Looking Through Windows (32 page)

David soon got restless and was delighted when Emily asked him if he wanted to play catch. He ran to dig up two baseball mitts and a ball from the sports bin in his grandparents' garage.

They went into the backyard and Emily dropped the cane where she could reach it. David had a good arm and he was able to handle some fast throws from Emily. She experimented with stepping forward into the throw and found that the knee wanted to buckle. She flipped the lever which was supposed to lock the knee to keep it from bending, and felt much more stable.

She threw fly balls and grounders until she had tired David out. As they turned to go back in, Emily tried to swing the prosthesis forward and suddenly found herself on the ground. David was terrified, as were the others who came running out of the house. Emily lay there laughing at herself.

"It's my fault," she explained after assuring them she was unhurt. "I forgot to unlock the knee and my toe got caught in the grass."

She waved them back, saying she wanted to get up by herself. From her hands and knees, she straightened her right knee with her rearend sticking up in the air, and walked her hands back towards her feet until she could stand. Flipping the lever back to its normal position, she mumbled, "I sure won't make that mistake again."

As they went back inside, Elizabeth mentioned that she was taking the kids to the pool and asked if Emily wanted to go along. Emily hurried to put her swimsuit and some other things in her gym bag. It felt like ages since she had done normal things that didn't revolve around her weekly chemo schedule.

She and Elizabeth spent the day talking, playing with the kids and soaking up sunshine. Weak as she still was, Emily felt stronger and healthier than she had in months, even before the amputation. She hadn't realized how much pain she had been in until it was gone.

That evening, she looked at herself in the mirror. She looked tired but jubilant, with a tan starting to replace her pallor. She took off her baseball cap. "Now if the damned hair would just grow back," she growled.

Chapter 68

'
W
hat a difference a year makes,'
Emily thought from the back seat of her parents' car. It was mid-July, almost a year from when she had first come to Weston. She looked over at the prosthesis lying on the seat next to her. It had taken her several days after her last chemo treatment to feel strong enough for the move back to Vermont.

The last three days of chemo had seemed to drag on forever. By now, she was prepared for the fatigue and listlessness that accompanied the treatment, but she was so happy to be at the end of the longest twelve weeks of her life that she hardly noticed.

Dr. Hall had come in to check on her. Inspecting the IV, she said, "Well, Emily, your bloodwork all looks good, and your last bone scan shows no abnormal activity. Are you ready to leave us?"

"Oh my gosh, you have no idea," Emily responded emphatically. "I truly appreciate all you've done, but I am so ready to be done with this."

Dr. Hall smiled. "I don't blame you. What are your plans?"

"I'll be going back to Vermont as soon as I feel strong enough."

"Ann?" Dr. Hall asked, although she knew the answer.

Emily laughed out loud. "Ann. I've kept her waiting so long. I can't wait to see her."

Dr. Hall pulled a chair up next to Emily's bed. "I do want to talk to you before we discharge you," she said seriously. Emily shifted in bed to better face her. "When Dr. Schuler first contacted me, he was concerned that you were not exhibiting the typical grieving responses we would expect from someone who had experienced such a traumatic loss. As I got to know you a bit better, and learned more of your past from your parents, I developed a better appreciation for how strong a person you are." Her sharp eyes probed Emily's. "But, as we saw following Ann's visit, there are limits to what even you can handle on your own. I would seriously like for you to consider getting some counseling. There's a lot you haven't yet had a chance to face: returning to work and school, the day to day difficulties you'll face living in your own place, actually being with Ann. I'm just concerned that you may not be as okay as you seem."

Emily looked down at her hands. "I do tend to work through my problems internally, and that has gotten me in trouble at times. I know there's still a lot to deal with, and there will probably be times when it hits me unexpectedly. I haven't detached myself from all of this. I'm angry... but that doesn't change my reality, does it?" she asked, looking back up at Dr. Hall. "I will think about seeing someone." She paused for a few seconds. "'Thank you' seems so inadequate when you did so much more than treat my cancer. Would it be all right if I stayed in touch with you?"

