Shadows 02 Girl in the Shadows (6 page)

I sighed and closed the door. By the time I stepped out of the motor home. Echo was around the house, hurrying to go back inside, fleeing from what surely had been a most shocking sight. Mrs. Westington is going to be upset with me. I thought. She didn't want me to expose Echo to the doll just yet. She'll surely want me to leave now. Once Tyler Monahan heard about it, he would say. "See. I told you she'd be a bad influence," Mrs. Westington would have no other choice but to ask me to leave.
Resolved to it. I headed back to the house.
Apparently, however. Echo hadn't stopped to tell her grandmother what she had just seen. Instead, she had gone directly up to her room. Mrs.
Westington stepped out of the kitchen when I entered.
"Did you two have a nice walk and go rowing on the pond?" "Yes, Ma'am," I said.
"I know it's terrible that I don't get that child out and about more. Maybe now that you're here, we'll do it. I'll have Trevor take us for a ride this weekend. We'll go to a nice restaurant for lunch and shop. I need some things myself. I have a roast chicken cooking. Hope you have an appetite."
"That's been my problem. I always have an appetite." I said.
"Well thank your lucky stars you do. A good appetite means a healthy soul. Where's Echo?"
"She came in ahead of me. I guess she went on up to her room."
"Oh, did she? Well, maybe she's a little tired. Tyler works her hard and long when he's at it. He just loves that girl. He's determined to bring her up to speed. I'm sure he will. He'll do the same for you." she added.
Maybe. I thought, maybe not. but I smiled and nodded.
"I'll just go and wash up and come down to help you," I said.
"No rush now. I'm fine. I've been feeding people for quite a long time without much help."
She stared at me. It was on the tip of my tongue to confess, to tell her what had just happened. but I didn't do it.
"You look like the cat's got your tongue. Anything wrong?"
My chance to come clean. I thought. but I didn't do it. I didn't want to risk losing her and this home.
I
shook my head and hurried up the stairs.
You're a coward. April Taylor. I told myself, You run away from everything, even yourself.
I went directly to Echo's room. The door was open. When I looked in. I saw her hovered over the novel Tyler had given her to read. I sat beside her and she looked up at me. Her face was still a little peaked from her fright and her hands were trembling. I took them into mine, squeezed them gently to comfort her, and smiled at her. Then I reached for a pen and some paper.
Here we go. I thought, and began to write about my uncle, his dear assistant. Destiny, and the doll. I gave it to her in small doses, explaining why my uncle had the doll made and what its purpose was in the show.
She continued to look skeptical and wrote. "But isn't it a real lady?"
Again and again, I told her no but she still looked skeptical. I apologized for not warning her about Destiny. I explained how I hadn't gone into the motor home since I had gotten my things out of it and some of the magic tricks, and how I had forgotten about her in the bedroom. Again. I emphasized how the doll was part of the magic show. helped do tricks, and was used like a puppet, a ventriloquist's doll. Being deaf, her knowledge of that was nil and I had a difficult time explaining it.
Nevertheless. I promised to show how the doll worked someday and that seemed to calm her, although she still looked quite confused.
Exhausted. I went to my room and prepared for dinner. As soon as
I
was downstairs. Trevor caught me in the hallway while Mrs. Westington was in the kitchen. He pulled me aside to whisper.
"Something happen with Echo?" he asked, "I saw her running into the house earlier."
I told him what had occurred and I also told him quickly that I hadn't revealed it to Mrs. Westington.
"Oh, that doll," he said. I recalled how he had reacted when he saw Destiny for the first time the day I had driven up to the house,
"I don't think Mrs. Westington is going to be happy about it," I said. "It was my fault. I had better explain."
"For now, let it be." he advised.
Mrs. Westington saw us whispering and looked at us suspiciously, but she didn't ask any questions.
At dinner Trevor and I talked more about the winery, how it had been so successful and why his grapes were so special. He went into a long lecture about methods of cultivating. Mrs. Westington put on a touchy face and complained about his wasting my time now and not just his own, but I could see she enjoyed my enthusiasm. Echo struggled to be part of our conversation, but neither I nor Trevor
remembered to explain
everything as we went along. I. of course, had a limited ability with signing. Every once in a while,
I
did what
I
could to keep her in the discussion, and then
I
suddenly got a great idea from watching her struggle to keep up with us.
