Awakening the Wolf (16 page)

He let her go. Illiana tied her dress and straightened it. Christopher adjusted his pants and then looked at her. An awkward silence hung between them. She smiled and beckoned him closer with her finger.

“Was that so bad?” she asked.

“It was fun, but it would’ve been better if I could see your face,” he whispered.

“You will soon.” She kissed him, but he pulled away. Christopher shook his head and raked his fingers through his hair. “What is it?”

“This was a mistake.”

She tried to keep her expression stoic. How could it be a mistake? “What do you mean?”

“You intrigue me, I admit that. No one has ever come up to me without being afraid or showing respect. You come directly to my house and declare yourself that you want to be part of the pack. Then you defeat Jalisa in a challenge. I know she’s full of herself, but she was always the choice that was expected of me. Then you come here talking about choices and sharing. This was fun, but . . . ”

“But you’d rather have the bitch that I defeated.” She hung her head. Maybe it was time to show him who she was.

He lifted her chin so she could see him. “No. I want someone I can’t have. She’s always the one I have seen at my side. She’s been my friend since we were kids, and now I might lose her.”

Illiana smiled.
If you only knew
. “I understand. Look, I have no right coming here and challenging what you believe or how your pack runs when I’m an outsider. Don’t regret this. It was fun. I don’t.” She stroked his cheek, and his expression softened. “At least you know who you love and want to be with. That’s always important. Why don’t you try with your friend?”

“My father would forbid it. She has someone else in her life now. I never thought . . . she’s so different than anyone else I’ve met.”

She ran her fingers through his hair, feeling the silky strands and knocking the ties to her mask a little more. If she wasn’t careful, it would fall off. “Maybe everything you’ve ever wanted is right in front of you.” She kissed him lightly. “I’ll see you later at the pack gathering. I’m going to clean up some.”

“Bye.”

* * * *

Christopher retreated to his hut to catch his breath. The intoxicating perfume of the mysterious female he had been with clung to him. It masked her true scent, and that irked him somewhat and made him wonder what she was hiding. Then again, if she was trying to impress him, she had. It took all of him not to go back to her and rip her mask off so he could see her true face. It would only be a couple of hours before she would reveal herself. But the pleasure still rode his body from the brief sexual encounter he’d had with her. He did not even know her name, but the way she looked tonight had haunted him. Her mask was a mixture of bird and wolf. But the way her dress hugged to her curves and showed off just enough of her flesh it had enticed him. Then the ideas she had told him about sharing mates. It was something he had never considered before. Could he have the woman he loved and have a mate within the pack? The mating between him and Jalisa had been put off indefinitely. Once she had been defeated, he realized that it was a bad match. Well, that was not true. He knew that before Jalisa had issued the challenge. It had only been for the sake of his pack that he was going to be with her when all he yearned for was Illiana. Then in walked this strange woman who had shown him no fear.

He could not deny the pull he had toward her. It was similar to the one he had with Illiana. That magnetism had led him to continue their clandestine meetings in the woods. He had told Jalisa that he was out taking in the night air, but she knew something had been going on. All those times he had been meeting with the new wolf, he heard the caws of ravens in the trees and his mind had drifted back to Illiana. The same way it was now. His gaze traveled over the contents of his room and settled on the feather.

Once he saw it, he growled. He shook his head. Illiana was behind him. There was no way it could work between him and her no matter if he could share her with the wolves. But why did his heart still break when he thought about her? Being with the woman tonight only made him wish that he was with her instead. All night he had been keeping an eye out for Illiana and assumed she would be at the gathering. As he searched the faces for the woman he loved, Christopher could not tell if she had been there because everyone had been behind a mask. Then Coret had told him about the new wolf he was looking for.
Why had she done that? Ravens don’t get involved with wolf politics. Unless she’s just more perceptive than I know. I realize she’s a priestess, but how much has Illiana told her? What has she seen?