Dr. Hall's eyes glistened just a little as she smiled. "I would be very disappointed if you didn't. I'm looking forward to hearing about everything you accomplish." She paused as she rose from her chair. "Oh, I checked into your hospital bills as you asked. Apparently, they've all been paid by some pharmaceutical firm from Boston, but not one affiliated with any of the drugs I've been treating you with. That's all I could find out."

After she was discharged, Emily set about packing up the books and other belongings that had returned to Pennsylvania with her. She had been in contact with Dr. Brooks weeks earlier, and arranged to resume a fall teaching load. And when she had called the Gundlachs, they had, as she had known they would, insisted that Emily's parents stay at the house for as long as they wished to remain in Weston. Mr. Gundlach had looked after Emily's car, driving it occasionally, and putting it in one of the out sheds to shelter it from the weather. She hadn't told them about the amputation or cancer over the phone; that would be easier to explain in person. A few days before they were planning on leaving, she had called Ann. She got the machine and left a message saying that, barring any unexpected delays, they would be at the Gundlachs' Thursday evening. She'd been so restless as the week dragged on that her father finally folded up his newspaper and said in mock exasperation, "Let's load up. It's a day early, but you are like a caged animal. You're driving your mother crazy." Emily laughed. He always blamed his own frustrations on Maureen.

Now, as they neared Weston, she debated whether to stop somewhere and put the prosthesis on prior to getting to town. It was too uncomfortable to sit with for such a long trip. She decided seeing her on crutches without a leg would be no less of a shock than seeing the bare carbon fiber pylon sticking out from her shorts. She had opted not to have it covered since the foam added almost three pounds of weight, and every ounce mattered when she was walking.

 At least her hair had started growing back. She ran her hand through her very short brown curls. She went without her hat some of the time now, but her scalp still sunburned easily, so she had to be careful. "I do not want to be treating you for skin cancer," Dr. Hall had warned her.

Her heart pounded faster as they got to Weston. She directed her father to the Gundlach house, keeping an eye out for Ann or her Land Cruiser, just in case. When they parked in front of the house under the big oak there, she could see Mrs. Gundlach's face peeking out from one of the windows. Stretching as she got out, Emily pulled her crutches out of the car and began hopping up the walk. As she had half-expected, Mrs. Gundlach stopped when she saw Emily. Then she rushed down the porch steps and hugged Emily, laughing and crying at the same time.

"I'm fine," Emily laughed, trying to reassure her. When Mrs. Gundlach finally let her go, Emily grinned and said, "I've got a few things to tell you."

Just then, Mr. Gundlach also came out onto the front porch. He hid his surprise a little better than his wife. Emily made the introductions with her parents. "Please, call me Margot," Mrs. Gundlach said, and Emily realized with amusement that she had never known her first name. "This is Karl. Come in, come in. Dinner is almost ready."

Robert and Mr. Gundlach carried Emily's suitcase and the few boxes of books she had brought with her up to her room. Emily and Maureen went to the kitchen with Mrs. Gundlach. Emily sat at the kitchen table rubbing Greta's head while the two older women finished getting the platters of food ready for the table.

Soon, they were all seated at the table, eating as Emily filled the Gundlachs in on the events of the past few months. Mrs. Gundlach's eyes got teary again, and Emily hastened to reassure her that she was healthy now. "The only thing I need is fattening up!"

"She came to the right house," Mr. Gundlach smiled, leaning toward Robert and Maureen.

Emily insisted on standing propped at the kitchen sink to wash dishes when dinner was over. Then they all went out to the screened porch for ice cream. Listening to her parents and the Gundlachs talking, Emily rocked in her chair, wondering where Ann was now. She was torn about calling her this evening. As badly as she wanted – needed – to see Ann, she wasn't sure she wanted the first time to be in front of  her parents and Mr. and Mrs. Gundlach.   

