Among Wildflowers (10 page)

Macy was wide awake
when Lane finally awoke and climbed down from his bunk.

“How was your night?” he asked sleepily.

Her heart began pounding against her chest, and she rolled
away so he couldn’t see the flush that had begun to creep up her cheeks. “It was fine. About as good as you could expect a hick bar to
be.”

“Were you good?”

Macy’s heart stopped and she rolled over and looked at Lane. “What do you mean?” she asked quietly.

“You know, did you drink?”

She relaxed, letting out a breath. “Yeah, I was good.”

“I’m proud of you. You’ve really turned your life around, Mace.” He yawned and padded to the bathroom.

The heavy knot of dread that was taking up residency in Macy’s chest was almost too much to bear. How was she going to get through the next two days here? She slid out of bed and quickly dressed, throwing her hair back into a ponytail. Lane came out of the bathroom already dressed and reached for his notebook.

“Feel better this morning?”

“A bit. I told Ryland we’d head over to the house and finish the interview. So let’s get going and get this over with. I feel like shit and I want to wrap it up so we can go home.”

“Sounds good.” Her stomach clenched at the prospect of having to face Ryland.

Lane’s phone buzzed. “Shit, it’s Brandon. I need to take this. Go up there and make sure Ryland’s ready for us.” His tone told Macy he was not in a good mood and arguing with him wouldn’t help, but still, she hated the thought of talking to Ryland.

Squaring her shoulders, she braved the cold and made her way to Ryland’s front door. She knocked softly. The door swung open almost immediately. Ryland looked... serious. Intense. She couldn’t seem to think of anything intelligent to say, so she simply stared back at him.

“Is Lane with you?” he said finally, sticking his head out the door to peek around the porch.

“No, he’s on the phone. He asked me to—”

Ryland grabbed her hand and tugged her inside, shutting the door behind her. “We need to talk, Macy.”

“I... know. I wanted to tell you how sorry I am. What I did was totally inappropriate and I was out of line.”

Ryland shook his head. “No, no, it’s me. It was my fault. Please don’t blame yourself, Macy.”

“It was a mistake.”

Ryland shoved his fingers through his hair. “I know. I’m so sorry.”

“I have Logan.” No, she didn’t, and she really never had. But she had to use him as a way to put some distance between them.

Ryland nodded jerkily. “I know, I know. I never meant to do anything to disrespect you or… him.”

“I shouldn’t have kissed you. It was wrong. It shouldn’t have happened, Ryland.”

Ryland swallowed hard, looking pained. “I know, I feel terrible, Macy.”

Macy was confused by Ryland’s reaction. He should be appalled and furious that some alcoholic girl, just released from rehab, had made a move on him.

“Last night shouldn’t have happened... I’m not thinking straight. I didn’t mean it.”

“I didn’t either.” Ryland stopped, putting his hands on his hips,
then said, “Maybe if we were in different places in our lives… maybe.”

Macy was stunned and shook her head. “Ryland, there would never be a good time. Not for me.” Stepping away, she said, “I
should go now.”

“What? Don’t go. We need to talk about this, damn it.”

“No, Ryland. We don’t. Didn’t you hear anything I told you last night at the bar? I’m broken. You don’t need someone like that in your life.”

“Maybe I do,” he said so quietly that Macy almost didn’t hear him. “I mean… I don’t want to lose touch with you after you leave.”

“Ryland, I told you what happened, what landed me at Tall Oaks. You’re trying to get your music career going again. You don’t need a dysfunctional person like me in your life. You never know when something might send me spiraling again.”

“But I’d be there for you.”

Macy’s heart stuck in her chest and she placed a quaking hand over it. No, this was too much. And wrong. She shook her head, unable to speak.

“Macy…” Ryland pulled his hat off and clutched it between his big hands. “There’s something I need to tell you—”

“Okay, sorry for that,” Lane said, still fussing with his phone as he stepped into the house.

Macy looked away, blinking back the tears that were threatening to surface.

“Are we ready?” Lane asked.

Finally, Macy found her voice. “You two are going to do your thing in here. I need to go get some more pictures of the outside. Then I think we’re getting pretty close to wrapping up, don’t you?” She tried her best to sound upbeat and pleasant so as to not make Lane suspicious.

