All Pepped Up (Pepper Jones) (7 page)

As I pour
an excessive amount of syrup over the bacon and pancake, Wes clears his throat. “So, Pep. We wanted to –”

He’
s cut off by Jace. “Wes. Shut up.” It’s a calm and controlled command, but I know that tone. He’s not to be messed with right now.

Jace turns
to face me.

“There’s not an easy way to break this to you
, Pep, so I’m just gonna say it.”

He pauses. I stare
at him, waiting. Jace’s jaw clenches but he doesn’t break eye contact with me.

“
Me and Wes. We’re brothers.”

I put my fo
rk down and clasp my hands in my lap. I have to look away.

My heart is beating
so fast, I’m sure everyone can hear it.

“Have you always known?” I
finally ask. My gaze focuses on the snowflakes sliding down the window.

Jace answers, “We found out the summer before we started high school.”

I whip my head around and look between them. “Why didn’t you tell me? The three of us… we were best friends. Why would you keep this from me?” I don’t hide the pain in my voice. This hurts. They are family?
Real
family. They both have a sibling – each other. And me? I have no siblings. No parents.

Jace nods at Wes, who shifts forward in his seat. “Jim told us. He’s our dad. He said he always wanted us to know, but my mom didn’t want that. My mom and dad – well, David
, I guess – have never had a normal marriage. I think they’ve always slept with other people,” he says with a shrug. “But that’s just the way it’s been since I can remember.”

I nod slowly. There are so many questions, but I can tell Wes has been waiting a long time to let it all out, and I don’t want to interrupt.

“At first, I was so angry. And I took it out on Jace. You would think I’d be psyched to have a brother. But I blamed Jim and Jace, and my mom, for the way my dad – David – treated me. You know, he’s never around. He just wants me to be a kid with enough achievements that I’m not an embarrassment. Someone he can talk about when asked by his buddies. He’s never really cared about me.”

Wes’s face is full of emotion, and I’m shocked that he’s telling me all this. We only recently started hanging out again. And these are
some deep feelings he’s revealing. With no restraint. I can’t help but feel closer to him. Like the four years without him in my life never happened.

He sighs and runs his hand through his hair. The same way Jace does when he’s thinking. How had I not recognized this before? I guess I
had
noticed similarities, but it never occurred to me it might be because they are related.

“Anyway, it’s hard to explain. But I was angry. I was only 14.”

“You were angry? That’s why no one told me?” My voice is soft, because I know this isn’t easy for Wes. But now I’m the one who’s angry. Although it’s directed mostly at Jace. He should have told me. He and I have stayed friends all these years, and he never said a thing.

My gaze turns to him and I can see the regret in his eyes.

“We should have told you, Pep. You’ve been our friend our whole lives.”

“I’m not going to forgive you so quickly. What’s
your
excuse?”

Jace looks down into his coffee mug. “I was angry too. It’s hard to explain why. I always wanted to blame someone for my mom leaving. It wasn’t Wes’s fault. Obviously.
But he represented something, you know? All the shitty feelings I never knew I had from my mom leaving rose to the surface. Wes still had two parents, and that pissed me off. I didn’t want anything to do with Wes anymore.”

I study Jace’s expression. He’s being honest. More honest about his feeling
s on this than he’s ever been before. But there’s more to it. I can tell by the way his jaw twitches just a bit.

I go with my gut and decide now’s not the time to push it.

He clears his throat and continues, “Now I’ve realized that my dad’s affair probably didn’t have anything to do with my mom leaving.”

That gets my attention. And Wes’s too, judging by the way he stiffens across the table.

“My mom called me a few months ago. My dad never talked about it because I never asked, but I knew they had never been married. She was only 21 when I was born, and in college still. Even once my mom found out she was pregnant, I don’t think they talked about getting married. So, I had to admit to myself that the affair didn’t have anything to do with her leaving. I mean, she didn’t leave until a few years later, and she knew about Wes when he was born a couple months after me.”

I hear the pain in his voice for a second but he quickly mask
s it.

“She called to tell me she was going to be leaving rehab soon, and she wanted to meet me. Annie was an addict when she left, and has been on and off since.”

Wes and I wait for Jace to continue, but when he takes another sip of coffee and looks up, it’s clear he’s done. That’s all we’re going to get.

“And now she’s here. Isn’t it Annie you should be angry with?” I ask what seems to me to be the
logical question.

Jace’s eyes narrow. “She wasn’t much older than us when she got pregnant
with me, and she had a lot of her own problems. She wasn’t in the kind of shape she needed to be to be a mom.”

I gape at him, and I sense Wes shifting uncomfortably, probably trying to suppress his response. Jace is defending her. Protecting her. I shake my head. It makes no sense.

Jace bites into a piece of bacon and the conversation’s over.

My head spins as I pick at my eggs. My appetite has vanished, and I let the boys finish off my
breakfast.

“Party’s
still going on at my place. You guys coming?” Wes asks when we get back in the Hummer.

“Not me. I’m going for a run.”

Even though I wasn’t planning on running today, the urge to lace up and get outside is overwhelming.

“Seriously? In this weather?” Wes gives me a hard look in the rearview mirror.

I shrug.

When we pull up to my apartment, Jace says he’s going back to Wes’s
and will get my sleepover bag that I left behind. He’s used to me running in all kinds of weather. “Call me after your run.”

I nod and wave goodbye.

Gran is chatting with her BFF Lulu in the living room when I get home. Hanson’s Christmas music plays quietly in the background.

“Tell us all about the sleepover party!” Gran exclaims.

