Safe Harbor 2: Hiding in Plain Sight (2 page)

Joe understood. The military was exactly the same way. He nodded. “You speak excellent English.”

Vladimir’s brows shot up. “They, um, they put promising players in English classes very young in Russia, so we can communicate when we come over here to play.”

“Ah.” The server dropped off their beers, and they waved away menus. “So you’ve never, ever told anyone?”

“No, never.” Vladimir shook his head, his mouth curled into a sneer. “I didn’t even accept myself until after I got kicked off the Olympic team. I would not believe it of myself.”

Joe remained silent, hoping Vladimir would keep talking. He did, though he was now playing with the condensation on the side of his beer glass and not meeting Joe’s gaze.

“I kept trying with girls, but I couldn’t even get or keep an erection, and even when I…” Vladimir stopped talking and bit his lip. “When I…you know…”

“Jerked off?”

Vladimir cleared his throat. “Yes. Even then I couldn’t. I didn’t know what I really wanted. Or didn’t admit it to myself.”

“Haven’t you ever been attracted to one of your teammates? I mean, you’re around fit, naked men all the time.”

The same horrified expression from earlier made an appearance. “No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know. I’m just not.”

Joe nodded. He was familiar with the feeling. “Up until a short time ago, you were probably so deep in the closet, you didn’t even consider it.”

“I don’t know,” he repeated. “I do not want to think about that.”

“Have you ever been attracted to a man? Any man?” Vladimir pressed his lips together. “Vladimir, you need to talk to someone about it, and you might as well start with me. At least you know I won’t judge you.”

Finally Vladimir asked, “How do I know I can trust you?”

Joe shrugged. “You don’t, really, except I give you my word. I don’t take stuff like this casually. I know how hard it can be to live in the world as a gay man.”

Vladimir nodded and blew out a breath. “I guess I have been attracted. Sort of.”

“What does that mean?” Joe asked.

Vladimir answered him with an impatient huff, charming the hell out of Joe. He fought a smile.

“I have sort of been attracted to men.” Vlad shifted, his face turning red.

Joe’s head was spinning. “How can you be
sort of
attracted?”

Vladimir’s face flushed with red. “Gay porn.”

“Excuse me?”

“I am attracted to the men in gay porn. And since they are on a screen and I will never meet them, yes, sort of attracted.”

“So you’ve discovered gay porn?”

Vladimir gave a humorless laugh. “Oh yes. I watch it all the time. I’m afraid one of my teammates will catch me, though, so I try not to when we are on the road. That’s how I finally figured out how to have an orgasm when I am alone. I thought about the scenes in the movies.”

Joe was glad Vladimir was finally starting to unwind. His forearms were now leaning on the table, and while he still played with his glass, he was no longer trying to hide behind it. His shoulders, which had been scrunched up practically to his ears, were beginning to relax, and the little lines on his face were disappearing. Joe signaled for two more beers. He was only about a third through his, but Vladimir was nearly finished. They still had a lot to talk about, a lot for Joe to piece together.

Vladimir rose, and Joe feared he was bolting. He glanced around.

“Bathroom?”

A heavy sense of relief that the guy wasn’t running away flooded Joe.
What the hell?
Joe jerked his thumb toward the back of the place, but words eluded him as his mouth went dry as the Sahara when he got a good look at Vladimir’s ass. His dick woke up in a hurry. The back view was outstanding.

Joe attempted to discreetly adjust himself in his now way-too-fucking-tight jeans. He only wore them to Reggie’s or another gay hangout, knowing they made his dick and ass look good. An old fuck buddy had clued him in on that little gem. But he wasn’t used to the more constricting fit, and things were getting pretty freaking uncomfortable down there.

He waited for Vladimir to return to the table.
What were we talking about?
The thread of the conversation had completely flown from his mind when he’d spotted that delicious bubble butt. Joe frowned. He wasn’t so old he should be having memory lapses, even though sometimes it felt like he was, given the way his body ached from old injuries. Joe ran his right thumb over the back of his left hand. And newer ones.

Vladimir slid back into the booth. Joe looked up.

“What?”

Joe startled. “Huh?”

“You are looking at me funny.”

Fuck.