Lane nodded. “Yep, just got off with Brandon.” He turned to Ryland. “He said we just need to finish up our interview and make sure Macy has some good shots that will work for the article and we’re golden. We can head home first thing in the morning.”

Ryland nodded, clearing his throat, his eyes darting between Lane and Macy. “Good.”

“Alright,” Macy said, edging closer to the door. “I’d better get on it.” And with that she skirted out, shutting the door soundly behind her. She hurried down the path back to the cabin, anxious to be alone for a few moments. She pulled the door open, stepping inside, and slammed it closed. She wanted to scream, throw something, cry even. But she wouldn’t do any of those things. Instead, she was going to do what she had learned at Tall Oaks. Use the tools they had given her to calm herself when anxiety was threatening to take over. Pacing, she repeated her mantra over and over, letting it bring her down. Then her phone rang, startling her. She snatched it out of her bag but didn’t recognize the number.

“This is Macy,” she said irritably.

“Hey, Macy.”

The voice sounded very familiar but she couldn’t quite place it. “Uh… hey…” she said, wracking her brain, trying to figure out who it was.

“It’s me, Ben.”

“Oh!” Macy shook her head, trying to clear it. “Oh wow. It’s good to hear from you.”

“Yeah, I was just thinking about you and thought I’d check in. You know, see how you’re doing.”

Macy furrowed her brows. “How… how did you get my number?” She had specifically not given her number out to anyone while she was at Tall Oaks—even Patrice. At the time she felt it would be better that way, easier on Logan if she didn’t keep in touch with anyone.

“Oh, I hope you don’t mind. I called your work looking for you and Brandon said you were out on a job but gave me your cell number.”

Macy frowned and swore under her breath.
Thanks a lot, Brandon.
“Oh, great! It was thoughtful of you to call. I’m doing great. How are you?”

“Great! Just looking for work, trying to get back on my feet. You know the routine.”

Macy chuckled. “Sure do. Still in Jersey?”

“Yep. For now. Unless I can’t find a job here. I’m getting desperate. I’ll pretty much take whatever I can get at this point.”

“Don’t worry, you’re a great guy. Something good will come your way.”

“Thanks, Macy.” Ben paused for a moment. “Hey… maybe when you get back to town I could come for a visit. I’d love to take you out for coffee and get caught up.”

Macy hesitated. “Maybe so,” she said, unsure of what else to say. “Listen, Ben, I gotta get back to work. But it was great to hear from
you.”

“You too, Macy. Talk to you soon.”

Macy hung up and groaned, throwing her phone in her bag. Another thing she could look forward to having a fight with Logan about.

Letting out a breath, she pulled her camera out of its bag and slung the strap over her shoulder, stepping out of the cabin. Taking pictures always made her feel calm, and that’s exactly what she needed right now.

The snow looked tranquil and picturesque. She snapped several pictures of the landscape, focusing on the spectacular view from Ryland’s house. She wandered towards the back of the house, wanting to get a few pictures of some of the larger trees, when she noticed a set of fresh footprints in the snow. They led up a small hill behind the house, through a thicket of pine trees. Curious, she followed the prints.

They led her over the small hill and down another. She slid onto her butt a couple of times as she tried to navigate downward over the slick snow. Finally, when she reached the bottom, she saw that the trail of footprints made their way through a small meadow and around a bend.

She put the camera up to her face and continued snapping photos. She had to admit, as much as she had been dreading coming here, this place was beautiful. If that kiss hadn’t happened, she would have really enjoyed herself. Following the trail around a small bend, she came across a small fenced-in space. Taken aback, she evaluated the scene. What she guessed to be Ryland’s footprints led through small gate and up to a gravestone.

Knitting her brows together, she entered the little enclosure. Dropping to her knees, she gently dusted off the stone.

ISABELLE BYERS

MARCH 2, 1986 - JULY 18, 2013

Loving daughter and friend.

***

July 18, 2013.
Macy suddenly remembered Brandon saying
something about how Ryland had canceled his tour in July two years ago. Who was this woman? Isabelle sounded so familiar. Macy had heard that name somewhere else recently, but where? She stood, dusting the snow off the knees of her pants and stepped back through the gate, closing it securely behind her. She began making the journey back up the trail, her mind reeling. Whoever was buried there was very important, but who was it?

