Black Flag (Racing on the Edge) (44 page)

I nodded confirming I
would issue a statement. It would be the right thing to do. I had no idea what
I was going to say but I had to say something, they would want answers.
Hopefully Phillip would know what to say so I didn’t get myself in trouble.

I realized then,
watching my dad and Alley fighting to protect me, protect our family, just what
happens when you lose control and that anger bubbles over the edge.

At the time, in the
heat of the moment, everything seems so simple, the anger gets the best of you
and the consequences, well, you don’t think of them until it’s over, you react
in the only manner you know how to. Now I was dealing with the consequences the
only way I knew how to.

And when I thought a
little more, my family never condoned that type of behavior I displayed last night
but I knew in the face of everything, my family was on my side and would do
anything to protect me.

“I thought for sure I
was going to have to bail you out of jail.” Dad shook his head stepping closer.
Yanking me forward, we walked down the hall. “Van called
...
” his voice faded as he waited for me to
ask.

“What did he say?”

“It’s not important.”
he smiled the same crooked grin I had.

His hand swept across
the back of his neck. His expression was one of love that brought me back to
when I’d wreck my car. It didn’t matter if I’d lost my head and wadded the car
up. He was still there for me. Now wasn’t any different. He was here, helping
me repair what I destroyed.

“I have to leave for
Eldora tonight. I won’t be back for two weeks. Are you going to be okay here?
Will you control your temper while I’m gone?”

“I’ll try.” I said
coldly, fumbling with the hem of my shirt. I wasn’t trying to be short but I
was and he knew I meant nothing by it.

“We haven’t called
Charlie yet. Your mom tried to but ended up just crying. So that hasn’t been
done.”

I nodded lightly.
“Should I call him before I leave?”

“I think we should
wait. Sway and the baby are stable, for now. I just think it’s best if we know
everything before we call him.”

“How long will he get?”
I asked changing subjects but I knew he’d know what I was referring to.

“Yeah, so about that,”
his hand swept across the back of his neck once more. “He’d have to be found
before that happens and that’s probably never going to happen.” he paused
looking at me with concern. “That’s why I’m going to have Phillip meet with
you. I really can’t see where any of this would come back to you.”

I started breathing
heavy again. Remembering the night, I leaned forward gripping the edge of the
granite counter top where we had stopped.

“Did I
...
?”

Even if I did kill him,
I had no regrets. Not after what he did.

“Van didn’t come out
and say it in so many words, but I saw Darrin when we left. I think you did.”
He paused and took a deep breath. “Did the doctor let you know the results of
the test?”

I felt my entire body
tense just thinking of that goddamn word. “He said it was inconclusive.”

He nodded and looked
down at his phone that buzzed.

“I’ve have to go. Wes
is waiting for me.” His hand came up to grasp my shoulder. “Get over here shit
head.”

I laughed lightly
against his shoulder as we hugged. “Thanks dad.”

“Keep an eye on Aiden.”
he said. “That kid is like a ticking time bomb today.”

I laughed again before
pulling away. “How did it go with you guys?”

“Those two are worse
than you and Sway when it comes to bad decisions.” He drew in a deep breath and
shrugged into his jacket. “I can’t even imagine what would make the two of them
decide to get married,” he paused glancing around fugitively. “
...
wait a second
...
is she fucking pregnant?”

“Don’t ask me,” I held
my hands in defense. “I don’t know!”

“Emma!” he yelled after
her when she snuck out of the room and ran down the hall away from him. “Get
back here you little shit.”

Walking back to Sway’s
room, I heard the end of their conversation.

“No dad! I swear I’m
not pregnant.”

“Well good, but
seriously!” he pushed her shoulder walking further down the hall. “What the
fuck is wrong with you?”

“I grew up with Spencer
and Jameson.” She mused. “You shouldn’t expect so much from me.”

He slung his arm around
Emma. “At least get the asshole to buy you a decent ring.” He told her. “That
one looks like shit.”

Approaching her room, I
could see through the window that she was finally awake, glancing around and
her hand that wasn’t in the cast resting on her swollen stomach. It took
everything in me not to run to her but I needed a minute
...
to gain control. She couldn’t see me
like this.

I needed that control I
didn’t have. Taking a deep breath, I pushed the heavy wooden door open. She
didn’t notice me until I was beside the bed.

When her eyes finally
met mine, I lost what was left and fell to my knees at her bedside, sobbing.
When my hands touched hers, I felt the same connections I’d always felt.

Her eyes fluttered.
“Jameson?” she croaked out and began crying, wincing in pain as she tried to
reach for me.

“I’m
...
right
...
here
...
honey
...
don’t
move,” I cried out in
broken sobs, my chest tightened as my heart began racing. “I’m so
...
sorry.” I brought her hand to my wet
lips, my tears falling to her ivory bruised skin. “I’m
...
sorry
...
I’m
so fucking sorry.” My free hand reached for her stomach rubbing it softly. I’d
hoped the baby would move for me, reassuring me, but it didn’t happen. Though I
could see on the monitor that the baby was moving, it just wasn’t enough for me
to feel.

Sway just let me sit
there, clutching her hand desperately with my other hand over our child, crying
with her as I repeated over and over again how sorry I was. All the emotions I
had felt yesterday came crashing back in an instance. The moment I felt her
safe and in my arms, I never wanted to let go.

