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Authors: William H Gass

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Number two: whoring and metaphoring.

One aspect of writing was easy, was unstoppable, and that was the flow of imagery that ran through my head like a creek in flood—no—like the babble of voices around a bar at happy hour—no—like a stream of ants toward a source of sugar—oh, no—like carp rise to a dimple of bread—oh, no—oh, no—a cloud of gnats—a giggle when tickled. An attack of bats. I could swat away six and still write eight. It was a curse disguised as a blessing. I was always looking at the world from another word. The wolf spider roams at night from field to field in search of prey, while the mantis sits still as a twig by a flower’s sweetened cup until some sucker comes to nose it, and then she, the madam mantis, sups. But these facts interested me mainly because I knew people like that. I was one—a waiter—the sort of waiter who is always looking the other way. So I wanted, when I named a tree, to invoke a plant equal to every phase the plant had seen. I didn’t simply want to make a tree with roots, bark, branches, trunk, twigs, nesting birds, needles, and leaves; I wanted to imagine ones that were telly poles too, bore lynch limbs, and had branches to which possums were driven by packs of unpleasant dogs; I wanted trees with doors in them, clothes trees where dress suits were hung; trees that had family histories dangling from their diagrams.

I am not observant of persons, so if I imagine someone whose skin
is as smooth and pale as a grocery mushroom, it is the mushroom that did it. Among the thousands of my photographs there may be three (the fairy-tale number) that misinclude people, and even then they look like barely promising piles of rags. Recently, in an essay on François Rabelais, I wrote that while his work looked woolly, its sense was consistent, unified, pure yet iridescent, as though silk had swallowed water. That last image was a simple pun on watered silk that let me gloat a quarter of an hour before its time on the meter was up.

I am an octogenarian now and should know better, but I recently let a sentence reach print so embarrassingly bad its metaphors seemed frightened into scattered flight like quail. I meant to shame myself by reciting it to you, but I find I cannot, sparing myself, not you. Instead I’ll quote something that’s perhaps passable, from a story called “Order of Insects” in the collection
In the Heart of the Heart of the Country
(New York: Harper & Row, 1968). For this piece I did indeed study cockroaches, and came to admire them immensely (few humans measure up: haven’t the humility, the wiles, the longevity or body armor, the moves), but it was as a metaphor made into a symbol that I wanted to use them. A housewife, who narrates the story, has begun finding dead roaches on her downstairs carpet in the morning, apparently killed by her murderously playful cat. As she inspects them she finds a beauty in their construction that imperils her opinion of her own life. She wonders what would happen if we wore our skeletons on the outside, like a costume for Halloween, and concludes this way:

I suspect that if we were as familiar with our bones as with our skin, we’d never bury dead but shrine them in their rooms, arranged as we might like to find them on a visit; and our enemies, if we could steal their bodies from the battle sites, would be museumed as they died, the steel still eloquent in their sides, their metal hats askew, the protective toes of their shoes unworn, and friend and enemy would be so wondrously historical that in a hundred years we’d find the jaws still hung for
the same speech and all the parts we spent our life with tilted as they always were—rib cage, collar, skull—still repetitious, still defiant, angel light, still worthy of memorial and affection. After all, what does it mean to say that when our cat has bitten through the shell and put confusion in the pulp, the life goes out of them? Alas, for us, I want to cry, our bones are secret, showing last, so we must love what perishes: the muscles and the waters and the fats.

Number three: jingling.

