Rewired (The Progress Series) (10 page)

No matter how strong I think I am, there’s always going to be someone that will be able to shred me in a second. And I think I’ll probably spend the better part of my life trying to avoid them.

Desperate for more answers, different answers, Sam sought out Angie and Karalee. He and Charlie hadn’t spent much time with them in the past year, but he knew their friendships stemmed further back to Charlie’s childhood. His only other option was to go to Karen or Sabrina, but he didn’t want to reveal to her family that Charlie had cheated on him. So he drove to The Crimson after work the next day and hurried around the restaurant looking for the first familiar female employee.

It had been several months, and her hair seemed shorter than he remembered, but he saw a manager in the bar area that resembled Karalee.

When she saw him from across the room, a recollecting smile surfaced on her face, along with an almost instant grimace. She exhaled and scratched her forehead as she walked toward Sam.

He glanced down at her nametag. “I thought that was you. How have you been?”

She nodded with dismay.

He nodded back and attempted a smile. “You know why I’m here.”

“I think so,” she said, visibly distraught. “I don’t know what I can tell you, though. Here, have a seat.” Gesturing to the booth in the corner, she grabbed two waters and sat down with him.

“I take it you know all the details, then?” he asked, agitated.

Taking a sip through the straw, she hesitated. “No. I mean, I’ve only spoken to Charlie briefly in the past few weeks. But, I can tell you for sure that if Jesse is back in town…you have nothing but trouble ahead of you.”

“That’s his name? Jesse?”

Karalee winced. “Shit. I thought you knew more than I did.”

He raked his hand through his hair. “This is what I know…” Holding up his fingers, he counted off the facts of the past month. “One, I asked her to marry me and she accepted. Two, I left for
New York and while I was there, she cheated on me.” Karalee’s eyes widened and she covered her gasp with her hand. “Three, I try to come to terms with it and surprise her with a reunion at her company’s award ceremony. And four, she abandons me in the parking lot before we can talk about it.”

Karal rubbed her forehead and took a deep breath. “Jesse is someone that worked here last year. In fact, she was still a little hung up on him when you showed up and asked her on your first date.”

“She never told me she was in a relationship then.”

“She wasn’t.”

“You’ve lost me.” Sam shook his head. “Had they just broken up? Why wouldn’t she tell me about him?”

“Oh god. I would imagine she probably felt the same way I do right now. I have no idea how to start that story.” Shaking her head, she looked toward the front doors to make sure the dinner rush hadn’t started yet. “I don’t know how much time I have right now, but feel free to ask me questions and I’ll answer them the best I can. The rush will start any minute.”

He nodded. “How well do you know Charlie? I mean, what would make her do something like this? I thought I knew her, I thought…”

“Okay, let me start off by saying that I don’t know her as well as Angie does. But when it comes to Jesse, I know more than I ever wanted to. That man sucks every last ounce of energy from you, and the shit he says sticks with you, forever. He is one messed up son of a bitch.”

“Then
why
? Why would she… How could she let this happen?”

Karalee shrugged. “I guess you had to be here. They had this weird connection. No one in this place, and I mean
no one
, liked him. Well, once they got to know him anyway. He was a slut and an ass and a head case.”

“Head case?”

“Yeah, like…mentally insane.” Scratching her forehead, she paused. “No, that’s not fair. He wasn’t insane. But he sure acted like it sometimes.”

“What are we talking about here? Like the rocking-yourself-in-the-fetal-position-in-the-corner kind of insane? Or the violent-felon-I’ll-murder-you-in-your-sleep kind of insane?”

“With Jesse it was always so hard to tell. I’d say he was capable of both. He did get violent with her once, and he was always coming to work with fresh bruises and black eyes. But then there were some days he was like a little kitten, and all he wanted was a small stroke to his ego.” She shrugged. “Charlie was able to give that to him whenever he wanted it.”

