Recovery (12 page)

Gasping out loud, I take a deep breath, as though I haven’t had oxygen in days. I attempt to open my eyes, but when the bright lights practically scorch my irises, I’m forced to squeeze them shut. Wiggling my fingers and toes, I breathe a sigh of relief that I can once again move them.

Where am I?

I hear a beeping monitor, people walking up and down the hall, doctors being called over the intercom…

Hospital.

Memories of my fall flood my mind.

The baby!

I open my eyes, not caring how much the light burns them, and raise my hands to my stomach to feel for him. My chin begins to tremble and my lip shudders when I find nothing. No tummy, no baby.

I turn my head and the tears roll down the side of my face onto the bed. As my eyes adjust, I see a head of light brown shaggy hair, topping the head lying on folded arms right next to mine. I try to speak, but my throat feels like I swallowed a cactus. I clear it and try again.

“Blake,” I whisper, although it feels like I’m screaming. He doesn’t move, so I try again, a little louder this time. “Blake.”

Raising my unusually heavy arm, I run my fingers over the top of his hair. “Blake, wake up,” I try one more time.

He groggily raises his head and barely opens his eyes. I give him a weak smile. “Hi.”

His eyes shoot wide open and as he jumps into a standing position, his chair falls backwards, crashing to the floor. “Alex!” He grabs the box lying on my flattened stomach and hits the call button.

“Blake, the baby? What happened?” Tears rolling down my face, I reach for him and gently, he takes my hand, enclosing it in his.

“He’s okay, Alex. The baby’s going to be fine.” I let out a thankful sob while Blake kisses my knuckles. “He’s in NICU, but his vitals are good. He’s strong, Alex, like you.” I let out another cry, and squeeze his hand. He moves near my head, where, while still holding my hand, he places the other on my cheek. Stroking it with his thumb, he shakes his head while speaking. His eyes fill with tears. “I thought I lost you, Alex.”

It’s at that moment that I realize just how exhausted he looks. Dark circles under his eyes, a light brown scruff that tells me he hasn’t shaved in a day or two, worry lines in his brow that must have introduced themselves onto his handsome face very recently, because I’ve never noticed them before. I place my hand over the one he’s resting on my cheek.

“I’m here, Blake. I’m not going anywhere.”

I give him a weak smile. “Looks like you’re stuck with me.”

His eyes, now overflowing with tears, hold mine. “You’re all I’ve ever wanted, Alex. And I plan on keeping you for a very long time.”

“Good,” I let out with a frail breath before the exhaustion consumes me.

When I wake, I hear Blake speaking in a low murmur. My eyes flutter a little before I can open them. Barely peeking out from underneath my heavy lids, I slowly turn my head and catch sight of three of the most beautiful sights I could ever ask to see.

Rylie’s in the middle of explaining something to Blake with her very animated hand gestures, obviously upset about something. My eyes get misty as I look her over; I swear she’s grown since I’ve been in here. She glances over at me and stills. Her movements cease and her eyes double in size. “Mommy! You’re awake!”

She runs over and tries to crawl on the bed, but Blake lifts her and gently sets her by my side. “I’m so happy to see you, Rylie! I missed you so much!” I delicately run my fingers over her brown spirals. She grabs my hand and holds it tightly.
Thank God it’s not the one with the IV.

“Sorry about that. I really hope we didn’t wake you,” Blake runs his hand through his hair. “But since you’re awake, Rylie has something to tell you, and she’s been waiting for a
very long time
for you to wake up.”

Blake’s eyes widen as he explains my daughter’s frustration. I fully open my eyes and give her my absolute attention.
This must be important.

“Well, what is it?” I ask.

She drops her eyes from mine, focusing them on the bland sheets covering my even more bland gown.
Can’t they get some happy colors in here?

“What is it, Rylie? Are you okay?” My heart rate picks up. I can say this with certainty; I hear it on the monitor.

