Eraser Platinum (3 page)

He stared disbelievingly at the woman in front of him.  The fact she didn’t want to have kids, or ever get married, threw him for a loop.  He hadn’t intended to ask her that question, not yet, not until last night.  At the bar the night before, something had altered in him.  When they had come home and laid together in bed, he realized that he wanted nothing more than to seal their relationship with a ring.  It wasn’t something they had ever discussed, but honestly, he never felt there was a need to.  Though he had only just decided it was the time to propose, it was something he had envisioned happening between them for quite some time.  He never imagined her answer would be no.

“Talk to me … Mackenzie?”  When she didn’t reply he could feel a pain in his chest like she was literally ripping his heart out.  Nate remained silent watching Mackenzie while she continued to stare at the ceiling.  He could tell she was struggling with her thoughts, but he knew where they were headed, he’d been with her long enough to understand her facial expressions and her way of thinking - she was going to try to end this.

“We want different things, Nate.”  Mackenzie eventually spoke.  “Maybe we aren’t right for each other after all.”

“How can you say that?  We’re perfect for each other!”  He ran his hands through his hair in frustration.  “Tell me what you’re thinking.  Why are you so against this?”  When she remained silent he let his anger get the better of him.  “I’m not going to apologize for wanting more!  I want to marry you and make babies with you, Mackenzie, and that’s not going to change.”

“There’s not much left to be said then,” Mackenzie surrendered.  An overwhelming hurt rocked her.  She wasn’t
it
for him.  She couldn’t be the person that he needed.  They wanted different things.

“There is – I love you!”

“I love you too, Nate, but it isn’t enough.  We don’t want the same life.”

They sat in silence, neither knowing what to say to the other.  Eventually Mackenzie spoke.

“What do we do now?  There’s no point-”

“I won’t let you end things like this Mackenzie,” Nate interrupted.  He abruptly jumped from the bed.  Pulling his suitcase from the closet, he began packing his belongings.

Mackenzie remained where she was, watching him in shocked silence.  His actions contradicted his words. 
He’s moving out?
  Her breathing was shallow, her heartbeat uneven.  She didn’t want him to leave, she didn’t really want things to end …

“Don’t go!” she said in a panic.  She sat up so fast her head spun.  “Nate,
please
, I don’t want you to leave.”

“It’s best if I do.”

“So you’re running away again?”

“I’m not the one running, Mackenzie.”  He sighed with frustration.  “You’re the one that said there was nothing left to talk about.”  He pulled on a sweater and picked up his suitcase.  “Until you’re ready … I guess you’re right – there is nothing to say.”

Mackenzie stormed after him as he made his way through her apartment.

“Nate please ...”

He turned to face her when he reached the front door.  He felt himself crumbling at the broken look on her face - once again put there by him. 
No! By her!
  He dropped his suitcase and cupped her face in his hands.  He pressed a soft kiss to her quivering lips and wiped away her tears.

“The choice is yours, Mackenzie.  Either you decide you’re in this for the long haul or you’re not.  The other night at
Délicieux?  You’re right, I did have a proposal for you.  It wasn’t marriage.  If you had answered yes, I had a gift for you.  You’ll find it in the top drawer of my nightstand.”  He pressed a lingering closed-mouthed kiss to her lips.  “You know where to find me.”

And with that he walked out the door, leaving Mackenzie dumbfounded with a face full of tears.

Three days passed.  There was no communication between the two of them.  Mackenzie couldn’t think straight.  She felt broken and empty but at the same time she was so furious at Nate.  He told her the choice was hers, but he’d really left her an ultimatum, not a choice.  Either agree to marriage and the life he wanted, or go without.  So she was going without.  She couldn’t help but think what a spoilt brat type of thing to do – everything his way or no way at all.

Nope.  She had to remain true to herself.  She wasn’t about to agree to marry him just so she didn’t lose him. 
That’s ridiculous! 
Tying herself to him in that way just because that’s what
he
wanted. 

“What about what you want?” Andrea asked.  They were seated at Mackenzie’s kitchen table having coffee. She’d just finished filling Andrea in on the whole thing.