However,
I
thought it was a terrific idea. but Tyler Monahan thought it further proved that
I
was too weird to be around Echo.
When he arrived the next day.
I
greeted him with,
"I
want to learn like a deaf person."
He froze in the hallway and pulled in the corners of his mouth. Then he tilted his head and said, "What?"
"I
thought if
I
was deaf.
I
would be forced to learn how to communicate through signing. It would put the same pressure on me that a person really deaf has on her, and perhaps I'll learn faster."
"Oh, is that so? And how do you intend on becoming deaf, pop your eardrums or something?"
"Wax,"
I
said.
"Wax?"
"Yes, I'm going to fill my ears with wax. My uncle Palaver was once part of a circus act that required him to assist the man who
was shot out of a cannon. He told me he filled his ears with melted wax to keep himself from going deaf and he couldn't hear a thing and that they had to tap him on the shoulder to get his attention."
Tyler shook his head. "Let me understand this. You not only want me to tutor you for the high school equivalency exam. You want me to do it through signing, lipreading, and all the other techniques I use on Echo?"
"Exactly," I said.
"You're crazier than I thought," he replied. I smiled. "It won't work," he insisted.
"We'll see:" I said. I had spent hours and hours the night before on the ASL book even after Echo and I had practiced for hours. I wasn't proficient yet. but I had come a long way and
I
was determined he would have a better impression of me and my abilities.
"Look,
if
you think I'm going to waste my time just to amuse you. you're"
"I'll be right back." I interrupted before he could warn and threaten me, and I went upstairs and filled my ears with the candle wax I had already melted and prepared in a cup. I tested myself by banging a brush on the vanity counter and then by running water. It was very difficult to hear anything. With the ASL book under my arm. I returned to the office, where Tyler was already instructing Echo. He looked up suspiciously, and then he produced a packet of tests he obviously wanted me to take.
"This will help me evaluate you." he said. I knew he had said it, but I responded with the signing for "I can't hear you."
He squinted and I turned my head so he could see the wax in my ears. Then he raised his eyes to the ceiling. I saw an impish light come into his eves. When he looked at me again, he signed. "Let's have breakfast."
I shook my head at him and signed back, "We already ate breakfast."
His eyes widened with surprise. I stepped forward and indicated the tests. For me?" I signed.
He nodded. I took them and sat. "What do I start with?" I signed. "Math," he signed back.
"I hate math." I told him.
"Then that's what you should start with," he replied, signing quickly, almost too quickly. "What is your favorite subject?" he asked. I got thrown by the word favorite for a moment and then figured it out.
"English," I said.
He nodded gently, his eyes bright with his surprise and admiration for what I had already achieved.
Echo had been watching us the whole time. She started to smile, looked at Tyler, who was staring at me now with a lot more respect, and then she looked back at me.
Her smile slowly weakened until it was gone. She looked at Tyler and then at me again.
I
think she was afraid my initials might get carved into that heart scratched into the rock.
And maybe she thought that was the reason I had warned her against being too intimate with him or any boy?
Of course. I told myself it wasn't.
I looked at Tyler Monahan flipping through the pages of a book. He was a handsome young man, so self-assured.
Maybe what I had seen in Echo's eyes was really in my own, I thought.
And if a young, innocent girl could see it so clearly, he surely would.

The tests Tyler gave me took hours and although I wouldn't admit it to him, the wax in my ears made them very itchy inside. Every once in a while, I caught him looking at me with some suspicion in his eyes. I was sure that in his mind I was simply pulling off a stunt to win Mrs. Westington's affections even more, When I saw Mrs. Westington in the door to announce lunch. I signed back at her that I was going to skip lunch and continue doing the tests. She looked confused and turned to Tyler. He told her about the wax in my ears and she came over to me quickly to look.

"I want to learn like Echo learns." I explained when she opened her mouth in amazement. "I want to be dependent upon the same means she is. It will help me develop the ability to communicate with her faster and better."

She looked at Tyler. who shrugged, lifted his arms, and shook his head with a look that said. "I don't understand her.' They went off to lunch, but Mrs. Westington wouldn't hear of me not eating anything. She brought in a turkey sandwich and a glass of lemonade and put it on the desk. I thanked her. I could see her go off muttering to herself.

