concentrated on trying to make the best of the situation. “Would joining a new church, meeting new people, really be such a bad thing? You know, Mom, I was apprehensive about moving to Indianapolis all those years ago. The only one I knew was Al and his family. But I’ve made very good friends there.”

“It’s not the same. You were a lot younger than I am.”

“I understand that, Mom.” I sighed. She clearly didn’t want to leave Euliss, and I really couldn’t blame her. As miserable a town as it might be, it was all she knew. “In that case we’ll have to see what we can do. But I can’t make you any promises. Apartments don’t come cheap.”

T
hat simple letter in the mail threw my plans in a tizzy. I’d been considering extending my time in Euliss, perhaps applying for another job if Gina, the new mother, decided to return to her job at the end of six months, but now I didn’t know what to do. I did go down to the department of housing and put my mother’s name on the waiting list for senior housing. They might not have an apartment for her in four months’ time, but these were elderly people. Surely death made for more vacancies than your ordinary apartment complex.

I was ready to throw myself into plans for the class reunion to help reduce the stress, but now that the date, the place, and the menu had been decided upon, there really wasn’t much left to do.

The one thing I didn’t do was confide in Aaron. I knew he’d try to help, but I saw nothing he could possibly do in this situation. I didn’t want to burden him. Sonny, Cissy, and my nieces and nephews were aware of the problem, and no one had been able to come up with a solution that didn’t involve Mom leaving the area.

I ran into Teddy one day in the elevator on my way down to the snack bar, and we ended up having coffee together.

“You’re right about the housing situation,” I said after I told him about Mom’s predicament. “I doubt it was black people who bought her building.”

“I’m sorry, Emily. I hope you can work it out.”

“Thanks. Have you decided what you’re going to do?” I figured as a dental technician he probably made decent money.

“I’m going to bite the bullet and stay. It won’t break me, but it’ll take some economizing and a sharp drop in recreational activity.” Teddy grunted. “It’ll mean take-out pizza instead of going out to dinner and waiting for the DVD instead of going to the movies.”

“I wish there were places to be had with lower rent that aren’t dumps.”

“Oh, there are places out there. Leon Murphy’s grandfather had an apartment in that nice walk-up building on James Street. He lived there for years.”

“His
grand
father!” I exclaimed. “Leon was only a year behind us. His grandfather’s still alive?” I knew that everyone’s parents weren’t as old as mine had been, but having living grandparents at our age still seemed like a stretch to me.

“No, Emily, he’s dead. That’s my point. Leon moved to North Carolina years ago. I figured he wouldn’t want the apartment, and his parents own a home, so I went over and talked to the super to see about taking it over.”

“And?”

“He absolutely refused to show it to me or even discuss it. Carried on something awful about it being downright indecent of me to inquire about taking over the apartment when the old man wasn’t even cold yet.”

I broke out into laughter.

Teddy joined me. “I guess it is funny, but it wasn’t at the time, Emily. He practically accused me of knocking grandpa off, just so I could get his apartment. Of course, he looked like a candidate for the Grim Reaper himself.”

“Only in New York,” I managed to say when I stopped laughing. “That’s the nice thing about Indianapolis. It’s affordable, much more than, say, Chicago. You can get a really nice apartment for not a lot of money. And, of course, you can actually save enough to buy a house or a condo.”

“Speaking of Indiana, do you see yourself going back, or are you going to stay here in Euliss permanently?”

“I honestly don’t know, Teddy,” I said with a shake of my head. “I’m in a relationship, and I don’t know where it’s heading.” Lord knew I didn’t want to stay in Euliss any longer than I had to, but Aaron and I had had such a lovely summer together. I couldn’t remember when I’d been happier. True, the sex could still be better—okay, a whole
lot
better—but they say everything comes with a price tag. Could that be the price that had to be paid for all this happiness? Would there always be one thing that prevented men and women from being true soul mates? And why did it have to be something so important? Why couldn’t Aaron just be a snorer or something?

He glanced at his watch. “I’ve got someone coming in at ten for a fitting. Why don’t we get together for dinner one night this week? We can talk about the apartment situation some more.”

“Lunch would be better.”

He looked properly insulted at my insinuation, then said, “Twelve-thirty today?”

“Sure.”