When you are a cowed and confused kid you say to the stupid question grown-ups always ask with such condescension that you want to bruise their shins: I hope to be a fireman when I grow up. But of course you really want to be a poet. Everyone wants to be a poet. It is the beckoning inaccessible peak. How many poets have told us? At twelve I wrote awful Edgar Allan Poe, much as Poe had—jingle all the way; at fourteen I was as interminable as Walt Whitman; I extolled the groceries and made lists of buffalo hunters and Indian scouts. I did patriotism, I’m ashamed to say, and praised mothers. My God, I was even against drink. Most of all, what I wrote was bad. Not just youthful. Not just undisciplined. Bad beyond excuse. After years of futile wondering, I think I now know why. My irreverence, my hatred for authority, my distrust of tradition, my enjoyment of the comforts of middle-class life and my contempt for its philistine values, my habitual “up yours” and “in your eye” attitude, also inhibited my ability to absorb conventional poetic forms. Instead I was attracted to the urchins among them, indecorous lines and unruly stanzas. Ezra Pound, an early hero, too melodious and poetical by half much of the time, would nevertheless burst out, to my delight, with, “Damn it all! all this our South stinks peace,” a sestina in praise of bloodshed and war, while at other times condemn such belligerence, as he does in
Hugh Selwyn Mauberley’s
unforgiving anger at the First World War:

               There died a myriad,

                         And of the best, among them,

                         For an old bitch gone in the teeth,

               For a botched civilization.…

Or when, in the same poem, he wrote that “his true Penelope was Flaubert,” I was immediately moved, because Flaubert has always been my favorite hater, and I was grateful to Pound too, though absurdly, because he was the first poet I knew to use the word
fucking
in a poem. Even if they were panthers that were up to it.

I despised pop tunes, yet I imbibed their forms. When Gertrude Stein wrote: “I am Rose, my eyes are blue, I am Rose and who are you? I am Rose, and when I sing, I am Rose like anything,” I was perhaps more pleased than was reasonable. I practiced the limerick in secret and dallied with other cheapjack devices. My career as a poet ended in doggerel and japery. Yet I found a use to which I might put them—these dogs. For my novel
The Tunnel
(New York: Knopf, 1995), I invented a historian named Culp, whose subject, I meanly said, was the American Indian, and I claimed that he was energetically engaged in writing a limerickal history of the world, as well as a cycle of such rhymes that shared the same first line: “I once went to bed with a nun.” I got good at it—at the limerick, I mean—and began to do to it what I couldn’t do to the sonnet—torture its type.

Here are three from the Carthaginian period.

               Over the Alps on an elephant

               went Hannibal out of his element,

               for the elephant’s motion

               was so like the ocean,

               he continually punic’d

               upon his best tunics,

               and his slaves had to wash off the elephant.

Earlier:

               Dido wrote to Aeneas,

               Why don’t you sail by and see us,

               
I’m here all alone

               with my lust and no phone,

               half dead of desire,

               my crotch quite on fire,

               which I’ve heard you’d put out with your penis.

Later yet:

               Dido said to Aeneas,

               Surely you’re not going to leave us?

               you wouldn’t flee home

               just to found Rome,

               which will fall anyway,

               so you might as well stay

               to enjoy all my sweet panaceas.

Some nuns:

               I once went to bed with a nun

               by pointing a pistol at one;

               said she, with a quaver,

               that’s a good big persuader,

               but what is the point of the gun?

Lastly, my favorite:

               A nun went to bed with the pope,

               who tied her four limbs with a rope.

               It’s not that, my dear,

               you have something to fear,

               but I want you quite still

               so nothing will spill

               when your holiness is filled by the pope.

The compulsive doggerel syndrome does not confine itself to dirty verses, otherwise it would not be called “compulsive,” but turns up in almost every line of my prose, in sound patterns that get pushy, even
domineering. The narrator of
The Tunnel
, when a child, is caught by his father stealing pennies to play the punchboards so popular in the Depression era, and this is what happens as judgment is made:

Low, dry, slowly formed, the pronouncement came, my father’s voice full of pause and consideration, like maybe a judge’s, with a kind of penal finality even in midsentence, midphrase, and unlike the rather pell-mell stridency of his customary dress-me-downs and more commonplace curse-outs, those scornful accounts of my character which always included disclaimers of responsibility for my failures, for my laziness (not a whiff in his family), my shiftiness (in contrast to the stand-up nature of the relatives around me), my myth-making, my downright lying (whose cause could not be anywhere discerned), my obstinacy too, and my prolonged stretches of pout, sulk, and preoccupied silence which I seemed to take an inordinate joy in inflicting upon my undeserving family, who had always done their level best

