Constant Pull (15 page)

It was Saturday. The trip was less than a week away. It was time to tell Murray. I wanted to be sure I told him before he and my Grampa got to talking too much about it before I went. I didn’t want anyone trying to talk me out of anything. My mind was made up.

I had to meet with Murray to give him the keys to the Bloomfield house since he was seeing the contractor
. The homeowner was weird about a lock box and insisted that the contractor manage just a few sets of keys. Stupid if you ask me.

Murray and I stayed in our trucks and pulled up so that our driver’s windows were facing each other
.

“Hey, thanks for meeting me.” Murray started.

“No problem.” I said, handing him the key. “I wanted to talk to you for a minute anyway.”

“
Yeah?  Whatcha got?” he said.

“I’m heading out for a long weekend
. Kind of a mini-vacation.” I said, looking past my steering wheel at the store passersby. “I figure you’re set. I don’t think I’m messing you up. It’s this coming weekend, plus Friday and Monday. Be back Monday night.”

“Who with?” he asked
.

For a minute, I wished I had a normal employer
. I’d heard it was illegal to ask these types of questions when you were a real employer. I tossed around the idea of lying. But, he knew my Grampa too well and I just didn’t feel like lying and I didn’t think I should have to.

“Wit
h Kevin.” I said the words hard with obvious irritation.

He shook his head
for what seemed like a long time. “Mel. I just worry for you. That’s all. Is his girlfriend coming this time?  Is this a weird thing?” he said, concern and hesitation all over his face.

Great
. Now to explain this part. I rolled my eyes. I wanted to say ‘nope he’s single and so am I!  Woo hoo!’ and drive off. I decided against it.

“Even though I
think it’s unrelated, I will explain. He broke up with Lanie. I want you to understand something: just because he’s a man and available doesn’t make him an obvious choice. It’s just different and I’m not sure either of us wants to go
there
with it. Yes, I notice that he’s nice looking and I know we get along but there’s this electric fence in my brain that keeps him out of my list of potentials. Like a cousin.”

Murr
ay had already been grinning. “Hey, now that you’re both single, I will drop it.” 

I let out a kind of growl of frustration
. Murray laughed.

“None of my business now!  We’ll have some more work comin
’ up when you get back. Just have to finish off the last two jobs before Thursday, if you would.”  He said.

I nodded, still slightly frustrated.

“See you tomorrow missy.” 

He mocked me by pretending to move his hair off his shoulder over and over and said in a high voice
, “Oh, this old thing? I would just looooove to go on vacation with you?” followed by a horrifying high pitched giggle.

“Goodbye Murray
.”

I drove off and couldn’t help but laugh.

I dropped my truck off at home and walked to see Harry.

Harry sat in the chair by the window as I poked my head in the room to see if I could come in. He saw me and waved.

“Hi.” I said.

He was fussing with his collar button, trying to unbutton it.

“Can I help you?” I asked.

He nodded, apprehensively.

I was careful not to hurt his neck since the tracheostomy tube was put in place pretty recently
. The tube was leaking, but I tried not to let it bother me-more for Harry’s dignity than my own. I unbuttoned the top button and swiftly grabbed a tissue from his table to wipe my fingers. I shoved the used tissue in my pocket.

He put his hand to his chest to tell me he was thankful.

“Any time, Harry. My friend Dave taught me some sign language. This is ‘thank you’” I showed him the sign for thank you, putting my fingers to my chin and moving them away from my face a few inches.

Harry nodded big and repeated the sign to me.

I sat down in the chair across from him.

“Would you be upset with me if I don’t give you your
marker board, today?” I asked, preparing for anger from Harry.

He just l
ooked down and shook his head.

“It’s just that I feel crazy and I know you don’t really approve of my decision to go
to California. I just don’t know if I can cram much more emotion into my brain.

“
Kevin is going to go with me. I haven’t told my Grampa why I’m going-only that I am going. I know I’m probably like clinically insane but it’s just something I need to do. I promise you that I will be careful and I did come back to see you like I said I would. We got a nice hotel and a rental car and stuff so it will feel like a vacation.” 