I enjoyed lunch, but it didn’t yield any new information…other than that I still found Teddy desirable. I could barely look at him without visualizing him naked. What the heck was wrong with me? There should be no contest between Aaron and Teddy when it came to the title of Dream Man. I mean, Aaron’s delicate fingers and medical know-how extended people’s lives. Teddy’s gift allowed old folks to be able to chew. Aaron lived in a graceful mansion overlooking Long Island Sound with a full-time housekeeper, plus he had a vacation home. Teddy admitted it’d be a struggle for him when his rent increase went into effect in November. Even if I were eighty and toothless, Aaron would win hands down.

Of course, before we returned to work to complete the afternoon, Teddy tried to convince me to go out with him that night, but I held my own. I had no desire—no, that’s the wrong word—I had no
intention
of getting into bed with him again. Our two-night stand was a mistake that came close to costing my blooming relationship with Aaron because of our running into Tanis that night.

I had Aaron now. Wonderful Aaron, who treated me with respect and consideration, who told his family that if they didn’t like me they could put a sock in it, who adored my mother, and who was as successful as he was good-looking.

Teddy and I had the elevator to ourselves when it stopped on the Normans’ floor. “I guess I’ll be seeing you,” he said reluctantly.

“Thanks for having lunch with me, Teddy. I’m not any closer to a solution than I was before, but sometimes it makes it better just to talk things out with someone. I appreciate your listening.”

“Glad I could help.”

I was stepping out of the elevator when I felt a pull on my arm. In an instant I was in his arms, and the tension poured out of me as I kissed him back like a woman starved.

That kiss pretty much guaranteed that I was about to go back on my word. Teddy got off work at four-thirty, me at five. We agreed to meet at his place that afternoon.

After what seemed like an excruciatingly long afternoon seeing patients, including the teenage daughter of Mom’s upstairs neighbors, who had a case of crabs, I headed straight for Teddy’s apartment. During that five o’clock drive I found myself cursing slow-moving drivers, drumming my fingers impatiently against the steering wheel while stopped at a red light, and honking when the car in front of me hadn’t moved within three seconds of the light changing to green.

He opened the door for me, wearing nothing but boxer shorts, and promptly picked me up. Instead of taking me to his bedroom he went into the kitchen just to the left of the entry. He deposited me on the counter and started stripping my clothes off. Once he’d removed my panties he bent to give me head, leaving me to hold on to the overhead cabinets.

I kept telling him we needed to get on the bed, but he didn’t seem interested in waiting. Instead, once he had me dripping wet, he put on a condom in record time and we did it right there in his kitchen. It was a scene straight out of
Fatal Attraction
.

I’m not sure how we managed to get to his bedroom afterward, but we literally fell on the bed on our backs at different levels. Teddy’s head was on one of his pillows, while I fell lower, with my head resting on his lap and my hand resting on my heart, which was still thumping wildly. He’d loosened my hair from its bun while we were still kissing in the kitchen, and now he alternated between twirling it around his fingers and threading his fingers through it. The man was a hair freak.

“Emily, I know you and your man have been going through some hard times, but I hope you realize how easy it’s always been with you and me. Maybe you should just forget about that other guy.”

I sat up and looked at him incredulously.

“Seriously, Emily,” he said. “I think you and I have what it takes to make it in this world. I think we’d make a good team. Together we could have a good life. Plus, your mother can get into senior housing and still have you close by.”

I quickly gathered my wits. A team? A
life
, for crying out loud? He had to be kidding. I broke into a knowing smile. “C’mon, Teddy. You’re just looking for someone to pay half your rent.”

He looked so genuinely hurt that I regretted my words. But surely he couldn’t be serious about the idea of us becoming a couple. Didn’t he realize what our relationship was built on?

“What we have together is great sex, Teddy. You can’t build a relationship on that.”

“You make it sound like we never talk to each other. That’s not true, and you know it.”

No, it wasn’t true. Conversation came easy for Teddy and me. Sex between us was undeniably combustible. But I was with him for all the wrong reasons, and it was supposed to be just once, to prove to myself that Aaron wasn’t delivering for me in the bedroom. My life was complicated enough from my own inability to stay away from Teddy. The last thing I needed was for him to start falling for me.

After I went home, I thought about what Teddy wanted me to consider. Would I be willing to stay here in New York for love? And was I being too picky?

Aaron and I were so well suited. All right, so the sex wasn’t as exciting as it should be. I had to consider everything he had to offer. I liked Aaron. I could easily love him. Our relationship as it was would not work in the long run. Therefore, the key was for me to change it.

Teddy, on the other hand, had such a derisive way of looking at things. His down-to-earth manner almost bordered on the slick. He was entirely too practical. He reminded me…

My mouth fell open as I realized who Teddy reminded me of.