Isabelle... Isabelle... belle.... BELLE!
Ryland’s horse was named Belle. Ryland had been out there recently, maybe that morning. She was someone very important to him. Her mind began backtracking to all of the things that had happened over the past few days. It all began to fit together, why he’d canceled his tour, why he’d fallen out of the spotlight, why his attitude and disposition seemed to take a nose dive around the same time as this woman’s death.

Suddenly, Macy felt desperate to find out who that headstone belonged to. She wondered if the woman had been Ryland’s wife, but her last name was different. Maybe Quinn was just a stage name.

Macy shivered, wrapping her arms around herself. This trip had turned out to be nothing like she had expected and far more complicated than she had bargained for. She hadn’t intended to kiss Ryland, and now she couldn’t stop thinking about it. It had been wrong for all kinds of reasons, especially her sobriety. She had to start being more responsible. She
had
to get her life together. She’d lived her whole life making stupid decisions, and it had to stop now. But what made her feel horrible was that she didn’t feel as guilty about Logan as she knew she should. Macy knew that when she got home she’d have to break things off. Going to Tall Oaks had changed her completely, and Logan didn’t fit in her life anymore. They didn’t even seem to know who the other one was anymore—

“There you are,” Lane said.

Macy blinked. She’d been so lost in thought that she hadn’t realized that she was already back at the cabin. “Hey.”

“Get the shots?”

“What?”

“The shots... the pictures.”

“Oh.” Macy shook her head to clear it. “Yes, I did. We’re good to go.”

“Great, I can’t wait to get from away from this place,” Lane muttered to himself as he shuffled through his shoulder bag. “Let’s pack up so we’re ready to head out in the morning.” Lane stopped and looked at Macy. “Ryland said Helen’s making us a special dinner tonight.”

“Okay.” Macy looked over her shoulder when she heard Ryland’s voice. He was down by the barn. She only had a little bit more to endure before she and Lane could leave the ranch and she could put some much needed distance between herself and Ryland.

Macy lagged slightly behind Lane
as they made their way up to the house. They let themselves in and headed straight for the dining room where a delicious aroma was wafting from.

“Man, I am going to miss these meals,” Lane said.

“Me too,” Macy said with a forced smile.

As they entered the room they found that everyone was already there. Including Michael and Jose.

“Hey, you two,” Jose said with a grin, winking at Macy.

Macy smiled. “Hey.”

“So how did it go?” Michael asked, setting his elbows on the table.

“It went great, don’t you think, Macy?” Lane said, turning to Macy.

“Absolutely,” she said quietly. She could feel Ryland’s eyes on her but she couldn’t bring herself to look at him.

“Well, that’s enough shop talk,” Helen said pleasantly, filling everyone’s water glasses. “Hope you kids are hungry.”

Lane patted his stomach. “Sure am, Helen. What’s on the menu tonight?”

“Prime rib.”

“Okay, that’s it. I’m staying.”

Everyone broke out into laughter, including Ryland, and Macy caught herself stealing a glance at him out of the corner of her eye.

Helen rounded the table to Lane and patted his shoulders affectionately. “That’s not a bad idea, Lane. You’re nothing but skin and bones. I’d be happy to fatten you up.”

Macy sat silently through most of dinner, only jumping into the conversation when it was necessary. With fascination she listened to the happy banter go back and forth between those sitting at the table. It was big change from their first night here. Even Michael seemed to be relaxed and enjoying himself.

Abruptly, Lane stood and cleared his throat. He raised his glass. “If you guys don’t mind, I’d like to make a quick toast.”

Smiling, everyone raised their glasses with him.

“Ryland, I would first like to thank you for having us out here to your ranch. We really weren’t sure what to expect from this trip and we were both a little apprehensive about it.” Lane grinned down at Macy. “But I think I speak for both of us when I say that we received so very much more than what we anticipated.”

Macy’s face burned and her heart began to pound as embarrassment seeped through her. Her eyes darted to Ryland and she found him looking intently at her, his face unreadable.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is… your story is in good hands, Ryland. And thank you for giving us the honor of sharing it with the world,” Lane finished, smiling.

Macy looked up at her friend, feeling proud of him. She suspected that he’d grown a little since they’d come out, too. They’d both learned some things during their stay.