The next morning, Emily took her parents to the campus. She had gone back and forth between long pants and shorts, and had finally opted to bite the bullet and wear shorts. Might as well get everyone used to it. At the last minute, she took off the baseball cap and left it on her dresser. They had an appointment with Dr. Brooks at ten. They got to campus early, walking around the graceful old buildings. She showed them the graduate students' office, and was pleased to see the textbooks for this year's classes waiting for her at her old desk.

At ten, they went down to Dr. Brooks' office. He was very gracious with Robert and Maureen, and was very complimentary in his appraisal of Emily, both as a doctoral candidate and as a teacher. "I know that you are both teachers as well," he commented. "You must be very proud of her."

Robert looked over at her. "More than you know." Emily blushed deeply and changed the subject.

Dr. Brooks walked them out as he had another meeting at the dean's office across campus. When they reached the administration building, he paused to shake hands with Maureen and Robert, and asked Emily to make an appointment with him in a couple of weeks so they could discuss her fall classes and doctoral work. Just then, the door of the building opened, and three young women exited and came down the stairs.

"Ah, Miss Hight," Dr. Brooks smiled. "I trust you remember Miss Warner? She'll be back with us this fall."

Time seemed to stand still. All Emily knew was that here was Ann at last, standing in front of her. If possible, she was even more beautiful than Emily remembered. In what was really just a split second, Ann's eyes took in everything: Emily's hair, her face, the prosthesis. Vaguely, Emily was aware of the two other women standing behind Ann.

With Dr. Brooks standing there, and no time to compose something more meaningful, all Emily could say was, "Hello, Ann. It's good to see you."

Ann fought to keep her expression neutral. "Hello, Emily," she replied. Tearing her gaze away from Emily's, Ann turned to Robert and Maureen. "Mr. and Mrs. Warner?" she said warmly, shaking hands with each of them. "I'm very pleased to meet you."

Taking their cue from Emily and Ann, Robert and Maureen tried not to divulge anything in front of Dr. Brooks. Holding Ann's hand in both of his, Robert said, "It's good to finally meet you, Ann."

Chapter 69

M
aureen looked at Emily worriedly. She hadn't said anything on their way back to the car. When they got in, she finally broke the silence. "Emily, are you all right?"

Emily seemed to just realize her parents were there. "I'm fine," she said, rubbing her hand over her head. "I just never expected that to happen."

"Well, we finally got to meet Ann," her father said, looking at her in the rearview mirror as he drove back to the Gundlach house.

Emily closed her eyes with a groan. "I'm sorry I didn't introduce you. I was tongue-tied. I didn't know what to say."

Robert smiled. "It's all right. There will be plenty of time for us to get to know her. You two have a lot to talk about."

"Where to start?" Emily sounded worried. "I feel like a lifetime has passed since I last saw her."

Robert pulled to a stop in front of the Gundlach house. "Please don't say anything to the Gundlachs just yet," Emily requested. "They really like Ann, and won't understand why I don't just call her and invite her over."

Mrs. Gundlach was just finishing a large bowl of homemade chicken salad for sandwiches. As they all sat down for lunch, Mr. Gundlach said, "Miss Emily, Mama and I have a great favor to ask of you. Our daughter, Hannah, and her partner just had a new baby, and we would love to go for a short visit. Normally, this would not be possible, with the animals. But –"

"Excuse me?" Emily cut in. "What – Hannah and Jan?"

"Yes," Mrs. Gundlach replied.

"All this time I thought Hannah and Jan were two of your daughters," Emily said in disbelief.

"Well, in a way, they are," Mrs. Gundlach insisted.

Emily laughed aloud. "So Ann and I haven't hidden anything from you?"

Mrs. Gundlach's eyebrows went up. "Not very well." She smiled. "We didn't want to say anything if you were uncomfortable talking about it."

Emily laughed again. "I didn't mean to interrupt, Mr. Gundlach."