Authors: Charles Sheehan-Miles
Matt & Zoe (35 page)
Papa.
Jesus. The announcer is talking about my retirement from the ring after Papa died and how this is my first time back. I want to punch him in the throat.
But I have more important things to do. As I come up from the last swing, Messalina reaches up and grabs the bar tossed down by Mamma. As she swings back up to the platform, Mamma appears to jump right over her and me, into Tony’s waiting arms.
I forgot how much I love this. I love teaching too. And I’ll never give it up. But this is family.
Then we head into the finale. Almost time. That is,
if
Tony and Messalina pulled off my plan.
No time! (Zoe)
The crowd goes insane after Matt and his family finish their act. A standing ovation, probably helped along by the announcer’s storytelling, which struck me as exploitive.
“Did you know any of that?” Nicole shouts at me over the crowd.
“I just found out this afternoon!” I reply.
She shakes her head in wonderment. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”
“No time!” I reply.
Jasmine is waving. At Matt. Oh my God. He sees her and waves back. The crowd can’t tell, but I can. Because he looks right at me, and his eyes are sad.
Down on the floor, the announcer begins to introduce the next act when three clowns come running across the ring. One chases the others with a big wooden paddle and Jasmine laughs in delight.
But then the lead clown breaks away and runs straight for the announcer, who looks shocked. The clowns are running around him now, and one of them grabs the microphone and runs with it
.
The crowd busts into laughter as the announcer gives chase. They go around the ring once, but the other clowns run interference.
But then—this can’t be what normally happens. The clown throws the microphone, which swings end over end toward the ladder up to the trapeze, where Matt’s sister catches it. She twists and tosses it up higher, where Matt’s brother catches it, then
he
turns around and throws it all the way across the ring.
To Matt, who is now sitting casually on one of the trapeze poles, using it like a swing.
The crowd laughs and applauds as the announcer bunches his fists at his hips and shouts something at Matt.
Matt looks down at the announcer and smiles, then shakes his head. He looks back up. Right at me.
He opens his mouth and begins to talk.
She’s Nodding (Matt)
It’s hard to see Zoe’s expression with the spotlights shining in my eyes. Is she angry? Jasmine looks … hopeful. Nicole skeptical. The rest of the crowd is clueless of course.
I take a deep breath. “So, does this thing work?”
My voice bursts out the speakers. “Oh good, it works.” I clear my throat. “This isn’t part of the show. And I’ll probably get fired for this.”
“You’re right you will!” shouts the barker. I wave at him again and he shakes a fist. The audience, still not sure if this is actually part of the show, laughs. I look out at Zoe.
“The reason I have the microphone is that there’s someone special in the audience. Two special girls actually. A little girl named Jasmine, who lost her parents in a terrible accident back in the summertime. And her big sister, Zoe, who is taking care of her.”
My stomach hurts. But I have to go on.
“See, the thing is, you all heard the story of what happened to my Dad. What they didn’t tell you is that me and Dad had an awful fight right before he died. And for a while there, they thought I’d done something horrible. And I went to jail, until they realized that it was just a heart attack. And…I was…ashamed. Of all of it. Of the circus, of… of my life. Especially of going to jail. So I came here, to college; then to work. But I didn’t want anyone to know.”
“You’re going to jail again if I have anything to say about it!” shouts the announcer. But now Anthony Rubio, the owner of the circus, is there. He grabs the announcer by the arm and whispers something urgent to him.
The crowd is utterly silent. Captivated almost.
“Anyway,” I say. “I’ve only got the mic for a couple minutes. But while I have it, I need to say a couple of things. And here they are.”
Zoe is staring at me, dumbfounded. Her hands are clenched into fists in her lap. I don’t know if she is happy or if she wants to kill me. But I have to say it.
I take a deep breath. “Zoe, I’m sorry. I kept my past a secret. I didn’t tell you where I was going when I went to practice for… this. When I went to meet my family. I … I was super secretive.”
I take a deep breath. She’s nodding.
She’s nodding.
And Jasmine has the biggest smile on her face I’ve ever seen. Even Nicole is smiling, though it looks like she might crack.
I take a deep breath, fall over backward and plunge to the net. The crowd gasps, goes silent again as I roll into a ball and land on my back, a perfect landing Papa would have been proud of, though he would have chided me for going to the net holding something.
I roll out of the net and onto the ground. I’m facing her from below now, approaching the first tier of seats.
“See, the thing is….” My voice sounds loud to me down here coming from the speakers. Also the crowd is … holding their breath?