She looks up at me with tears in her eyes. “Mommy, I didn’t pick up the skate like you told me to and you fell! All because of me!” She buries her head in my chest, shoulders shaking from her powerful sobs.

I widen my eyes and look up at Blake. I had no idea she would put two and two together so quickly.

“Rylie! No!” I raise my voice a little. “Sweetie, that was an accident. I don’t blame you. I would
never
blame you.” I let her cry for a while, and then lift her away from me, making sure she can see my eyes. “This is not your fault, baby. Don’t blame yourself. Accidents happen all the time, okay? You just have to make sure you try to keep them from happening.”

She wipes her nose with her sleeve, and it kind of makes me nauseated.

“Soooo…” I stall, trying to think of something to make her feel better.
Got it.
“Let’s make you part of the Accident Prevention Police.” Nycole lets out a loud laugh, and I shoot her a look that silences her immediately. I watch her cover her mouth, and I dip my head at her in return, demonstrating my thanks. My eyes move back to Rylie’s.

“Okay. So,
you,
my dear, are on accident duty. Anytime you see something that looks like it needs to be put up, or anything that could cause an accident, you pick it up, or come get me or Blake and let us know, okay. This job is
very
important, especially for when the baby comes home, okay? Do you think you can do that?” Flashing me her beautiful smile, her eyes light up and she looks to Blake for approval.

He nods his head at her before looking back to me. “Alex, there’s also something else that Rylie needs to tell you.” After giving me the signal that the news isn’t going to push me into cardiac arrest, Blake slowly steps back and nudges his head at Rylie.

“Well, what other exciting news do you have to share, my little stinky bee?”

She grins at me before opening her mouth as wide as physically possible and points to one of her bottom teeth. “I have a loose tooth, Mommy! Look, I can wiggle it. First Nycole, then Kyndall, now me!”

Placing my finger on her tooth, I move it back and forth. Sure enough, it’s loose. “Wow, Rylie! You are getting
so
big.”

After giving her a proud smile, I glance back up at Blake. “How is everything?”

“The baby’s doing great.” He shakes his head in disbelief. “The doctors can’t believe how well he’s doing, actually. He should be able to come home within the next couple of weeks.” He pauses. “And…before I forget, you might want to call Harlow. She’s blowing up my phone. I turned yours off after her last calling spree.” I giggle because I know exactly what he’s talking about.

“Okay, I’ll call her in a bit.”

I catch a glimpse of Kyndall, who’s standing just behind Blake’s legs, peeking out from behind him. My smile fades; I knew this would be the hardest for her. Headband in, pretty light blue tea length dress and of course, flip flops, her big blue-grey eyes meet mine. I motion for her to come to me and she slowly moves her feet in my direction to stand right beside Rylie. I run my hand down her cheek, trying to give her a little encouragement.

“Kyndall, I love you, sweetie. Mommy’s fine, I promise. I’m fine…the baby’s fine; everything’s going to be okay. Trust me.” I hold her beautiful eyes with mine until I see a relieved breath escape her lips and a slight smile appear on her face. I nod my head, letting her know I mean exactly what I say, and lightly skim her cheek once again with my fingers.

Nycole, in a pair of jean shorts and her favorite
One Direction
t-shirt, hair pulled back in a conservative ponytail, is also standing next to Blake, holding his hand. Being Nycole, she gives me time with the other girls before coming to me.
Wise beyond her years.

Once I’ve addressed the other two, she simply walks over to me and embraces my neck. I release my hand from Rylie’s and wrap my arms tightly around her. My eyes flood with tears as I look over her shoulder at Blake, who maintains his distance during my time with the girls. Hands in his pockets, he just watches from afar.

No, this will
not
do.

With Kyndall standing right next to me, her hands latched on the arm still embracing Nycole, and Rylie sitting on the bed beside my hip, her hand laid gently on my stomach, I reach for him. As he crosses the room and takes hold of my hand, a smile spreads across his beautiful, unshaven face, and there’s genuine happiness in his eyes, shining with tears of his own. He reaches with his other hand and places it on Rylie’s knee, completing our circle.

