All Amity Allows (Fall for You Book 2) (22 page)

She’d obviously become so reliant seeing his every thought during their week together that she’d lost her ability to read his actions and his non-verbal clues quite as well.

“Do you regret it?” Drew’s question took her by surprise, but she knew exactly what he was referring to.

The truth was that she did, but probably not for the reasons he might suspect. After she’d allowed herself to start to fantasize about him, she’d had the most vivid images of what an affair with him might be like. The reality had exceeded all of her expectations and to have to let it go was harder than she’d ever believed it could be.

When she didn’t respond, Drew walked further away from her, returning to his stance against the desk, leaning forward and blocking off his expression.

“I don’t,” he whispered. “Even though I can only remember the smallest slivers of it, I have only one regret with it all.”

Don’t say it, she thought.
Please, don’t say it.
She didn’t want to hear the words that her heart longed for him to say.

“I should have stayed.” He spun back toward her and in two steps had her pinned against the door once more. Truthfully, the hold he had on her wouldn’t have been enough to keep her pinned in place if she tried to fight him off, but she didn’t want to.

“I should have given up all of this for you,” he whispered intently against her cheek. “I will. None of this means anything without you by my side, Am. I’m not living anyway, so please, take me back. Keep me. I’m yours. I have been ever since you took me bowling.”

His breath blew over her clavicle and all she had to do was turn her head a little to the left and she could claim his lips. “I can’t.”

“Then make me forget. Take it all away.”

“I—I can’t do that.”

“Can’t? Or won’t?”

The challenge in his voice told her that his glimpse into her true nature all those weeks ago must have revealed her ability to scramble memories. She dropped her head onto his shoulder and breathed deeply, taking comfort from the familiar scent of his skin. “What I do can hurt you. I don’t want to risk that.”

“How will it hurt me?”

“Just please, trust me?”

He guided her chin up so that she had to meet his eyes. “So you
can
erase the pain?”

She knew she couldn’t lie again, not to him, not while he was so close. She felt a slight twinge of the muscles in her cheek, pulling the corner of her lip downward for just a fraction of a second.

His finger touched the muscle that had given her away. “You can take away this ache in my chest, yet you won’t?”

His mouth was inches away and it was taking every inch of her restraint not to kiss him and erase his pain that way.

“It’s not that easy.”

“Don’t you think you owe me that much? Don’t you think the whole of Heaven owes me that much?”

He lifted his palm and cupped her cheek. Her body stiffened in response and every part of her begged to experience his touch again.

“Just take the pain away,” he said, soothingly, his voice as smooth and hypnotic as she’d ever heard a human’s to be.

The small touch and his gentle plea flustered her. “It—it's not that easy.”

“This pain, here in my chest.” He lifted her hand and placed it over his heart. “I don't want to feel it anymore, just take it away. Only you can do it, Am. Give me some sort of permanent memory loss when it comes to everything from the first moment I saw Becca. Please? I'm begging you.”

“No.” Amity’s response was firmer than she’d planned it to be.

Her eyes flicked to his as his thoughts and the feelings she stirred within him resonated through their union. The small touches he kept making burned and stung in a way they didn’t in Heaven—all of his hurt echoed through her body. Their proximity, and her demanding tone, made him hard beyond measure, his need pressing against her hip.

“Why not?” he challenged. “Because then I won't have learned my precious life lesson?”

“No,” she said as a sob stole from her chest. “Because I can't have you look at me like I'm a stranger if I see you again. I—I wouldn't be able to deal with that.”

His brows knitted together with confusion. “Will I see you again after today?”

“No.” She sighed. “I don’t know. I can’t stay away. I should, but I haven’t been able to. I’ve been with you every damn day since I sent you back.”

He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against hers. “Is the hurt worth it then?”

“I think only you can answer that.”

“No, Amity, I mean this—” he traced his thumb across the corner of her mouth again. “I know it hurts you. I can feel it. Yet, you haven’t asked me to stop. Ask me to stop, Am, and I will.”

She didn’t realize he could feel all of her emotions still. The connection that had been exposed before was still open and weeping with her agony. Tears welled in her eyes that he was so willing to put his own happiness aside for her. After all the bad she’d seen in the minds of humanity, it was surprising to find something so pure. “Yes. Yes, it’s worth it.”

The words were obviously all he needed to hear, all he needed to know, to sweep aside the hurt. Before she had a chance to resist, he pressed his lips against hers. It burned, but it made her heart soar. She reciprocated the kiss, her tongue pressing forward instantly to caress his.

