Battlefield of the Heart (19 page)

“And how do you know all of this?”

“I've known Danny for nearly a year,” Monique said. “I've seen him have flashbacks, and I've seen what it does to him to find out afterward what he did. There was one time he thought my son was about to pick up some kind of unexploded ordnance. To keep Delario safe, Danny pulled him away from the toy truck he thought would explode. It scared the daylights out of my son, but he understood when we explained that Danny's mind is sick. When Danny found out he'd scared Delario, he felt so terrible about it. It took a lot of talking with me and my husband to convince him that Delario was okay and wasn't scared of him.”

Monique took Ellen's hand. “Mrs. Waymire, Danny is actually very gentle. He's just been through so much that he still hasn't fully dealt with. The flashbacks and his other problems are his mind screaming out for help. He's getting that help, but it's going to take a long time for him to recover. In the meantime, he needs his friends and family to stay supportive, even when accidents happen, like Cindy getting hurt.”

Cindy watched her mother closely and prayed Monique's words were getting through. Hopefully, her mother would understand enough to quit worrying that Danny was some kind of dangerous monster.

The doctor arrived and briefly examined Cindy's wrist before ordering x-rays. Monique and Ellen stayed in the cubicle when Cindy went to radiology. Her heart kept up a constant stream of prayers that Monique would be able to help her mother understand why she still wanted to be with Danny, even though she likely had a broken wrist, and that Josh and Corbin were helping her father understand it.

When she returned to the cubicle, she found her mother and Monique with red-rimmed eyes and a box of tissues between them. Ellen gave Cindy a hug. “Honey, I'm sorry for what I said before. I'm still going to worry about you because you're my daughter, but I can see how much you and Danny care about each other.”

Cindy put her uninjured arm around her mother, tears of relief filling her eyes. “I'm so glad you can see that. I do care about him, deeply, and I'm worried about him.”

“I know, honey,” Ellen said, holding her tightly. “Just remember that your father and I are here for you. I'm not sure what we can do, but we'll do our best to help both you and Danny get through this.”

“We still have to find Danny before we can do anything to help him.” Cindy closed her eyes against the pain in her heart. “Mom, I'm scared for him.”

Monique quietly slipped out as Ellen provided what comfort she could. Cindy wished she could go back to the days of being a little girl when her mother could fix anything. Those days were safe and certain. Now, she had to face the cold, hard truths of reality and realize nothing was certain. Especially not with a man like Danny.

****

A couple of hours later, Cindy received her discharge papers. The doctor had splinted her arm and wrapped it in several layers of elastic bandages. She had an appointment to see an orthopedic surgeon Monday to get a cast. Not her idea of a great way to start a week of midterms. She walked to the waiting room with her mother on one side and Monique on the other, glad they supported her decision to stick with Danny. Both women had promised to talk to Peter if he was still as angry as he had been, but Cindy couldn't help worrying about her father's reaction when he saw her arm immobilized.

Josh spotted them first and stood. Corbin and Peter joined him as the three women reached them.

Peter glanced at Cindy's well-bandaged arm. “What did the doctor say?”

“It's broken just above the wrist,” she said with a shrug. “I have to go to some orthopedic surgeon Monday to get a cast put on.”

“Why aren't they putting it on today?”

“They want to wait a couple of days for the swelling to go down.”

“Hmm.” Peter turned to Ellen. “I think we made a mistake. These two young men have been telling me about Danny.”

Ellen smiled. “Monique and I had quite a discussion as well.”

Cindy looked back and forth between her parents, a tiny spark of hope flaring to life. “So, you guys are cool with me continuing to go out with Danny?”

Peter studied his wife for a long moment, and then he turned to Cindy and nodded. “Yes, it's okay. I still plan on talking to Danny at some point, but it sounds like today was an accident, like you said.”

She gave her father a hug. “Thanks, Dad.” She stepped back and met his gaze, hoping he could lay to rest one last worry. “You'll go easy on him, won't you? If Josh and Corbin have been talking to you, you know Danny's already got a lot to deal with.”

“I'll be good and not scare your boyfriend,” Peter said with a teasing twinkle in his eyes.

“I hope so.” She turned to Josh and Corbin, finally voicing the question that had been weighing on her. “Have you guys heard from Alex and Lacey?”