I couldn’t look at him
. I felt a stern gaze but I wasn’t sure if it was entirely my trip that was bothering him. I just didn’t have the energy to get the marker board and find out. I was drained. I watched the man next to Harry sleeping and watched his chest rising and falling. It made me feel tired. I chanced a look at Harry and he was staring out the window.

It was a very blustery day with constant rain and heavy winds
. There wasn’t a single person in the courtyard, but a beautiful orange maple tree was in perfect view from Harry’s window. We sat in silence for about ten minutes, watching a gray squirrel run around the tree.

“Anyway, so I’m going t
o go. I have to pack and stuff. Maybe I’ll bring you back a shirt.” I smiled. Harry looked troubled. He reached his arms out and moved his fingertips toward him to show me that he wanted a hug.

I hugged him tightly and when he let go, he grabbed my hands and held them for a minute.

“I’ll be fine, Harry. I’ll see you next week.” I said, reassuringly.

Harry nodded and I left.

As I left Harry’s place, it hit me like a bat to the face that I forgot to call Wren back when I was having mental fits about the T-Shirt arrival. I had his number when he called me, but since I dropped my phone in the water shortly after, I didn’t have it anymore. I owed him an apology, but I couldn’t get distracted by this now-although it was difficult. I’d have to get over to his fire department and see if I could get him to not think I was a complete tool. But, it wouldn’t be before my trip. As soon as I got home, I wrote myself a sticky note and put it on my bedroom mirror. “Wren” is all it said.

On the plane I was insanely anxious about our trip. Thankfully we got a direct flight and flew into San Diego. It was about an hour’s drive to Temecula and I had no idea where to go, but I insisted on driving. We sat in the rental car and I pulled out the map. I turned it all around looking at it closely both front and back. Kevin was staring at me.

“What are you doing?” he finally said
. “I can guide us to the hotel.”

“No, I know
. I was looking for like-a message or something.” I said, feeling stupid.

“A message?  What kind of message?  The rental guy circled the hotel, see?” he said, pointing to the map where there was a big circle and an arrow.

“I meant like a message with further instructions. Because I haven’t had any more strange encounters. I half expected someone to pass me a note while we were walking in the airport.” I said, now entertained by myself.

Kevin laughed
. “Would the note passer be wearing a trench coat and a fedora?”

“Probably.” I said, playing along.

“Knock it off, I feel like I might need to drive you to the nearest psychiatrist. Although, I do believe that if we spend any amount of time over analyzing why we’re here, we might both need one.” He said, taking the map from me.

Then he put on his calming voice. “Let’s do this
. Let’s just say we’re here to check out the local sites and this is a little vacation we planned. Just for sanity’s sake we’ll say that. If any SECRET MESSAGES” he air-quoted with his fingers with great drama, “come along then we’ll deal with that.” He laughed again.

“
Deal. Tell me which way.” I said as I turned out of the parking lot. “And no more air quotes. Air quotes are forbidden on our trip.”

I was very grateful that Kevin was with me
. I doubted I’d be so even without him here. Kevin guided me to the hotel. On the way, he checked out the tourist pamphlets he grabbed from the rental car counter.

We went to the hotel, checked in and got a two queen suite
. It was nice a nice room-comfy and clean. The textured walls were a yoga studio aqua and the bedspreads were tastefully floral to match. Kevin threw himself on the bed and stared at me while I unzipped my suitcase. I heard the silence and looked at him.

“What?”

“How are you doing?” he asked.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, are you doing OK?  I’m worried about you a little.”  He said, tapping his index finger on his lips.

“Yeah, I’m good.” I said with my best fake smile.

“Are you tired?”

“No
. Anxious. Are you tired?” I asked.

“Not really
. OK. First of all, don’t be anxious. We’re on a trip to Temecula’s wine country. If nothing else happens, we’ll have fun with that. I feel like maybe we should get you a wide brimmed hat so we can look the part.” He put his hands up next to his head to show a gigantic hat.

I laughed
.

“We’re only here for a couple of days, there’s bound to be a bunch of crap we can do
. Don’t worry though.  I think it’s really cool that you’re waiting to see how this plays out. Of course, I’m fine hanging with you. But, if nothing comes up then no big deal. OK?