As soon as the contact had been initiated, all of the barriers and walls she’d forced up to keep herself out of his arms came crashing down. The memories of their time in Heaven burned on her skin, and she knew only his touch would extinguish the fires. She rocked her hips forward and his hand caressed her ass, lifting her higher against the door so he was able to slip between her legs.

While his tongue tangled with hers, his hands roamed desperately, trying to cover all of her body at once. His hips ground against her, taking her mind back to the feeling of his body joining with hers on their private beach.

After a few seconds, she was able to find the strength she needed to push him away. He stepped back, dazed and confused with his fingertips touching his lips. She only left him long enough to lock the door to his office and flick the blinds shut. Then she covered the distance between them and set to work on his clothing.

Once she loosened his belt, just enough to pull him free from his coverings, she fell to her knees and held him in her palm.

“Oh God,” he sighed as she took his cock into her mouth.

She pulled back just long enough to say. “God has nothing to do with this.”

In fact, he’s probably having conniptions that I’m even here.

Drew threaded his hands through her hair and tipped his head back as she took him in her mouth again. She looked up at him as her tongue caressed the silken skin of his shaft. Although Amity had taken control and was setting a decent pace, Drew’s body clearly ached for
more
. Fisting his fingers in her blonde locks, he thrust his hips, rocking forward deeper and faster.

In response, Amity circled her tongue around his tip before trailing her teeth ever so lightly over his length, drawing a hiss of pleasure from his lips. He bucked his hips into her mouth harder than before and she knew he wouldn’t last long. He hadn’t been with anyone on Earth since Becca. His body must have been almost ready to explode at the overload of sensations.

He almost growled when she pulled away from him and stood.

“I would love to keep going,” she whispered in his ear. His breaths were heavy but warm against her skin. She reached for his hand, placing it on her thigh just at the hem of her skirt. “But I ache. I need you.”

Taking her movement as a call to arms, he traced his fingertips over the soft skin of her thigh, trailing ever higher until the pads of his fingers brushed across the silken material of her designer thong. When he slid two fingers inside her, she cried out with need.

Without warning, he picked her up and pinned her against his desk. He pushed her thong to the side, and entered her. At the same moment that he pushed into her, his lips crashed to hers. He fisted his hand in her hair and thrust his tongue into her mouth.

His hand found the buttons on her blouse, pulling them all apart and then letting his familiar hands caress the contours of her body once more.

The sensation was so intense that Amity fell into perfect oblivion almost immediately.

Seconds later, Drew followed.

Chapter Twenty-Three

Drew couldn’t believe
the way everything had been turned on its head. He’d gone from being unable to contain all the hurt that bubbled within him to feeling so elated he was worried he might float away.

He kissed Amity again, only vaguely aware of the fact they’d just screwed each other on the desk in his workplace. He probably should have been more concerned about their location, but he was just happy to have affirmed that what he’d felt for Amity wasn’t a lie. It wasn’t a dream or a vision he’d experienced while comatose. It was real, and she’d felt it to.

Amity clutched at him, holding tightly to his body, and then she sighed.

“This doesn’t change anything, does it?” Drew asked.

“I wish I could say yes.”

“I meant what I said. If being . . . up there is the only way to be with you, I’d rather that than this half-life I have down here.”

She brushed her hand over his face as she moved to sit up and clean herself up. “I don’t think that’s going to be possible. Eventually, my brothers would look for me, and then you’d be left there alone.”

“There has to be some way around this. I can’t lose you again. I’m not that noble to be willing to sacrifice our happiness for the greater good.”

Amity smiled. “I don’t know if I am either, not anymore. I don’t know a way around the rules, but if there is one, we’ll find it.”

An alarm sounded on Drew’s phone, reminding him where he was and the responsibilities he had. Even though he desperately wanted to shrug them all off and stay with Amity, he couldn’t do that to his patients or his colleagues. Not again. Not yet.

“Promise me you won’t leave just yet,” he said to her. “Not until we’ve had time to talk.”

“I won’t.”

After ensuring he was clean and tucked away, Drew headed out to face the reality of the world while his angel waited for him in his office.

Amity couldn’t
wipe the smile off her face as she straightened her clothing. When she’d taken the assignment of helping Drew, she’d never in her wildest dreams thought that he’d help her in return. She’d given every part of herself over to Drew, and he’d broken and repaired her over and over. It was just like it had been in Heaven only,
more
. Drew hadn’t just given her part of his soul, he’d given her all of his body, soul, and heart. There was a particular feeling of responsibility she felt to keep it safe and to find some way to fight to stay at his side. She just didn’t know how.

