Sleeping Dogs (6 page)
“Pretty sure you did.”
“What makes you think so?”
“(A) It's your MO. You get creative when you're down this close to Election Day. (B) The woman who actually dropped the drug in the drink gave a phony name and lied about being part of the Nichols campaign.”
He snorted. Now he had ketchup all over his fingers, too. “You think a grand jury would buy that?”
“Probably not.”
“But you're gonna go ahead and try to nail me for it anyway, right?”
“Don't have time. Maybe after the election. Sooner if I can find the woman.”
He held a single french fry that drooped under the weight of the ketchup. Then he opened wide as if I were his dentist and shoved it into the darkness between his teeth. “It's funny, I don't even know who she is, never met her, never saw her, but I've got this feeling about her. Sort of a psychic kind of thing.”
“Sure. Psychic kind of thing.”
“I just have this feeling she got on a plane right after this thing at the auditorium tonightâshe got on this plane and flew bye-bye. If she's any kind of pro, that is.”
He was having some fun with me. Scatting. Seeming to pretend he knew something about the drugging while denying it when asked directly. He was good at confusing you.
“You think so, huh?” I said.
“I know so.”
“Funny, I had the impression she was local talent.”
“You never heard of local talent flying away somewhere till things cool off?”
“More coffee?” the waitress said.
We both said no but Greaves pointed to his sundae. “I didn't get to this as fast as I thought. How about throwing this one awayâor giving it to somebody in the kitchenâand getting me a new one. I'll pay for it of course.” He patted her hip. “Or you can eat it for yourself, darling.”
She smiled. “I think I'll take you up on that. It looks good.”
When she was gone, he said, “Nice ass but no tits.”
“She should be killed for not measuring up to your high standards.”
His last french fry got swished around through a large dollop of ketchup remaining on the platter. “You're an owly son of a bitch.”
“The nuns always told me that, too.”
“You went to Catholic school?”
“Yeah.”
“Hey, so did I. But then one day it hit me.”
“What hit you?”
“All this God shit. It's all a crock. When we die, we die. Same as when you see a dog or a cat that's been run over by a car. It's all they get and that's all we get, too.”
“So why follow the rules when this is it right here on earth, right?”
“You're getting sanctimonious again but, yeah, that's right. I mean, what the fuck, may as well enjoy ourselves. You only go around once in life.”
“That's a line from a beer commercial.”
He winked at me again. “I take my wisdom where I find it, Sport.”
The waitress brought his sundae. She stood away from him this time. She didn't want to be patted again. She dropped the check on the table and left.
He laughed. “Don't think I'll be waking up with her in the morning.” He then proceeded to demolish his sundae in six skilled attacks. He had whipped cream on the tip of his nose. I didn't tell him. I liked him better as a clown. He made a big “Aaaaahhhh!” sound as if he'd just finished a feast so impossibly wonderful, complete words couldn't describe it. He crossed his eyes and peered down his nose. “Hey, I got something on my nose?”
“Yeah. Whipped cream.”
“Why didn't you tell me?”
“Guess I didn't notice.”
“You are some kind of asshole, Sport.” He napkined off the
whipped cream and then sat back in the booth, spreading his arms out on either side. Something had changed in the eyes. They appeared to be a much deeper brown, almost black. And the jaw muscles were bunched now. This was the political assassin I'd heard about.
whipped cream and then sat back in the booth, spreading his arms out on either side. Something had changed in the eyes. They appeared to be a much deeper brown, almost black. And the jaw muscles were bunched now. This was the political assassin I'd heard about.
“Sport, you got much bigger problems than what happened tonight.”
“I do, huh?”
“Yeah, you do. And you're sitting there thinking you're such a superior shitâsmarter than me, slicker than me, marginally better-looking than meâthe kind of guy who gets invited to all the parties with the pretty people. The ones who hire me but don't want me around afterward. You know, I've never been invited to a single inaugural ball? Or to a single congressman's office. Or to a single governor's mansion. And it was me who helped put most of these motherfuckers where they are today.”
I didn't say anything. I wasn't sure
what
to say. His cold anger had the force of a punch.
what
to say. His cold anger had the force of a punch.