I smiled
. I was so glad he was here.

“
OK.”  I said.

When he spoke, he looked at me so intensely
. It was like he was very concerned about my well-being and I’m the one who dragged
him
here.

He kept his intense look and said “And I’m serious about the hat.”

We laughed.

For the next two days, we went sightseeing
. The first day, I wouldn’t leave Temecula-just in case. So, we saw a movie and walked around checking stuff out and appreciating the much warmer weather.

I was beating myself up in my head
. I wondered what if I was missing why I was here. I jumped at every sound and felt easily the most on-edge I’ve ever been. I didn’t even consider that the whole thing might be a fluke; I wouldn’t let myself off the hook that easily.

On Saturday evening, doing a little more
exploration, we went to Sunset Cliffs near San Diego. I’d never seen so many surfers. We walked over and stood on a flat part of the rocks, taking in the view. A couple was getting married on a nearby cliff. The view surrounding them was gorgeous. The sky was an intense orange toward the horizon that lessened the further it spread from the waterline, mingling with the blue sky and touching the clouds. The sun’s contrast to the blue ocean was captivating. The clouds were intricate, almost as if they were hand placed by a brilliant artist. Each cloud was gently marked with peach highlights on the edge. Behind them, the sky was a crisp deep blue that seemed to be fighting with the sun for attention. A bird flew lazily by and the gentle breeze was constant and hypnotizing.

I watched the bride and groom with their very small wedding
party. The bride had her red hair in a twist and large white flowers were placed in the twist on one side. She wore a soft beige dress that picked up the reflection from the sunset in its gathers. It appeared to be strapless and gathered on her left hip. The pleats from the gather fell softly as they met with her right side. The dress had an unexpected sheer piece that covered her chest with little white flowers that were sparse at first and then collected artfully in numbers and followed the outline of the woman’s figure down to her hip. The opaque part of the dress stopped at her knee and more sheer fabric continued to the floor with a sheer train edged in the same tiny white groupings of flowers. Normally I loved symmetry; I blamed my job. But, the floral placement in the sheer areas of the dress was so natural and unbalanced that it looked like they grew there just like it was in a meadow somewhere perfect. Her train waved in the breeze as she held her husband-to-be’s hands. I felt incredibly happy for them, that they would have this to remember.

I looked over at Kevin
. He was also watching and seemed to be taking in the bigger picture. He seemed to be smiling slightly at the grandmother who was steadied by a man who appeared to be her son. She clutched to his arm as they stood off to the side of the couple. She cried openly and wore a light green pillbox hat and a pink suit with a skirt, dabbing at her eyes every so often with a cross stitched handkerchief.

“I met someone
.” I leaned and whispered to Kevin, my arms folded.

He turned to face me
, a stunned expression on his face.

“Spill. Who?” he said, turning toward me.

I shrugged
. “He’s a firefighter. He’s intriguing and super sexy.”

“
OK, don’t spill that much.” He smiled. “Where’d you meet him?”

“On that job I was telling you about
. The one with the small fire.”

“
Oh. What’s his name?”

“Wren.”

“His parents are hippies.” He declared, crossing his arms and turning away from me, back toward the couple.

I swatted his arm with the back of my hand.

“What? He’s named after a bird. They’re hippies. It’s almost fact.” He said, trying to keep his voice down.

“Maybe.”  I was preoccupied with the fact that I didn’t realize it was a type of bird.

“I’m a little concerned.” He said a few seconds later.

“Why?”

“You’re telling me you met someone while we’re watching a wedding, so I’m guessing you like him a lot. Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“Just didn’t think of it I guess.”

“Mel, I’ve been with you for two days solid, even sleeping in the same room.”

I shrugged.

“Are you going out again?”

“Well, we didn’t really go out on a date the first time
. It was a little weird.” I went on to explain my shoeless situation with pajamas on. Kevin was shaking his head.

“WHAT?” I demanded.

“I can’t believe you did that.” He paused. “Yes I can. But,
did you have a bra on
?” he whispered the last part hard, turning back toward me.

