Darkness Reborn (Order of the Blade #5) (19 page)

Sarah's eyes glowed luminous, and he saw in them the answer she didn't want to give. That she was afraid of that, too.

And how could she not be? They'd both be fools if they didn't acknowledge that as a real truth, as a real possibility, especially when he could feel that same darkness still swirling through him. Something had happened to him when he'd snapped in the air, and he didn't know what it was. Not yet. But something was changing inside him. "Can't you feel that, Sarah?" He took her hand and pressed it to his chest. "There's something happening inside me."

Sarah closed her eyes, shuddering at the rightness of what it felt like to have Kane's bare chest beneath her palm. How could he feel so right and be so dangerous? What was he? A part of her wanted to trust him so badly, but she'd been so wrong before. How did she know this time was right?

Sarah.
Kane's voice drifted through her mind. Desperate. Dangerous.
Tell me what you see inside me. You were in there before when we made love. You saw parts of me I can't. Tell me what I am. Tell me what you see.

She was suddenly filled with the power of his being as he opened the barriers between them. She tumbled into his aura, and this time, it was like a raging inferno. So many colors and emotions. So much black and red, and other angry colors. The icy chill of cold death hit her, and she froze, shocked by what she was sensing inside him. She could feel the pulsating gloom of death and pain, torture, violence, the raw need to destroy. It was so strong and powerful in him, rushing through him like a violent tidal wave of destruction. She instinctively jerked back, breaking their connection.

Kane was staring at her, his dark eyes grim with the realization of what she'd seen. His eyes were haunted, so weighted with the grief of Thano's death, with the visions of what Luc had showed him. The reality of who he was, and what he seemed to be. And suddenly, she didn't believe all the darkness swirling inside him. This was Kane, and there was so much more to him than the darkness. She didn't know how, she didn't know why, but there was
more
to him.

Violence and self-hate stormed in his eyes. "I'm going outside with Ry." He tore himself away from her and strode toward the door, currents of dark energy rolling off him in thick waves.

Sarah thought of the dark night, of the thick taint rolling through the woods, and she was struck with a sudden terror of what would happen to him if he went outside, if he exposed himself to it. "No!" She ran after him and grabbed his arm just as he reached for the door. "Don't!"

Kane whirled around, and his eyes were a maelstrom of violence, lust, and so much deadly contamination. He pushed her up against the wall, his hands heavy on her shoulders as he pinned her there. His eyes were flashing with something dark, something oppressive. It was as if all the guilt, death and unknown had broken through his shields and were crushing all the truth and good out of him. Again, she could see there was no hope in his eyes, none of the belief in the good that could keep the destructive emotions at bay. "Kane—"

"No," he snarled, leaning close against her. "Don't, Sarah. There's something happening inside me, and you don't want to be around when it goes—"

"I can help—" She grabbed him around the neck as he tried to pull away.

He swung around to face her again, and she saw the depths of agony in his eyes. And violence. And then, she realized what he was talking about. There was something else inside him. Something far more than either of them understood. Her heart started to race, and she pulled back. "Kane—"

"Too late," he growled, before he locked his arms around her, yanked her against him, and consumed her with his kiss.

His kiss was violent and dark, pulsing with desire so raw and carnal that it plunged right into her core. The kiss was dangerous and deadly. It wasn't a kiss of connection and support. It was the animal trying to erupt from him. Fear rippled through Sarah, but at the same time, her body trembled with desire, responding to his power, his strength, his unbridled need for her.

He locked his hand around the back of her neck, trapping her against him as he kissed her, kisses so deep and strong that they tore apart her very soul. It wasn't the man kissing her right now. It was the tormented Calydon warrior, no longer in control of who he was or his need for her.

Excitement raced through her, and her body trembled from the realization of how badly he needed her, how deeply his soul beat for her, how consumed he was by his connection with her.
Yes.
She whispered the word into his mind and laced her fingers through his hair, and committed herself to anything and everything that made Kane Santiago who he was.

Kane felt the moment Sarah accepted him. It was like this freaking white light going off inside his skull and streaking through his body. A white light of brightness and warmth, of salvation. He pressed her harder against the wall, crushing his body against hers as he claimed her mouth, trying to get closer to the salvation she gave him.

There was so much darkness inside him. So much pain. Visions of carnage and death flashing through his mind. Thano being ripped from his grasp and sucked into that noxious hell.
Thano!
Anguish tore through Kane, and he deepened his kiss, clinging desperately to Sarah as he fought the guilt and the grief of Thano's loss. All he could think of was Thano's cheeky attitude, the way the warrior brought levity and perspective into every situation. He was fucking
gone.

Sarah broke the kiss and pressed her lips to Kane's throat. He closed his eyes, bracing his head against the wall, his breathing so heavy he felt like his chest was going to explode. He didn't move, all his attention riveted by Sarah's incredibly erotic and tender kisses along his throat. Over his collar bone. Over his chest.