“But I'm getting off the subject here. We were talking about you.”
“Right. And that I've got a much bigger problem than what happened tonight.”
He went right at it. “I have a videotape of your senator fucking the brains out of a hotel maid. Nobody knows I have it.”
My response was lame and we both knew it. “The kind of technology today, you can fake anything.”
“I hired the girl myself and now she's my witness. So don't give me any bullshit about the tape being fake. You know I've got the real deal.”
“If you've got it, why not give it to Lake and let him leak it to the press?”
He tapped his right temple. “You really are a babe in the woods, Sport. I give it to Lake, he just considers it part of my job. He might give me a little bonus or something. I did this on my own time. I want a big payday. So I'm offering it to you first.”
“How much is this big payday you want?”
The smile was novel length. He had dreamed of saying these three words all his life. “One million bucks.” And then he said, “By noon, day after tomorrow.”
“You don't look so hot,” Billy said the next morning when he found me in the coffee shop.“Thanks. I needed to hear that.”
As he opened his menu, he said, “What's that bruise on the side of your head?”
“I slipped and fell last night in the snow. A lot of people slipped and fell in the snow last night, Billy. It's no big deal.”
I'd slipped and fallen in the snow after R. D. Greaves had punched me from behind as I was getting into my car. He not only wanted a million dollars, he also wanted revenge for me knocking him off his stool in the Parrot Cage.
“How we going to handle this, you know yet?”
I ate the last bite of my cheese omelet and said, “I need to get with Kate and Laura. If you mean are we going to charge Lake with putting something in Warren's Diet Pepsi, I don't know. This is the last thing you folks ever want to hear, but I want to see some overnight polling,
see how people view Warren. That debate probably had a very big audience. Haven't seen any figures yet. But that would be my guess.”
see how people view Warren. That debate probably had a very big audience. Haven't seen any figures yet. But that would be my guess.”
“I guess I don't understand. If Lake did itâ”
Waitress. Billy was in a decisive mood this morning. “What'd you have, Dev?”
“Cheese omelet, orange juice, unbuttered toast, and coffee.”
“Same except butter the toast.”
When she went away, he said, “But we know Lake did it.”
“We don't
know.
We
think
we know. There's a difference. Our only lead is that makeup woman, and the only thing I've been told about her is that she shops at Daily Double Discount.”
know.
We
think
we know. There's a difference. Our only lead is that makeup woman, and the only thing I've been told about her is that she shops at Daily Double Discount.”
“Never heard of it. And I grew up here.”
“I've never heard of it, either. And I don't even know if it's a true lead. One of the college kids working backstage told me she saw a Daily Double Discount sack in the woman's front seat.”
“Well, that's something.”
“Maybe and maybe not. What if she'd borrowed the car or stolen it? And even if it was her sack, why would anybody at the store remember her? Presumably they've got a lot of customers or they wouldn't stay open long in the discount business.”
“Oh, yeah, I see. But I still don't see why we can't call a press conference and sort of imply that Lake hired somebody to take down the senator last night.”
Waitress with Billy's coffee.
“Because you can never be sure where an accusation like that will lead. It might look like desperation on our part.”
“But we're ahead in the polls.”
“We
were
ahead in the polls as of last night when Warren walked out onstage. I'm not sure where we stand this morning, though. And again, you and I are sure Lake is behind it all. But we don't have proof. And without it, it could all backfire on us very quickly. These are the three most dangerous weeks in a tight campaign.”
were
ahead in the polls as of last night when Warren walked out onstage. I'm not sure where we stand this morning, though. And again, you and I are sure Lake is behind it all. But we don't have proof. And without it, it could all backfire on us very quickly. These are the three most dangerous weeks in a tight campaign.”
“That's for sure.”
“So what I'm going to recommend to Warren and Kate is that we hold a press conference sometime today when Warren is up to it and all we say is that Warren ingested some kind of contaminated food or drink last night. We'll have one of the hospital docs standing next to him when we say this.”
“What if the press wants to know more?”
“We'll just say that we need to have more lab tests done before we can say for sure what it was he took into his system last night.”
“You know they're going to be all over this story. He used to have a woman problem, but way back when, he had a drinking problem, too.”