And even though we’ve said it before, it’s at this moment that it becomes truly clear in my mind, and I accept it without question.

Our
life.

From the hospital bed, I watch Blake packing up my clothes into the navy blue overnight bag. I’m still in a lot of pain, but, I’m here. Our baby is alive and doing well. My uterus was evidently taken as collateral damage, but surprisingly, I’m okay with that. I can’t explain it, but ever since I woke up, there’s a noticeable calm inside of me, instead of the constant worry and anxiety that I didn’t even realize I was feeling. I feel lighter, and it’s not the fact that I no longer have a baby or uterus in my body, although I’m sure that helps.

As Blake passes me, I extend my arm in front of him, blocking his path, and once I have his full attention, I pat the bed beside me. He grins down at me and takes a seat. The bed dips down beside me, and I smile at him as it creaks, protesting his weight. It does it every time, and every time I laugh. I have no idea why. Chuckling under his breath, he reaches and runs his knuckles down my cheek.

Grabbing his hand, I place his palm against my cheek and just hold it there for a while. His green eyes meet mine, and the love that fills them takes my breath away. I breathe in deeply and release his hand as he speaks. “You ready to go?”

I glance around the dreadful room. “Um, no. I would like to stay a bit longer, actually. I really like it here. The food is awesome, as well as the flattering hospital attire.” I let out a little laugh, but I stop when I remember that lovebug won’t be coming with us right now. “I feel bad, leaving him here.”

Blake’s lips press together and he lets out a sigh. “I know, but it’s for the best. He’s doing well and they said he would be able to come home in a few weeks if he continues gaining weight. Plus, we’ll come up here as much as we can,
together
.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Blake lowers himself down and brushes a feather light kiss on my lips. Placing his forehead against mine, he says, “He’s going to be fine, Alex.” I nod back at him, and after giving me a quick peck on my temple, he rises off the bed. It squeaks and I cup my hand over my mouth. Looking back over his shoulder, he shakes his head and reaches for the bags.

There’s a knock at the door, and soon after, I’m unloading myself from the wheelchair into the Suburban.

Taking Blake’s hand, I use
his
strength to push myself in, buckling myself as soon as I’m seated. I’m ready to get home. To
our
home.

Watching Blake round the front of the truck, I smile when I’m surrounded by his scent as he climbs into the driver’s seat. Taking in a deep breath, I close my eyes and press my head back. With my eyes still shut, I reach out, and Blake takes my hand, setting it on his thigh as he turns the key and starts the ignition. After giving it a small squeeze, he releases my hand leaving it on his leg and puts the truck in drive. My eyes remain closed as we make the short drive to the house.

Once we arrive, the front door is thrown open, and my three beautiful girls haul it to my side of the truck, smiling and clapping before Blake even has a chance to turn off the ignition. I look over at him and smile.

“They love me, what can I say?”

“That they do.” He leans and swipes his finger across my cheek. “As do I, Alex, so much.” Placing his hand on the back of my neck, he gently pulls me toward him and places his warm lips on mine. I smile against them and he does the same.

“I guess we shouldn’t keep them waiting.”

Releasing me, he reaches for his door handle. “Yeah, they’ve definitely missed you.”

Blake opens his door and steps out. The girls attack him first, and with his arms around them, he lifts all three off the ground at the same time. I watch them scream and giggle when he does, unable to fight the smile on my face. After setting them back down, he whispers something to them, and they all turn to face me, excitement filling their eyes. He makes his way to my door, and after opening it, gently helps me out. As soon as my foot hits the pavement, the girls rush me, but are very gentle as the two smaller ones hug my legs and Nycole captures my waist. I take a moment to look at each of them, and say a silent prayer thanking God for blessing me with these three lovely angels. After a few more seconds, they grab my hands, and slowly lead me towards the house.

