Playing Fate (Endgame Series Book 1) (27 page)

I wonder if I should call Olivia. So many years have passed I’m sure we’re such different people. I’ll decide after the cemetery. I have limited time, and letting go is my focus.

I give the cab driver the address and don’t feel guilty when he tells me the fare. Money is just paper. Part of this journey is realizing the hold I’ve let it have over me. It’s not security. Sure, it makes things easier, but it won’t keep me warm at night. It won’t put a smile on my face. It won’t fill my heart with love. It won’t fill my home with family.

I follow the walk to his headstone. It’s weird I still remember where he is; I guess some things never leave your memory.

“Dad, I’m sorry. For years I blamed you. I forgot the good. That wasn’t fair to you.” I pause and look around. “Are you happy? I hope you are. I miss you. Every single day. You’ve shaped me more than I think I realized. I know it wasn’t your fault, and that’s helping. I know you loved me, and I’ll always remember that.” I wipe a stray tear and sit down. “Do you remember teaching me to ride my bike? I was so bad at it, but you were there with me day after day. You must have run a hundred miles holding on to my seat because I made you promise you wouldn’t let go.” God, he never let go. Even when he wasn’t healthy and wasn’t seeing me on a regular basis, he still couldn’t let go. “Dad, it’s okay. I forgive you, and I hope you can forgive me. There’s this guy. I kind of love him. I’m scared. I’m scared it’s all going to fall apart because that’s all I know.”

I pick some grass and let my mind wander to all the memories I share with my dad. “It’s
not
all I know. I know what it was like to be a family, and I know you wouldn’t have left if you didn’t have to. I don’t think Deacon would leave me. He’s chosen me over and over. Each time I pushed him away he allowed me throw my tantrum and waited with open arms to ease my fear. I need to show him I’ll fight for him like you did me. I know you fought your demons those weekends you kept me. It may not have been ideal, but it was all you could offer, so thank you.” I kiss my fingertips and rest them over his name. “You keep teaching me things…even in death.”

Emotions overtake me as I leave the cemetery.

~ family (noun)

a group of people who are related to each other, such as a mother, a father, and their children.

One thing that definition doesn’t stipulate is blood. Family comes in many shapes and forms. DNA doesn’t define the parameters of family, love does. The revelation makes my decision for me. I won’t see Olivia this visit. I don’t blame her. I don’t blame myself. Time and circumstances determined our fate, and at this time, I have more pressing issues to attend to. My priorities have shifted, my goals are on the backburner, and it’s time for my dreams to take flight.

After another flight across the country, I stumble into my mom’s arms at baggage claim. “Mom, I have no luggage.” I need a shower, and I wish I’d thought through jet setting with no clothes. Or toiletries.

“I have some stuff for you at home.” She is studying my face, noting the toll today has taken on me.

“I’m fine. Just tired. I promise you I’m better than I’ve been in awhile.” She squeezes me close as we walk from the terminal into Jack’s waiting SUV.

“All set.” He winks at me.

“You’re the best.” I smile at him.

“And you’re a gift. Thank you.” I share a private moment, knowing he’s reeling from my earlier declaration of love. I watch my mom relax in her seat, smiling in contentment. Full circle. We’ve all come full circle, and tomorrow I hope to tie a knot so tight in the last bond that there will be no escaping it.

Some things should be done in private, in my opinion but according to my
friends
, this isn’t one of them. The guys had to be at the field early, and that leaves me squirming under scrutiny. Avery, Emberlee, Deacon’s parents . . . they’re all staring at me while I’m wiping my sweaty palms down my jeans. Julie, she was happy to see me and hasn’t started asking my plans and intentions. Maybe, because she can’t string together complete sentences. I walked in, and her face beamed. Her arms outstretched for me to take her from Sara. Within a few minutes, she was wiggling to get down. “She doesn’t like to be confined.” I laugh at the observation at the same time I’m watching her use the couch for leverage as she stands and grabs for my hand.

“You think you’re a big girl. You better not walk unless your daddy is here.” I chuckle at her and wipe the drool with my finger. “Here goes nothing,” I say to the rest of my crowd.

The shirts turned out perfectly, but the butterflies are rumbling in my stomach. I pull Julie’s over her head and smile. I picked a yellow shirt with black writing for her. A Wichita State University emblem on the front that matches her daddy’s jersey with his number and ‘Mini-Douglas’ on the back. Mine is the opposite in colors, same design, but with ‘Shortstop’ on the back; double meaning. His position and my nickname. I’m tying myself to him, entwining us with simplicity.