“Nothing. I just—” He looked away for a second before facing Vladimir again. How to explain that he was staring at the guy’s full lips and wondering what they’d feel like wrapped around his cock? To go with those lips made for sin and a set of ice-blue eyes, Vladimir had dark blond, spiky hair along with chiseled cheekbones and jaw. He reminded Joe of Iceman in his favorite movie,
Top Gun
, but was way hotter. Joe shook his head briefly to clear it. “What were we talking about?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does. I understand all this stuff. I’ve been through a lot of it, and you need someone to talk to.” He closed his eyes.
I shouldn’t ask. I shouldn’t ask
. Forcing them open, he bit the bullet, so to speak. “I assume you’ve never been with a man?”

Vladimir’s eyes widened. “No.”

“Not even kissed?” Oh yeah, his cock was very interested in this conversation. The thought of being Vlad’s first nearly had Joe passing out as the blood flow headed south at the speed of a freight train.

“No.”

“Shit.”

“Why are you upset about that?”

Vladimir tilted his head, assessing him, and Joe fell back on his years of military training and schooled his expression into a friendly smile. He didn’t want to scare the hell out of the kid.

“It’s just a shame. A good-looking guy like you?”

Vladimir smiled for the first time, and Joe gripped the edge of the table to stop himself from reaching out and caressing the man’s face. His smile transformed him completely. Whereas he’d had an austere look before, now his face appeared younger, more boyish. Both were sexy as fuck, and Joe wanted to get to know the different sides of the man sitting across the table. The desire scared the hell out of him.

At this stage in his life, he didn’t have the patience to deal with a closet case, especially not one with the baggage this guy carried on his broad shoulders.

“You think I am good-looking?”

Joe’s teeth clacked together. “How could I not? I’m a gay man, and I have a pulse.”

Another flush spread through Vladimir’s face. “No one has ever told me that.” He shook his head. “Well, not true. No one ever said it who really meant it. Girls would when they wanted to have sex with me.”

“Did you ever…finish with a girl?” Joe tried not to shudder at the image.

“Yeah, a couple of times. And I did other stuff, so they’d be happy.”

He made a face, and Joe had to concentrate to keep a laugh inside. “I’m sorry.”

Vladimir frowned. “Why?”

“Because no one should have to live like that. I did, and it sucked. I’m ex-military. Are you familiar with ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’?” Vladimir nodded. “It was repealed.” At Vladimir’s confused look, Joe said, “They did away with it. But even so, my military buddies weren’t exactly gonna go to a gay sports bar with me to watch a football game or offer to stand up with me at a gay marriage ceremony. Yeah, not hardly. So while I was in the army, I played at being straight.”

“What about now?”

“You mean am I out now?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t advertise my sexuality, but if asked a direct question, I don’t lie. It’s no one’s business, and since I’m not in the army anymore, I can be myself without worrying about getting kicked out.”

“Can I ask a question?”

Joe raised an eyebrow. “Sure.”

“What’s with your left hand?”

Flexing said offending appendage and realizing he’d been unconsciously rubbing it, Joe said, “Ah, yes, the reason I’m ex-military.”

“You don’t have to talk about it,” Vladimir rushed to say.

Joe waved him off. “It’s fine. During a mission, I took a fall and kinda landed on my neck and spine.”

Vladimir gasped. “Holy shit.”

With a smile Joe knew probably looked more like a grimace, he said, “Yeah. When everything healed, there was leftover nerve damage and scar tissue, both of which cause me to lose strength in my hand sometimes. I also have some numbness and tingling. It’s not so bad, except when I’m tired or stressed.”

“But if it’s not that bad—”

“I was Special Forces—you know, the baddest of the badasses. They invented tired and stressed. Basically, I couldn’t do my job anymore.”

“Oh.”

Joe didn’t want to bring the guy down, but he’d asked. Taking the focus away from himself, he slid his beer toward Vladimir. The server had dropped it off while Vladimir was in the bathroom, but Joe hadn’t touched it, and Vladimir was already most of the way through his second.

Vladimir jerked his head toward it. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, have at it.”

After draining his current glass, Vladimir grabbed the offering and took a sip. “Different.”

“It’s a pale ale.”

“I like it.”

“So anyway,” Joe said, doing his best not to stare at the man’s lips as they once again wrapped around the rim of the beer glass, “It’s going to be hard to get, um, experience, if everybody thinks you’re a homophobe.”