Once inside, I find myself
gently
tackled by Harlow. Pointing her index finger right in my face, she gives me a shortened lecture, one that without doubt I will have the luxury of listening to in full at a later time. “Don’t you ever do that to me again, you understand me?” She places her arms around my shoulders, squeezing me so tightly, I find it hard to breathe.

“Harlow, I…can’t…breathe…”

Releasing me, she sets her hands on my shoulders and narrows her eyes. “I’m leaving, because I know enough to give you your time with your family, but know that I
will
be back, and you and I
will
discuss what happened,
in length
, and it’s not going to be pretty.” She gives me a small smile before letting me go.

I giggle at her threat. “I love you, Harlow.”

“Love you too, babe.” She turns to Blake and throws her thumb over her shoulder in my direction. “Watch her.”

I can tell he’s also trying not to laugh. There’s just something extra funny about Harlow when she attempts to be threatening. “On it,” is all Blake says. He glances at me with wide eyes, and I giggle again.

She turns and embraces the girls before heading on her way.

Once she’s gone, the girls once again latch onto my hands. “We have a surprise for you!”

I look at Blake and this time it’s my eyes that are wide. He smiles and gestures towards the bedroom.
A surprise in there?
Darn, I was kind of hoping for that chairlift since I obviously have a healthy fear of those damn stairs now.

With Nycole and Kyndall leading me and Blake holding Rylie on his hip, we make our way down the hallway. As we walk, I find myself overwhelmed by the smell of…paint?
Why would they paint our bedroom?

But as we get closer, the light bulb goes off in my brain and a smile spreads slowly across my face. I’m going to have to find a new excuse for my dimwittedness as my pregnancy card has officially expired.

Coming to a halt in front of the baby’s room, the girls drop my hands. “Shut your eyes, Mommy.” I throw Blake a sideways look, grin still present on my face. Looking back towards the door, I take in an excited breath and close my eyes. I hear the doorknob turn and the shuffle of Blake setting Rylie down on the ground. A light breeze blows as she passes by my body and through my eyelids I can tell they’ve turned on the light. A masculine hand threads through mine, slowly leading me into the room. “Okay! You can look now, Mommy!”

I slowly open my eyes.

And laugh.

Canary yellow…everywhere.

And I
totally
love
it!

But even if I didn’t, it wouldn’t matter because who cares what freakin’ color the bedroom is? This moment, right now, the love in this room…
this
is what matters.

Squeezing Blake’s hand, I continue to survey the room. The crib is set up in the corner, with the elephant, giraffe, and monkey mobile we bought hanging at one end. The dresser is assembled and pressed flush against the wall. The changing table is right in between. I look at the walls, and note that there are animals painted everywhere, definitely by children, and they couldn’t be more perfect.

I turn to look at the yellow wall behind me. As soon as my eyes land on it, I gasp out loud and raise the hand not attached to Blake’s to cover my mouth. Because painted in the center of the wall, is a huge butterfly, just like the one in the park.
Nycole –
I would recognize her artwork anywhere.

My eyes move, catching hers, and in that moment, the day replays itself in my mind. The butterfly, giving her actual butterfly kisses on the cheek and her eyes filling with pure joy at the sight of it fluttering above her head.

Yeah, there’s no doubt in my mind that she understands exactly what happened that day.

And between our glance, something in my heart just knows. It knows that Derek’s watching out, not only for me, but
all
of us.

As soon as the thought crosses my mind, I feel the air shift and a familiar sensation surrounds me. It’s indescribable, but I know that I’ve felt it before, and something about it eases my soul. I can’t put my finger on it, but I know I
have
experienced it, and it’s telling me something.

One look into Blake’s beautiful light green eyes and I know without a doubt in my mind
what it’s saying.

It’s telling me that I’m
exactly
where I’m supposed to be.

And that I’m not going anywhere for a very,
very
long time.