Myself.

All throughout my shower, and even as I climbed between the cool sheets of Mom’s sofa bed for the night, I kept seeing Teddy’s eyes with that wounded expression when I dismissed his suggestion that the two of us would make a good team as nothing more than a carefully calculated attempt to get a roommate. He had recovered quickly, but it bothered me to think that I’d hurt his feelings. I had to do something nice to apologize to him. Something nonsexual, of course.

Oh, no.
Oh, no
! “Oh,
noooooooo
!”

“I don’t know where that’s coming from,” Teddy managed to say between grunts as he thrust his hips up and filled me what used to be known in romance novels as his “throbbing member.” “Your lips may be saying no, but your hips are saying, ‘Give it to me, baby.’”

I couldn’t believe I’d ended up in bed with Teddy yet again. I’d stopped by his apartment merely to apologize for what I’d said, and he’d kissed me, and I was lost. What a mess I had made of things. What a miserable excuse for a human being I was—

“Oh, God, I’m coming….”

“W
hat’s wrong, Emily? I know there’s something on your mind. You’ve been distracted lately. I want you to talk to me.”

Aaron and I were lying in bed on a Friday night at the motel in the town of Mamaroneck, where we spent most Friday and Saturday nights since returning from the Hamptons. Since we’d just made love, right now the main thought on my mind was how unfulfilled I felt, something I could hardly tell him. That was just a temporary feeling that would go away once the joy of simply being with him took over. The thought that wouldn’t go away was where Mom and I would live after January, since it was now mid-October and I was no closer to finding a place for us than I’d been a month and a half ago.

I took a deep breath and told him about the situation.

He listened intently. “What about senior citizen housing?”

I became tongue-tied. I didn’t know how to explain to him that I’d decided to stay in Euliss indefinitely, largely because of him. “She does have an application in. They haven’t called her yet, and besides…I won’t be able to live with her in that setting; I’m too young.”
That
was an expression I never thought I’d use. Under any other circumstances it would be worth a good chuckle.

“You mean…you’re going to stay in Euliss beyond six months?”

I gave a weak smile. “I know I was adamant about not doing that, but I guess I’ve changed my mind.”

“Do you mind if I ask why?”

He wasn’t going to let up until he knew the exact reason for my change of heart.

I met his eyes, feeling almost shy. “Because I’m feeling very happy these days, and because my condo is rented through the holidays.” I’d eagerly accepted the offer of a relocating couple who didn’t mind house hunting during the holiday season but did not want to physically move again until after all the halls had been undecked. They’d be in residence through mid-January.

Aaron laughed. “You’re nothing if not practical, Emily.”

“I’d also miss you if I left.”

He replied with one of his delicious kisses, slow and dreamy, leaving me breathless. If only he made love with the same skill.

“I can’t tell you how happy that makes me. I’ve been coping with a feeling of dread recently. Every weekend I’ve been afraid that you’re going to tell me the date you’re leaving to return to Indianapolis, and I didn’t want to hear it.”

“I’m sorry, Aaron, both for not telling you and for making you worry. I’m embarrassed to tell you I’ve been too consumed by this apartment business to even notice anything amiss with you. And I guess I was too shy to tell you I’d changed my plans.”

“It’s all right. You know, I have a guest house above my garage.”

All I could do was blink. Was he going where I
thought
he was going?

“It’s actually a nice size,” Aaron continued. “I think you and your mother could be comfortable there.”

I had to ask. “How much is the rent?”

“Well, it’s not like I’m a landlord or anything. It’s been empty since I bought the house. I want to be fair…. How do you feel about five hundred a month plus your own utilities?”

I gasped. That was less than what Mom paid now. “Aaron. You’re actually going to offer my mother and me a place to stay on your property?”

“Sure, why not?”

“Well…it’s a lifesaver, but don’t you feel a little uncomfortable with the thought of you and I living so near each other?” My inner voice started wailing,
What if I want to see Teddy?
I’m ashamed to say that I’d let my urges get the better of me several times since the day Teddy and I had had lunch, but at least now we got together right after work and I was home by eight o’clock, which I covered by telling both Mom and Aaron that I went out for drinks with coworkers after work. I couldn’t risk Mom becoming suspicious again.

He kissed my lips lightly. “I happen to like the idea of being close to you. So you can just throw your arms around me and call me your hero.”

I was only too happy to oblige, and my disappointment at the motel that night wasn’t as acute as it usually was. I guess I was truly happy to have this tremendous load off my shoulders. Then again, maybe it just had to do with the fact that Teddy had been taking care of curling my toes.