I jumped when her door
cracked opened a few minutes later.

An older light haired
woman peeked inside. “Oh
...
sorry,” she said taking
in our appearances. “I’m
Renata
from Obstetrics but
you can call me
Ren
.” She smiled rolling in a large
machine. “I’m here to perform the ultrasound this morning.”

I stood, keeping my
hand wrapped around Sway’s, “Should I
...
uh
...
leave?”

“No!” Sway panicked
reaching for me once again and then wincing in pain, clutching her side.
“Please don’t go, please stay!” her eyes were frantic with worry and need.
“Please don’t leave me.”

“Sway honey, I have to
go soon.” I choked out. “I can’t stay today
...
I
have to be at the track. We couldn’t find a relief driver for me.” Dad had told
me that he and Kyle asked around but Justin had to be in Eldora and it seemed
no one else was available. Gordon was also the last say of who could get into
the car so he denied anyone we asked for.

Tears spilled over her
cheeks. The emerald in her eyes spoke for her pain.

“I know
...
” she
hiccupped
understanding as she always did. “Can you stay for the ultrasound?”

“Yes, if that’s what
you want.” I gently wiped the tears from her cheek, careful not to touch the
bruises. I wanted so badly to hold her right then, feel the warmth of her body
against mine and feel that she was okay but I was afraid to even touch her,
afraid I’d hurt her. And afraid I wouldn’t let go.

She nodded carefully.
“I want
...
you to see the baby.”

“All right then.”
Ren
began opening drawers and equipment needed before
pulling the machine toward the bed. Gently she drew back the thick white
blanket covering Sway and removed the monitor wrapped around her bruised
midsection.

After pouring an insane
amount of lubricant on her slightly swollen belly, she moved the wand looking
thing back and forth. “Ah, there’s the little person.”

Sway’s eyes flickered
to the monitor as did mine.

And there, seeing it
for the first time; was my child. A part of me, a part of Sway, a part of us,
was inside of her. I was mesmerized. The loud steady heartbeat reassured me the
baby was okay for now. I couldn’t divert my eyes even if I wanted to. That was
my
child
moving around inside her,
our child
, we created.

“Would you like to know
the sex of the baby?”
Ren
asked. Her eyes glanced
back and forth between Sway and me.

“Oh,” Sway said with a
hint of excitement in her tired voice. “Can you tell already?”

“Yes. Do you want to
know? It’s very obvious right now.” Her smile had grown into a full grin.

Grasping my hand with
Sway’s, I chuckled lightly pressing her hand to my lips. “I want to know if you
do, honey.”

My eyes locked with
Sway, wide emerald eyes that would never lie to me, heart shaped face with
porcelain skin staring back at me and for a moment, I saw our entire lives
together.

It was strange to me
that when something in your life begins, you generally have an idea of how it’s
going to end or how you want it to end. The career you dreamed about your whole
life becomes your reality. The eleven year old
girl
who stole your heart without knowing it at, becomes the love of your life. And
the baby that happened by accident, becomes your world.

I’ve known people who
have spent their entire lives planning for the future and trying to predict
every step of the way, subconsciously cushioning themselves for the blow if
anything went wrong. But the thing was
,
you can’t
predict the future. Every step you make takes you in a different direction
toward another path, maybe even a completely different path. But what happens
when that future you thought you would never have, reveals itself to you? You
take it because for being a future you never thought you wanted, it was better.

What I couldn’t get
past was if I blinked, it could be gone.

With her eyes still
focused on my own, Sway smiled that breathtaking smile for me as though she
could hear what I was thinking, feel what I was feeling.

“I want to know.” I
told her softly in assurance.

Ren
grinned widely, her
brown hazel eyes sparkled at Sway. I could tell this was part of her job she
loved, “That right there,” she pointed in between the baby’s legs and I laughed
knowing damn well what it was, “Is your son,”

Sway burst into
hysterical tears, clinging to me as best she could. “Is it really a boy?”

“Yes,”
Ren
assured her. “He’s making it well known that he’s a
little boy.” She gestured toward the screen once more. “His little arms are
behind his head. See that right there
...
and
his legs are wide open
...
” she laughed. “
and
now he’s showing you his little butt.”

15.
        
Lug
Nuts – Jameson

Lug Nuts – Large nuts
applied with a high-pressure air wrench to a wheel during a pit stop to secure
the tires in place. All NASCAR cars use five lug nuts on each wheel. Penalties are
assessed if a team fails to put all five on during a pit stop.

Sway and I watched our
little spaz flail around. He alternated between showing his manhood to showing
his rear. I thought it was adorable, Sway thought he was showing off, which
proves he’s my son. I watched Sway most of the time, fascinated by her rapt
attention to him.

Ren
concluded her
measurements and examination, leaving us alone for the few minutes I had left.

She was also kind
enough to print out two pictures for us.

My eyes met Sway’s once
again, a small smile graced her lips but I could tell she was exhausted. Dr.
Clayton explained this was a part of pregnancy but she’d been through so much
and mentally she was drained.

“How are you feeling?”
I asked brushing my fingertips over her cheek. “Do you need anything?”

“Sore
...
sad
...
worried
...
the list goes on and on.” Her left hand
rose touching my own cheek.