“Not much of one. He got into a couple of fights when he was in the National Guard. That's not much of a drinking problem.”
“Yeah, but he was arrested once for public intoxication.”
I'd thought the same thing during my long and sleepless night in bed. But by dawn I'd dismissed the “drinking problem” angle. The public-intox arrest was made when he and four other recent college grads set up their garage band out on the lawn of a vacated manse in the Gold Coast area. The movers and shakers of such a neighborhood were not at all amused by being awakened at four-thirty A.M. But he was twenty-one at the time and, as seen through the voters' eyes, who among us wouldn't want to cost those rich, selfish bastards some sleep? I still couldn't see the “drinking problem” angle that worried Billy.
“The staff's over at headquarters this morning,” I said. “As soon as I finish up here, I'll be going over there.”
“They did a great job on the streets during the night,” Billy said. “At least we can get around everywhere this morning. Most of the snow is already melting. No Michael Bilandic moment.”
Bilandic had been a briefly popular mayor who'd lost all his support when he failed to deal competently with a snow emergency. His
administration's response was so lame that he lost to the then-unknown Jane Byrne in the mayoral primary.
administration's response was so lame that he lost to the then-unknown Jane Byrne in the mayoral primary.
“Warren's got three stops on his schedule today. He's going to keep every one of them.”
“You really think he's strong enough, Dev?”
“He doesn't have any choice. We need to show that he's strong and can bounce back right away. That's another reason I don't want to make any accusations. It's more important to show that he's in charge of the situation than to put blame on somebody. They thought they could queer his drink and put him on his back for several days? Not our man. He's hitting the bricks the very next day. That's the signal we have to send.”
Billy giggled. “It's like you're playing with toy soldiers, man. All you consultants are like that.”
“That isn't a compliment. Not to me, anyway.”
“But it's true.”
“We want to win, Billy. And part of the reason we want to win is because we believe in what a given candidate stands for. I know that sounds like bullshit, but it isn't. I get pitched all the time by candidates I have no faith in and I say no. Elect these guys and they'll be in the pockets of every big-money lobby in Washington. Nobody's pure, Billy, but there are degrees of dirty. Our man Warren is pretty clean, considering.”
Billy was smirking now. “Wow, I'm surprised. You actually do give a shit.”
“Yeah,” I said, “sometimes I even surprise myself.”
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I
first started working in local politics when I was a sophomore in college. I did so for a simple reason. The pol I volunteered to help had some really fine-looking college girls working out of his campaign
headquarters. I was hoping to get laid. While that didn't happen, my fascination with the political world took serious and lasting hold, mostly because of my father then being in Congress. I admired the pol I worked for because, even though he was a machine man, he didn't hesitate to veer from the party line when he felt it necessary. Pretty damned cool, I thought. And so did a lot of others. He got elected. And he singled me out for some suggestions I'd made to one of his paid staffers.
first started working in local politics when I was a sophomore in college. I did so for a simple reason. The pol I volunteered to help had some really fine-looking college girls working out of his campaign
headquarters. I was hoping to get laid. While that didn't happen, my fascination with the political world took serious and lasting hold, mostly because of my father then being in Congress. I admired the pol I worked for because, even though he was a machine man, he didn't hesitate to veer from the party line when he felt it necessary. Pretty damned cool, I thought. And so did a lot of others. He got elected. And he singled me out for some suggestions I'd made to one of his paid staffers.
My reward was that I became a paid staffer when he was up again two years later. I did my work after my college day at Northwestern was done. Where before I'd done mostly phone answering, Xerox copying, pizza getting, and so on, this time I worked under the campaign manager, who was in charge of the finance director, the field director, the communications director, the scheduler, and the consultants. That summer I worked full-time, and it was better than a graduate program in politics. I learned the game and the game's most important rule: The first thing a pol generally does when he or she takes a mortal hit from the opponent is to fire the campaign manager. Announce that he or she is really sorry that such a mistake could happen (some real PR screwup most often) and that the campaign manager has been canned and a new one is on board and a fresh start begins right now. Campaign managers are well aware that they can and will be dumped at any moment when necessary. That's why they're paid well.