It wasn’t like the rule against relationships made a lick of sense anyway. Men who thought they understood things far outside all of the possibilities they could imagine wrote it down. They imposed their own limited views on the rest of humanity, and all angel-kind.

She paced in Drew’s office while he was gone. She marveled at the human experience she’d just had. She’d thought things were special before because they’d been in Heaven, but she’d been wrong. They’d been special because she was with Drew. Her body ached with need to do it all again even at the thought of it. A pleasant burn took hold at the apex of her thighs and she wanted to find Drew to help soothe it.

Her happiness fell away when she heard a flutter behind her. She didn’t even need to turn to see who it was.

“Michael,” she greeted him with a voice of ice. He could only be there for one of a handful of reasons and none of them were good.

“What are you doing, Amitiel?” The fact that he’d used her true name—her Heavenly name—was cause for concern. He obviously had something to say about her flouting the rules.

She spun to face him even as she finished buttoning her shirt. “I’m doing what you asked me to.”

“I asked you to help a broken man realize why his relationship had to fail, not to whore yourself out to him.”

Before she’d even made a conscious decision to punish his harsh and unnecessarily cruel words, her hand slapped across his cheek.

“Fuck you,” she spat at him.

“This is against the rules.”

“Meaningless rules.”

“
Dogmatic
rules.”

“I love him.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Tears pricked her eyes. “Well, it should. I should be able to have a say in my life.”

“You are an angel, Amitiel. You don’t have a life. You exist. This human is clearly a bad influence on you.”

“I won’t leave him.”

“You don’t have a choice.”

“Fuck you, Michael. I had thought you might understand. That you might feel some compassion. But you’re just another angel who thinks he’s better than everyone else in existence.” She pushed her way past him, determined to follow Drew and find a way to fight at his side.

Michael was still spouting off with his holy, sanctimonious bullshit when she slammed the door to Drew’s office. Stalking down the hallway toward the place she knew Drew would be, she tried to process what had just happened. Michael knew—just as she’d worried he would before she’d planned her Heavenly sojourn. He’d seen, or at least sensed, what had happened, and now he would ensure she faced the punishment for disobeying the dogmatic laws. She’d never see Drew again. Literally. There would be a filter placed over his life to block him from her senses. If Drew didn’t repent, his soul would be tagged for servitude, or purgatory. She couldn’t have that, and she couldn’t just leave without saying goodbye. He deserved that much, and even if he didn’t, she refused to leave him without some explanation.

Tears flooded her eyes as she closed in on Drew. She had no idea what she’d tell him or whether she would even be able to find her voice through her tears.

Drew was
still smiling from the experience he’d had with Amity, and her promise not to leave, when he crossed Becca’s path. She stopped in her tracks with a panicked expression when she spotted him. No doubt, she thought he would cause issues over her engagement. Perhaps he would have without his reunion, but with Amity’s words about being happy someone he cared about was happy ringing in his ears, he felt differently.

Without hesitation, he strode straight over to Becca with a widening smile.

“Congratulations,” he said, sparing a glance at the ring on her hand.

Becca followed his gaze and then looked back up at him, clearly confused about the shift in his demeanor. “Thank you?”

“I think it took me longer than it should have to get here, but I really am happy for you.”

She offered a small smile back at him. “Thank you, Drew. That means a lot to me. I’m really sorry for—”

He held up his hands. He might have been okay enough with it all to offer his congratulations, but he didn’t want to hear her apologize again. He wasn’t really ready to accept it, but at least he knew that he would be one day. There was no doubt in his mind that eventually they’d find their way back to friendship, especially with Amity at his side.

“It wasn’t really your fault,” he told her and then moved to hug her.

When he turned around to leave, Amity was standing at the door watching him with wide doe-eyes. He could have been wrong but he thought he saw sorrow and betrayal printed on her features.

Shit
!

A tear rolled down Amity’s cheek as she turned and ran off. Drew wondered whether she’d got the wrong impression over what was going on between him and Becca.

Surely she knows that I would never . . . that I love her and not Becca.

The thing was that everything he’d said or done with Amity was as a result of his former desire for Becca. The whole reason Amity had come into his life in the first place was because he’d had his heart broken. She knew she’d fixed him, but did she know the extent of his emotions? Did she imagine that he’d take Becca back if given the chance? He didn’t even spare Becca another glance as he chased after the steady clip-clip-clip of Amity’s heels.

“Am!” he shouted after her retreating figure. “Amity!” he shouted when she raced through the emergency exit and headed up the flight of stairs.

“Dammit,” he muttered under his breath as he pushed himself harder to catch up with her.