“He hit her?” Sam said, furiously gritting his teeth.

She put up her hands. “Wait, now I didn’t say that. I don’t know what happened between the two of them that night—but Angie might. She mentioned something to me about it shortly after it happened.” Karal glanced back toward the door as two families were ushered to their seats. “I only have a few minutes before I have to leave…”

“What’s wrong with him?”

“What do you mean?”

Sam sat staring at the table, chewing the inside of his cheek. “Charlie wouldn’t be with him unless she felt like she could help him. What’s wrong with him?”

Karalee sighed and leaned in toward him. “Okay, but you gotta promise me you aren’t going to tell anyone I told you this.” Sam nodded. “When we got back from the cabin last year, I decided to take a peek at his employee records—only because I was genuinely concerned with Charlie and Jesse’s relationship. They were just friends, or at least, that’s what they claimed. But something didn’t sit right with me. The only thing I could find in his file was his previous employer’s information, social security number,” she leaned in and whispered softly, “…a bipolar diagnosis, and an alias.”

“An alias? That’s kinda strange, don’t you think? Do you remember the name?”

“I’m going to get into so much trouble…”

“Karalee, look. I know you don’t know me very well, but I’m not a vengeful kind of guy. I have no intentions of using this information against Charlie, Jesse, or anyone. I’ll keep my mouth shut. I guarantee it. But if you know Charlie like I do, she’s the kind of person who always thinks she has the answers. She always thinks she can solve everyone’s problems, make the world better. She thinks that somehow she’s going to be able to find the right words to help every suffering person, creature, and being on the damned planet. If she thinks she can help him, she’s going to damn well try. What I need to know is whether or not she’s in any immediate danger. So if you could give me all the information you can on Jesse, then I can find out what she’s gotten herself into and what exactly it is that we’re dealing with in this guy.”

She swallowed. “His full name is Jesse James Anders. His alias is Jesse James Sanborn.”

“Karalee! I need your help over here!” the hostess shouted across the bar.

“I gotta go. Please, keep me posted. Here,” she said, pulling her business card and pen from her pocket. Scribbling her phone number on the back of the card, she said, “This is my number. Call me with any information you get.”

“Thank you, Karal.”

“Have a good evening, Sam.” She turned to walk away and he called her back.

“One more question. Do you know an Aaron Paulson?”

Karal nodded and reluctantly walked back to the table. “Yes. He’s the one that always made fun of Charlie in high school,” she said sympathetically. Her head shot up in sudden thought. “He was also Charlie’s doctor last year, when she got into the accident. Angie told me he acted exactly the same.”

Sam’s eyes opened wide.
That was him?
He dug far into his mind, trying to recall the doctor that evening and the words Charlie had said to him.

“I learned two things in knowing you, Aaron. The first is that I’m a waste of a human being…the second was to never trust anyone…”

Sam dug his phone out of his pocket on the way out of the restaurant and dialed.

“Yes, I need the listing for a Doctor Aaron Paulson near Minneapolis, please.”

“So you said on the phone yesterday that you needed to speak with me over an urgent matter,” said Doctor Paulson, leading Sam into a sterile office inside a small clinic. “What can I help you with?”

“I was wondering if you could tell me a little bit about the adult effects of emotional abuse as a child,” Sam said, sitting down. The office was decorated in neutral tones. A small picture frame atop the desk, the curtains, and the chairs offered splashes of blue around the otherwise dull room.

Dr. Paulson’s brow furrowed as he let out a sigh. “I’m afraid you must have me mistaken for another doctor. I don’t specialize in psychology.” He stood, reaching for Sam’s hand. “I’m sorry you came all the way down here only to be disappointed that I don’t have the answers you need. But if you’d like, I can refer you—”

“No. There’s no mistake. You’re exactly who I was looking for.” Sam stared at the doctor’s hand as it retreated to his pocket.

“I’m not sure I understand.”