Macy kept glancing at Ryland throughout the rest of the meal, her curiosity about Isabelle Byers burning. Before she left the ranch she had to ask him. Not that it really mattered, but she couldn’t leave without finding out the answer.

***

Ryland was pulling Belle’s tack down when Macy quietly pushed open the barn door. The sun was just coming up over the horizon, illuminating her features.

“Hey,” he said, turning towards her, hands on his hips.

He thought she looked beautiful as she stood shyly before him, nervously tucking a strand of hair behind an ear.

“You guys getting ready to go?”

“Yep. We’re ready. Our cab will be here soon.”

Ryland rubbed the back of his neck, shifting from foot to foot. “I could have driven you.”

She smiled softly. “It’s alright. We’re used to cabs. No reason to take your time up driving us to the city.”

Ryland rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. So many things he had to say and yet nothing was coming out.

“I wanted to talk to you about something,” Macy said finally, looking down at her feet.

Ryland’s heart stopped as he tried to shove down the small bit of hope that swelled in his chest.

“Okay. Shoot.”

“It’s none of my business. In fact, now that I’m about to ask you, it’s become painfully clear how inappropriate this is…”

“No, no, it’s okay. Please.”

“Um...well, I was wandering around your property and I spotted a set of tracks in the snow. I think they were yours. I was curious about where they led and I was hoping I could get some more shots for the story... and... well…”

Ryland swallowed hard. He knew what she was going to say. He had wanted to be the one to tell Macy about Isabelle, and now he felt like shit that he hadn’t had the courage.

“You found Isabelle’s grave.”

Macy nodded. “Who was she?”

Ryland sighed, looking at the ground and shifting his feet uncomfortably. “It’s not easy for me to talk about her. I kept wanting to tell you…”

“She was your wife?”

Ryland shook his head, guilt radiating through his heart. “No, we never got married. I thought we had plenty of time to get married.”

“Her death was unexpected?”

“Very much so. She was seriously injured in a riding accident while I was on tour. I barely made it to the hospital in time to say goodbye.” He hadn’t told anyone the story of her death in a long time. It felt good to talk to someone about it—to talk to Macy about it.

“I’m so sorry,” Macy said, touching his arm.

“It’s been... difficult. When you were telling me about everything that you’ve gone through since your aunt died, I wanted to tell you that I know exactly how you feel. I haven’t handled anything well since I lost Isabelle. I haven’t been able to write anything since she died. My career has gone to shit. It’s probably about over now, but I don’t know if I care anymore.”

“Don’t say that, Ryland. You have an amazing career. It’s not over yet. Don’t throw it away. I’m sure Isabelle wouldn’t want you to.”

“I know she wouldn’t. But… I just haven’t had anything to live for anymore. Except the ranch. I love this ranch.”

“I know you do.”

Ryland sucked in a breath and stepped closer to Macy, grasping her shoulders gently as he looked down into the most stunning green eyes.

“Something inside me has changed since you showed up here. I can’t explain what it is, but you’ve somehow brought a new light into my life.”

Macy shook her head and tried to back away from Ryland, but he held firm.

“Lane and I have just given you a glimmer of hope with this story we’re writing about you,” she said. “It’s going to really help your career—”

“No, damn it. It has nothing to do with the story or my career. I’m talking about you.
You
, Macy. Don’t you see that?”

Tears brimmed in her eyes and she bit her bottom lip for a moment before speaking again.

“No. It’s not real, Ryland. We’ve both been dealing with our own issues. It’s not real.”

Ryland felt torn. “Maybe you’re wrong… maybe… I don’t know. Maybe given some time… and if we get to know each other a little bit more…”

“Ryland, can’t you see the problem with us? The problem with
me
?”

“There is no problem with you, Macy.” He tightened his grip on
her arms and lowered his head until their lips were inches apart. “The only problem is that you harbor so much doubt in yourself. I don’t.”

“You should.” Her whisper was barely audible.

Then his lips descended, gently coaxing hers apart. She sighed into his mouth in response, her arms entwining tightly around his neck. Feeling her arms around him was his undoing. His arms slid around her waist and he pulled her against him hard. His mouth was demanding, almost desperate for hers. He knew he had lost control and he should take things slower with her, but he couldn’t seem to help himself. Pushing her backwards until she ran into the barn wall, his lips left hers and explored the soft crevice of her neck.