I was so involved in the tests. I didn't notice how much time had gone by without Tyler and Echo returning to the office.

Either hoping to defeat me or trying to get me to give up on my own, he had presented me with a great deal of work that included math problems, science questions, social studies questions, and pages and pages of grammar exams. By the time I was finished, it was nearly time for him to leave for the day. I closed the test booklet and looked about, puzzled, but before I got up to leave. Tyler appeared without Echo. I looked at him curiously. He seemed very upset.

Something the matter with her?"
"You'd better scrape that wax out of your ears
right now." he wrote on a pad.
"Why?"
"I want to talk to you about what you told
Echo." he added. "And also about what you showed
her." Of course I knew he meant Destiny.
I asked him where Echo was and he told me she
was upstairs in her room working on some
assignments he had given her.
"I'll be waiting for you outside." he told me. He
tried to keep his emotions under a tight, firm face, but
his rage swirled about in the dark pools of his eyes. I went into the bathroom and began to remove
the wax using hot water and a toothpick very
carefully. I didn't get it all out. but I knew Tyler was
waiting impatiently for me on the front porch. "Let's take a walk," he said sharply the moment
I appeared. He charged dawn the steps.
Trevor was continuing his harvesting of his
grapes and watched us walk off toward the pond. We
went quite a way before Tyler spoke and when he did,
he nearly shouted. blurting. "I knew you were going
to create more problems and make things more
difficult for me, as if it wasn't hard enough for me as
it is. I just knew it!"
"What's that supposed to mean?
What
problems?"
He kept walking, paused, changed direction,
and continued like someone caught in a great state of
confusion.
"Can you please stand still and tell me what this
is all about? What problems have I caused you?" Finally, he stopped and turned to me. "You wanted to help her with her schoolwork," he said, shaking her head. "You wanted to learn how to communicate with her quickly. You put on this whole show about simulating a deaf person's condition so you'd be forced to learn like she does. You did some job on Mrs. Westington when you told her your sad, sad store. Poor April Taylor, an orphan dumped on their doorstep,'" he said, mimicking someone who felt
terrible for inc.
"What did I do to get you so upset?" I
screamed.
"What did you do? I'll tell you what you did.
First chance you get, what do you talk about with
Echo? Her math problems? No. English homework?
No. Social studies? No. What then? Boyfriends,
kissing, petting, making babies! Her brain is so full of
that stuff, she can't concentrate on anything I tell her
to do. And she's asking me questions that would
embarrass a prostitute!"
"I didn't tell her anything a girl her age
shouldn't know, things girls younger than her know," "Who told you to tell her anything?"
"Why do you want to keep her so socially
innocent and ignorant?" I fired back, my eyes small
with accusations. "Why would you want that?" Instead of answering, he ignored me and
continued with his assault. "And then you show her
that... naked doll, a life-size, naked doll with... with
pubic hair? How could you do that?" he asked,
grimacing. "Did you get some sort of sick pleasure out
of watching how she reacted?"
"You don't understand what happened.'" "Right. I don't understand. At least you're smart
enough to realize that. My advice to you is to just pick
up and leave. Get into that motor home, drive off. and
go live with one of your own relatives, the first ones
who'll take you in."
"Oh, you're such a goody-goody, so protective
of poor Echo, so worried I would corrupt her, while
you go and carve your initials in a heart in that rock
with her and get her to think you're going to be her
boyfriend."
"Rock?"
"For your information, she showed me how you
touched her, too! In places you shouldn't have! I've
been thinking about telling Mrs. Westington. only I
didn't want to start a whole mess after being here so
short a time. If anyone has created unnecessary
problems, it's you, not me. Tyler Monahan!" His face brightened as the blood rushed into his cheeks. "What rock? What sort of touching? What are you talking about?" he demanded, stepping up to me,
his chest swelling, his hands on his hips.
I nodded at the pond. "The rock that sticks up
on the other side of the pond. She brought me there
and showed
it
to me. After that she showed me how
and where you touched her."
He stared at me, his black pearl eyes losing
^,
some of their rage. Then he gazed out at the pond and
turned back to me. "You're lying."
"Oh. I'm lying. What are you going to do, claim
it's my imagination? Maybe we can't bring Mrs.
Westington out there. but I could tell Trevor to go
look if you need it confirmed."