Vladimir stared in the direction of the large-screen TV currently blasting the NBA game Joe had been watching at Reggie’s, but the look in his eyes was far away.

“I know.”

“But if you want some help…”
Why am I offering hot hockey boy tutoring in how to fuck like a gay man? I must be out of my freaking mind. Or a masochist. Or both
. “Anyway, if you want to…”
What am I, thirteen?

Vladimir gave him a small smile. “Want to what?”

“Um, you know.”
Seriously? Just spit it the fuck out, you coward
. “Get together. So you can learn more about all this.”

That wouldn’t be cheating. He and his fellow Delta Force member Brendan Booth weren’t really a thing. They were more like friends who’d figured out the other was gay and mutually decided to have sex to relieve the pressure. Then Joe had gotten hurt, and he’d been airlifted to Germany before he’d even woken up. He and Brendan had spoken a few times since, but it wasn’t like they’d committed to each other. Brendan still had a couple of months left on his tour. Joe had figured they’d get back together in some capacity once Brendan was home, but now with Vladimir in the picture…

Joe waited as Vladimir lifted his third beer and drained a bunch more. In the back of his mind, Joe knew Vladimir was drinking a lot of beer in a short amount of time, but he was a grown man. If he wanted to get shit-faced drunk, especially considering the circumstances, he certainly had the right to. He could always drive the guy home.
Oh yeah, it’ll be great. You’ll be in a dark car with the hottest man you’ve ever seen. No problem.

Setting the glass back down, Vladimir regarded him. “I would like that.”

“Oh. Oh good.” He motioned toward Vladimir’s glass. “Do you want another one?”

“Maybe a vodka shot. Would you do one with me?”

“I really shouldn’t. Me and hard liquor don’t mix well.”

Vladimir laughed, and Joe’s breath caught in his throat.
I want him so freaking badly. This is
not
gonna turn out well.

After flagging down the server, Vladimir ordered a shot and then finished his beer. Joe just sat there and watched perfection. He’d been rattled by Vladimir’s revelation about his coach and the slur but had decided not to bring it up tonight. The man had enough on his plate. Besides, the guy finally looked comfortable, and Joe wasn’t about to ruin that for him, given how he had to hide his sexuality every day of his life but didn’t with Joe. That was no life, and Joe knew better than most how hard it was.

The shot came, and Vladimir tossed it down. His eyes were starting to glaze over, and Joe asked for the check. Vladimir snatched it out of his hand, though, before fishing in his wallet for a credit card. “You were very nice to come after me. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Vladimir.”

“I like Vlad better, please. My teammates, when they think they are funny, call me Gussy, but I don’t like it. And you are?”

“Oh I’m sorry.” He shook his head with a rueful smile. Where was his brain?
In your cock
. “Joe Bufford.”

“Joey.”

“No, Joe.”

Vlad smirked. “Joey. Yes, definitely Joey.”

“I haven’t been called Joey since I was about eight.” Vlad just looked at him, that same expression not wavering a bit. Joe heaved a sigh. “Fine. You, and only you, can call me Joey.” Vlad’s smirk morphed into practically an ear-to-ear grin.
I need to get out of here
. He couldn’t leave Vlad alone, though.
Damn sense of honor
. “You shouldn’t be driving. I’ll take you home. Can you get a teammate to drive you to practice and to your car here tomorrow?”

“Yes, sure.”

The server brought back the credit card receipt, and Vlad quickly signed the slip. Joey scooted out and stood within easy grabbing distance in case Vlad wasn’t steady on his feet. They’d been there under an hour, and Vlad had consumed three sixteen-ounce beers and a shot. Definitely too much to be driving.

Vlad made it to his feet without incident, and together they walked out to Joe’s Jeep. Joe went around to the passenger side, both to help Vlad in if he needed it and also because the stupid door sometimes stuck. He wrenched it open, and Vlad looked between the car and him for a minute before climbing inside. Even decidedly tipsy, the man was poetry in motion. Joe slammed the door shut to encourage it to stay shut and trotted around to his side.

Should’ve put hot hockey boy in a cab.

Despite that, Joe not only drove Vlad to his townhouse but followed the man inside to make sure he was okay. He stood awkwardly in the living room, trying his damndest not to pass out from blood loss to his brain after Vlad announced he was going to change his clothes.