The Fake Boyfriend Experiment (13 page)

“What audition aren’t you doing?” he asked.

Oh, right. Because that’s what I wanted to discuss. Another Lily failure. “Nothing.”

“You mentioned it inside. What audition?” he asked again.

I opened my eyes. “You’re annoying.”

He grinned, not looking at all upset by my comment. “Probably. What audition?”

“God, fine.” I threw my arms up in exasperation. “NorthEast Seminary of Music secondary school program.” He was still leaning over me. He was so close I could smell his cologne or aftershave or whatever it was. It didn’t matter what it was. It simply smelled amazing. So I closed my eyes again and started breathing through my mouth.

“Are you kidding?” He sounded really impressed. “You got an audition for NESM? That’s awesome.”

A bubble of pride popped up at his genuine admiration, but I immediately squelched it. “No, because I’m going to fail at it and embarrass your aunt and my family. So I’m not going.”

I felt a tap on my forehead. I opened my eyes to find Rafe peering down at me. “What?”

His hair had flopped over his forehead and he looked totally cute. “You’re really not going?”

“Really.” I waited for him to tell me I was throwing my future away. To tell me what an idiot I was. To tell me that refusing to try was the worst kind of failure.

But all he did was roll onto his back, his shoulder resting against mine. “Cool.”

This time I levered myself up on my elbow so I could look at him. I didn’t understand why he wasn’t giving me grief. He clearly knew what a big deal an NESM audition was. “Cool? How is it cool I’m not going?”

His green eyes flicked toward me. “I think it’s great that you’re doing your own thing. If you’re not ready, then it’s good not to do it.”

I frowned. “Really? You mean that?” I didn’t believe him. No one thought like that.

He met my gaze without flinching. “Sure.”

I realized he meant it. He really did think I should skip the audition if I didn’t want to go. Relief rushed through me, and I felt some of the tension ease from my body. It was okay. I was safe with him. He wasn’t going to push me. “Oh.” I flopped back down, no longer touching him. I mean, I wanted to, but I wasn’t exactly going to scoot across the grass so I could.

Instead, he shifted until his head was resting against mine. “You’re wrong, you know.”

Here it comes.
I tensed up immediately, waiting for criticism. “For not doing the audition?”

“No, for thinking you don’t have passion. You do when you play the JamieX song.”

“Oh.” Okay, so yeah, he really didn’t care about the audition. I relaxed, and tried not to think about the fact that his head was touching mine. “But I can’t play with that kind of passion. When I try, it’s like I’ve maimed the piano and left it to die a slow, withering death in the desert.” Oh, wait. Maybe it was me dying the slow, withering death in the desert…

Rafe chuckled. “Don’t try. Just have fun.”

“Fun?” I frowned. “Music isn’t about fun.”

He immediately sat up and leaned over me. This time he was wicked close, so close I could smell his toothpaste. Mint. His smile had vanished, and his eyes were super intense. “What did you just say?”

Um, good question. I was having a little trouble thinking with his mouth so close to mine. What if Rafe was my first kiss? That would be so amazing.

“You really think music’s not about fun?” he prompted.

Oh, right. I had said something about that. “It’s work. It’s a career. It’s not fun.”

He shook his head and made a face. “You are so wrong, babe.”

Babe? I was his babe?

“You and me. Tuesday night. We have a date.”

I blinked as sudden excitement rippled through me. “A date?”

Discomfort flashed over his face. “Well, not a date, date.”

“Because you have a girlfriend.” Stupid girlfriend.

“And you have a boyfriend,” he shot back.

Oh…yeah…that was true. The words hung in the air, and for a moment, with him still staring down at me, I wanted to tell him the truth. To see if he’d care. To see if it would change anything.

But I said nothing. I simply couldn’t. What if I admitted I’d lied about having a boyfriend, but he still adored Paige? Then I would just seem pathetic. At least this way, I had pride. I was a liar, but not a loser, and I’d make that trade all day long.

Rafe rolled away from me and stood up, breaking the connection. “Come on, Lily. We have some songs to learn.”

“No, I can’t.” I folded my arms over my chest and settled more firmly into the grass. “Didn’t you hear what I said? I’m horrible and I’m going to mess it up for the rest of the band—”

“Give it up, Gardner.” Rafe grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet. “Today, you’re going to worry only about learning the music for our gig at the middle school on Saturday. Forget about passion and all that other junk. Just learn the music, okay? You can do that, right?”

I nodded. “Well, yeah, but--”

Rafe put his hand over my mouth, and my knees nearly gave out. “Don’t say it, Lily. Learn the music. That’s all. Okay?”

If I didn’t nod, how long would he leave his hand over my mouth?

“Lily,” he warned. “Say okay.”

Fine. I nodded, and he dropped his hand. Total bummer. Why hadn’t I been that bummed when Les had stopped touching me?

Rafe set his hand on my back and guided me toward the school. “Tuesday night, Lily, you’re going to find out exactly how much fun music can be.”

Tuesday night. Oh, wow. I had a date with Rafe. Not a date, but a date. What if he sort of liked me? What if I didn’t have to go to the semi with Les? What if I said yes to Les tonight and then on Tuesday Rafe said he liked me? Like
liked
me. I sneaked a peek at Rafe as we walked back up the steps. “Um, Rafe?”

“Yeah?” He opened the door for me.

“There’s this semi-formal at school in two weeks and um, if I needed a date, like if I was desperate, and it wouldn’t really be a date or anything, but you know, well, would you like maybe go with me, like if I needed a favor or something like that?”