Ryland felt terrified that if Macy left today, he’d never see her again. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing her, not when she was right there in front of him. She was clutching him as hard as he was holding onto her and he prayed that was a sign that she felt the same way about him. Pressing her into the wall with the weight of his body, he kissed and nuzzled her skin, his entire body buzzing with adrenaline.

“Macy, don’t go, please,” he whispered into her ear.

“I have to.”

“I can’t lose you.”

Macy pushed him away just enough so they were looking eye to eye. “We barely know each other, Ryland. There’s nothing to lose.”

Ryland kissed her again, cupping her face between his rough hands. “Yes, there is. Don’t you feel what’s between us? How can you just throw that away?”

“Ryland, I’m not healthy. I still have a long way to go.”

“I haven’t been healthy, either. That’s plain as day. Let’s help each other, support each other.”

“That’s another reason why we should steer clear of one another. You’re still healing from the death of Isabelle. You need someone stable and strong in your life. Not a fuck-up like me, Ryland.”

The sadness in her eyes pulled at his heart and made him want to scoop her into his arms, carry her to his house, lock the door, and spend the rest of his life protecting her.

“You’re not a fuck-up. You’re strong, damned strong.”

“I’m not. You don’t even know me. You may think I am, but I’m not. You don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m doing us both a favor by ending this right now.”

“Please don’t end it before it’s even started. Just take some time to get to know me. Please, Macy. I’m not asking for the world, I’m just—” He stopped, placing his hands against the wall on either side of her face, leaning down into her. “I don’t know, maybe I am asking for the world. But I don’t care. I feel it in my gut that you and I were meant to meet this week. Our two screwed-up existences collided for some reason. Let’s find out why. Please,” he said quietly, leaning his forehead against hers.

Tears began to silently stream down Macy’s cheeks. Ryland could see the pain that she was harboring inside and wished to God
he could break through those barriers, but she’d refused to let him in.

“I’m so sorry, Ryland. For everything.” She framed his face with her hands and brought his lips down to hers for another kiss before pushing him away gently. “Lane will be wondering about me,” she said as she opened the barn door, throwing a final glance over her shoulder at Ryland before slipping out and up the path toward the cabin.

***

Macy almost stumbled back up the path. The door to the cabin swung open and Lane stepped out, lugging his bags.

“Ready to go?” he said, brushing past Macy. “Daddy needs a mocha.”

“Yep,” Macy said distantly.

Lane stopped in his tracks and turned back to her. “You okay, girl?”

Macy tried to give him a reassuring smile. “I’m good.”

She heard the crunch of gravel and turned to see the cab making its way down the road. Stepping into the cabin momentarily, she quickly grabbed her bag, then walked purposely to the cab, intending to not look back at the barn where she knew Ryland was.

Throwing her bag into the open trunk, she rounded the car to the passenger side and opened the door. But she broke. Drawing in a deep breath, she turned and gazed down at the barn only to find Ryland leaning casually against it, thumbs looped through his belt loops, cowboy hat drawn down over his face. She felt chills run down her spine as he silently watched her. Part of her wanted to say to hell with it and run to him, but in her heart she knew that was wrong. Instead, she squared her shoulders and got in the car.

Macy and Lane would have normally been chatting excitedly back and forth during their car ride, discussing the job, but she had nothing into say. Her mind wasn’t on Lane or even the job. Typically, after a job was over she’d be pouring over her photos, thinking about which ones she thought had turned out the best, planning out how she was going to edit them. But today her camera was shoved deep inside her duffle bag, forgotten about. She didn’t care about any of that. Instead, she was deep in thought, thinking about the man she had just left behind at the Quinn Ranch.

There was a knot of guilt deep inside Macy’s stomach as she thought about Ryland. She shouldn’t be thinking about him about him at all. She certainly shouldn’t have been kissing him. She should be thinking about Logan, but she wasn’t. Logan was the farthest thing from her mind, save for the subtle dread that seeped through her at the thought of seeing him again. Logan wasn’t a part of her anymore. Maybe he never had been. Maybe it was her stay at Talk Oaks that had made it so painfully obvious. But that little nagging knot of guilt made her worry that Ryland was the real reason she was going to end things with Logan when she got home. But whatever the reason... it was over. And she was never going to see Ryland Quinn again.