Both men had sympathetic expressions, and fear shot through Cindy's heart. They wouldn't look like that if it was good news.

“Alex called a little while ago,” Josh said. “They haven't seen any sign of Danny. He's vanished.”

Moisture stung Cindy's eyes as she nodded. She'd known it was a long shot that they'd find him, but she had to hope. She wanted Danny's friends to find him, not the police. Everyone who knew Danny would see that he got help; she was afraid the police would take him to jail instead of the hospital.

They left the emergency room, and Cindy's parents insisted on driving her back to campus. They tried to convince her to go home for the weekend, but she wanted to be easy to find if Danny showed up. He'd need her when he came back to reality.

Monique's words floated through Cindy's mind, and she wondered if they were true. Did she love Danny? She knew she cared about him deeply, but she'd never considered whether it was love. On some level, she supposed it must be love or she wouldn't be so scared for him. But did she love Danny the same way Monique loved Corbin?

The longing in her heart said she did.

“Are you okay?” Leann asked, her brow furrowed with concern. She'd worried more since Cindy came back with a bandaged arm than she had in the entire first half of the semester.

“Yeah, I just have a call I need to make.” Cindy went into the deserted hall, pulling the door closed behind her. She dialed Alan's number and waited for the caseworker to pick up. “Hello, Alan? This is Cindy Waymire, Danny Flynn's girlfriend.”

“Hi, Cindy. Any word on Danny yet?”

“Not yet.” She closed her eyes and swallowed hard. This was more difficult than she'd expected. “Um, do you have any ideas on what I could do? I feel so helpless just waiting for him to show up. Going out to look for him is pointless; I'd never find him. But is there something else I can do?”

“Well, I hate to say it, but there's not much any of us can do except wait. I've been in touch with the local police, as well as the sheriff's department and the state police. They're all watching for him, and they'll take him straight to the emergency room if they find him.”

“I'm glad to know that. I've been worried they might take him to the jail instead. Those cops were pretty insistent about me pressing charges against him. I could tell they weren't happy that I refused.”

“How are you doing? I heard something about your wrist getting injured.”

She sighed; of course he'd heard about it. Everyone else knew. “It's broken just above the joint. I don't want Danny to hear about it from someone else and get all depressed because he hurt me. He really didn't break it. It was just bad luck that I was so close to that stupid piece of metal.”

“Okay, so how are
you
doing?” The caseworker's gentle voice caused moisture to sting her eyes.

She knew he wanted to know how she was doing emotionally, but she wasn't sure what to tell him. “I don't know. Physically, there's my wrist, and I'm a little sore from when Danny tackled me to save me from a bomb that existed only in his mind. Emotionally… I'm not quite a wreck, but I'm worried about Danny. I'm scared about what he's going through and possibly doing right now. I'm worried about what his reaction will be when he finds out he played a part in my wrist getting broken.” She hesitated then shared another fear, one she hadn't told anyone else. “I'm scared I won't be able to do enough for him when he turns up. I mean, I don't know what to do to help him, other than pray. I care about him so much, but it seems like no matter what I do, it's never enough. Yesterday proved that. I thought he was doing so well, but then all of a sudden he was worse than I've ever seen him.”

“Cindy, you have to remember he's been severely traumatized. None of this is your fault. He will always have good days and bad days. Yesterday was a bad day. He'll spend some time in a psychiatric ward and probably get his medication regulated. But once he recovers, he's likely to have some good days.”

What Alan said made sense, but it did little to ease her mind. “I just feel so helpless, like nothing I can say or do will do any good.”

“Trust me, you've done a lot of good. You won't ever be able to fix him, but you can definitely help him. I talked to Danny last week, and he told me you've helped him come a long way just by listening and being there. He has so many people trying to force him to deal with everything. He said you're the only one who's just there when he needs you. You don't try to force him to talk about anything, but you'll listen to everything he says.”

Guilt washed through her. “But I did force him to talk. He didn't want to tell me anything, but I kept pushing until he finally started telling me about his time in the army.”

“He told me about that night, and he admitted that he needed you to push him to get him talking to you. But according to him, you haven't tried to force him to talk since then, and that is what he's focused on. You're giving him what he needs more than anything, Cindy. You're giving him someone who will just sit quietly with him and listen if he feels like talking.”

