Bent (19 page)

Julia wiggled her fingers to the gray eyed man letting him know she was done dancing. When he tried to follow, she shook her head. "I thought we were dancing," Julia pouted as they found an open couch in a much quieter part of the club.

"We will. But first, you're going to tell me what in the hell is going on," Carly explained. "Annie called me this afternoon. She's pissed. Said something about you flying out here and not telling Micah you were leaving. So, what gives?"

Julia exhaled dramatically, "I didn't realize I needed to keep him apprised of my whereabouts," she said with mock propriety in her voice. Carly didn't say anything, she simply glared.

"Look, I haven't even been back there for a month and people are trying to marry us off already. Of course, it doesn't help that he's still staying at my house. I've tried telling him that he should go back out to Gran's, but he says he won't until Karen tells him or the cops who she had grab me in the bathroom."

In her drunken haze, Julia wondered if it bothered her that Micah and Caleb were still there or if she was more concerned that the day would come when they wouldn't be. If she didn't want them there, she wouldn't have agreed to let Micah buy a full-size bed for the spare room so Caleb would have a place to call his own. Would she? Damn, the back lounge was quiet enough that she could think.

Julia stood to return to the dance floor and was immediately pulled back to her seat. "So, instead of talking to him, you're running? Do you realize that Caleb screamed at Annie all the way to her place? He wanted to talk to you and freaked when Annie said you weren't there."

Carly leaned in close to Julia, her eyes fixed so tightly they could have been glued in place, "I know you're freaking out. I don't blame you. But he's changed. You need to let him show you that."

At the mention of Caleb's name, Julia felt her stomach starting to roll. She tried to tell herself she was doing him a favor by leaving before he could become attached. He'd seemed sullen and annoyed by the fact that his father had practically moved them into her house. She hadn't realized that it was too late to spare him any pain.

Unable to settle herself, Julia quickly made her way to the nearest exit. Once outside, she ungracefully leaned against the wall and allowed herself to be sick. She sent a text message to Carly, letting her know she had to leave because she wasn't feeling well and flagged down a cab.

Julia felt completely sober as she rode back to the hotel. It was a trick of the night air and stress but it gave her a clear head. As much as she wanted to chase her own dreams, she realized it was too late blindly leap. She needed to think about what it was doing to the people she loved.

Chapter Thirteen

Julia's alarm shrieking in the morning didn't wake her, it simply let her know it was time to pry herself from the downy cave she'd created on the bed. After tossing and turning until after three, she had considered using the remaining tequila to knock herself out but thought better of it. It was bad enough that she was going to a job interview after a sleepless night, she didn't need to be suffering the effects of a hangover as well.

The city was alive when she walked through the revolving door at the front of the hotel. Yesterday, the noise had been jarring but today the commotion was starting to feel comfortable. She could see herself getting dressed every morning and being part of the masses heading to countless high-rise office buildings.

As she walked the ten blocks to Krista's small office, Julia realized that she hadn't mentioned anything about her need for self-discovery when Carly confronted her at the club. She'd focused solely on the reasons she couldn't stay in Brooklyn with Micah. She wondered what that meant but quickly dismissed the thoughts. She needed to focus on her discussion with Krista.

There was something captivating about the offices of K3 Public Relations. Thick shelving and contemporary artwork broke the stark white walls. Unlike most offices Julia had been in, the flooring was a rich maple hardwood. Everything about the suite screamed sophistication.

"Oh, my God, you're really here," Krista shrieked as she came around the corner. "I know you said you were coming but part of me was waiting for you to call and say you changed your mind. Come on back to my office. Do you want some coffee?" Julia really hated perky morning people.  She accepted Krista's offer, hoping it would ease the headache that was setting in.

Krista introduced Julia to some of the associates who had come in early, explaining that everyone works as a team and they were preparing for a major trade show. She snaked between a desk and cubicle walls that were being assembled and into a small office along the front wall.

Krista dominated the first twenty minutes of the conversation. Julia rubbed her temples, wondering if Krista's shrill voice or the effects of the tequila were causing her head to pulsate. She quickly noticed that Krista was speaking to her in very specific terms, as if she had already handpicked contracts for Julia to take the lead on rather than giving her an abstract view of the job duties.

After asking the typical questions regarding compensation, benefits and vacation time, Julia turned her attention to the projects Krista was proposing. She was mildly irritated at Krista's presumptuous demeanor but she was also intrigued.

Krista was interested in capitalizing on Julia's knowledge of social media and her experience with the music industry to build those branches of the business. Krista informed her there were two musicians they were currently courting and she was certain they would be a lock if Julia was on-board. In addition, she would be tasked with staying on top of the latest trends in social media to make sure all clients were taken care of in that avenue. In exchange, Julia was offered more money than she'd made at any other job in her life. It was an exciting proposition.

By ten o'clock, Julia was back in her hotel room changing into jeans paired with a lightweight sweater and walking shoes. She shoved a pad of paper and two pens into her messenger bag and turned left out of the hotel lobby to Central Park. She'd never been but she figured it might be the one place in the city where she could get some fresh air while escaping the noise.

Her heart dropped when the opening chords of
Hard to Love
played from the cell phone in the front pocket of her bag. She debated letting the call go voicemail but couldn't stop herself from answering. "Hello?"

"Hey. I know you said we'd talk when you get home, but I can't wait that long," Micah's voice was low and she could hear voices in the background. "Please, talk to me." His voice cracked as he pleaded.

