Rissa and Tregare (4 page)

"Out of practice," said Hawkman.

"Perhaps." She did not feel up to joking and left it at that.

His long arm reached; he touched her wrist. "Are you all right?"

Feeling wonder at what she did, she took his hand in both of hers and held it to her face. Against her wil, sobs broke forth and would not stop. When the first paroxysm ebbed, she raised her head and shook it, tears streaming, then pressed her face again to his hand as the sobbing racked her. Finaly she was done with it and looked up, blinking.

"Rissa, girl-what's wrong?" It was Liesel who spoke.

"It's-all right now," said Rissa. "I did not know what was weighing on me these past days. But now I dp, and it is fin-ished." Hawkman broke in. "What was it, then?"

"You will not laugh?"

"Laugh?
Of course not!"

"All right, then-it was that I had not yet grieved for dal Nardo."

"
You
what?"

"Dal Nardo?"

"Grieved
for him?"

"My father once said that those who kil and do not grieve for kiling wil rot and die of it. I was very young; although the words stayed in my mind, I did not know what he meant. Now I do."

"But-" Sparline sounded incredulous. "Dal Nardo? I mean, he-"

As though not hearing, Rissa said, "Once before, only, I kiled-the policebitch, the Commitee's bloodhound at Hok-kaido. But there I had no warning and no choice; she would have taken me back to Welfare. So I did what I did-and never saw her face behind the mask. But stil, briefly, I felt a pang."

She looked at each of them; none spoke. "But dal Nardo-I did see him-good or bad, he was
real.
And I did have a choice-I
could
have changed identities, or run off-planet. But instead I chose to challenge and to kill.''

She saw raised eyebrows and shook her head. "It has noth-ing to do with what he was or his intent toward me. I
chose
his death, so I must bear its weight. Perhaps of Blaise Tendal's also, to some extent. And until now I had not done so." She tried to laugh, but failed. "None of you understand? Then I suppose you think me deranged." Liesel said, "No, child, you're sane enough-maybe too sane for your own good. No-my thought is, damned few people can be trusted with power. I think you may be one of them."

Sparline: "I've always avoided killing; maybe now I see why."

And Hawkman, his hand still gripped between Rissa's, said, "I wish I'd known your father. He sounds like a man who knew a lot of truth."

For a moment, Rissa had to clench her teeth-she would
not
cry again. She squeezed Hawkman's hand and released it; in-voluntarily she sighed. "Well, then, thank you for hearing me out. I had not intended to parade my feelings-for that I apologize. I-"

Lips pursed, Liesel made a rude sound. "Stop it! You don't have to put your armor back together
this
late at night. Either let me pour you a nightcap-
I'm
having one-or trundle off."

Rissa stared. "I-I will have the nightcap, thank you."

"That's better. All around?" Liesel poured for each and raised her glass. "Here's to people who try to know what they're doing!"

The four touched glasses; Rissa drained hers in one gulp. Setting it down, she said, "I know what / am doing, this minute-I am going to bed."

Upstairs she lay awake awhile, thinking, testing her feelings. Yes, now she was free of it. Her thoughts turned to her prob-lem with Tregare, but before she could form it clearly, fatigue struck. She sighed and relaxed and let sleep come. next morning, seeking Ernol, she snacked in the kitchen. He did not appear, but she learned where he was working-a room on the Lodge's main corridor. She found the door slightly ajar but rapped on it anyway.

"Come in!" She entered; Ernol rose behind his desk. "Good morning. How do you like my office?" He moved another chair near the desk; both sat. "I'm learning so much so fast-I just hope I don't forget half of it."

"You wil manage, and I am glad for you. Ernol, I have had no chance to thank you for-for catching the knife. But I do thank you-though not now in the way I had intended."

"You had?" He grinned, then sobered. "Yes-as things are-wel, I'l take word for deed and glad to have it." He paused, watching her. She said, "Yesterday-I am sorry I interrupted you, but the gate was not closed." He laughed. "Oh, you didn't interrupt-just startled us. If you'd stayed, we'd have stopped, of course, out of courtesy."

"I hoped you had not seen me, either of you. But Sparline reassured me that I did not offend."

"What else-if it's all right to say-did she tell you?"

He is putting me in the middle-I must not allow that.
"We talked of . . . several things. Perhaps you should ask more specifically."