I jutted my neck out, with a look of disbelief on my face
. “What does it matter?  I had a
sweatshirt
on.”

“Oh, it matters.” He said, looking back at the wedding
. “You didn’t have a sweatshirt on the whole time.”

“Great.”  I rolled my eyes
. “Maybe he didn’t notice.”

“He did.”

The bride and groom exchanged rings and we got quiet again, watching. The sun was low enough now that it was just a slice over the horizon. The ceremony finished just before it slipped under the water’s edge.

We walked away very quietly after
wards, feeling like we were privileged to have been able to look over the wedding. A black convertible sat in the parking lot with a couple of young boys decorating what appeared to be the couple’s getaway car. The boys had placed a Just Married sign on the back and were placing pom poms all over the car. A woman who pushed a toddler in a stroller watched them, correcting them on where they placed the pom poms. The toddler she rocked back and forth in the stroller was eating something out of a plastic bag on her stroller tray.

I didn’t see it happen
. I didn’t even hear it. I saw the woman holding the stroller holding the toddler’s arms in the air and banging the child’s back with her hand. I looked to my left where Kevin had been walking next to me and he was gone. He was running to the child. He urgently lifted her out of her stroller, spun her around on his forearm so that her little head was in his hand, tilted down toward the ground. He firmly thumped her on her back and a red grape popped out of her mouth. She cried instantly and he handed her back to the woman who hugged the little girl, bouncing and soothing her. She mouthed ‘thank you’ to Kevin and moved her hand away from the baby to squeeze Kevin’s hand for a second. I just stood there. I didn’t do anything. I wouldn’t have even known what to do.

I was quiet on our ride back to the
hotel.

“What’s wrong?”

“You were incredible back there. I didn’t even know that little girl was choking.” I said.

“Thanks
. I just got lucky and happened to see. The slapping on the back thing that the mom was doing doesn’t work all the time.” He said.

“I could tell you exactly what that little girl was wearing
. I’m like detail-obsessed or something. She had on pink shorts and a white shirt with dark pink details on the sleeves and collar. She had brown eyes and brown hair.”

“
OK.”

“Did you notice that?” I asked him.

“No.”

“But I didn’t see her choke
and you did.” I said.

“I’m not sure I understand your point.” Kevin said, furrowing his brow.

“Maybe we came here for you to do that. Maybe it’s not me at all. I get too far in the weeds with stuff. You are so much better at seeing things than I am. We can’t be here for me. Maybe she’s going to be some world leader or doctor or something.”

“Well, I’m not convinced of
that.
”  He said looking a little uncomfortable. I looked out the window. The sky was now a purple blue.

“Maybe I didn’t notice what she was wearing because it doesn’t interest me and it interests you.” He offered.

“Maybe.” I said.

“But?”  He must have heard the hesitation in my voice.

“Well, what if noticing those types of details isn’t normal?  What if I’m crazy?”

“I always thought that crazy people didn’t know they were crazy
. So, the question itself puts you in the clear.”

“I’m serious.”

“I know. I just think you should relax a bit and try to take a step back. I think you’re trying to over focus and that never helps to see things clearly. Noticing what a baby girl is wearing doesn’t mean you’re crazy. For me, taking a step back is the best way. We’re having fun, right?  Maybe we just focus on that for now.”

When we got back,
Kevin went to the hotel lobby to get some more brochures to plan our last full day in California. When he came back, he laid out three brochures on wineries. “This one drives you around in a Jeep!   Sweet. Although, I don’t know if wine and Jeep bouncing sounds good to me. Oh, how about this one?  It’s really close by. It’s got a tasting room. Perfect!”

I laughed
. This was something. I never pegged us for the wine tasting type. I didn’t even know what to wear to such a place. Was it fancy?  We were from a nautical area where boaters get a pass wearing ultra-casual clothes to fancy restaurants. My last clean outfit in my suitcase was jeans and a coral V-neck sweater. Ah, what the hell. They could turn us away I supposed-but so what.

“This is a very good idea
actually, because I would like to have some drinks to spare me from my thoughts on why we’re here.” I said, my mood lifting.