Christopher grabbed the feather and stared at it. Tears burned his eyes knowing what he had done, knowing that he could never be with Illiana the way he wanted to be. Ever since he had admitted his feelings to himself about her, every time he had been with Jalisa it felt wrong, but he justified it because they were going to be mated. With this strange woman, he conceded it was pure lust and something else he could not describe. Something tugged on his insides like he should know what was going on with her. It was because of the strange appeal that he had gone to his father and asked him to think about accepting the lone wolf into the pack. His father had been against it at first, but after she bested Jalisa, he was open to the idea. Simian had said if she was strong, then maybe she could be an asset for the pack.

Christopher was happy about that idea. Everything he had thought about was going to come to fruition. What she said tonight about wanting him could happen. He did not deny that he had thought about her for a mate. She was so different. Her fur had a blue-black sheen just like the gloss on Illiana’s feathers.

A tear slipped down his cheek. He sniffled and wiped it away. He crushed the feather in his palm.
Why couldn’t you be a wolf? Life would be so much easier if you were. Why does this have to be so hard?

“You coming, son?”

He half turned to glance at his father. “I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Is everything okay? Are you having second thoughts about this initiation tonight? You were the one who bugged me about it, and the council has agreed. If she is as worthy as you say she is, then all should go well with the initiation.”

“It’s not that. I can’t stop thinking about Illiana. Isn’t there some way . . . can’t I . . . ”

“We’ve had this discussion before. You know it’s not possible. I know how much you care for the raven, but it goes against everything we are. You’re not the only one who has come to me with this dilemma, asking to be together.”

“What did you do?”

His father sighed. “I told them the same thing. It wasn’t conceivable for them to be together. If they did, then they had to leave the pack.”

“Has that ever happened?”

“Is that what you’re thinking? Leaving the pack so that you can be with Lelana’s daughter?”

Christopher stood up and faced his father. He shook his head. “No, that isn’t what I was planning. I-I was just asking. Has it been done before?”

The veins in his father’s forehead throbbed. His jaw clenched. “Fifty years ago. Before you were born. There was a couple. She was wolf, and he was raven. They came to me and asked to mate. It was forbidden. I gave them the option to leave the pack. They took it, going far away. I don’t know what happened to them after that. It was looked over because they were low on the social status. If you choose this, it would be looked upon horribly. Are you coming or not?”

He nodded. “I’m coming. Accepting her into the pack will make it stronger. She is beyond anything I have ever seen. She’s amazing.”

“We’ll see about that.” He left the room.

Christopher opened his palm. A breeze blew scattered the remains of Illiana’s feather to the floor. As it did, so did his dreams of ever being with the woman he loved.

Illiana slipped into the shadows and headed to her aerie, praying her mother would not see her. In her room, she undid the mask and stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes were black with a circle of silver in the middle of them as if the full moon had been captured. Her makeup was smeared and her hair tangled, but she still could not believe what had happened.

“You look amazing.”

Belik stood in her doorway. He was dressed in a black vest with loose black pants. His hair was braided at the sides and woven with raven feathers. Her heart hitched in her chest as he walked toward her. The raven in her cawed with joy at seeing him. Illiana kissed him while he touched her cheek.

“You smell like the wolf. Were you with him?”

“Yes.”

“Did you tell him who you were, or did he guess with your mask on?”

“No. Are you angry?”

Belik held her face in his hands and stared a long time into her eyes. She waited to see what he would do. The silence between them stretched until it seemed that it would go on forever. Illiana bit her lip and prayed he would not abandon her. Instead he kissed her again, this time swiping his tongue across her bottom lip before plunging his tongue into her mouth and claiming them for his own. He kissed her long enough it seemed like she was going to be consumed. When Belik moved away, she had to take a moment to realize that he had stopped kissing her. Belik pulled one of the feathers from his hair and quickly wove it into hers.

“What’s this for?”

