Anti-Stepbrother (7 page)

“Okay then.”

She shrugged. “It wasn’t personal.”

We were at an impasse, and I had two options. I could ignore her and pretend it was fine, or not.

I sighed. “But it was, you see.” I was going with option B.

“What?”

“It was personal.” My hand touched my chest. “To me. You left
me
.”

“Look, Avery will apologize to you tomorrow. We got her back, and she’s sleeping now, but if you’re the type to need that sort of thing, you’ll get it tomorrow.”

Her eyes moved past me. She straightened up like she was going to leave, but I had a bee up my ass.

I stepped to the side, as if to block her. Her eyes found mine again, and her pathetic half-grin fell flat. “What?”

I was about to start a confrontation with an upperclassmen. I didn’t really know her. I didn’t really know my RA, but something was going on with me. I suddenly wasn’t willing to let anyone roll over me. I braced myself for whatever was going to happen and forged ahead.

“Look,” I said. “Avery might apologize to me tomorrow, but you’re the first one I’m seeing from the group. I have a hard time imagining that you guys completely forgot me. I don’t think it was a mistake leaving me behind.”

Her eyes narrowed.

I kept going. “So yes, I’ll probably get an apology from Avery tomorrow, but you don’t seem sorry. That makes me wonder if you have a problem with me.”

What had gotten into me? I was more wallflower than confrontational, or at least I used to be.

She folded her arms. “How did you get back?”

That was it? Nothing? I cocked my head to the side. “I got a ride.”

Her left eyebrow lifted. “Someone gave you a ride home?”

I nodded. “Not everyone forgot me.”

She snorted, rolling her eyes. “Who gave you a ride?”

“Marcus’ brother.”

Her eyes widened. “Caden?”

He might’ve been an asshole to me, or maybe not—my head was all muddled about that now—but I enjoyed seeing the surprise from Claudia. “Yeah.”

“Are you sure?” She gave me a dismissing look. “I’m not trying to be mean, but Caden’s a big guy around here. He’s not known for dealing with girls like you.”

I hated asking, but the question burned in the back of my mouth. “Girls like me?”

“Yeah.” She smirked. “Nobodies like you. Freshman and forgettable.”

My lips were stiff. “Is he a senior?”

“Junior, but it doesn’t matter. He’s known, if you know what I mean. I have a hard time believing he just
gave
you a ride here. What’d you do? Blow him?”

“Why? Is that what you do to get rides?” I stepped closer. “Is that what you’re implying?”

“Maybe I was implying that that’s the only way someone like Caden would pay any attention to someone like you.”

God. She really was a bitch. “I thought you guys were nice.” I shook my head. “That’s the joke here. Not me.” I patted myself on the chest again. “Me looking up to you, thinking how cool you guys were, that’s the joke. I liked Avery.”

Claudia wasn’t the only one who could be cold. I iced my tone, letting her hear my disdain too. “Too bad about that. Too bad about you.”

She’d looked bored while I was talking, but now she perked up. “Wait a minute. Kevin is Caden’s fraternity brother.”

So now it was because of my stepbrother.

I reached for the wall. I needed it to ground me because I was about to launch at her, consequences be damned. “What does Kevin have to do with it?”

“Caden was being nice to you because of Kevin. That’s why you got a ride home, not because he’s interested in you or anything.” She looked me up and down again. “Can you really question why I was confused?” She laughed, moving past me down the hall. “Give Avery hell tomorrow. She’ll be groveling, because unlike me, she likes you for some stupid reason. Have fun!”

She left me alone in an empty hallway, with an empty feeling inside me.

I was back to square one of no friends. Lovely.

Claudia was right about one thing. Avery
did
apologize the next morning. She did it with bags under her eyes, oversized sweats on her body, messy hair, and a slight green tinge to her skin. She had a water bottle in her hand.

She was hungover.

I didn’t say anything about my encounter with Claudia. It wasn’t Avery’s fault her friend was a bitch, but when she invited me to dinner the next night with the same group of friends, I declined. She asked me to lunch the day after, and I had the same response. She wore a puzzled frown after that, but I didn’t think she was going to invite me anywhere else. I hoped it wouldn’t matter. My roommate would move in soon.

The next day was finally the official move-in day for freshmen, but even while the hallway was busy with people bringing in stuff and unpacking in their rooms, I sat alone in mine. That night I found out the reason.

Avery knocked on my door to let me know she was holding a floor meeting in a few minutes, and that I wasn’t getting a roommate.

“Why? What happened?”

She held a clipboard to her chest. “I got a phone call this morning, but I haven’t had the time to let you know. There was a death in the family, so she’s coming next semester. She’s starting late.”

“Oh.” I glanced over my shoulder to my room. It was all cozy, but just with my stuff. There was still an empty bed, an empty desk, an empty dresser, and an empty closet.

“Don’t get comfortable. They might move someone else in, or you’ll get lucky and have your own room for the semester.”

“When will I know?”

She lifted a shoulder. “People transfer in late all the time, or someone could ask for a room transfer. If you move your stuff around, just be prepared that you might have to move it back.”

“Okay.”

She smiled now, resuming the professional advisor demeanor she’d worn when she’d first met me and my parents. The Avery that had invited me to the party faded.

“I’ll see you at the meeting then?” She checked her phone. “You have two hours. The campus ice cream shop is open tonight just for incoming freshman, so I was going to invite everyone over there. It’ll be a great way to meet new people.”

During the meeting, Avery told me and my freshman floormates the rules as we shared similar nervous looks with each other. When she finished, she gave us a half hour to change or freshen up, or whatever we needed, before we were supposed to meet back in the hallway to go for ice cream.