"Show it to me." he said.
"Why, you don't know where it is?"
"For your information. I don't."
I hesitated. Could he be telling the truth or did
he just want to get me into that boat? I began to
imagine all sorts of things. If I got into that rowboat
with him, he might try to drown me.
"Just as I thought." he said at my continued
hesitation. He folded his arms under his chest and
stood back firmly. "You're making it up. You're sick,
as sick as the uncle who had that doll in his motor
home."
"No, you're the one who's sick," I said, "I'll
prove it, too," I added, and marched down to the dock.
Now he was the one hesitating. "Well, are you coming
to see what I know or are you going to run back into
the house and tell Mrs. Westington a bunch of lies?" After a moment, he unfolded his arms and
walked down to the dock. I got into the rowboat first.
He looked back at the house and then he got into it. "I'll row," I said. "I don't want you to strain
yourself."
He squeezed his forehead and narrowed his
eves as I set out, my eyes fixed firmly on him. "For your information, not that I care. I didn't
realize Echo understood half of what I told her about
boys and making babies. I was planning on writing
out most of it tonight. She's nearly fifteen years old
and she should know a great deal more about her own
body and sex and everything, only who is going to
teach it to her. Mrs. Westington? I doubt it. You? I
don't see any books on health education."
"That's not what I'm here for."
"Yeah," I said. smirking. "That's not what
you're here for. Oh. no."
"It isn't and I already told you. I thought she should be in an environment with other g-irls her own age. Not that you couldn't teach her about sex from
firsthand experiences. I'm sure."
"Oh, you're so damn smug. You think you
know everything about everybody."
He didn't respond. He turned away and looked
out over the pond.
"What are you trying to do, think of some
clever Chinese proverb?"
He started to swell with anger and then he just
shook his head.
I rowed hard and quickly, bringing us up beside
the rock. Then I reached out, stopped the rowboat, and
looked at him. "Here it is. Like you didn't know." He rose, wobbling a bit, and crossed to where I
had indicated on the rock. He studied it a moment and
then surprised me by laughing,
"What's so funny?" How could he laugh? "It's pretty easy to figure out that I didn't do
this."
"Oh, really? And why is it so easy. Mr. Big
Shot?"
'It's easy because it says 'Ty and me.' I don't
think I would have written 'Ty and me,' even though
you believe I'm too much in love with myself. Also, look at how crudely this heart is drawn. It's not carved so much as scratched. Anyway, why would I put something indelibly into this rock for anyone to see if
I was trying to be surreptitious?"
"Sur what?"
"Sneaky, hidden. Pass a high school
equivalency exam," he muttered.
I squeezed my eyebrows together and studied
the heart in the rock. Of course he was right about it
saying "Ty and me." Why hadn't I realized it? He sat and folded his hands over his lap. I
returned to my seat and for a moment neither of us
spoke. The boat rocked gently in the breeze and my
pounding heart slowed down,
"Look," he said in a much calmer tone of voice.
"what we have here is an adolescent fantasy. It's not
uncommon or even unexpected, especially with a girl
so isolated. Don't you think I'm aware of all that? I do
the best I can. That's why I want to bring her up to a
level where she could enter a structured school
environment quickly and have more normal
experiences."
"That's all I want for her as well," I said. "It's hardly normal to bring her to that motor
home and show her a nude sex doll.'
"It's not a sex doll and I didn't show it to her.
She wanted to go into the motor home to see it and I
forgot about my uncle's doll."
"Naked on a bed? That's just so sick. You're
uncle must have been so perverted beside being a
drunk,"
"He was not! You're so arrogant. You don't
know what you're talking about."
"Maybe I don't. but I wonder if you do either. I
can only imagine what it was like for you to be living
under those circumstances and traveling about with
someone like that."
"Nothing ugly happened!" I cried, and then I
really did begin to cry. "He taught me magic tricks
and I helped him with his act. He was my only close
relative. He loved me and he was alone. too. I had
nowhere else to go!"
As inscrutable as Tyler tried to be with me, his
face couldn't help but soften with some compassion. "Look. I admit I don't know your whole story.
All I know is what I've been told by Mrs. Westington
and what Echo described to me earlier. I'm sorry if
Fin jumping to too many conclusions, but you're
guilty of the same sort of impulsive judgments," he
said, nodding at the rock.
