Hell's Kitty (Welcome To Hell) (10 page)

Magic.

Jenny must have caught a hint because she drew her shoulders back. “Leave him alone. He’s just trying to protect you from my voice.”

To the elder’s credit, she didn’t grimace, but the guards near her throne didn’t fare as well. One
dropped her spear to grab at her nose, which gushed blood, while another keeled right over with a clatter.

Valasca snorted. “Weaklings.”

The elder appeared taken aback. “So the rumors are true. You’ve a deadly siren’s voice.”

Jenny shook her head.

“Not deadly?”

She shook again.

“Not a siren?”

A nod was followed by Jenny shrugging.

“Do you know what you are?”

When Jenny hesitated, the elder waved at her guards to leave. “We’re alone now. You may speak freely.”

“I’m half mermaid, ma’am.”

“
The other half being?”

“Unknown. My siren aunts think I might have some of their blood in there
, though, given my power.”

“How far reaching is your gift?”

“Far enough. And it’s not just people who are affected.”

“Fascinating,” the elder mused aloud as she leaned back in her seat.

“Not really.”

“You don’t enjoy being able to conquer with just your voice?”

“I’d rather be able to hold a conversation with people without them throwing themselves off a cliff,” was Jenny’s dry reply. “It makes for short friendships.”

Thora
snorted. “What if I could help you with that?”

“Why would you? And how?”

“The how is easy. I have an amulet, a spelled one, which the sirens use when they come ashore to protect those listening from their voice. We trade with them every so often and found ear plugs to be inefficient with the more weak-minded.”

“You think it would work with me?”

“We can certainly give it a try.”

“But why? Why would you give it to me?”

“Why not? I sense things about you, child. Your fate is somehow interwoven into that of the upcoming skirmish.”

What skirmish?
Felipe wanted to ask; however, he still couldn’t move, only listen.

“What do you know of my fate and what is coming?” Jenny queried. “Why have I suddenly become so important? Only a few days ago, I was
a nobody. Just a defective mermaid and siren, torturing those unfortunate enough to hear my song. Now I’ve got things trying to kill me, storms trying to drown me, Lucifer taking an interest, and you wanting to help. You’ll forgive me if I don’t understand why this is all happening.”

“And we might never know. The planes move in mysterious ways. There are forces at work whose goal none can guess. We can only do our best to survive.”
Thora removed a gold chain from around her neck. From it dangled a pearl-like jewel, its color shifting as it spun on the end. “Try this on.”

“And if I don’t want your gift?”

The elder laughed and shrugged. “Then don’t take it. I’m not going to force you. Nor do I want payment. But I want a promise.”

And here came the catch.

Jenny’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. “What kind of promise?”

“If there is to be a battle, you will call upon us. My warriors tire of the minor fights and long for the days gone by when epic wars were fought. We missed out on the last rebellion in Hell due to our allowing ourselves to fall out of the loop. We don’t want to be forgotten again.”

Lips pursed and brow knit, Jenny replied. “That’s it? You just want me to tell you when and where to fight?”

Thora
nodded, and Valasca couldn’t stop herself either it seemed from her own vigorous agreement.

“Done.”
The promise practically echoed, as if someone, or something, took note. Felipe couldn’t help but think the choice made in this room had narrowed the branches of the future. A future Jenny would play a part in.

As
Thora twitched the amulet, gesturing for Jenny to take it, the spell holding Felipe let go, but he wisely held his tongue. No need to irritate the elder, not when it seemed she wished them no harm.

“Valasca
will show you to your quarters and have refreshments brought to you along with fresh garments. Rest, and in the morn, we will send you through our portal.”

With a wave of her hand,
Thora dismissed them. Following Valasca’s lead, they exited the grand chamber back into the large courtyard. However, before they’d made it halfway across, Felipe heard some ominous words that made him wonder just how much more trouble his simple mission to fetch Jenny would face.

Lucifer drummed his fingers on his desk and perused the male before him
, dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt with a superhero logo on it of all things. Did today’s youth not own proper attire at all?

Compared to Lucifer, dressed in a
three-piece suit complete with a tie, the young man looked like a bum. Totally disrespectful, which in some cases was a sin he could appreciate, unless used in his presence. Then it just annoyed him.

At least
Adexios’ father, Charon, wore a clean and ominous robe, over what, Lucifer preferred not to dwell on. As far as Lucifer knew, only Charon’s wife knew what hid under it. A brave female. But back to the son. “I’m displeased with you, Adexios.”

Geeky appearance or not, the boy didn’t flinch at the rebuke.
“My deepest apologies, my lord. I never meant to offend.”

Said with perfect sincerity, no lie, he would have spotted it. However, given Lucifer had called the boy in for a personal interview, where was the shaking, the sweat, the groveling, the tears?
How was he to properly chastise the boy if he didn’t instill fear? Was he losing his touch? Lucifer adopted a more serious mien. “How could you not offend? You lost a boatload of souls. Lost them because you wanted to take a nap!”