Before her knees gave out from under her, Julia sat on the first bench she came to. She hated the desperation she heard in Micah's voice. "I can't. And before you get mad at me, I need you to know that it's not because I don't want to talk to you. I just don't know what to say yet."

"I just... I guess I don't understand," he said. His truck roared to life and she wondered where he was going in the middle of the day. "I know everything was crazy here and I know that my situations didn't help that. I'm not ready to give up this time." He spoke quickly, as if to get out everything he had to say before Julia could respond. "I screwed up when I pushed you away. I was a stupid, immature ass and I will regret that forever. But now, I know what it's like to live without you and I don't want to do it again."

Julia wiped a tear from her cheek. Micah was saying all the right words to make her want to go home. And that, she knew, was her addiction speaking. "Micah, you have to understand, this isn't about you," she sighed, "This is about me. I should have told you about the offer and I'm sorry I didn't. But if I had talked to you, you would have convinced me to stay there."

The truck stopped but she didn't hear the door close, so she knew he was sitting in the truck somewhere. "Would it have been so awful if I told you I didn't want you to go?" He sighed heavily, "You're right, I would have told you I don't want you to move. I love you and I like waking up next to you in the morning. I like coming home to you in the evening..." he started to say something else, but stopped.

"Yes," Julia snipped, "It would have been awful having you tell me to stay. I don't think you understand what my life has been like. Josh was a great guy but I spent ten years as his wife, always moving where he needed to for work. I followed him around like a lost little puppy and forgot about everything I ever wanted to do. Do you want me to be your puppy?" It took every ounce of energy she had to stand up to Micah this way. Suddenly, she was glad they were talking on the phone. It would have been far too easy to get lost in his sleepy, dark eyes and bend to his wishes.

Micah cleared his throat, "I'm not Josh. I don't know anything about that because I wasn't there and you never talk about it. Just like you never told me how much you gave up. I didn't know you were thinking about leaving. Dammit Jules, I wish you had trusted me enough to talk to me."

"I trust you, Micah," she breathed, "I don't trust myself."

"Look, I should have waited to call you," Micah said, "I have to go into the school right now. Will you answer if I call you back in about an hour?"

Julia swallowed, trying to ignore the concern she felt washing over her. If Micah was at the school, that meant something was going on with Caleb. "Is everything okay?"

"No, nothing's okay." She could hear the anger and frustration in his tone, "Look, I really have to get in there. Will you answer when I call back?"

"Yes," she croaked. Her mouth was dry and the she couldn't get the words out. "And Micah, I do love you." As soon as the words came out, she regretted that the only times she had said the words she knew he wanted to hear were over the phone when everything between them was in limbo.

"I'll call you after I figure out what's going on here," Micah rushed. "Just promise me you won't make any decisions until we talk more?"

"I won't." She didn't know why but she couldn't make a decision until she knew what was going on with Caleb. She didn't want to love him but she was powerless to stop the feelings from growing. He was the biggest wildcard in her life.

Emotionally drained, Julia abandoned her plans to make a list of pros and cons to her new job. Instead, she turned back to the entrance of the park and headed back to the hotel. She fell onto the bed as soon as she was in her room. This time, there were no tears, only sleep.

The sun was setting outside her window when she opened her eyes. She frantically rummaged through her messenger bag looking for her phone. She ignored the three new messages and immediately called Micah. She swallowed hard as the phone rang.

"You promised you'd answer when I called." His satiny tone was cold and flat.

"I'm sorry, I fell asleep and didn't hear it ring," she said sheepishly. "I would have answered if I heard it. I just... I didn't get much sleep last night and I nodded off while I was waiting."

"I can understand that. I didn't sleep at all last night. Your bed is cold without you in it," he said without quite as much bitterness.

"You stayed at my place?" She was shocked at his admission. They hadn't talked about it yesterday and she assumed he'd go back to Gran's without having anyone at the house to protect.

"I hope that's okay," he said, "I wanted to be close to you and Caleb prefers the guest bed to his bed at the farm. We'll head back out there after dinner."

"No, stay," she said softly, "I meant what I said earlier. Everything that's going on has to do with me. Just me. If you guys want to stay there, you're more than welcome."

Julia wished there was a way to avoid the awkward silence. Eventually, Micah spoke up, "Do you really think it's just about you? Is it really just about you?"

It wasn't and they both knew it. "Like I said, everything there is so damned intense." At The Oasis, Julia had told Micah he needed to tell her the full truth. She took a deep breath as she prepared to give him the same.

"When I came home, it was never supposed to be permanent. I told Annie I'd stay at the house while it was remodeled since most people don't want to rent a construction zone. I was going to use that time to ease myself into living on my own and figure out where I wanted to go next. But then, you came along and it was so easy to jump back into what we used to have..." she hesitated before continuing.

Bile rose from her stomach as she thought back to reunion weekend. "And then everything with Karen... you all but moved in a week after I did. I managed to stay single for one week. Seriously, is that healthy?"

"So, is that what this is really about?" Micah asked, sounding wounded.

Forgetting that he was a thousand miles away, Julia shook her head.

"Baby? Are you there?"

"Sorry. No, that's not all it's about. Look, I meant what I said earlier. I spent my entire marriage doing what Josh wanted to do, moving all over for his job with each promotion. I need to prove to myself that I am capable of doing what I want to do." If she'd been eavesdropping on someone else having this conversation, she would be rolling her eyes. Did she really think giving up on the one man who could make her feel completely happy was the best answer?