Chills tore down his spine as she kissed him, his skin so sensitive that he could feel the warmth of her breath tickling over his skin. He could feel the seductive swirl of her tongue over his nipple. The sensual brush of her lips over his chest turned his blood into an untamed inferno.

Never had his skin been so sensitive before. It was a miasma of scarred flesh, so hard that he'd long ago given up hope of being able to feel a soft touch, a kiss, or a caress, and yet... Dear God... His body trembled and shook as Sarah's hands trailed down his sides, over his hips. Her mouth trailed lower, over his abs. His stomach quivered as she swirled her tongue in his belly button, a touch so erotic and tender he could barely even comprehend it.

He gripped her hair, threading his fingers through the decadently soft locks, straining to hold still as her kisses trailed lower toward the waistband of his jeans. It was so erotic, so intense to feel the lightest touch, the heat of her breath, the light scrape of her teeth. His cock was rock hard, his balls on fire, and still, he didn't let himself move.

He rested his forehead against the wall, his feet braced, his breath coming in sporadic jerks. His only movement was the frantic, almost desperate caress of her hair, the tresses like freshly spun silk against palms that used to feel nothing but the deepest cuts and the hardest hits. He shut out the pain and the visions of hell. He fought down the need for violence. He rebelled against the need to scent blood and inflict pain. He just focused every last bit of his soul, his consciousness, and his very being on Sarah's touch.

Her fingers went to the button of his jeans, and he sucked in his breath as she unzipped them, sliding them down over his hips. He even felt the cool brush of air against his cock as she freed it, a sensation he hadn't been able to feel his whole life, because of his deadened skin. Until now.

Then her hand wrapped around him, and his whole body jerked from the contact.
God, Sarah. You're going to break me.

You're unbreakable, Kane. You know you are.
Then her lips brushed over his cock, and he nearly climbed out of his skin.

Jesus, Sarah.
He looked down at her as she closed her mouth around him. He nearly lost his control the moment he saw her taking him in, offering him everything she had. The mere sight of it was so erotic, combined with the unbelievable sensations she was evoking in him. He wasn't a man who could feel, who could be drawn to pleasures by touch, because he was so covered in scars, his skin so deadened. But with every move of her mouth, and the swirl of her tongue against his cock, he felt like his entire world was going to explode right then.

Her blond hair was tumbled around her shoulders, tangled and messy after their experience with Luc. Her shirt was dirty and torn, and her skin was too pale, with the faint hairline cracks by her temple. Protectiveness surged through him, and need, an unbearable need to bring her into his world where he could keep her safe.

He tightened his grip on her hair, and she looked up. Her blue eyes were hazy with desire, and his groin tightened at the raw need in her eyes. He tugged on her hair, demanding, not asking, her to rise.

He watched with growing need and desire as she let him pull her up, his cock brushing over her belly as she stood.
You're mine, Sarah.
There was no way to stop. No way to turn back from what he needed from her. What he needed to give her.

He locked his arms around her and hauled her against him as he slammed his mouth down over hers, making it clear that he was in control now, that she belonged to
him.

Sarah wrapped her legs around his hips and kissed him back, every bit as fiercely as he was taking her. He tunneled his fingers though the hair at the nape of her neck, needing to control her and own her as he carried her across the room. He ignored the couch and strode into the bedroom, kicking the door shut without breaking stride.

He didn't toss her on the bed, because he couldn't handle being separated from her for that long. Instead, he simply fell onto the bed with her, never breaking the kiss, never letting her go.

The moment the bed shifted beneath their weight, providing a foundation, the animal inside Kane seemed to come unleashed. He needed more. He needed skin. He needed to touch her. He needed to feel her against him, around him, undulating for him.

Sarah was equally frantic, helping him yank off her clothes. Within seconds, they were both stripped down, nothing between them but skin, flesh and desperate kisses. He lowered himself on top of her, and almost lost it at the sensation of so much skin. He'd never felt it like that before, the intensely erotic feeling of so much flesh sliding against each other: her foot on his calf, her breasts against his chest, and her hips beneath his.

Kane kissed her everywhere, his hands roaming every inch of her body. He wanted to feel every curve, to taste every crevice, to feel her writhing beneath him, desperate for more of his touch, for more of his kisses, for more of
him.

He gripped her thighs and slid lower, kissing his way down her belly, over one hip bone, then the other and then to the top of her pubic bone, then he pressed his thumbs against her most intimate parts, opening her to him. Sarah gasped and grabbed Kane's hair as he kissed her, one kiss, then another, a seduction of a type he'd never done in his life. He became aware of every nuance of her body, every movement, instinctively knowing exactly how to touch her.

Kane.
She gripped his hair, her hips bucking against his grip as he held her still, locking her down at his mercy.

Give yourself over to me, sweetheart.
As he said the words, Kane realized that he meant them. He needed Sarah to chase away all the crap going on inside him. He needed what she'd given him the first time they'd made love. He needed the beauty of her spirit.

But he felt her walls, the lock around her heart, and knew she was still holding back from him. There was the red hot burning of desire, and there was no mistaking the desperation in her kiss or the passion in her voice, but it wasn't enough. He needed all of her.
Now.