Finally a reaction.
The young man fidgeted. “I hear they were found.”

“But not before they were turned into zombies.
Zombies! And not even the useful decaying kind that I can use on the mortal plane to fuck with people. I’ve got mindless soul zombies. What the fuck am I supposed to do with them now?”

“Rent them out to
your Dismembering Punishment Commission?” Adexios offered with a shrug.

Not a bad idea. But Lucifer wasn’t about to reward the slacker on the suggestion to bring more coins to his hellacious coffers. “This can’t continue,” he boomed. “
You’ve capsized I don’t know how many of your father’s boats. Delayed numerous charters, which caused havoc in processing. You’re an utter disappointment when it comes to filling your father’s robe.”

Adexios shoved at his thick
-rimmed glasses and used that moment to gather it seemed his thoughts. Hopefully he also found his wits. “Um, would it help to say, I’m sorry?”

“No, it would not!” Did no one around here grasp the fact Lucifer hated excuses, especially polite ones?

“Oh. How about, I will try to do better?”

A big sigh left Lucifer. The boy truly had none of h
is father’s mysterious and spooky character. “What am I going to do with you, boy? You need a job, but it’s obvious you are not a boatman.”

“
If I might suggest, my lord, perhaps you could find me a spot in the HRD.”

“Hell’s Revenue Department is already overstaffed as it is
and has an extensive waiting list when it comes to employment. It seems the mortal plane has more than its fair share of sinning accountants. No. We need to find you a new job. One that you can’t fuck up. Your father tells me you’re good with numbers.”

“I am, my lord.”

“Excellent. Pack a bag.”

Ah
, the sweet look of shock as the calm and collected geek got hit with the unexpected. “Excuse me?”

“Pack a bag, or not. I don’t care, but you will be gone a while.”

“Gone where, my lord?”

“Does it matter?” Before the young man could
ask more questions—
does he not grasp just who’s in charge here
?—Lucifer answered him, gleefully and with a smile full of teeth—filed recently for cosmetic effect. “You are going to voyage into the ninth circle and the wilds.”

“The wilds?” Squeaked with proper alarm.

That’s more like it.
“Yes, the wilds. Trouble is brewing. I can sense it.” Feel it with every ounce of his demonic body.

“And you want
me
to find it?”

“Of course not. Given your bumbling antics
, you’re more likely to aid it than stop it. No, what I want from you is numbers. As in, number of demons available for my army. I know how many I can call in the rings. What I need to know is how many abide in outer parts. And that’s where you come in. You will travel to those distant locales and recruit all able-bodied demons and keep track of their numbers.”

“Me
recruit demons? What makes you think they’ll listen to me?”

“I shall give you a Dark Seal.”

“Gee, I feel so much better.”

Oh ho, was that sarcasm he detected?
Finally a hint of disrespectful spirit. “You should. A Dark Seal and a quest from me is a great honor. But I know not all my loyal minions are well behaved. It’s what I do so like about them. Given their rambunctious nature, and in my generosity, I am giving you some help. You’ll have a companion on your quest.”

“
Hell’s mightiest warrior?”

“
You could say that. Only the best for Charon’s son.” Lucifer smiled, and something in it must have tipped Adexios off because he blanched.

The phone on his desk rang.
About time. “Run along now, boy, and pack. Your escort will be along within the next few days to fetch you. You wouldn’t want to keep her waiting.”

“Her?”

Before Adexios could ask more questions, Lucifer waggled his fingers, sending the boy flying out of his office and slamming the door shut. Let him stew for a while. It would do him some good.

The old style rotary phone on his desk, carved from black ebony
—a tusk from a boar-headed, fifteen-foot demon he’d bested in hand-to-hand combat many centuries ago--continued to ring. Lucifer answered. “Finally the cat calls with a status report. You took your sweet time.”

“
I ran into problems.”

Lucifer frowned.
Damn the river and that stupid isle. His scrying just couldn’t penetrate those areas, which irritated him to no end. How was he supposed to properly spy when handicapped by stupid magical no-go zones?

“
What kind of problems? Did the chit give you any trouble? Or was it those meddlesome sirens?” Hot ladies who knew how to show a man a good time. Ah, for the good old days when he didn’t have a jealous girlfriend threatening to castrate him if he wandered.

“Neither. We were attacked.”

“Attacked? By who?”

“The first attack we believe was orchestrated by the
mermaids. Squads of Undines attacked us on the isle.”

“How dare those cold fish involve themselves in my affairs. I trust you beat the
ir male drones back.”

A snort was Felipe’s reply. “They didn’t stand a chance.
It also convinced the sirens that it was best we leave promptly.”

“We? So you have the
girl?”

“Yes,
I managed to leave the island with Jenny when the second attack occurred.”

“
Second? You mean someone dared attack you in one of my rings? On my lands?”

“No
, it happened while we were sailing on the Styx.”

Lucifer made a dismissive noise.
“Bah. Sea monsters are always attacking. It’s what they’re supposed to do.”