“Exactly!  He doesn’t care what I want.  He just wants his way!” Mackenzie fumed. 

“I get that and I totally understand your annoyance.  He shouldn’t expect you to agree to marry him if it’s not what you want.  But what I meant was, what is it that you
do
want?”

“I don’t know what I want.”

“Yes, you do.”  Andrea took a sip of coffee before continuing.  “Come on, be honest.  Before all of this, where did you see your relationship going?”

Mackenzie sighed.  If she couldn’t be honest with her only true girlfriend who could she be honest with?  “I liked things the way they were.  I liked having him live here with me, but I knew he wouldn’t want to stay in this crappy apartment long term.”

“Hey!  If your apartment is crappy then mine is too!  They’re practically identical.  Don’t diss my crib!” Andrea laughed.

Mackenzie joined in, it was the first real laughter she’d had all week.  “You know all I meant was if you had an unlimited amount of money, like he does, why live here?”

“Good point.”  Andrea took another sip of her coffee before continuing.  “So, long term?”

“I guess I didn’t allow myself to think much about the future.  All I knew was I wanted to be with him.”

“And that’s what you still want, right?  Is he aware of that?”

“Yes, of course he is.”

As soon as the words left her mouth she started to doubt herself. 
Either you decide you’re in this for the long haul or you’re not …

“Honestly, I’m not sure of anything anymore,” she said with a shrug.

“And you haven’t spoken to him since he walked out?”  Mackenzie shook her head.  “Well, the only advice I can give is talk to him, Mack.  Tell him the reasons why you don’t want to get married.  Nothing will ever be resolved unless you do.”  She drained the remainder of her coffee and then took her mug to the sink and rinsed it.  She turned to face Mackenzie.

“I know you’re right,” Mackenzie admitted.

“Good luck sweetie.”  They hugged and then Andrea quietly left the apartment.

Minutes later, Mackenzie found herself seated on the edge of her bed staring at the nightstand, the one holding Nate’s gift.  She’d opened the drawer numerous times the past few days.  In it she’d seen a black velvet box.  Jewelry, he’d bought her jewelry.  She didn’t want to see it, whatever it was, she’d been too scared to lift the box out and open it.

She slammed the drawer shut and went to the bathroom to shower and get ready for her shift at the bar.

Nate picked up his cell, flicked through his contacts and stopped on Mackenzie’s name.  His finger hovered over the call button for a moment before he locked the screen and dropped it back to his desk.  Five days.  Five
fucking
days since he left her apartment and still no word.  He’d almost called her numerous times but stopped himself each and every one of them.  The ball was in her court.  He refused to cave this time.  He had to wait for her.  She’d come around eventually … right?

“If there’s nothing else, I’m going to head home.”  He looked up to see Stacy at the door of his office.

“Okay, good night Stacy.”

“See you tomorrow,” she replied and then left.

It was only then that he realized it was dark out.  Looking at his watch he saw it was after six.  The days were all blurring together.  He needed to see her and she would be at work now.  Maybe he should call in to The Blue Room …

No! 
She’d refused to contact him.  He wasn’t about to cause a scene at her workplace in front of her Thursday night patrons.  He had to wait for her to make the next move.

It was getting harder and harder to be patient.

Mackenzie lay in bed all Saturday morning, it was almost lunch time before she even contemplated getting up.  Disappointment consumed her.  For some reason she’d convinced herself he would show at his normal time last night.  That at nine o’clock he’d just waltz into The Blue Room, take his usual seat, lift his finger for a drink and light a cigarette.  For a fleeting second, she’d even had the sickening thought that, if he was truly done with her, he might even pick up another woman.

One week and no contact.  Could it really be the end?  Were they just going to let it fizzle out like this?  Without so much as a goodbye?  She wanted to be sick.  She was as much to blame as he was.  He hadn’t called but she hadn’t called him either.  What would she say anyway?

She jumped with fright when her phone rang.  She reached for it and flopped back against her pillow with disappointment when she saw the name on the screen. 
Why would Tom be calling me? 