Sarah.
He growled her name as he kissed his way up her body. Her skin was slick with sweat as she gripped his shoulders. Kane palmed her waist as he shifted his hips over hers. She opened her eyes, and he saw the desire burning so deeply inside them. Not just desire. Need that was as powerful and desperate as his own.

She laid her hand on his chest, over his heart.
Kane. You have so many demons inside you, but I can feel this amazing heart fighting to beat. You should scare me, but instead, you give me hope that there can be light even amidst the darkest night.

His heart began to thunder beneath her touch, and his lungs seemed to tighten.
Hell, Sarah, you're the one who gives me hope. Without you, I've got nothing.

She said nothing, but she raised her arms to him, inviting him into her world, into her soul, and into the very essence of who she was. Rightness surged though him, and he caught her face, holding her still while he kissed her again. This time, it wasn't a desperate kiss of frantic need. It was a promise that he would protect her, that he would always find a way to make it right for her. That he would find a way to be the man she needed to have. Somehow, in that moment, with Sarah looking at him that way, Kane felt like he could make that promise, that he would somehow, some way, find a way to triumph over whatever was inside him and do it for Sarah.

Sarah kissed him back, a kiss so tender and loving that his own throat tightened up. Her fingers threaded through his hair, her touch so soft and loving that he felt it all the way to the depths of his soul. The intimacy was a gift, sweeping the two battered souls into a moment of such beauty and peace that Kane knew it had to be an illusion, an untruth that would never truly be his to experience.

No.
Sarah's voice touched his mind, so beautiful and tender that it made his spirit ache with longing.
This moment is real, Kane. We don't know what is coming. I know that. But this moment, this connection between us, it is real.

Disbelief hummed through Kane, and he pulled back enough to see Sarah's face. Her blue eyes were soft and smoky, and she slowly smiled, a beautiful smile that went straight to his heart, shattering the scars that had bound it for so long.

Sudden pain shot through him, the ache of a heart long since dead trying to wake up. He was filled with grief and loss. Sadness beyond words. Self-loathing so deep he felt it stain his cells. Emotions. His emotions. Painful, but also good, because they made him feel alive. But also, incredibly, he felt something else. Hope. Sunlight. Love?

Sarah's eyes widened. "I feel that," she whispered. "That's beautiful." Then she laughed. "Terrifying and awful, but also so beautiful."

"I know." He couldn't keep the awe out of his voice, and he bent his head to kiss her. He had no words to show his appreciation of what she'd done, of what it felt like to have all those emotions tearing through him, so he showed her the only way he knew how...by his kiss.

She kissed him back, a kiss that quickly turned from sweet and tender into something passionate and desperate. Kane moved his hips against hers as he deepened the kiss, needing to get closer to her, to lose himself in the beauty of her spirit, to lock his heart onto hers so it couldn't close up again.

Sarah shifted beneath him, her hips moving restlessly as the fire began to build between them again. Still passionate, still desperate, still so full of need and desire, but this time, there was more. There was that connection again, the fusing of their beings, the trust.

Kane. Please. Make love to me.

God, yes, Sarah.
He moved his hips as she wrapped her feet around his calves. His muscles were straining with the need to plunge inside her, to make her his, and he fought for control as he slowly, seductively, slid inside her. Her body adjusted for him, and he ground his jaw, fighting for control as the sensation of being inside her overwhelmed him.

Sarah gasped and lifted her hips as he sheathed himself deeper inside her, her body shuddering as much as his as he brought them together. For a moment, he stilled his hips, meeting her gaze as the enormity of their connection filled both of them. Kane could hear the pounding of her heart, matching the thundering of his own. Never had it been like this, a mixture of sensations so intense that it was almost overwhelming. Never had anything in his entire life felt this right.

Slowly he withdrew, sending tremors through both of them. He reached the tip, and then plunged back inside again. Sarah gripped his shoulders, never taking her gaze off his face as he did it again. And again.

Desire coiled inside him, tighter and tighter with each move, and he felt it pouring off Sarah in hot waves, wrapping around them both and pulling them both in. "God, Kane,'" she whispered, as she moved beneath him, trying to draw him deeper.

Kane kissed her again as he increased the tempo, no longer able to keep himself slow, losing himself to the need burning through him, to the lust building within him. She kissed him ravenously, her own desire mixing with his, escalating them both, until he couldn't tell where his spirit ended and hers began.

His thrusts became furious and desperate, and Sarah gripped his shoulders as their bodies moved more and more frantically, until the desire tore them from reality and plunged them into a world that was only them and their connection. Gone were the past, the pain, the memories and the future, until it was only them: their bodies, their connection, their minds, and their spirits.

The orgasm ripped through Kane with sudden, brutal force. He shouted Sarah's name as the climax tore into her at the same time, vibrating fiercely through her body. She clung to him as it took her along with him. Kane held her in his arms, embracing the woman who he knew was his only chance at redemption, offering her everything he had.