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Authors: Chloe Shakespeare

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Her comments then turned towards her husband. She said,
“though he was rarely physically violent to me or to Kevin he had always been a bully. He always expected things to be done his way and I was forever trying to smooth things over between them. Then, a few weeks after Kevin left he had a mini stroke, which he got over fairly quickly but in 1986 he had another one and then a more serious stroke in 1987. No doubt you saw him when you came in. He is only five years older than me but he looks like an old man of eighty and for the most part is unaware of what goes on. As long as he is fed, kept clean and gets his tablets at the right time each day he just sits there gradually sleeping his life away but at least I’m free from his bullying ways.”

 

When it seemed that Kevin’s mother had no more to say Emma asked,
“Why did your husband say my mother wasted her life?”
and immediately she began telling her things about her mother that she had never known but felt she should have.

 

“After Kevin went to university and until we moved to St Albans your mother came round almost everyday to make sure we did our bit to keep you and Kevin apart. She didn’t like my husband one little bit and only talked to him if she had to but she got on with me ok. I think she saw how I had suffered from a domineering man as she had done by the hands of your father. One day when my husband was out she told me how he had just about ruined her life. She said the only good thing to come from ever knowing him was you.

 

It seemed he had raped her in an alley on the way home from a night out. He’d had too much to drink and though it started as a kiss and a cuddle, which she enjoyed, he wouldn’t stop when he began to grope her. She kept telling him to stop and tried to get him off but he just carried on until he had done what he wanted. He had torn her clothes, bruised her arms and legs with his strength and made her sore inside. She hated every second of what he did to her that night but then, over the days that followed he did everything possible to make it up to her and promised it would never happen again. Eventually she gave in to his pleadings and went out with him a few more times but within a month he did it again. She had nothing to do with him after that until she found out she was pregnant with you. Even then she didn’t want to know him but things were different in those days. In the sixties there were few options for a pregnant girl of eighteen years old. The two families got together and made sure they were married with haste.

 

He never treated her well especially after his bouts of drinking and there were times when she was afraid for your safety as well as hers. She hated him and said the way he behaved towards you and towards her, made her despise all men. She said she had never yet met a man that made her think differently and was determined to try and protect you from treading the same path. My husband was hardly any better in many ways. I’ve never had a life of my own, I’ve never been allowed to think for myself and I’ve always been expected to do his bidding at the drop of a hat but he has never hit me in the way your father hit your mother.  Then after five years of hell it was all over. Your father had gone to Wetherby races with a friend, he had too much to drink and on the drive back to York he lost control of the car. He hit a tree and they were both killed. She said it was like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders and that for once she could look forward to things and make a good life for both of you, which I think by and large she did. She also told me that his death marked the end of her involvement with men forever, she said she loathed the way they treated women and how they looked upon all of us as their chattels then used and abused us as they wished and we couldn’t do anything about it. I sympathised with her when she told me what he made her do to him because I’ve been there but I disagreed with her when she argued that all men are the same.

 

I worked part-time for a while in a solicitor’s office in Stockport and met someone there who showed me a different side to men. He was thoughtful, generous, caring, attentive and all those things you dream of in a man. At first we became friends but it quickly moved on from that and we had an affair that lasted for over three years so I know not all men are the same. For the first time in many years I wanted sex. Every time I thought of him my body tingled and I actually wanted to do the things to him that repulsed me when my husband wanted me to do those same things to him. But then it all had to end when my husband decided we were leaving Stockport and going to live in York. I couldn’t divorce him because of the way things were then, I would have lost Kevin.”

 

Then Kevin’s Mother quite suddenly brought their visit to an end when she explained she had to deal with her husband, whose needs had to be seen to according to a strict daily routine. On leaving she asked them to return in the morning before they drove back home so that she could give them a letter to pass on to Kevin if ever they found him.

 

 

The Trip To St Albans: Part 3

The hotel room and the double bed:

 

By nine o’clock Rachel and Emma had eaten, booked into a small hotel in the middle of St Albans and were ready for a drink. The bar, which was almost empty, was furnished with deep armchairs and sofas and having ordered their drinks they both sank down into comfortable armchairs and began to reflect on what Kevin’s mother had told them. The growing hatred that Emma had been feeling for her mother had lost much of its intensity. She now knew there were deep-rooted reasons that made her do the things she had done. Though misguided, her mother’s actions were borne out of a strong desire to protect her daughter from the physical, emotional and sexual abuse that she herself had been subjected to as a young woman although she thought the actions of Kevin’s father were indefensible.

 

The visit to St Albans raised some disturbing issues about Kevin’s parents as well as Emma’s, it provided explanations for some of the things that had happened in that
, “bad time”
, and it confirmed to both Rachel and Emma, much of what they had been thinking. For more than an hour they talked over what they had found out and came to the conclusion that they knew just about everything there was to know about the events leading up to the time Kevin left university and dropped out of sight. What they didn’t know was where he was living some five years on and whether or not he still had feelings for Emma.

 

To Rachel’s surprise, Emma had coped far better with the stresses of the visit than she had expected and it became clear during their conversation in the bar that the meeting with Kevin’s mother was having a therapeutic effect on her. Despite being put in the picture about the lies Kevin’s father had told and discovering that she herself was born as a consequence of her father having raped her mother, her spirits were quite high. By all accounts both men had been aggressive, domineering, overbearing bullies and each in their own way had ruined the lives of their wives. Perhaps Emma was also taking comfort from the knowledge that Kevin had not just left her or gone off her and that her mother’s actions, no matter how misguided, showed that she had cared about her.