She pressed her bandaged arm against her middle and closed her teary eyes, finally ready to make an admission. “I love him. It's so hard to see him suffering, and it hurts so much to know I can't just fix everything for him. About all I can do is listen. He's been happier since he started talking to me, and it's brought us closer together, but will it ever be enough?”

“It's enough,” Alan said firmly. “He has a counselor to provide professional help and a psychiatrist who can give him medication to help stabilize him. He has family and friends to give him moral support. But you and your love for him have reached him in a way no one else has been able to. You say you want to know what you can do for him. Just keep loving him. Even if you don't see it, you're helping him tremendously just by caring about him.”

As she considered his words, a weight lifted from her shoulders. If Alan was right, she'd always be able to do enough for Danny just by continuing to be the best girlfriend she could be. “Thanks, Alan. I know you're right. Sometimes it takes hearing another person say it for the truth to sink in.”

“That's what I'm here for,” he said with a chuckle. “You give me a call if you hear from Danny or if you need to talk. Okay? Things like this are as hard on loved ones as they are on the veterans themselves.”

“Okay. I appreciate you taking the time to talk with me.”

She ended the call and felt a little more hopeful as she rejoined her friends. Alan might not have given her a way to find her boyfriend, but he'd certainly provided her with the moral support she needed to help Danny the next time she saw him.

****

Cindy struggled through her sociology midterm Monday morning, her thoughts drifting to Danny with every other question. Where was he? Had he survived the weekend? Would she ever see him again? Her aching wrist was a constant reminder she couldn't escape. She'd managed to get a little studying done after her friends left the night before, but this morning concentration was nothing more than a pipe dream. Hopefully, she'd given enough correct answers to pass. Her grades during the first half of the semester had been good enough that even if she barely passed the midterm she should still be able to pass the class.

Concern filled Dr. Brixton's features as she turned in her test at the end of class. “What happened to your arm?”

“I broke my wrist Saturday.” She glanced down at the bandages immobilizing her wrist and prayed he wouldn't ask how. “I'm supposed to get a cast put on in a little while.”

“Not what you wanted to do during midterms, I'm sure.”

She managed a small smile. “Yeah, but I'll live. I'll see you later.”

Brixton stopped her as she headed to the door. “Cindy, try to remember to bring the outline for your term paper to my office this week. We can discuss any concerns you might have about it or anything you're having trouble with.”

She turned back to her professor and academic advisor, fighting to keep her emotions under control. He couldn't help her with what was giving her trouble. “Is it okay if I bring it Friday? I still have a little more work to do on it.”

“Sure. You know when my office hours are.”

“Thanks, Dr. Brixton.”

She left the classroom and headed out front. Ellen had promised to pick her up right after her class. Cindy hoped getting a cast wouldn't take too long. She still had to go over her history paper one more time and write a reference page for it. Plus, she had three other midterms to study for.

Tears filled her eyes. How could she worry about her grades when the man she loved had been missing since Saturday? She needed to know he was okay, needed to see him and assure herself he wasn't hurt. But a tiny nugget of fear lodged itself in her mind. For all of her assurances to everyone that she understood he hadn't intended to hurt her, she couldn't help fearing that in some warped way he had meant it. Her brief time with an abusive boyfriend had left her more insecure than she'd realized.

While she knew in her heart that Danny cared about her and wouldn't hurt anyone on purpose, her parents' doubts Saturday had struck more deeply than she wanted to admit. What if they were right and it wasn't just the PTSD? What if he was like the guy from when she was younger? Then again, if he was as innocent in all of this as she'd originally thought, was she crazy for continuing to date a man who could harm people without knowing what he did? She knew she couldn't leave him forever, but she didn't know if she was strong enough to deal with all of his problems. Not yet, anyway. Maybe once he'd become more stable.

Father, rid me of these doubts! If it's Your will that I continue to date Danny, show me. Help me to see the truth through the fog of confusion.

A sense of peace washed through her, drowning the negative thoughts. She
was
strong enough to deal with Danny's problems. The tension gripping her eased, and her breath came more easily. Like Alan had said, all she had to do was love Danny, and it would be enough. She could do that; she already loved him. But could he love her? Or anyone, for that matter? He'd mentioned not feeling anything, being like an empty shell — except with her. And that was what gave her hope. He'd told her she made him feel. If that could happen, surely he could love her.