Sam’s face shifted and his chin dipped downward. “Sit down, please,” he said. Quickly, the doctor took his seat again and cocked his head to one side, waiting for Sam to clarify. “I know you don’t specialize in psychology. But I’m in a slight situation here that needs your clarification.” By this point, Sam had chewed the inside of his cheek to a raw pulp. Gathering his strength to tame his anger, he clenched the arms of the chair and took a deep breath. “Let me sum this up for you: An impressionable young girl, in her high school days, gets bullied and picked on by just about everyone at school. It devastates her, gives her bouts of depression, and she even attempts suicide once or twice. I just wanted your best assessment on what might happen to a girl like that as she becomes an adult. It’s Psychology 101.”

Unaware of who Sam was or his affiliation with Charlie, the doctor offered all the information he had on the subject. “The mind is a strange place. We as doctors know a lot, but not enough. What little I do know about psychology probably won’t be beneficial to you, but I would imagine it depends on how this young lady handled her experiences, whether or not she received any therapy, and if she had strong family support. Everyone’s mind processes things differently. For example, if you were to fall off your bike as a child, you may just get right back on the next day, taking very little courage to do so. But for someone else, they may never ride a bike again.”

Sam nodded. “Continue.”

“Well, in regards to the young lady, I would imagine it’s quite likely that if she never truly healed from this kind of damage as a young person, she’d get caught up in believing she deserved a cycle of abuse, never believing that she deserved good things in life.” Doctor Paulson exhaled. “Or in another scenario, she could spend years pitying herself.” The doctor looked down and away, then regained eye contact with Sam. “But in the best-case scenario—which is what we all hope for—she found strength in her triumph of overcoming the abuse she experienced.”

Sam nodded. “Tell me a little more about the cycle of abuse,” he said.

“Well, it can mean a few different things.” Paulson shifted in his seat. “For some that experience those kinds of things, they will repeat the abuse to others—the insults, the teasing…often to feel bigger or better about themselves.” He leaned forward on his desk, clasping his hands together. “And for others, the cycle of abuse can mean that they get stuck subconsciously seeking out those who will hurt them in the same manner as their childhood. For example, a woman who was emotionally abused may continue to date or marry people with whom she feels familiar, thus causing her cycle of abuse to continue.”

“Why would she do that?” asked Sam.

Paulson smirked. “Because there’s comfort in consistency. We seek out those who can provide us best with what we know, what we’re comfortable with, and what we think we deserve. People with low self-esteem don’t know they’re afflicted with it unless someone tells them otherwise. Most abusers prey on people like that.”

Sam’s jaw clenched and his nostrils flared. His knee bounced and he could no longer contain his temper. “So what’s your fucking excuse?”

“Pardon me?” The doctor sat back in his chair, insulted with Sam’s language.

Shaking his head, Sam leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “I want to know who made you feel so shitty about yourself that you had to go and pick on an innocent girl like my fiancée. I want you to give me one tiny reason not to kick the shit out of you right now.”

“I think you should leave. This appointment is becoming inappropriate. I’m not a psychiatrist; I’m just offering you my opinion as a medical doctor. So if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be leaving now. I suggest you do the same before I call security.”

Sam laughed. “Security? Right. Because you have security in this building. And why don’t you sit the fuck down, Aaron. I’m not through with you yet. I’ve got more questions, and you’re the only one with the answers,” he said, his voice deep and laced with threat.

After quickly taking his seat, Paulson failed to remain calm, sitting on his hands to still them.

“Let’s start over. Hello, Doctor Paulson. My name is Samuel Bordeaux. You don’t know me, but you know someone very close to my heart. She’s the strongest, most beautiful person I’ve ever met. She’s the kind of girl that you wait your whole life for and when you finally find her, you have no intentions of ever letting go. Until one day, someone from her past shows up. And before you realize it, you’re researching the motivations of a girl you thought you knew, and you stumble across some old journal entries of hers.”