“Hello?”

“Mackenzie, is Nate with you?” Tom’s worried voice startled her.

“No.”

“Do you have any idea where he is?  I’ve been trying to reach him since yesterday.  I can’t find him.” Her heart quickened at the thought that something had happened to Nate. 

Mackenzie sat up in bed at full alert and kicked off the covers.  “You can’t find him?”

“He didn’t come into work yesterday.  He’s not answering his cell.  I called the house, thinking he may have gone there for the weekend but Hilda said she hasn’t seen him.  And now I’m standing in the middle of his empty apartment.”

“What do you mean his apartment is empty?” 

“When he didn’t answer the door and I heard movement inside, I used my spare key and came in.  All I found was a cleaner.  That’s it.  There is a woman here cleaning the apartment but there’s no furniture, it’s completely empty.  What the hell is going on?”

“Your guess is as good as mine.”  Mackenzie didn’t know what to think.  Her heart was racing.  “I haven’t spoken to him for a week,” she admitted.

“What?” Tom asked in shock.

“He didn’t tell you?”

“No.  Why aren’t you speaking?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Well, uncomplicate it, Mack.”  Tom softened his tone, “Talk to me.”  Mackenzie could hear the concern in his voice, not only for his brother but for her, too.  It made tears well in her eyes.

“Tom, I don’t think I should.  I mean, I’d rather not.  I need to speak to Nate first.”

“Well then you better hurry up and do that because I’m really worried.  Nate’s a thinker, he always plans things out … for him to up and leave his apartment doesn’t make any sense to me.”

“I’ll call him now; find out what’s going on.”

“Good.  Let me know?”

“I’ll call you back.”

“Thanks.”

Mackenzie stared at the phone in her hand for only the briefest moment before dialling Nate’s number.  She could feel her pulse racing faster with every ring.  The phone rang out, going to his voicemail.  She hung up and re-dialed only to get his voicemail again.  This time she left a message.

“Nate?  It’s Mackenzie.  Please call me back.  I’m worried about you.”

She threw her phone on the nightstand and bit her lip while she contemplated the gift she knew was in the drawer.  She slowly slid it open and reached for the black box.  She ran her fingers over the velvet and changed her mind.  Picking up the phone again she called Nate a third time.  This time he answered.

At least she thought he answered.  All she could hear was silence.

“Nate?”

Still nothing.

“Hello? … Nate?”

He didn’t speak but she could hear him breathing.

“Nate, it’s Mackenzie.”

“I know who it is.  What do you want?”  The harshness of his voice made her flinch. 

“I wanted to know if you were okay.”

“Nope, not okay.” 

Mackenzie wasn’t completely certain but it sounded like his speech was slurred.  Then she heard the distinct clink of ice against glass.

“Are you drinking?”

“What if I am?”

“Where are you?”

He sighed loudly.  “At the house.”

“What happened to the apartment?”

“I got rid of it.  My girlfriend didn’t like it.”

Mackenzie gasped.

“Not that it matters now.”

She was at a loss for words.

“Did you open my gift?  The one I left in the drawer.”  When she didn’t answer, he continued, “You’re so goddamn stubborn!  I knew you wouldn’t.”  He sighed again.  “So why are you calling then?”

“I just got off the phone with Tom.  He’s worried about you.  So am I.  Why won’t you speak to him?  Why did Hilda tell him you weren’t there?”

“Because I asked her to.  Because, unlike some women in my life, she actually listens.”

“I’m listening Nate, I’m listening now.  Please talk to me.”

He didn’t answer the first two times she called because he was well on his way to being thoroughly fucked – he’d been drinking heavily for the past couple of hours.  He was angry at her but he couldn’t ignore the pull he felt toward her.  Hearing Mackenzie’s voice after such a long absence made his heart sing.  As pissed as he was that she hadn’t contacted him for her own reasons, she was at least there.  If this was his only chance to be honest with her, he was going to take it.  The thought of losing her permanently had him sobering up. After a long silence, he finally spoke. 

“I’m heartbroken, Mackenzie.  I’m so lost without you.”