The second most important rule: Stay out of all the palace intrigue you find in campaign headquarters. There are endless rivalries for the candidate's approval and face time, hurt feelings, jealousies, even plots to get others fired. Human nature. The smart pol operativeâwhich I already knew I wanted to beâkeeps as far away from these follies as he can.
The Senator Nichols campaign headquarters was the standard battle zone you found everywhere with three weeks to go. Phones, faxes,
copying machines, TV sets, cell phones, and iPods created a relentless electronic annoyance that you either adapted to or fled from. Some people can't handle it and quit. There were too many people despite the spacious floor plan of what had once been a supermarket. That was because the press was here today, en masse it appeared. They knew that Warren was in his office in the back of the headquarters. They were waiting to attack him.
copying machines, TV sets, cell phones, and iPods created a relentless electronic annoyance that you either adapted to or fled from. Some people can't handle it and quit. There were too many people despite the spacious floor plan of what had once been a supermarket. That was because the press was here today, en masse it appeared. They knew that Warren was in his office in the back of the headquarters. They were waiting to attack him.
I got myself a cup of coffee and headed back there, smiling, nodding, waving to people who smiled, nodded, and waved to me. The younger ones didn't much like me. Their poly sci profs had warned them about political consultants. People like me, they said, were responsible for candidates being prepackaged and bland and focus-grouped and polled to death. And unwilling to take any kind of stand that polls indicated might not be popular. And worst of all, their finale went, in the old days consultant services at least ended when the pol went to Washington. But now many pols kept their consultants on the payroll and wouldn't cast a ballot in the House or Senate unless the consultant approved it.
It always surprised people when I said that I generally agreed with these objections. And that I was guilty of some of those sins myself. What I didn't say was that the average consultant was much smarter than the average candidate.
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“
I
think Dev's right,” Senator Nichols said half an hour later, after Kate and Laura had argued that we should at least hint that we believed Congressman Lake was behind last night's incident. He looked better than I'd expected he would and his voice was strong and persuasive.”Number one, we don't have any hard evidence. And number two, we don't know where an accusation like that would lead. Like Dev said, it might take over the whole election. The Chicago TV boys
wouldn't let go of it. And the cable news people would go after it twenty-four/seven. Our message would get lost in all the drama. We don't even know where we stand today. I'm like Dev. I want to see some polling from last night before I do anything except stick my head out and say that I'm feeling fine, thank you very much.”
I
think Dev's right,” Senator Nichols said half an hour later, after Kate and Laura had argued that we should at least hint that we believed Congressman Lake was behind last night's incident. He looked better than I'd expected he would and his voice was strong and persuasive.”Number one, we don't have any hard evidence. And number two, we don't know where an accusation like that would lead. Like Dev said, it might take over the whole election. The Chicago TV boys
wouldn't let go of it. And the cable news people would go after it twenty-four/seven. Our message would get lost in all the drama. We don't even know where we stand today. I'm like Dev. I want to see some polling from last night before I do anything except stick my head out and say that I'm feeling fine, thank you very much.”
Billy frowned. “Polls.”
“Polls help pay your fee, Billy,” Warren said gently. The top campaign slots offered some very attractive salaries. “And speaking of which, Kate tells me that we can expect a lot more money from the national party committee because of last night. They'll be getting it to us right away. They've suggested that we need two new thirty-second spots that show me strong and vital.”
“I wrote them in the middle of the night,” I said. “I have a production company scouting indoor tracks, handball courts, places like that. We can cheat a lot of the shots.” I smiled. “You won't have to run more than fifteen yards, but we can make it look like you're doing a marathon.”
Everybody smiled at that one.
Warren clapped his hands together. That always signified that we were done. “So if that's it, I'll let you all get back to work and I'll do the same here myself. I need to make some calls. And then about twenty minutes from now I'll go out there and face the jackals.”
“You'd better,” I said, “before they start bringing in blankets for the night. They might not want to leave.”
Kate, Laura, Gabe, and Billy all said good-bye. Warren was expecting me to leave, too. He seemed surprised when I said, “There's a coffee shop down the street. It'll be busy right now, perfect for talking in private because everybody else'll be talking, too.”
I tried to sound amiable but he caught the tension in my voice. “I have this place swept three times a week.”
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