                         … and all the rest …

               fed me, washed me, made sure I was dressed,

               repaired what I broke, cleaned what I messed

                         … and all the rest …

               so I could live like someone blessed,

               and bow my head at God’s request

                         … and all the rest …

               but I had fouled my own sweet nest,

               and cracked the hearts in their fair chests

                         … and all the rest …

               so they would treat me, henceforth, as a guest

               until such time as I went west

                         … and all the rest …

               to seek my skuzzy fortune or confessed

               my crimes, with remade mind, and soul distressed

                         … and all the rest …

               whereupon, with sins redressed,

               they might—of my presence—make the best:

charges which were rapidly related, as if memorized, and hurled headlong at my head, between my eyes, as I always thought, causing my knees to bend a bit each time as if to duck, though ritually, a shower of stones.

Back in the days when there were inner tubes—items none of you now will remember—air would bubble up in the rubber like a rhyme, just before it burst.

Number four: preaching.

I have been characterized as—accused of—sentenced to—sentences. Well, it is easier to study the sentence than the story, and you do have to write a lot of sentences if you want to pretend to write prose. But I have always been equally interested in paragraphs. I like, for light reading, texts on rhetoric: not just those of Aristotle, Cicero, and Quintilian, but also those of George Campbell, Richard Whately, Joseph Priestley, Hugh Blair, and Thomas De Quincey. In such works, and only in them, is the question of the form of the paragraph as well as the shape of the phrase addressed, and the lost art of eloquence taken seriously.

Any plowboy can become a father, Mencken famously remarked; and, “Every man, as he walks through the streets, may contrive to jot down an independent thought, a shorthand memorandum of a great truth,” De Quincey says. “Standing on one leg you may accomplish this. The labour of composition begins when you have to put your separate threads of thought into a loom; to weave them into a continuous whole; to connect, to introduce them; to blow them out or expand them; to carry them to a close.” Just as De Quincey carries his own paragraph to a close by carrying it to the word
close
.

So I have tended, when conceiving characters, to prefer fulminators—preachers and teachers—and allowed them to consider the misfortune, more important to me than any other, apparently:
that of missing the opportunities and obligations offered you by the luck of having life. Here is one such preacher, Jethro Furber, speaking to his rural Ohio congregation in
Omensetter’s Luck
.

“I ask you now to ask yourselves one simple foolish question—to say: was I born for this?—and I ask you please to face it honestly and answer yea if you can or nay if you must.

“For
this
?

“You rise in the morning, you stretch, you scratch your chest.

“For this?

“All night, while you snored, the moon burned as it burned for Jesus or for Caesar.

“You wash, you dress.

“For this?

“At breakfast there are pancakes with dollops of butter and you drip syrup on your vest.

“So it’s for this.

“You lick your lips.

“Ah, then it’s this.

“You slide your pants to your knees and you grunt in the jakes.

“It’s for this?

“Light’s leaving a star while you stare at the weeds; centipedes live in the cracks of the floor; and the sun, the Lord says, shines on good and evil equally.

“So you were meant for this? You’ve your eyes, your human consciousness, for this?

“Well, you’re not entirely easy in your mind. The weather’s been poor. There are the crops to get in, payments to make on the farm, ailing calves to tend. Friends have promised to help with the haying, but they haven’t, and you’ve got to keep your eldest son somehow away from that bargeman’s daughter—a bitch with cow’s teats.

“The mind’s for this?

“Wipe yourself now. Hang your pants from your shoulders. There are glaciers growing. But you wish your wife weren’t so fat and given to malice, and your thoughts are angry and troubled by this.

“This?

“Very well—you can complain that I’ve chosen trivialities in order to embarrass you.

“Eat, sleep, love, dress—of course you were born for something better than this.”

BOOK: Life Sentences
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