Rafe froze and stared at me. “What?”

Oh, good God, had I really just said that? Did I have absolutely no control over my mouth? He looked totally shocked, like he’d just realized that some blood-thirsty vampire had just leapt out of the shadows to suck him dry.

Crud! I’d blown it! I’d crossed that line of friendship and he was going to have to let me down easy. I would be so embarrassed that I’d never be able to look at him again and everything would be awkward around us forever and ever and everyone in the band would be able to tell and they would know that I’d thrown myself at him and he’d had to ditch me. I was such an idiot! “Nevermind. Forget it.” My cheeks burning, I ducked under his arm and bolted for the rehearsal room.

He didn’t try to call me back, and he didn’t run to catch up.

Yeah, okay, that pretty much said all I needed to know, given that he’d already made a habit of chasing me down when I took off on him.

I was already playing the keyboard when he walked in. Was he going to say something? Was he going to say that he’d like to go? I mean, it was out there now. He could pick up on it if he wanted to. I peered at him from beneath the shield of my hair.

He glanced at me, and my heart skipped a beat. What was he going to say? His cheeks were flushed and he looked a little nervous. Unsettled. Oh, man. He was going to tell me he was going to go, wasn’t he?

He took a breath. “You ready to learn some tunes?”

“Tunes?” I echoed. Tunes? He really wasn’t going to acknowledge that I’d sort of almost asked him to go to my semi-formal dance with me? He was simply going to leave it hanging in the air like that?

“Yeah,” he said, his voice strained. “Today’s about learning the music, remember?”

I’d just asked him to my semi-formal, and he wanted to talk about music.

My life was over.

“Hey, Lily. It’s Rafe.”

My heart did a little flip. “What’s up?”

“I forgot to tell you that we don’t have practice tomorrow night. I’m going out with Paige. I kinda gotta do that since I’m not seeing her at practice anymore.” His voice was very cool and reserved, like he was calling the dentist to make an appointment.

I sagged into my pillows. “Oh.”

“But you can practice on your own, right? I mean, you know the music enough?”

“Sure.” I picked at a piece of lint clinging to my comforter. Oh, sure, I could practice by myself. I’d been sitting alone at the piano for years. I was all over it.

Rafe cleared his throat. “So, um, I’ll pick you up at seven on Tuesday?”

I bolted upright. We were still on for Tuesday night? I’d been so sure he was going to cancel! “For our non-date, date?” I asked cautiously, making sure I understood. I wasn’t going to make another crazy misstep this time.

He hesitated. “Um, yeah.”

“Can’t wait.” I cleared my throat. “For our non-date date,” I added, wanting to make it very clear that I knew where we stood. Anything to get rid of this terrible awkwardness between us.

There was a pause, and I winced. Had I made it worse by over-emphasizing? Couldn’t I do anything right?

“Um, Lily—”

“I gotta go. Dinner. See you Tuesday.” I hung up before he could bring up the semi. That invite had been the most embarrassing moment of my life. I asked him to the dance and then he called twelve hours later to tell me that he’s got a date with his real girlfriend? Major humiliation.

The phone rang again and I answered it on the first ring, my heart leaping at Rafe’s persistence. What if he had changed his mind? “What?”

“Lily?”

“Oh…” It wasn’t Rafe. I flopped back against my pillows in disappointment. It was a guy’s voice that I didn’t recognize. “Chris?” Maybe the band was going to have practice without Rafe.

“No, it’s Les. Who’s Chris? I thought your boyfriend’s name is Rafe.”

Les? He’d really called me? Wow. I couldn’t believe it. Not that I could get that excited. I knew why Les was giving me the attention. “Chris is my other boyfriend,” I said. “Sorry. It’s hard to keep track.”

“Really? You have two?”

I rolled my eyes at the excitement in his voice. He was so going to lose interest when he found I had no boyfriends. “What’s up, Les?”

“So, the semi. You said you’d give me an answer tonight.”

I bit my lip. What choice did I have? I had to have a life, and Les was the only one asking.

“Lily? Don’t leave me hanging.”

Going to the semi with him would be the first step toward claiming a social life and regaining some degree of respectability after the Rafe fiasco. I had to take it. “Yes, I’ll go.”

“Excellent.” His voice was mellow, but loaded with satisfaction.

I sighed. Why wasn’t I more exited? I mean, he was cute, he was a sophomore, and he liked me. Or, at least, he liked who he thought I was. Close enough to heaven, right?

“So, the guys are thinking about renting a stretch limo for the four couples. Sound good?”

I perked up. “Really? A limo?” I’d never been in a limo before.

“Yeah. Like, dinner first then the dance? Then maybe back to Keith’s for an after-party? Some midnight swimming and stuff?”

And stuff. I didn’t like the sound of that. Not at all. I mean, Keith’s mom had never come out the whole time we’d been at the pool. What about at night? Like when his parents were asleep? What kind of stuff did he have in mind?

I suddenly got really nervous.

“So, should the limo come by your place or are you girls going to meet at one house?”

I blinked. “Erin’s. You can pick me up at Erin’s.” As if I was getting into that limo by myself. It had been hard enough to walk into the pool party alone. I was so going in with reinforcements.

“Got it. How about five?”

“Sure.” I pulled open my nightstand and pulled out the blue nail polish. Time to get started on the new Lily.

“Okay, then. Gotta run.”

I hung up and tossed the phone at the pillow. Great. My life was great. I had Les by the ankles. No piano. No audition. Everything was perfect.

So how come I was so depressed?

* * *