Somehow, no matter how fast Drew sprinted, Amity was able to stay ahead of him. She ran until she reached the rooftop and then burst out into the sunlight.

“Am, it’s not what you think!” Drew called after her, desperate to have her understand.

When he pushed open the door to the rooftop, she had slowed and was standing facing him. Tears streamed down her face. Her eyelashes clumped together, but no mascara ran down her cheeks.

“It’s exactly what I think it is, Drew,” she said. Her voice strained and she hiccoughed at the end of his name.

“No, Am, you have to listen to me. Becca—”

She held up her hand to silence him. “This has nothing to do with Becca. This is about us. And them,” she spat the word as she lifted her eyes to the sky and flayed her hands widely in the direction of the clouds above.

“Then why did you run downstairs?”

“Because I couldn’t . . . I couldn’t say this in front of anyone else.”

He took a step toward her, and she backed away in perfect sync. “Am, you’re scaring me. Talk to me.”

“They’re going to make me go away. Just like I warned you they would. I can’t stay and I won’t ever see you again once I’m taken. I won’t even be able to find you to make sure you’re safe.”

Drew was completely lost. He stopped pacing forward because she kept mimicking his movements and was getting dangerously near to the ledge. Instead, he held his arms out, pleading with his hands for her to come closer. “Why now?”

A sound beside him, like that of a giant pigeon coming to land, forced Drew’s attention away from Amity for a split second. What he saw would have caused him no end of concern before he’d seen the truth of the world in Amity’s touch. A man of indiscernible age, with unruly brown hair and infinite amber orbs for eyes, looked to him.

“Because she broke a cardinal law.”

“And who in the hell made those laws?” Drew asked.

“Go away, Michael,” Amity screeched at the same time.

Drew turned his gaze back to Amity. “Michael?”

“My brother.” The words came out like a curse. She clenched her fists and turned away from both of the men.

“Your brother? Doesn’t he want you to be happy?”

Michael scoffed. “Do you think a human can possibly understand anything about the happiness of an angel?”

Drew stepped closer. “I think I know more about her than you ever could.”

“Drew. Michael. Stop, both of you.” Amity’s voice was quiet and broken, and it was enough to still Drew.

Amity couldn’t
believe it. This was why she didn’t allow herself to feel. The truth hurt.

It sucked.

The truth was, there was more pain in love than pleasure—especially for an angel.

“Amitiel, it is time to put this all behind you and return to Heaven,” Michael said. Although he posed it like a suggestion, it was clear that it was a demand. “A few decades, and you will feel like yourself again.”

A few decades until Drew was gone was what he meant.

She growled and wheeled on him. “You just don’t get it, do you?” she snapped.

“Am, please, tell me what’s going on,” Drew begged.

She looked over at Drew. Poor Drew, who’d had his heart broken by the misfired cupid’s bow, who had given her pleasure like she’d never felt, and heartbreak which she’d never considered. Now she was going to smash the final pieces of his heart and soul by following her brother’s will. What other choice did she have though?

Her chin quivered as she thought about how to tell him that despite her words earlier, she couldn’t fight Heaven’s will. She had to leave and never be at his side again.

“I think you should go inside, Andrew. This is no longer your concern,” Michael’s voice was full of Heaven’s authority—he was using his gifts to compel Drew to follow his instructions.

Drew took a step, and then stopped. Amity knew she should let her brother’s compulsion take effect. Part of her knew it would be easier, and maybe better for everyone, if she simply followed Heaven’s instructions and left Drew. If she stopped being his whore, as Michael had so eloquently put it. Only, it wasn’t what she wanted to do. She’d seen what his life was like in the absence of her. She’d seen the light within him diminish at such a slow rate she’d barely noticed it leave until it returned in force the instant their lips had touched again.

She shifted and was at Drew’s side in an instant. Her fingers wrapped around his hand. He quickly reciprocated, holding her hand in his own. The connection hurt as it always did. The truths he had buried inside ate away at her until one surfaced.

Drew looked at her, no doubt feeling the same warmth extending through his chest that was growing in hers. The truth was that they were better off together. She loved him. Not in the way the Heavenly host was supposed to love mortals, but in the blinding I-would-do-anything-for-him way that humans loved one another.

In that instant, she felt a peace trickle over her. She knew what she had to do. She looked skyward as the truth hit her. She just had to choose; that was all she had to do. That was what Peter had meant. Now that she’d chosen, she knew exactly what she needed to do. Her tears evaporated and she smiled as she moved her head to look at the small ledge that surrounded the rooftops.