I flicked the tears off my cheeks. Then I took a
deep breath. This was a big mess.
I
wasn't here a week
and already there was great turmoil. Does it just
follow me wherever I go? Will it always?
"Well, what do we do now?" I asked him. "Declare a truce," he said. "You want me to
row us back?"
"No, I can do it," I said, grabbing the oars
before he could. He shrugged and then leaned back. "I don't mind being spoiled." "Very funny." He looked at me with somewhat more trusting
eves. "Did you complete the evaluation exams?" "Yes."
"I'll pick them up and go over them tonight. I
don't give the equivalency exam, you know. You have
to schedule that at the public school. I'll help you
arrange for it when I think you're ready, if you're ever
ready."
"I'll be ready."
"So, if you don't mind telling me, why didn't
you remain living with your sister? Even though she's
off on tournaments, you could have stayed with her.
She would be considered your legal guardian. I'm
sure, and at least you could have remained in school
and had something of a normal life."
I continued to row,
"Why did you run away to live with your
uncle?"
I hesitated to say anything. I continued to row,
with him staring at me.
"You don't have to tell me anything." he added
in a tone of voice that meant precisely the opposite. "I couldn't get along with her roommate!" I
exclaimed.
"Oh? Why not?"
"She was too demanding."
"Demanding? In what way?"
"In a sexual way, if you have to know." I said.
"And my sister was upset about it. I knew that
somehow it would end up being my fault."
"What do you mean exactly? What did she do?"
he asked, his face full of interest and curiosity now. "I don't want to go into detail, Tyler. She
wanted to have sexual relations with me."
"Really? Did she just ask or what?"
"No, she did more than just ask. I said I don't
like talking about it. It was very, very disturbing at the
time and it's painful to think about it now."
He nodded. thinking. 'Why would your sister be
angry at you for something like that? You would think
she..." He thought again and then he nodded softly.
"Oh," he said. "You mean your sister and this other
woman were
"Yes."
"Man. you did have a screwed up family. A
lesbian sister, an uncle in love with a doll, and who
knows what else."
"My family wasn't screwed up! Not everyone
marches to the same drummer. I'd think you'd
understand that, being you're so intelligent." He shrugged. "What about you? Are you a
lesbian?" he asked with as much emotion a doctor
might show when he asked if
I
had an ache in my tar.
"Is that why your sister's lover made a pass at you?" "I don't think so," I said, "Just because one
person in your family is gay, it doesn't mean you have
to be."
"So why do you say you don't think so? Don't
you know for sure? Are you attracted more to girls
than boys?"
"I'd rather not talk about all that."
"Well, have you had boyfriends?" he pursued. "It's not really any of your business," I said. He didn't look angry about my reaction. He just looked pensive, again like some doctor reviewing symptoms. I rowed on, biting down on my lower lip and sucking back my tears. Talking about it only brought back my painful separation from Brenda and
the only family I knew,
"How did your parents die? An accident?" "No, my father had an inoperable brain tumor
and my mother fell into a deep depression and
overdosed on sleeping pills."
"Wow. I guess Mrs. Westington was right. You
have been dragged over the coals."
"I'm not looking for any sympathy," I said. I
wanted to add
^"
especially from you," but I held that
back.
"That's good. Old Chinese proverb say 'He who
feels sorry for himself can demand an apology from
no one.' "
"What's that mean?" I asked. grimacing. He shrugged. "I'm not sure. I got it in a fortune
cookie." He held his expression for a moment and
then he burst out laughing, The expression of surprise
on my face made him laugh harder.
Finally. I started to laugh myself. I was
laughing through tears and it was like sunshine on a
rainy day.
"Do me a favor,' he said when we docked the
rowboat. "What?"
"Show me that doll. I'm curious about it and
how Echo described it."
I looked at him suspiciously.
"I just want to see how a doll could upset her so
much and understand how you and your uncle used it
in the show. If makes you uncomfortable to do it. I
understand."
"No, it's all right," I said. "I shouldn't have left
Destiny like that anyway."
"Destiny? The doll has a name?"
"Yes. That was her real name."
"Real name? I don't get it."
"She was a real person. I'll show you pictures
of her in the motor home."
"So a doll was made of a real person. Why?" "You'll understand when you see it and the
other things," I said.