Moving On Without You (4 page)

Semester I

The first day of school
had come too early for Tracy and she was tired from staying up all night. She
tossed and turned until the alarm clock went off. The day was going to be long,
but she knew there wouldn't be much work because the teachers liked to ease the
students into the year slowly.

Tracy found the same kids waiting at the bus stop,
but she still did not know much about them. They all waited in silence until
the bus arrived. It was like no time had passed—the bus, the driver, the seats,
and the students were all the same. They all boarded quietly and took their
seats, sleeping until they pulled up to the school.

It did not take long for Tracy to find Chloe
standing with a few of her friends in front of the Thomas Jefferson statue. She
waved at MD when she walked past him to greet her friend.

"Hey, Chlo!"

"Hey! I haven't seen you in forever!"

Chloe grabbed Tracy to hug her.

"Where have you been?"

"Around, you know."

"So what's new? Did Terry ever call you back?"

"No, I haven't heard from him."

"What a jerk."

MD interrupted the circle. Not much had changed.
He was still husky and loud, but Tracy was glad to see familiar faces.

"Hey," he said.

"Hi," Tracy said.

"How was your summer?"

"Fine."

"What did you do?"

"I was just hanging out with friends. Nothing
special. What about you?"

"Working mostly."

She looked over at his friends standing on the
side of the bus loop.

"You call that work?" she said.

He let out a laugh and she joined him. There was
no reason they couldn't be cordial.

"So when you gonna let me take you out?"
he asked.

"That's not a good idea."

Tracy was not sure why MD kept trying, but
something was keeping the boy interested. She could not help but admire his
drive. No matter how much she resisted his advances he never stopped pursuing
her.

The day dragged along and Chloe pulled Tracy
through most of her classes. The girls passed notes to keep their eyes open.
None of the teachers gave them a break like they had hoped. They had homework
in just about every class. In each class they got the same speech:
I would
give you guys a break, but this is an honors course and I can't have you
getting behind. . . .You must be tired of doing nothing all summer anyway.

The students groaned and collected the worksheets.
They pushed through the day until the final bell released them back into the
outdoors. Tracy ran to her bus before the driver could pull off and leave her.

When Tracy got in the house it was quiet. Her
mother had not gotten back yet and she took the opportunity to call Sabrina.
They hadn't spoken in a few days due to the holiday and Tracy was eager to hear
from her friend.

"Hey," Sabrina answered.

"Hey, I haven't heard from you in a
while."

"I know we had a barbecue over here for Labor
Day. I haven't really been home much this week. How was the first day?"

"So boring. I was tired all day."

"Yeah, I didn't get much sleep last
night."

"Me either. What are you doing now?"

"Nothing."

"You want to come over?"

"I do. . . .I probably shouldn’t
though."

The conversation felt familiar. It was the way a
lot of her conversations were beginning to feel. Tracy had played this game
with Sabrina before and she knew what she was up to.

"What are you talking about?" Tracy
asked.

"My ex called me and we've been hanging out
again."

Tracy paused not sure how to respond to the girl
who had become more than her friend. They shared a bond that was deeper than
sex but not quite love. It was adoration but Tracy believed that it would
become something more if they continued.

"So what now?" Tracy asked.

"I told you I can't be serious with a girl.
You're my friend. We can still be together. It's totally different than when
I'm with him."

"You can't have both, Sabrina."

"But I thought we were friends?"

Tracy couldn't believe how nonchalant Sabrina was
being about the whole thing. Did she really think she could carry on both
relationships? Tracy didn't have a boyfriend, but she wasn't that desperate.
Sabrina could have her ex if that was who she wanted.

"We can be friends but not when you're with
him."

"I wouldn't tell him."

"I know. I just don't want to share
you."

"Oh my god! You're just like a guy!"

"No, you are just like a guy. I gotta
go."

"Fine. Whatever."

She couldn't believe she was getting dumped back
to back and mistreated by both sexes. Everything was going well with her and
Sabrina, but somehow it was not good enough. Although the two of them got along
well, there was no way Tracy could tame Sabrina. She was insatiable and it was
too much work trying to keep up with her impulses.

Tracy sat in front of the coffee table answering
word problems until her mother got home. She was in no mood to talk and
apparently her mother wasn't either. She listened to her murmur a hello then
continued to her bedroom to lock herself inside.

When Tracy grew tired of the homework she went
online to check her messages and saw a new friend request from MD. She added
him and seconds later a new message was in her mailbox. A part of the motivation
was her own boredom and frustration with Sabrina, Max, and Terry. Maybe she was
wrong for going after the most attractive people possible. That could have been
why all three relationships failed so quickly. Either that or she was being
punished for something she could not remember doing.

MD:         Why don't you want to be my
girlfriend?

Tracy:       I just got out of a bad relationship.

MD:         I could never break up with you.