“Except it wasn’t a sea monster. According to the siren piloting the yacht, the cyclone we faced on the Styx was unnatural, and of immense power. We barely survived.”

“A magical storm on the Styx?” The news stunned Lucifer. No one understood all the odd rules of magic coursing through the Hell plane, but there was one immutable fact. The Styx was a neutral zone. Yes, monsters flourished in it. Yes, it could be sailed, not without hazard, but when it came to magic and controlling it or the elements surrounding it, attempts fizzled. It was like a magical vacuum existed on the Styx sucking up all attempts. The fact someone not only managed to create a storm, but a super one at that, one aimed at his minions, didn’t bode well and just added to his certainty something exciting came this way.

Yay, a war.
Or at least something to break up the monotony of punishing wicked souls over and over. After eons of it, a demon needed something to liven things up. Nothing like the possibility of facing dire danger, a mysterious villain, and directing his legions into battle to get his blood pumping. Total boner.

“I gotta go,” he said
to the cat. “I’ve got things to do.” Such as debauching a certain woman.

“But don’t y
ou want to know where we are? And when we’ll arrive.”

“You’re obviously safe
, or you wouldn’t be calling. You have Jenny still, I assume?”

“Yes, but—
”

“Bring her to me as soon as you can. Alive or I’ll be using your fur as a rug.”

Before Felipe could say another word, Lucifer slapped the phone into its cradle and bellowed, “Gaia!”

He leaned back in his chair, undid his pants
, and let his mighty beast spring forth.

He waited.

And waited.

A
frown creased his brow. “Woman, where are you?” he yelled again. “I know you can hear me. You’re always listening in.” Darned female, always sticking her nose in his affairs. She spied almost as well as he did.

This time she answered his call
, arriving in a cloud of green sparkles that emitted an obnoxiously fresh-flowered smell that totally clashed with the manliness of his office.

“About time,” he grumbled as he waved his erect dick at her.

She gave him and his mighty snake but a cursory glance. “Really, Luc. How many times do I have to tell you that is not sexy?”

“You like it well enough when I use it to plow you
.”

“After some foreplay. But that
…” She waved a dismissive hand in his direction. “Wagging it around? Surely in the thousands of years you’ve prided yourself on being a lover, you’ve acquired a more suave method of seduction.”

“I thought we were past all that crap,” he
complained. Wasn’t the whole point of dating and fidelity so he could bypass the annoying parts and get right to the fun stuff?

“Just because we’re lovers doesn’t mean you have to stop trying.”

“But all that seduction crap takes time. And I want some nookie now.” He gave her his best pout.

She ignored it.
“What’s this I hear about a new menace heading toward Hell?”

“Nothing to worry your pretty head about
, although I do know of another head in need of attention.” He tried a winsome smile—which always failed with the ladies, but he kept practicing. He’d seen Felipe and Remy use it, with success he might add. Lucifer just couldn’t figure out why his version didn’t have the same effect. For some reason, with the exception of Gaia, women either screamed or fainted at the sight of it.

His smile didn’t work. His groin waggle didn’t merit a glance. And his suggestive leer met with a f
urrow. “Be serious for a moment. We need to talk about the news Felipe just imparted. Who has the power to mess with the Styx?” mused his girlfriend.

With a big sigh, as
Lucifer realized he wouldn’t get any coital action until he’d—ugh—had a conversation with the missus, he tucked his equipment back in his pants. “I don’t know who has the skill to do such a thing. The sea hag might have, but that crazy cow’s been asleep for eons.”

“Maybe she woke up?”

“Doubtful. Trust me on this, we’d know if the hag had returned.” Although Lucifer did wonder for a moment if the sea hag was capable of shaping magic in her dreams.
Hey, maybe she had a wet dream about her old lover boy, Neptune.
A chuckle-worthy thought but not conducive for the conversation at hand.

Musing aloud, Gaia paced, her green skirts swirling around her trim ankles, ankles that would look so much better draped over his shoulders.
“Lilith might have known a spell and been able to muster the power, but she’s gone.”

Good riddance. Lucifer was still miffed at the pain and suffering that bitch put his daughter
, Muriel, through. Not that he’d tell anyone. The Lord of the Pit did not talk about his feelings, and he certainly never admitted to affection, even for the special child born of his and Gaia’s loins. “Even if Lilith weren’t, without access to the damned souls to power her spells, she wouldn’t have the strength either. No one does. The Styx is a magical vacuum.”

“
Yet someone still managed to conjure a super storm. Someone we obviously don’t know. So what are we going to do about it?”

“We?”

“Yes, we,” was Gaia’s firm response. “We are a team now. Anyone who threatens you, threatens me.”

How disgustingly adorable.
Lucifer might not need her to defend him but… “Do you know how sexy you are when you act all protective?”

“How sexy?”
Gaia asked, whirling to face him in a swirl of green toile.

“Almost makes me want to say the L word sexy.”

Her eyes widened, and he bit back a grin. Dare to insult him by claiming he wasn’t the king of seduction? Ha. He knew how to please his woman. Say hello to the master of oral.