 

As they left the bar and made their way towards room eleven the conversation moved on to lighter subjects and, for the time being at least, everything to do with Kevin was put to the back of their minds. Their room for the night was quite large, had a small en-suite bathroom and a double bed. Earlier, when they arrived at the hotel, they had asked for twin beds but as none were available they were happy to share a bed for the night. Since childhood, Emma had never spent the night in a bed with anyone although she had been to bed with Kevin on several occasions but always during the day or early evening and only for an hour or so of sexual activity. He never stayed overnight. Rachel, at twenty-four had never shared a bed with anyone day or night. Although she was an outgoing person who mixed well with all manner of people she always shied away from those who wanted to take their relationship with her to something more than just friendship. She was still a virgin. 

 

The question of which side of the bed to sleep on, was settled very quickly and amicably. There was no argument, Rachel wanted the right and Emma the left.

 

 

The Trip To St Albans: Part 4

She opened her legs:

 

Emma was first into the shower and by the time Rachel had showered she was in her nightdress, had dried her hair and was ready for bed. Rachel emerged from the shower with a large, white bath towel wrapped around her body. Her long, blond hair trailed much of the way down her back and was still dripping as she walked across the room towards the bed. Emma picked up another towel and asked Rachel if she wanted her to dry her hair, which she did. First she took the excess water off by wrapping her long hair in the towel and gently squeezing then she rubbed it a little until it was ready for the hair dryer. Sitting on the end of the bed, Emma told Rachel to sit on the floor in front of her so she could reach her with the hair dryer. She opened her legs so that Rachel could sit between them and rest her back against the end of the bed. As she did so, her nightdress rode up her legs and she started to think about the time when it was Kevin that was sitting there and not Rachel. He too had been wearing just a towel and she, nothing more than a flimsy dressing gown. She turned the hair dryer on and began running her fingers through Rachel’s hair to help separate and lift it so the air could get through.

 

Unlike Rachel, Kevin had fairly short hair so it only took a couple of minutes to see to and, as she remembered, once it was dry he turned around, knelt at the foot of the bed and first kissed her left knee, then her right knee and then he kissed her a little higher up on the inside of her thighs. He had never done that before but he didn’t stop there and she didn’t want him to. Very slowly his kisses moved higher up the soft sensitive skin of her inner thighs and with every inch he advanced, her desire for more intensified. She lay back on the bed with her legs still over the end and her feet touching the floor. She raised her arms above her head and stretched them out letting her dressing gown fall open to reveal her almost naked body. Only her arms and shoulders remained covered. As his kisses continued, her excitement grew and intuitively she moved her legs further apart.  Kevin could smell the enticing scent of her moistness and as he moved towards it his towel fell to the floor giving freedom to his strong erection. With his lips almost at the top of Emma’s legs he moved his hands up her naked body towards her breasts and began gently stroking her nipples, which were already firm. Then, on reaching the very top of Emma’s legs he put his mouth over her opening and tenderly sucked and licked her. She moaned with pleasure, her body writhed in ecstasy and she repeatedly pushed herself harder into Kevin’s mouth. He sucked on her firm and swollen clitoris, he ‘explored’ her with his tongue and as he did he came. Moments later, Emma’s body shuddered and with a series of involuntary noises she had a long and deeply pleasurable orgasm of great intensity. When her body relaxed she remained there for a while not moving and nor did Kevin as he rested his head between her open legs.

 

Rachel’s hair was taking some drying and as she continued with it Emma suddenly remembered Kevin ejaculating all over the place but wasn’t sure if that would be the time her mother referred to in her diary when she wrote,
“She’s had her legs open for him again; dirty marks on her dressing gown this time and more on the carpet. It’s repulsive.”
The more she thought about it the more Emma began to think that her mother might have had a point after all. Had it not been for the diary she might never have remembered the messiness of what they did together. Unexpectedly that memory triggered more and Emma was able to recall some other occasions when Kevin freely ejaculated all over the place not giving any thought as to where his semen ended up. There had been a couple of times when she found it dribbling down her hair, another time it hit her in the face and often it went on to her legs or arms as well as her clothing. As she recalled, the very first time he came into her hands she was surprised by it but also thrilled and excited but now she remembered that after a while she began to find his uncontrollable ejaculations unpleasant. For some reason, Kevin seemed to take pleasure in letting things go everywhere.

 

As Emma continued drying Rachel’s hair she realised these memories, though still quite vague in parts, had been forgotten long ago but were now beginning to surface again.

 

Rachel hadn’t said a word all the time her hair was being dried but just sat there on the floor contentedly with her eyes closed. She was enjoying every moment of it, especially the way Emma kept running her fingers through her hair. When it was finally dry and brushed she changed into her pyjamas, but before climbing in to her side of the bed, she put her arms around Emma, gave her one of her big hugs and said,
“thank you.”
  Just for a few moments Emma felt some very some pleasant sensations that she didn’t quite recognise but they made her feel warm and comfortable inside. After about half an hour of idle chitchat they both fell asleep. In the morning Emma was the first to wake and as she crept out of bed she gazed across at Rachel and thought how lovely and peaceful she looked lying there asleep with not a care in the world.

 

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