Tracy stared at the message for a while but
couldn't think of a sufficient response before MD logged off. She wasn't sure
what that could possibly mean. Obviously he was talking out of his behind, as
usual, but for some reason that statement struck a chord.

When the buses pulled into
the circle in front of the school Tracy tried to think of a way to avoid MD.
She never gave him a response and still had no idea what to say to him. It
never mattered what he thought before. He took every insult she had ever thrown
at him with a smile, but now she felt bad. It wasn't her intention to keep the
statement lingering like that, but he had caught her by surprise at a
vulnerable moment when she really did want someone to care. Not responding to
such a sweet statement just felt cruel. He was beginning to get into her head,
but she refused to allow it.

Tracy pretended she did not see MD standing by the
bus loop and went over to greet the girls. When she saw him coming toward the
group she made an excuse to go into the building early. After getting past the
metal detectors the bell was ringing which meant she could go to homebase.

Inside the classroom there were already students
sitting in their desks—the same group from the year before. She still had not
warmed up to them. Most of the time she sat quietly in the back of the room
reading until first period began and then she rotated classes until the final
bell.

Chloe met Tracy in the hallway and they found
their way to Chemistry together. The twosome sat together in the back waiting
for the class to fill in.

"So what is going on with you and MD?"

"Nothing."

"That's not what I heard."

"Well you heard wrong."

"He said he spoke to you last night."

Tracy looked into Chloe's face to make it clear
that she was serious.

"I accepted his friend request, he sent me a
message. That was it."

"You sure?"

"Stop it. We are not together. Not today, not
never. I was just being nice."

"Okay! You're awfully defensive."

The second bell rang and four kids rushed in
before the teacher could close the door. He looked down the hall and paused to
wait for MD to come into the room.

"Great way to start the year Mohammed. Find
your seat."

He spotted Tracy in the back and sat in the empty
desk next to her.

"Hey," he said.

"Hi."

She kept her eyes on the teacher while he
introduced himself to the class. She dropped her face on her fist and scribbled
on the blank notebook page.

"You bored yet?" MD asked.

"Basically."

"What happened last night?"

"Nothing. You logged off."

"Yeah, I was on my way out. Are you gonna
tell me why that guy broke up with you?"

"I don't know. Maybe he got bored. He didn't
really say."

"Like I said, I would never do that to
you."

It sounded even more real to hear it out loud.
Maybe he was actually being sincere. Her loneliness must have been getting the
best of her. He couldn’t possibly mean it. This was his game and she wasn't
about to fall for it.

"Do you always make promises you can't keep
or do you just lie for me?"

"I don't need to lie. I know I want you. It's
not hard to keep that promise."

Tracy had never been this close to MD and his
charm was beginning to change her mind. It was hard to ignore him considering
he was always around. He appreciated her more than anyone else had in a while,
but it was easy to come up with these lines before you got to know a person.

"Until you get bored too, right?"

"I haven't got bored in all this time."

That part was true. He had chased her for over six
months and gotten nowhere but nothing deterred him. She enjoyed the endless
compliments, but she was not sure it would turn out well. Looking up at the
board she realized the teacher had started the lesson, and she had been too
busy blushing to notice.

After Chemistry and English ended, Tracy and Chloe
headed to lunch. They had the same table as last year and the same crew. A few
girls had graduated leaving empty spots for new freshmen to fill. Tracy was
holding on to her allowance so she skipped the line and sat at the table
listening to the other girls discuss the new guy on the basketball team.

"He came from Franklin."

"So cute!"

"Yes, have you seen him?"

"I think he's a senior."

"Definitely a senior."

Tracy had not noticed, but apparently he was
something special according to the girls who met him after cheerleading
practice. Her stomach growled and she knew she would not make it through the
day without eating something. She went over to the snack line hoping to find
something cheap and MD walked in behind her.

"Hey!" he said.

"What a coincidence."

"You're so mean."

"I'm not! I just keep running into you
today."

"You can't stay away from me."

"Or you're stalking me."

"Come on."

She paid for the chips and walked out of the line.
MD followed her out without buying anything.

"Where you going after this?"

"I'm not going to give my stalker my
schedule."

"I'm just curious if we have any other
classes together. I never get tired of seeing your face."

Tracy leaned back on a table that was free on the
far end of the cafeteria. She could not stand to listen to the girls talk about
the new guy any more.

"I can't go back over there right now.
They're driving me crazy," she said.

"Those your friends."

"Yeah, I guess."

"So now that you're single, you're free this
weekend, right?"

"Nope. Still can't date."

"You just broke up with that guy!"

"I wasn't supposed to be dating him either.
Can't I just stay out of trouble for a second?"

"I'm not any trouble at all."

The bell rang and Tracy was relieved to have an
excuse to leave the conversation. She found her bag next to Chloe and they went
off to their next class. It had all become routine rather quickly.