His hands clenched together. "It's the business of marriage. Being lovers-maybe she told you-doesn't affect my work, with the others here. But if we marry-she wants to and peace knows I'll do whatever she wants-it'll be said I did it for status. I'd be caught up in house-politics. Wel, I wouldn't like that but I could put up with it-for me. But-you see-it's insult to
her,
too." He freed his hands from each other and spread them wide.

"Yes, Ernol-I see that."

"The truth is, if she weren't the
woman
she is, I wouldn't marry her for al the status on this world." Hands now flat on the desk, he leaned forward. "You believe that?"

"I believe it." She decided, and spoke. "What Sparline told me is that while she does wish marriage, Liesel must not know of that wish until you have had time to prove your worth to Hulzein Lodge more fuly. Does this satisfy your concern?" His breath came out in a huge sigh. "Then she does under-stand-I hadn't been sure, quite. Thank you, Ms. Obrigo." 

"I am sure you call Sparline by her first name, in private. Why not me, also?"

"All right, then-thanks, Tari." The name startled her; then she realized Ernol had heard no other. The correction could wait.

"No need-I am still in your debt-but welcome." She rose. "And I must not keep you longer from your work." She left him and walked a few minutes outdoors, before returning to her room and the never-ending mass of business papers waiting there. As usual, she became absorbed in the facts the dry figures conveyed, and would have read through lunchtime had Liesel not caled by intercom.

downstairs she found Liesel picking at a large snack tray. "Not much appetite, today. You want to order something more solid?"

"Thank you, no. This wil do for me, also." She ate slowly and said litle.

Once Liesel said, "What do you think-" and stopped.

"Of what?"

"No-that one I have to figure out for myself, I guess."

"If you do not share it, then I suppose you do."

"Later, maybe I wil." The words were unclear, but Rissa thought she understood. Then Liesel said, "You're going with Bran soon-to his base across the Hils?"

"Yes, but I do not know
how
soon."

"Or how long you'll stay?" Rissa shook her head. "Then most likely you'l miss the next Board meeting of Bleeker, Ltd. Wil you give me your proxy, good for a month?"

"Of course-but why only a month? If I go to space with Bran-no, make it indefinite, valid until revoked. And a gen-eral power of attorney, as Erika holds for me on earth.'

"You think you'll go on
Inconnu?'

"Bran thinks not. But I do not fancy being a manless wife for years at a time, so for me the mater is not settled until the fact."

"Can't blame you. On the other hand, you can't establish yourself here very wel if you go off sky-hooting within the year. Wel, we won't solve it al this minute. Let's sign those papers and have that much out of the way, at least.'

They did so, and Rissa went to her room. On her viewscreen a light blinked; she turned a switch and Tregare's face ap-peared, a bandage over part of his left cheek. He smiled briefly, then said, "I was hoping to catch you in per-son-never mind, though. The message is, I'm finished up, here. I'll be back there sometime tonight. Late, probably; don't wait up. Might start packing, if you want-we can leave for the scoutship tomorrow."

He touched the bandage. "Don't worry about this; I'm not hurt or anything." He paused, then said, "You know some-thing? I've missed you a lot." The screen went blank.

Rissa caled Maison Renale. A recorded voice answered. "Occupant has vacated. No relay code was given." She shrugged, cut the circuit and called Liesel, telling her of Tregare's cal.

"Good thing he lets
somebody
know-I haven't heard from him in-oh, the past four days, I suppose. He said nothing more? Just that he's coming tonight and you two leaving to-morrow?"

"That we
can
leave-not that we must.''

"Nothing wrong with tomorrow-after all, you're not going off-planet yet, are you?"

"I would think not."

"Well, I want to see him before you leave. You'll tell him?"

"Of course."

she thought of packing and decided the chore was too slight to merit doing in advance. She went outside and walked up-trail an hour, then back, enjoying the pul of muscles and the complete lack, now, of pain. As she neared the Lodge, a flash of light caught her attention; at a table on a roof-deck now facing the sun, Hawkman sat, apparently nude. He motioned toward an outside stair, narrow and steep; she climbed it and joined him.

He was shorts-clad, not nude, and what he had waved to catch her eye was a wine flagon, now half-full. He laughed and said, "I'm enjoying the pleasure of good wine in sunlight.