She covers her face, peeking out from between her fingers. A spotlight shines on her. “The thing is,” I say. “The thing is…
I love you
. I hid my past because I was afraid you would … I don’t know. Think I was crazy. Or worse. But I don’t care if you think I’m crazy.”
As I speak the words, I am walking up the stairs past the first few rows, until I’m level with her. Nicole slips out of her seat and into the aisle, out of the way. Jasmine is staring at me crying. Zoe is still hiding her face. “All I care about is … will you forgive me?”
Hushes silence. She peeks from behind her hands and meets my eyes. Hers are flooded with tears.
Then she nods. “Yes,” she mouths.
I turn and throw the microphone back toward the announcer, who catches it in an extended hand. Then I turn back to Zoe and take her right hand. She stands up.
“I love you,” I say again.
“I love you,” she replied. “I do.”
“I
really
love you,” I say.
“Forgive me?” she asks.
“Always,” I reply.
I pull her to me and lean forward. When our lips touch, the thousand people at the circus erupt into cheers. It’s a long, long kiss. When we step back to breathe for a second, I reach down and pick up Jasmine. “And you, little girl,” I say. “Will you forgive me too?”
Jasmine nods her head and throws her arms around me, burying her face in my neck. I meet Zoe’s eyes again. They’re brimming with tears. The spotlight moves away as the announcer begins speaking again. Thank God. I lean forward and kiss Zoe.
“I love you, Zoe. Will you be mine?”
She replies in a whisper. “Always.”
The applause of the crowd fades in my mind as we kiss again.
Epilogue
The story was in the next day’s paper, and overnight, Matt became somewhat of a local celebrity. Not only was he the great looking third grade teacher who had taken on the school administration and won, but he also had an amazing story of tragedy and vindication.
And he was mine.
In the weeks after our reunion, his past came up a lot. He only performed with the family over that weekend, but it was enough. He was being talked about on the local radio, and the local weekly, the Town Reminder, did a story. A cover story, featuring a huge photo of the two of us kissing in the stands at the circus.
I took some ribbing about it from the other vets in our group at UMASS. But that was okay too.
Matt went back to teaching third grade. And I went back to school. Zoe stopped stuttering the day we got back together.
I still miss Mom and Dad. I always will. I go visit their memorial occasionally, but I don’t drag Jasmine there, except on Easter. She doesn’t need that much sadness in her life. She finishes the third grade with flying colors.
Tyler and Nicole are dating.
Seriously
dating. I wouldn’t believe it if I didn’t see it, because he’s a giant jerk. But I kind of love him all the same.
I still see Luke and the other guys on campus regularly, and we’ve had Luke over for dinner a few times. You can see the pain behind his eyes, but he’s moving forward.
I’ve decided I’m going to major in psychology, specializing in horse therapy for children. Little kids like Jasmine can’t voice their pain and grief the way adult can, but you can’t bullshit a horse. I’ve seen how Mono helped Jasmine recover, and I want to help other little girls like that.
So nowadays, life is pretty good. I go to class, Matt goes to work, Jasmine goes to school. We spend our lives together.
Matt showed up on Christmas morning. I was expecting him—we’d planned on spending Christmas together. But I wasn’t expecting Jasmine’s weird behavior. Instead of running for the door screaming “I’LL GET IT” at the top of her lungs, she hung back and waited for me to get it.
So I did. And there was Matt, dressed normally except for a silly Santa Hat. But then he did something crazy. He got on one knee, and opened up a stupid box, with a stupid ring inside, then said, unbelievably “Zoe … I want to be your husband. I want to be Jasmine’s stepdad. I want… I … will you marry me?”
I cried.
Then I said yes.
THE END
Acknowledgements
Joanne Huff and Laura Litterer at Full of Grace Farm in Hadley, Massachusetts. Thank you for letting me come out and learn a little about horses, including sweeping stalls and watching you both give lessons. What I got right in the story came from them. The mistakes are my own.
To an amazing group of beta readers: Dimitra Fleissner, Kelly Moorhouse, Kirstin Papi, Kirsty Landar, Laura Wilson, Michelle Kannan, Rebecca Tyndall, Sally Bouley, Sherry Brannigan, Tanya Spence Hall. Most of you have been through several books with me by now, and I can never express how grateful I am.
To Andrea, for reminding me that the English language needs hyphens, and for being the most amazing partner and future wife anyone has ever had. I love you with all my heart.
Copyright 2016 Charles Sheehan-Miles All Rights Reserved
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