I went back to my room, still alone, and puttered around for a few minutes. I was heading back out the door when my phone buzzed. I glanced down and saw a text from Kevin.

It was only three words.
Can we talk?
But those three words had my heart racing. My hand closed around the phone, and I couldn’t move for a second.

I knew my feelings weren’t going to magically disappear, but this was ridiculous.

A rush of memories flooded me. How he’d leaned in close, a hand on my shoulder as his lips grazed mine. Heat had spread through my body. I could feel his lips again now. His hand on my shoulder, pressing lightly there before sliding down my arm and curving around my waist. My chest had pressed to his as his mouth opened over mine, demanding more. I gave it to him. Lifting my arms to twine around his neck, my heart had stampeded against my chest. I would’ve given him anything.

I did give him anything. I gave him me that night.

My phone buzzed again, breaking through the spell. A cold dose of reality poured over me as I read the next words:
We should talk about Maggie.

Yes. We should. I groaned internally. That was the last thing I wanted to do, but I typed back, already knowing I’d push off the ice cream social thing because I was a weak dumbass when it came to Kevin.
When and where?

I didn’t have to wait long. His text buzzed right back:
Now? We can meet at Brown Building. Front steps.

This was all sorts of wrong. Why didn’t he just come to my dorm? He could see my room, maybe help me meet anyone who didn’t go to get ice cream? I could have pressed the issue, but I didn’t. Instead of joining the crowd gathering outside Avery’s room, I bypassed them and went down the stairs.

Outside I walked toward the area where I thought Brown Building was located. I’d registered for classes the day before and gotten my books at the bookstore, but I’d only wandered around campus a few times. I knew it was broken up into three large quad sections with the student center/cafeteria in the middle of it all. One of my classes was in Brown Building, so I needed to find where it was anyway. After cutting through the student center—and walking right past the ice cream shop—I pushed open the doors leading to the last quad area. I hadn’t explored that section yet, so I was surprised to find that it was quiet. And dark. There were more lights posted in the other parts of campus. I felt like I’d stepped into a closed sanctuary.

Two sidewalks led from the student center, breaking into separate directions. Trees blocked my view, but based on where I remembered seeing Brown on the map, I headed right. Brown was the third building down, and the sidewalk circled around the building, taking me past a side door.

Kevin wasn’t at the side door.

I stayed on the sidewalk and continued around the building, finding a large set of stone steps leading up to another door. They overlooked a small pond, and I went to sit down. I could see why Kevin chose this spot. It was private, and with the pond and its fountain, it was almost tranquil. I didn’t even feel like I was on a college campus, or that a bunch of freshmen were a few buildings away.

“Hey.”

I looked up. A dark silhouette came around from the opposite way. Kevin had his hands in his pockets and his shoulders hunched forward.

“Hey,” I said back.

He moved closer, stepping into the single light positioned above me. A dagger sliced my heart. I could see the apology on his face, and I gritted my teeth. I didn’t want to hear it. He’d hurt me, yes, but I didn’t need him to pour salt on the wound.

I had a feeling I had no say over that.

“Look,” he started. He didn’t come any closer. He cleared his throat. “Uh…so this is weird.”

Maybe it was because I saw him with Maggie, or because I found out minutes later she had a boyfriend, or because he never checked on me after I lied for him. Or maybe it was because I hadn’t seen him at all since our ridiculous family dinner, but whatever the reason, as I waited for him to continue, the image I had of him in high school was stripped away.

That made me feel cold and vulnerable, like he was a stranger.

I could remember every time we’d talked during that year we lived together, but I couldn’t remember a joke, a hug, or anything affectionate. It was always me gazing at him, and feeling close, feeling warm because of my own daydreams.

That’d been it. He’d been present, but he’d been quiet unless with a girlfriend. He would laugh then, and I’d always heard that as a sound of relief—like he could only relax if a girl was with him.

Why had I cared so much then? What was I missing? I didn’t think I was completely delusional…or was I?

Kevin started to say something, but I interrupted. “Was I a mistake?”

“What?” He’d lifted a hand to scratch behind his ear. A dumbstruck look came over him, and his hand moved slowly back to his side. “What?”

“Me. That night we were together. I was a mistake.” My chest burned. “Wasn’t I?”

He blinked rapidly, then coughed to clear his throat. “Well…um…”

That was my answer. Those two stupid words were my answer.

The burning intensified, and I jerked, scooting away until my back hit the step behind me.

A week ago, I would still have been waiting for him to give me an answer. Things were different now. The unspoken told the truth, and I could hear that. I’d just been not listening for two entire years. Two fucking years.

I hung my head. “I’m so stupid.”

“What?”

“I’m so stupid.”

“Wait.” He started forward, his hand outstretched, but he paused.

I could see the thoughts crossing his face. What could he say? Nothing. That was the thing. If I was a mistake, he couldn’t tell me. I might tell his secret then, and if I wasn’t a mistake, it was too late. He was with someone else now. Right? It was one of those two choices.

Why was I trying to rationalize this for him?

After a moment he sighed and slid his hands into his front pockets. “I really love Maggie.”

There it was. That was his reason for everything. I’d just go with it, for now. “Okay.”

He stepped toward me. His voice grew clearer. “I know you’ve been here all week, and you’ve been alone. I would’ve called earlier or come to see you, but I needed to make sure Maggie was okay. You know what I mean?”

I didn’t, but my head bobbed up and down anyway.

“You understand?”

Not in the slightest, but again, I was nodding. Apparently I still had some wallflower in me.

“Good.” He sounded so relieved. “I was kinda worried. Your floor advisor has history with Maggie. I didn’t know—”

“Avery told me she’s friends with Maggie.”

He went still. “Oh. So you’ve talked about me and Maggie with Avery?”