Aaron took me to dinner the next night, to the same restaurant in Dobbs Ferry overlooking the Hudson where we’d had our first date. “I thought it was appropriate,” he said after we were seated, “since from that first evening I knew I wouldn’t want you to leave, and now you aren’t.”

“How wonderfully sentimental, Aaron.”

He kissed the back of my hand. “These past months have been wonderful. You’ve brought hope back into my life, Emily.”

His words stunned me. Just as a mind was a terrible thing to waste, hope was a terrible thing to lose. It was the one thing we had left when everything else was gone. “Had you actually lost hope?”

“Maybe that’s not the right word. As long as I have my children I’ll have hope. But I felt I’d never truly be happy again. Being with you has changed all that.” He covered my hand with both of his, and his eyes never left my face. He took a deep breath. “I know it took a lot for you to tell me why you decided to stay in Euliss, so I want to be truthful with you as well.”

I held my breath.

“I want you to know,” he said as he gently massaged my hand, “I’m not telling you this to elicit any type of response from you, so don’t feel obligated. I didn’t think this could ever happen again, but I’ve fallen in love with you, Emily.” He added hastily, “Now, I don’t expect you to feel the same, but I do sense you care for me, and that’s enough, at least for now.”

I felt all warm and tingly inside. Aaron loved me. He loved me. He never thought he’d feel this way about anyone again, and I was the one.

I also had to marvel at his consideration at letting me off the hook. Here was a man who’d married his only serious girlfriend. Although he was too refined to come out and say it, he understood that sexually speaking I had more experience than he did. I think that’s difficult for any man to admit, not that a whole lot of them are in that predicament. He was astute enough to know that I didn’t fall so easily. Of course, I’d have beaten him to the finish line if it wasn’t for our sex life.

I’d be throwing myself into that with everything I had, for in my heart I knew I could never sleep with Teddy again. It was true that neither myself nor Aaron had ever said anything about exclusivity in our relationship, but when a man tells you he loves you, he clearly expects to have you all to himself. How understanding of Aaron to allow me to accept his feelings without pressure or obligation to reciprocate. And he was right; I did care about him. Maybe I even loved him a little.

My mouth fell open. Yes, I
did
love him, and not just because he was wealthy and had shown me a lifestyle that I’d only seen in the movies. I loved him because he was a good man. As I’d predicted on our first date, we had a lot of fun together, whether we were cooking, washing the car, watching the news, or just talking.

I intended to tell Mom about Aaron’s offer as soon as I returned home Sunday afternoon, but I heard her talking and quickly realized she was on the phone. Now, I was no eavesdropper, but when I heard my name mentioned I naturally stood outside the bedroom door to hear what she was saying about me. “Oh, he’s just wonderful. He has such elegance about him. He reminds me of a black Cary Grant.”

I rolled my eyes but couldn’t keep the corners of my mouth from turning up. Obviously Mom was talking about Aaron.

“And I tell you, he’s just crazy about Emily…. Oh, of course it’s serious. I mean, it’s too early to talk about
marriage,
of course, but Aaron does seem to be the type who likes to be settled.” A pause, then, “Isn’t that just like my daughter. She met him just a few days after she got into town, you know. Who else but my Emily could snag the most eligible bachelor in the county so quickly?”

I moved into the doorway and discreetly cleared my throat. Mom looked up guiltily. “Dear, I really have to go. Emily just came in. Why don’t I call you back?” She paused, then laughed at something the other party said. “Yes, I’ll be sure to let you know if Aaron proposes. Bye-bye, now!”

I groaned as she hung up the phone. “Proposes? Mom!”

“Well, can I help it if my friends enjoy hearing about your romance? It reminds all of us of our first love. So what if we’re living vicariously through you.”

“Mom, I’m past forty and divorced. Aaron is hardly my first love.”

“Love is love, Emily. It doesn’t matter how old you are.”

“And what’s all this talk about love, anyway?” I said rather testily. “Just because Aaron says he loves me doesn’t mean I automatically feel the same way.” In my annoyance I’d spoken without thinking.

Mom lit up like a theater marquee on opening night, and I knew what she was about to say before she even opened her mouth.

“Emily! He’s in love with you? Oh, how wonderful!”

I held my hand palm out. “Hold everything. Do not mail the wedding invitations yet. As I said, the feeling isn’t necessarily mutual.”

“But Emmie, I don’t understand. Now, I know I taught you to have high standards, but, my dear, don’t you realize Barack Obama is taken? Besides, Aaron’s much better looking than he is.”