“Did anything scandalous happen?” Lulu asks with a gleam in her eye.

Despite the turmoil ripping through my body
, I smile. “Sorry ladies, no gossip for you,” I say with a shake of my finger. “I’m going for a run.”

Gran protests
against me going out in the storm, but eventually gives up, insisting that I take my cell phone. “I guess it does have its uses,” she admits.

Before Dave and I head out, Gran
inspects my clothing, making sure I’m wearing enough layers. I’m halfway down the stairwell when I pause and gasp. Dave perks his ears up and gives me a quizzical look.

I rush back up the stairs and open the door to our apartment.

“You knew, didn’t you?” I ask Gran. She’s in the kitchen, pouring coffee into a mug. Lulu can hear us from the living room, but I don’t care.

Gran turns to me. “Knew what?”

Of course, she wouldn’t know that I just found out. After all these years.

“Jace and Wes. They just told me.” The understanding in her eyes is immediate, and it answers my question even without the nod.

“Yes, I’ve known most of your life. But it’s never been for me to share.”

The pain I felt when they first told me slices through me again. They all knew. Except for me. I was left out.

“I’m going for a run,” I force out.

***

The blizzard echoes the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside of me. Wind sends snow hurling at me in gusts, and I welcome the snowy terrain. I focus on keeping my footing and it provides the distraction I’m seeking. I don’t want to dissect the myriad of feelings coursing through me right now. They don’t make any sense and I don’t understand where they are coming from.

So what if Wes and Jace are brothers? Why does it matter that I’m only hearing about it now when even Gran has known all along?

Because they are your
family
. Your only family
, an angry little voice in my head shouts.

My thoughts flash to a memory of a picture I drew in elementary school. We were told to draw a picture of our family, but I was the only one with just one person – Gran – and I didn’t like it. So I included Wes and Jace, and told the teacher they were my brothers. Obviously, I don’t think of Jace as my sibling anymore, but even at seven or eight years old I understood that those boys would be there for me like family.

Except I lost Wes because no one would tell me what was going on. Now he and Jace are family again. And me? What am I? Jace’s girlfriend. And what does Wes want?

I pick up my speed and Dave looks up at me, eager for the challenge. The blizzard isn’t enough
of a distraction after all, and I seek out a burn in my legs and lungs to take away the ache in my chest.

Over an hour later
, I’m thoroughly numb emotionally, and burning up from physical exertion. I’m also at a point along the bike path I don’t recognize. Even if I turn around now, it will be the longest run I’ve ever been on. And I must have left my phone on the kitchen counter because I’m only now realizing it’s not in my jacket pocket.

I pause for a moment on the path while Dave takes a sip of water from the creek. The snow is letting up, but the wind is getting stronger. I haven’t seen a single other person on the path yet,
and as my body temperature starts to drop, I realize I may have overdone it.

The wind was howling on the
way out, but apparently it was at my back most of the time. As I head in the opposite direction, I’m nearly knocked over with the strength of it directly hitting my chest. I ran hard on the way out, and I can’t maintain that effort the rest of the way. It’s going to take me a while to get back, and I hope Gran doesn’t freak out.

Another hour later, and
I’ve reached one of my usual turn around points. I figure I ran nearly 10 miles out, and I’m still several miles from home. If I’ve run as far as I expect, that’s at least a half marathon. In a blizzard. My long runs are typically 70-90 minutes… and not in the snow. I’ve been out for over two hours.

The wind is head-on, and my legs are trashed.
But at least the only thing I’m feeling right now is fatigue. And there’s a mild panic beginning to seep through me as my legs protest forward movement.

I slow to a walk. Just for a few minutes
, to rest. My muscles feel like bricks. Heavy. Even Dave looks ready to quit, and that dog’s like the Energizer Bunny.

My face is raw from the wind. The sweat I generate
d during the beginning of the run is now making me shiver. It takes all my focus to lift each foot and place it in front of me. Is that pain in my stomach hunger? The two bites of eggs this morning definitely did not provide the kind of fuel I needed.

I see a figure jogging
toward me. Who else is crazy enough to be running in this weather? The wind is brutal. I have to lean forward to avoid getting knocked over.

“Pepper?” I hear Ryan’s voice call out. “Are you okay?” He
picks up his pace. Jeez, do I really look that terrible? I guess it’s strange to him that I’m not running.

He reaches me and puts his hands on my shoulders. “You’re weaving a little. What’s going on?”

“Do you have a phone on you? My Gran is probably freaking out.”

“I don’t. Let’s walk back to my house and we’ll call her. It’s closer.”

He puts his arm around me and I lean in, thankful for the extra protection from the wind. It seems to be getting stronger but maybe I’m getting weaker.

“Talk to me. How long were you running?”

I check my watch. “I guess I’ve been out for almost two and a half hours, but I stopped running a few minutes ago. I was at the railroad tracks when I turned around.” My voice cracks from the dryness in my throat. Despite freezing temperatures, I’m parched.

“The railroad in Dryden? What were you doing all the way out there?”

“I don’t know. I just kept running.”

Ryan doesn’t respond for a moment. He must think I’m nuts. Maybe I am.

“Does this have anything to do with what those girls were saying last night? You know you don’t have to prove anything, Pep. Just because you won Nationals doesn’t mean you have to start training like a maniac in order to meet other people’s expectations.”

Is that why I did it? No,
that has nothing to do with it. He wouldn’t understand. And I can’t tell him anyway. Heck, no one told me until this morning. And I’m supposed to be family! My blood boils even through the fatigue. Running can only suppress the emotions for so long.