“So everyone will know that you’re my intended mate and so you won’t ever forget me.”

She ran her fingers over the feather, feeling the silky smoothness of it. It tickled her palm. “I could never forget you, but you didn’t answer my question. Are you angry with me?”

“No. I knew this was what you wanted. I’m coming with you to be sure that you’re going to be okay.”

“If they figure out you’re there, they could hurt you. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

He sighed. “There’s no arguing with that, but I want to be sure that nothing happens to
you
. Besides, I’ll be hidden in the trees. They won’t even know I’m there.”

“All right. Thank you for all of this.”

“I’ll let you get ready.”

Illiana nodded, and he left the room. She undressed and washed quickly, making sure to scrub the makeup from her face. She might have fooled Christopher by hiding behind the mask, but she could not do it a second time. Her stomach twisted and turned. Illiana slipped her necklace on and braided her hair on the sides the way Belik had, the way that many of the other women and men had in the flock. If she was going to be herself, then she was going to embody the flock. She rubbed her pendant and wondered what her father would have done in the same situation. When he left her mother, did he have another family to go back to? Did he accept his dual nature, or was he drummed out of his clan? The more she learned about herself, the more she embraced both of her sides and the elements that lived within her—and the more she pondered what else she was capable of. “Wow. Look at you, all grown-up.”

Illiana held in her frustration as she heard her mother’s voice coming from the hallway. Everyone was coming to visit her. She glanced out her window and saw the moon was coming to its apex. She could not stay to hash things out with her mother. “Now is really not a good time.” She left her room and tried to go past her mother, who grabbed her arm.

“Is it true?”

She threw up her hands. “Is what true?”

“That you’re going to mate Belik? I spoke to his father, and he told me you two were intending to be mated.”

A sigh of relief went through her. That was all she was talking about. “Yes. We’re going to be mated. I don’t know when, but soon I guess. I have other things to worry about at the moment.”

Her mother touched the raven feather in her hair and glanced at the pendant that hung around her neck. “Your father would be proud of you.”

“Why didn’t you tell me more about him, about who I am in the first place, so I didn’t have to grow up in the dark?”

The other woman shook her head. “I never wanted you to be looked upon differently within the flock. I never meant for you to grow up hurting. Look, I know how much you love Christopher, but Belik is the right one for you. It’s time you look toward the future of your life.”

Illiana knew her mother was trying to make her feel better. “I
am
looking toward the future. I love you, Mom.”

“I love you, too, Illiana.”

“Sometimes with me being different and you raising me on your own, I wasn’t sure because you never really showed it.”

“I know I’m not the most affectionate person in the world, but sometimes balancing what was good for the flock and what was good for you overlapped. I might have come off too harsh. I never meant for you to get hurt. I am so proud of you. Well, I’ll let you get to wherever you are going.”

She nodded and kissed her mother quickly on the cheek. Illiana rushed through the walkways and branches of the village until she was out of sight. She asked the wind to pick her up. Her bones lost their density, and she was lifted through the trees. It was faster to get her where she was going without shifting. The wind caressed her face, and she saw a raven flying next to her and knew it was Belik. Illiana came to the clearing where the pack gathered. She landed on one of the branches and saw Belik had settled a few trees over from her. Illiana smiled and saw him gesture with his wing down to the assembly of wolves. A large fire burned in the center of the meadow, larger than the one they had at the party. The moon hung above them at its zenith. The alpha and Christopher stood before an enormous tree that had symbols carved into it. She had never seen this before and wondered what it meant. The raven inside of her was pecking at her stomach, turning her insides out. This was the hardest thing she had ever done, even beyond facing the brand that initiated her into the flock.

“Where is this lone wolf of yours, Christopher?” his father asked. “The moon is at its pinnacle, and we’re waiting for her. I’m beginning to wonder if your tales about her beating Jalisa are another ploy for you to string this pack along.”