I pick up my poster boards, pat my pocket to make sure that folded sheet of paper is secure, and release a breath. “Saylor, you sure you want to do this?” Josh looks at me with compassion. “I know my son isn’t too bright in love, but I do know he loves you. I can’t tell you he’ll come around tonight, but he’ll regret it if he loses you.” I smile.

“Josh, this is my grand slam. My end zone kick.”

“Saylor, you realize there is neither an end zone nor any kicking in baseball.” Sara tries and fails to hold her laughter.

“Whatever. That’s one more thing I need to learn. Baseball. Well, he’s my endgame. Series winner.”

“Better.” Josh nods at me.

“I’m nervous,” I admit. Avery takes my hand, Lee Lee stands beside me; we aren’t ready for the touchy feely. That will be a work in progress, but she’s willing to put the work in, so I’m willing to let her. It’s all we can ask for.

“You’ve got this.” Avery reminds me.

“Uh, uh, uh, uh,” Julie is chattering with her arms thrust up for me to carry her.

“Come on sweet girl, let’s go get your Daddy.”

“Da-da-da-da-da.” I kiss her nose, and she returns the gesture; hers a bit sloppy and covering my entire nose in her slobbery mouth, but I wouldn’t trade these moments for anything.

The stadium is full since it is Saturday night, but my eyes never lose sight of him. He hasn’t seen me yet, and it’s perfect. I didn’t want to distract him, and I was overwhelmed following his every move. And . . . dat ass. I watch the team dominate, up 8-2, and according to the spectators around me, we’ve sealed this win. “Top of the ninth inning and Shockers have shocked the Omaha Mavericks with their brutal display of domination.” I guess the announcer agrees, and the crowd starts celebrating. I sit there for another few minutes before I stand up with my first poster.

“I’m sorry.”

I see him staring.

“I’m not leaving.”

Followed with:

“We have plans.”

His smile melts me. His eyes captivate me.

“Meet behind home plate after the game?”

He nods, and I sit down with my cheeks splitting, feeling weightless. Maybe this will work.

I watch the players file in the dugout, and I rush down the steps, Mason clearing it with security. Julie is on my hip, and fucking Avery and Emberlee follow on my heels. His parents have a bit of decency and stand a ways off, ready to get Julie if need be.

Deacon, Mason, and Caden shuffle from the dugout, and I guess our friends don’t believe in privacy. I stand at home plate watching him. His chuckle eases the nerves, “Uh, Saylor. That’s the pitcher’s mound, babe. Home plate is here.” I’m an idiot.

I walk over to join him, practically tripping on Avery and Emberlee. “Seriously. This orgy isn’t working for me. I’m a one-man kinda girl.” None of them move an inch. I sigh and roll my eyes.

“Turn around,” his voice is husky. I spin and feel his hands lift my hair up. His intake of breath sends goose bumps down my body, eliciting a shiver. “Fuck.” I smile and turn to face him.

I am ready.

I hope he is, too.

I knew she was there as soon as she sat down. My eyes, my heart . . . gravitated to her. When I went looking for her yesterday and my
friends
told me she flew home for the weekend, I was pissed. I called, texted, almost sent smoke signals when Avery told me, “Have faith.” I was trying.

In the stands, her eyes don’t leave me. I feel her. I can’t help stealing glances, but I don’t want to be distracted. I want to end this game with a win and get my girls. So much needs to be said, but so much needs to be let go. No apologies. No forgiveness. I only want love.

“For as long as I can remember, I went to sleep with an ache inside me. Forlorn. Missing something. Until I spent the night in your arms, and I was whole. Fulfilled.” She jostles Julie but stares at me. In me. “I didn’t look forward to a new day, I dwelled on the past and forced myself to pretend. I faked a smile; I faked every moment in my life. Until you.”

“You’re not so good at faking, Shortstop,” Mason butts in.

“You wouldn’t know. How many girls have screamed, ‘Oh my God. Yes. Right there.’ Newsflash. They’re faking.” I let my head fall back, and the laughter erupt as she puts him in his place . . . once more.

It was good he broke up her diatribe. I’m getting choked up and want to hold her. Touch her. Reassure her. At the same time, I can tell she needs this. “There are three hundred and sixty-five days in a year; I didn’t live any of them until I had a life with you. Our time may have been short, but I was present. I was invested in each one of those days. It was a foreign feeling when I met you. I wanted you. I wanted you to notice me because somehow my heart knew how badly it needed you.”