Pygmy (29 page)

Negotiate could be operative me train host brother, slash-crash, execute perfect exact Tearing Tiger.

That now, approached operative Tanek for deliver that agent large volume, serious bulk additional American monetary notes.

Pig brother eyes fixed upon letter sheet, say, read say, “‘Dear Pygmy…’”

This agent offer, could be teach brother, claw-craw, Pawing Panther. After able instant quick kill all enemy.

‘“Dear Pygmy,’” repeat say host brother, ‘“Probably I shouldn’t feel embarrassed, because if you’re reading my letter then I’ve got to be dead.’”

In secret thinking machine operative me, no voice reciting, Nickel, niobium, Naughahyde… 223

Read say out letter, host brother say, “‘That’s probably for the best.’”

Within skull reciting, Fermium, fluorine, Formica…

Read say, ‘“Better to be dead, I figure, than alive and knowing what I can’t have. You know?’” Read say, ‘“Maybe it’s better just living the way you figure life is when you’re a kid. Before you get too smart.’”

Ultimate million reflections this agent, pig dog brother, striding past everything new with shine. Polished plastic. Tight stretches vinyl. Everything American begging for take home.

Pig brother say off paper, ‘“If I could go back to before you and me in the bathroom, definitely probably I’d jump at the chance. Only problem is, I can’t.’” Read say, ‘“If you won’t share my life with me, maybe you’ll share my death.’”

Eye cast upon letter, read say, ‘“Sorry about tomorrow at the United Nations, how I’m tricking you to kill me.’” Read say, “‘You made me somebody new. That’s plenty’” Read say, ‘“Thank you.’”

In closing, paper written, “Love.” Written, “Trevor Stone-field.”

Fingers operative me aware vial tucked within trouser, toxin. Within skull reciting prayer of benevolent hero, altruist savior Mao Tse-tung, say, “If you have to shit, shit! If you have to fart, fart! You will feel much better for it.”

“That money you gave me at Wal-Mart,” say pig brother, say, “it smelled like ass…” Say, “How’d that happen?”

From distant, far terminus aisle, solely witness aged skeleton Doris Lilly. Clouded eye observe, no blink. Next now, menacing wrinkled head tilt, nod, repeat to make head meaning “yes.” Feet ominous cadaver make exit, wander so no more
present, eclipsed behind many absurd breakfast food, heaped expiring foodstuffs.

Dying objects. Dying buyers. Desperate how sad.

Arriving that then, operative Chernok, imparting generous portion, much heavy funds cash of American legal tender. Paper bills printed portraits presidents Lincoln, Jackson, Washington.

Quote, “If you have to shit, shit! If you have to fart, fart! You will feel much better for it.”

Hands operative me delve more deep trouser, fingers clutch glass vial. Extract so able present for pig dog. Voice of this agent, pitched casual, explain how vial as Listerine: effective cologne for driving all the fine ladies wild. Display vial so most appealing. Announce, here invented such super-mega-effective Spanish fly as pig brother requested. Rise elevate vial fatal toxin, hand making ever more close host brother face.

Begins here thirty-fourth account of operative me, agent number 67, on departure Midwestern American airport greater
area. Flight
. Date
. Destination competition finals National Science Fair, located city of Washington, District of Columbia, national seat most hated American nation.

For purpose execute climax Operation Havoc.

Fellow operatives present interior airport, operative Tibor, operative Magda, operative Ling. All, Sheena, Bokara, Chernok, Mang. Otto and Oleg.

Present for departure this agent, solely host mother Cedar. Scrawny chicken mother, beak face irritated much red color, caused recent too copious eye bleeding water. Host father: detained custody federal police. Host pig brother: missing. Host cat sister: Hating guts operative me.

Aged alive cadaver Doris Lilly, present for accompany as chaperone along science fair journey.

Host mother, chicken claws wring facial tissue at beak. Twist tissue so saturated eye water, say, “Have a good trip…” Say, “We’ll miss you…” Chicken frame shaken with heaving sob, blood glow flood face red.

Within skull, this agent reciting, Manganese, Mouseketeer, Modesto…

Host mother racked violent sobs. Mopping floodwater of face.

Secret voice operative me, reciting, Xenon, Ex-Lax, Xanax…

Chicken mother wipe saturated face skin. Loud inhale nostrils loaded infinite mucus. Repeat breathe inward dense burden mucus. Issue terrible drowning voice, say, “Pygmy?” Say, “Do you remember how I said we’d make you into an American or die trying?”

Chicken mouth wane smile, brimming eyes, say, “Well, if you jumped the first plane back to your native homeland, I wouldn’t blame you one little bit.” Mauling moist tissue, say, “This family… our whole country is a total wreck.”

Father arrested. Son missing. Sister betrayed. Mother weeping.

Blink watery eye, swipe dripping beak, host mother say, “I would understand completely if you didn’t want to be adopted, I mean…” Shoulders heave, quaking. Chicken elbows pinned at each side. Mother say, “Everything is just so messed up right now.”

Both twitching limbs host mother fling so embrace this agent. Grapple torso operative me, pressuring head of this agent between host mother mammary glands. Dampening hair operative me much mother eye water. Sounding contractions, beat-beat, beat-beat, beat-beat, regular systematic convulsions mother heart muscle into ear of this agent.

Heart pulse battling thinking machine, recitation basic chemical elements, Neon, nylon, Nashville…

Next then chaperone Doris Lilly approach, stumbling stride arrive wrinkled mummy, waxen face say, “Sorry, dears, but it’s time we caught our flight…”

Assembled crowd cheering students, chanting single voice, “Pygmy!” Chanting, “Pygmy!” Cheering, “Pygmy!”

Clutches Doris Lilly pinch shoulder operative me, parrot
finger clench clavicle bone so peel this agent away host mother. Steer so this agent directed path of boarding aircraft. Making ancient hand to wave upon retreating host mother. Gesturing farewell, Doris Lilly say,“‘Afterwards you rue the fact that you’ve been so kind.’”

For official record… no possible.

Withered madam precise quote furious leader, ruthless general Adolf Hitler.

Black tunic appareled this agent, “Property of Jesus,” printed eye water abandoned host mother.

Host mother stoop until face level with face operative me. Mother purse lips of face, offer gesture to contact lips against face skin of this agent in expression so demonstrate affection.

Quote, “Afterwards you rue the fact that you’ve been so kind.”

In opposition past history, infamous day separated from female parentage for vocational testing, feet operative me retreat from entry aircraft, make sprint, flee returned upon host mother. Accept proffered embrace. Pressure lips this agent against chicken mother face cheek, sodium chloride taste eye water. Pursed lips making gesture meaning affection.

Next then, exited for flight, mouth operative me flavored lingering salt of mother’s great sorrow. Bound for infinite destruction.

Begins here, today of this agent’s noble demise.

For official record, squander final dawn housed luxury hotel
. Observe television viewing appliance, program
. Witness American president
speak small announcement, likely by night of today president in addition deceased. Millions deceased. Careful hands operative me pack final preparation, steel metal canister approximate size can for refuse. In actual, formerly galvanized can housing garbage. Stenciled encircling exterior can, English letter words: “Peace Machine.” Executed utilizing Day-Glo pink-color paint. Garnished many depictions daisy plant, singing bluebird trilling musical note. Decorated plethora arched rainbow. Scripted more-small letters, labeled “Path to Permanent Global Peace.”

Invention so eradicate every strife within single generation humanity. Craft world happy sunshine peace. Beneficent lovely flower peace.

Into mirror of toilet room, this agent offer face shining facsimile expression smile. Practice briefly repeating lips operative me making multiple such false smile.