Janet wouldn't allow Tracy to watch anything in
peace. She was bored cooking and asking Tracy too many questions about school:
What
are you learning? How is Spanish? You finished your homework already?

It was driving Tracy insane because all she wanted
to do was relax before she went back to school for the last time this week. She
walked out onto the porch to give Sean a call.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Hey, what are you doing?"

"Nothing. What's going on?"

"My mom is getting on my nerves. How was your
trip?"

"So good. I wish you could have come with me.
I should have packed you in my suitcase. I was in the pool every day."

"Sounds like a dream."

"It was. What's new with you?"

"You know that guy MD from my school I was
telling you about?"

"Vaguely."

"He won't go away. He has asked for my number
nine hundred times. He will not get the hint."

"This is the ugly guy, right?"

The words stung when she heard them come from
Sean's lips. She had dismissed MD in every way possible, but when her friend
called him ugly she felt offended.

"Not ugly but not cute. Well, kind of cute in
a teddy bear kind of way."

"Oh, no."

"What?"

"You like him?"

"No! He's funny, but I don't like him like
that."

She wasn't sure why, but she felt the need to
defend MD. While she sat listening to Sean go on about his trip she kept going
over his words in her head and they stabbed her every time. The line beeped and
she pushed the phone away to view the caller ID.

"I'll call you back. I have another
call," she said.

She clicked over to pick up the incoming call from
Bryan.

"Hello?" she said.

"Hey. I have some bad news."

"What?"

"I'm moving to Georgia."

"Georgia! For what?"

"My mom wants to move down there to be close
to her sister. So we are leaving next week."

"Wow. That's quick."

"I know. It sucks. I'm going to miss you so
much."

For some reason it did not feel like bad news.
Although Tracy and Bryan spoke on the phone periodically, they had not seen
each other since she left Roosevelt. Talking on the phone in a different state
didn't seem like much of a difference.

"I will miss you too. Make sure you call
me."

"I will."

"Okay. Talk to you later, babes."

Tracy was excited for Bryan. There were definitely
times when she wished she could pack up all her things and escape to a place
where nobody would know her. A fresh start would be great at this point.

She went back into the house, but her mother had
left the kitchen and settled in her room. Tracy took a plate and found a seat
on the couch. She tried to clear her head, but could not stop wondering about
MD and his intentions. It was hard to tell if he was serious or just trying to
sleep with her.

The doorbell rang interrupting her thoughts. She
went over to check the screen door and saw Keisha waving in the window.

"Hey, girl!" Keisha said.

"Hey! You're awfully chipper."

Tracy guided her friend into the living room.

"I know. I just ran up the hill."

"You ran? Why?"

"Not the whole way. I just ran up the last
block. What you doing?"

"Nothing. I haven't seen you in forever!"

"I know. Not since—, you know."

Keisha looked down at the sofa. Tracy hadn't
planned on bringing it up, but now that Keisha had introduced the topic she
wanted to know how she was doing.

"Yeah. How do you feel?" Tracy asked.

"Fine. As fine as I can."

"Have you spoken to Brandon?"

"I don't really want to. I've seen him and I
told him what happened, but he didn't say much. Didn't seem like he cared at
all."

"I'm sure he cares. He just probably doesn't
know what to do."

"I didn't know what to do either! He didn't
try to help or check on me or anything. No one did."

"I called you."

"I know you did, but nobody else."

"You didn't tell anybody. How would they
know?"

"He knew."

"Oh."

"He was just hoping I would take care of it
without him."

Tracy sat on the couch staring at the table
waiting for the right thing to say. She hoped it would pop into her head, but
no words came to mind.

"What about you? How have you been?"

"Good."

"You haven't heard from Max?"

"No."

"I saw him at school. He still the
same."

It panged Tracy's heart to hear Max's name out
loud. She felt like it might crush again. A part of her wanted to ask how he
was and who he was with, but she stopped herself from showing any emotion in
front of her friend. If he came back to her she wanted it to be his own choice.

"And no word from Terry either?" Keisha
asked.

"Nope. Nothing."

Tracy was glad she had kept Sabrina a secret. It
was bad enough she had to sit and listen to Keisha list all her other failed
relationship attempts.

"This boy in my class keeps trying, but it
isn't going anywhere."

"It might be good for you to take a break for
a minute."

"Yeah, I keep going from one wreck to the
next. Maybe I don't need to date at all because I can't get it right."

"Who you telling? I'm done with boys, men,
all of them. Hell, I might go find a girl and start dating her. I might have
better luck."

Tracy's head whipped back toward her friend and
her heart starting racing. She did not think it was possible for Keisha to know
about Sabrina, but maybe she had heard from someone Sabrina had told. Keisha
slapped her friend on the shoulder.

"I'm just playing. I would never date a
girl."

Keisha laughed hysterically while Tracy tried to
catch her breath. She looked back at her friend trying to calm herself down,
relieved that she had not found out about her little secret.