Every Time We Say Goodbye (40 page)

He looked at her. ‘Were you pregnant, Marianne?’

She shook her head and felt a tear trickle down her cheek. ‘No, Rob, I wasn’t.’

‘Did you report him?’

‘No.’

‘He hurled a glass jar at you,’ Rob exclaimed. ‘If his aim had been better he could have killed you; how could you protect him?’

‘Because he’s the father of my children, because I’d been unfaithful and because I realized that night what a very sick man he must be. I did decide, though, to throw him out.’

‘And did you?’

Marianne sighed. ‘No.’

Rob looked at her, his eyes full of frustration. ‘I just don’t understand.’

She looked at him wondering how she could possibly explain the situation; how she could make him realize how little choice she had. ‘Dot begged me not to,’ she told him. ‘She was convinced that he would end up in the gutter if he didn’t have his family around him and I thought she was right. Instead, she offered to move in. She said she’d protect me and the children and that she’d shop him herself if he got violent again. So I agreed.’ Even though Rob was here with her again, silent tears rolled down her face as she remembered how distraught she’d felt at that moment. ‘I knew that I would have to finish with you. I wouldn’t have been able to hide the scar from you and I knew when you saw it you’d want to kill him. There was no way out, Rob. I had to protect you and the only way I could do that was by saying goodbye.’ Her voice was barely a whisper by the time she’d finished and she had given up trying to stem her tears.

He came around the table and kneeling in front of her, lifted her shirt and examined the red scar that curved around her naval. He kissed it. ‘I wish you’d told me; I wish you’d trusted me to figure out a solution. We could have been together, Marianne.’

She cradled him against her breast, luxuriating in the feel of his lips on her skin. ‘You’re here now; that’s all that matters.’

He drew back and looked at her. ‘I want to make love to you.’

She looked into his eyes. ‘I want you to make love to me too.’

He stood up and held out his hand to her, and in silence she took it and allowed him to lead her upstairs.

Marianne lay in her old bed, her limbs tangled with Rob’s, his fingers tracing the crescent-shaped scar on her stomach. Despite their long, languorous love-making, she still trembled at his touch.

‘What are you thinking?’ he asked, propping himself up on one elbow and looking down at her.

‘I thought only women asked that question.’ She closed her eyes so that he couldn’t read her thoughts.

‘I’m getting in touch with my feminine side. Hey, are you crying?’

‘No,’

‘You are.’ He kissed her eyes with infinite gentleness. ‘Why, darling?’

‘I can’t stop thinking of you in bed with her,’ she admitted, and then she opened her eyes and looked at him in horror. ‘Oh, God, you didn’t make love to her here, did you?’

‘No.’ He pulled her close. ‘Forget Vanessa,’ he said, and kissed her.

‘That’s easier said than done.’ She believed him when he said he loved her but he’d still spent almost a year with a very beautiful woman, and the thought of him doing the things to Vanessa that he had just done to her made her feel sick with jealousy.

‘How do you think I felt every time you left me to go home to Dominic?’

‘It’s not the same,’ she protested.

‘Why isn’t it?’

‘It just isn’t.’

‘Look at me,’ he demanded. ‘Talk to me.’

Reluctantly, Marianne turned to face him, immediately feeling exposed. Those eyes, those gorgeous eyes always seemed to be able to see right into her very soul.

‘Tell me,’ he ran one finger down the length of her spine, making her shiver.

‘I can’t think, never mind talk if you do things like that!’

He stopped and smiled. ‘Okay. I’m waiting.’

She sighed. She felt vulnerable but she wanted to be honest with him; knew it couldn’t be any other way. ‘Okay then. Do you remember the first time we made love?’

He snuggled closer, smiling. ‘Oh yes.’

‘Well . . .’

‘Well?’

‘I never slept with Dominic after that.’

His eyes widened. ‘Really?’

‘Really.’

‘Why not, Marianne?’

She held his gaze. ‘Because it would have felt wrong. I just couldn’t do it.’

He was silent for a moment, a faraway look in his eyes. She studied him closely trying to figure out what was going on in his head. ‘Rob?’

He looked at her. ‘Remember the day we kissed on Patrick Kavanagh’s bench on the canal?’

She smiled. ‘Yes.’

‘I haven’t had sex with Vanessa since then.’

‘Really?’ Her eyes searched his.

‘Really. I admit there was an attempt on her part the night before she left for London but,’ he sighed, ‘let’s say, I couldn’t rise to the occasion.’

She tried to suppress a grin. ‘Really?’

He rolled his eyes. ‘Really.’

‘Why not?’ she pressed, still finding it hard to banish the image of the lovely Vanessa from her mind.

He looked at her in silence for a moment and then traced her lips with his finger. ‘Because she wasn’t you.’

‘Oh, Rob.’ She cupped his face in her hands and kissed him.

‘I’m glad you weren’t pregnant,’ he said when they broke apart.

‘Are you?’ she asked, surprised and a little upset. It had never occurred to her that Rob wouldn’t have wanted their child.

‘Yes, because if he’d killed our baby, Marianne, I think I would have killed him.’

She threw her arms around his neck and clung to him. ‘Oh, my love, if he had I’d have killed him myself.’

His eyes widened in surprise. ‘You wanted the baby?’

Again Marianne’s thoughts returned to that fateful day. ‘I remember when I realized my period was late. I remember going in to buy the test. And I remember thinking that Dominic would know instantly that it wasn’t his and that he would go berserk. But . . .’

‘But?’

She looked into his eyes. ‘I didn’t care, Rob. I was on cloud nine at the thought that I might be carrying your baby. When they did a test in the hospital and told me it was negative, I cried.’

‘Oh, my darling.’ He pulled her tight against him and held her there in silence for a long time.

Marianne relaxed into him, giving herself to him, allowing him to feel through her body what no words could possibly say; she had finally come home.

‘How do you think Kate and Andrew would feel if we gave them a brother or sister?’ he asked.

Marianne smiled at the tenderness in his eyes and thought she would die of happiness. ‘They might find it hard to accept if it happened too soon,’ she said and kissed him. ‘But, given time, I’m sure they’d love it. They already love you.’

He rolled her over onto her back and looked down at her. ‘So we should just practise for the moment, is that what you’re saying?’

She looked up at him, laughing. ‘Yes, darling, that’s what I’m saying.’

‘You do know I’m serious?’

Marianne frowned. ‘Serious about having a child?

‘Serious about everything, Marianne. I’d love you to have my child. Hell, I’d love you to have several but if it wasn’t what you wanted, if Kate and Andrew were enough for you, then they’d be enough for me too. I just want you back.’

‘Oh, Rob, I love you,’ Marianne said and clung to him, shaken by the sincerity of his words.

‘Then I have just one more question to ask.’

‘What’s that?’ she drew back to look at him.

‘Once life has settled down for you and the children are back on an even keel, will you marry me?’

She stared at him. ‘Marry you?’

His eyes held hers. ‘Yes, marry me. I know you can’t begin to think about it now, I know it’s far too soon for Dot and the kids to even know about us, and I’m sure you probably have doubts about ever going down the aisle again . . .’

Marianne put her fingers over his lips and smiled. ‘I have no doubts at all when it comes to you, my darling. Of course I’ll marry you. Now, I have a question for you. If I take my hand away, will you please kiss me?’

His eyes smiled and he nodded and Marianne took her hand away. As she lost herself in his kiss, she thought of the days, the months and the years ahead and knew, with total certainty, that if she put her trust and faith in this wonderful man, it didn’t matter what shocks or surprises life had in store, she would never ever feel lonely or afraid again.