Sit and have some? Your walk probably gut-dried you well enough."

"Thank you." She drained half the glass to quench thirst, then sipped. "It is pleasant here-I had not noticed this place before." She told him of Tregare's call. "I am glad he returns."

"I'm glad he's here at all, after so long. My thanks, Rissa."

She shook her head. "It was largely luck, my part. And perhaps bad luck that he did not come sooner, in earlier times."

"I'l settle for now, and the way it
did
happen." He laughed again. " 'Perhaps' never won stakes, Rissa-it applies only to the future, never to the past."

They talked of other things-her study of the politics and economics of Number One. The "private money," such as Bleeker's certificates, was new to her-he explained how it worked as a handy credit device, and how, if used carelessly, it could ruin the user. "The Hulzeins issue it sparingly," he said. "We prefer to deal in others' paper; it's safer." They discussed trends and situations on the planet. Finaly he said, "You've got most of it, and rapidly. But one thing you're missing. Just because the landowners' power lessens as industry develops, don't sell land short. Industry needs it as much as farms and herds do-in the end, here the same as on Earth, it gains the value of what's built on it. Remember that, for you'l be here to see it happen-especially if I've guessed right and you're not done stretching your years by star travel." His brows slanted as he raised them. "Well? Am I right?"

"In al respects, I think-except that I do not know
when
I wil next travel."

"Well, at your age that's no matter. Here-a last glass before we lose the sun?" Emptying the flagon, he poured their glasses ful. Reddening as it sank, Number One's sun neared the hor-izon. The light breeze grew chill; the sipped wine warmed Rissa's stomach. She saw Hawkman's gaze intent on her. "Is there something?"

"My womenfolks, and their games about the boy Ernol." She began to speak but he waved her silent. "Rissa, don't let them involve you in their web of interlocking confidences -this to be kept from one and that from the other. They're Hulzeins, that's all-it's in the genes, and no malice to it. I learned that before I was twenty." Now the sun touched the horizon; he held his glass toward it; refracted light purpled his cheeks and forehead. "Sun-set seen through wine," he said. "Beautiful." Then; "Their games needn't worry you. The reason is that Liesel can-always could-read Sparline like an open book. Almost as if
all
their genes, not just half, were the same. Don't tel Sparline that, of course." Rissa drained her glass; she rose abruptly. "Damn! Now
you
are doing it! Hawkman, do you suppose the Hulzein genes are venereally contagious?" The jest drained her momentary anger; when he laughed, she did also. Then she said, "And can she read her son as wel as her daughter?"

"Not likely. If anyone can read Bran Tregare, Rissa, it's yourself." He stood. "Come on-let's go to our ablutions and meet at dinner. Wine and sun give me a fine appetite."

rissa, Liesel, Hawkman, and Sparline-with an empty place for Tregare. Remembering Hawkman's words, Rissa observed the game-Liesel circling in on the subject of Ernol while pretending interest in something quite different, Sparline answering the pretenses and ignoring the real thrusts. Fascin-ated, Rissa followed the several levels of meaning with real en-joyment. Then Liesel, balked on one line, tried another. "I need someone to handle liaison with the outland holdings-but I can't think who. Hawkman-Sparline-whose work has im-pressed you lately?"

Hawkman shrugged. Rissa thought,
That is a weak move; she is running low on ideas.

Sparline said, "Right now, the cook's; this meat's deli-cious. ' Rissa could not hold back her laugh; it rang.

"Well," said Liesel. "I didn't think it was
that
funny."

"By itself, no-but al of it-you and Sparline, like two cats playing, each pretending the other is a mouse." Red-faced, Liesel scowled. "And of course you know what it's all about-don't you?"

"I would never claim to know all-about
anything.
If I have offended you, I did not mean to. I am sorry."

"Don't think to beg off with apologies! Tell me what you know!"

Rissa stood. "I beg for nothing, and I tel only what I wish to tell. Perhaps it is as well that Tregare and I leave here tomorrow. "She turned away.

"Wait!" Hawkman's voice, almost a shout. "Liesel-Rissa-this is partly my fault, I think-but
only
partly. Rissa, don't be so quick to take hurt from a strong woman's lapse into habits of authority. And Liesel! You know better, if you think, than to try such methods on this young woman." He paused, waiting.