My mind quickly searched for a way to express my thoughts. I could hardly tell my mother the real reason for rejecting Aaron. I just wouldn’t feel comfortable, yet my instincts told me it would be a good thing to keep her talking as long as possible. The minute I left she’d probably pick up the phone, call another one of her friends, and this time fill them in on Aaron’s very private feelings.

Which raised a question in my mind. “Who were you talking to on the phone just now, anyway?”

“Helen Brown.”

My jaw dropped. “Mom! Didn’t you say Mrs. Brown’s teenage granddaughter is having a baby? And isn’t that Joanne’s daughter?”

“Well, yes. But what does that have to do with you and Aaron?”

“For one thing, Joanne Brown’s marriage broke up years ago, and her ex has moved to another state and hardly ever sees their daughter. Two, everybody knows that Joanne does nothing but chase men. It’s no wonder her daughter got knocked up, if her behavior is any example. And you’re bragging to Helen about how your daughter snagged a doctor the moment she got back into town?” The tone of my voice stretched upward in incredulity. “Mom, not only is it inconsiderate for you to say that, it’s…not right,” I concluded after being unable to think of a stronger phrase. “How’s Mrs. Brown supposed to feel?”

“Like she wishes that could have been
her
daughter. And trust me, if it were, I would be hearing about it at every card game plus at every conversation.”

I shook my head. Mrs. Brown was the sub at the bid whist games, filling in when one of the regulars couldn’t play. I just didn’t understand the strange way my mother and her so-called friends treated each other. I thought that type of cattiness was reserved for society ladies.

“There hasn’t been this much gossip since Valerie Woods was dating that criminal attorney a few years back,” Mom continued. “Usually Winnie never talks about Valerie, but she certainly had a lot to say when it looked like they were getting serious. She went on and on about it. When she stopped all of a sudden we all knew that meant it was over. Of course, it was Mavis who told the rest of us on the sly that they’d broken up, so Winnie wouldn’t have to address the matter.”

Feeling defeated, I shrugged my shoulders. “All right, Mom. Have it your way. But there’s something I must insist on.”

“What’s that?”

“You have to promise me that you won’t say a word to any of your friends about Aaron’s feelings for me. I shouldn’t have told you. It just slipped out, but it was something he said to me, not to me and you, and certainly not to me, you, and your girlfriends. The last thing I need is for Tanis to get wind of it. She’s after him, you know, and she’s like a dirty politician. She’ll use any means necessary to cause problems between Aaron and me so she can take over.”

“Well, Emmie, you have to consider the possibility. I mean, if you don’t want him…It’s no fun being in love all by yourself.”

“Point taken, Mom.”

“You’re a sweet girl. You really deserve to be with someone special, have someone to share your life with.” She sighed. “Sometimes I really worry about you girls. Not just you, but girls Sasha’s age,” she said, referring to Sonny’s youngest. “Even that sweet little Jasmine upstairs.”

I averted my eyes. I knew all about little Jasmine. She’d come into Dr. Norman’s office a couple of weeks ago, and I’d treated her for crabs. I can still hear her gasping in shock when I came into the room, immediately bursting into tears and begging me not to tell her parents. I explained that I was bound by practitioner-patient privilege, and that anything she said to me could not and would not be repeated to anyone.

I did issue a strong warning to her regarding her sexual behavior and recklessness in not practicing safe sex, which I suspected she would ignore. When you’re sixteen, you think that all the bad stuff happens to other people, not to you, and that the little incident that happens to you will be cured. But Mom thought she was the sweetest young thing. I hoped I wouldn’t be so easily fooled when I was Mom’s age.

“I know Tanis would love to take Aaron from you,” Mom said now. “You should see Mavis at our card games. When I drop little tidbits about you and Aaron, I’m waiting for her to pull out a notebook and take notes so she can tell Tanis all about it.”

“Really?” My eyes narrowed. “You aren’t telling her anything she shouldn’t know, are you?”

“No, just bits and pieces, like where Aaron has taken you, the name of the restaurant you ate at, the name of the Broadway show you saw, things like that. Her eyes bug out. You should see her. She looks like she’s got a thyroid condition.”

As much as I enjoyed visualizing the amusing picture Mom just painted, I held off telling Mom about the apartment. I didn’t want her calling all her friends with the news before it was decided upon, and we hadn’t even seen the place yet. I’d take her for a ride tomorrow after church, and I’d tell her about it on the way.