The Lonely (38 page)

Shock
lifts his eyebrows up before he can catch himself.

"They
told me about the center."

He
swallows, "Did they?" His eyes cool off again.

I
nod. I put a hand out, it's so creamy white against his dark face. "I
needed to hold you and make sure you were okay."

He
kisses my palm, almost making me gag. He smiles, "I have you. I'll always
be okay."

"I
need you to now I was wrong. You don't need to live here and be grateful
because it was so cushy and easy for you growing up."

His
mouth twitches.

"My
life was easier than yours. There is no doubt. Those nuns loved me way more
than those people loved you."

He
licks his lips and shakes his head, "It doesn’t matter. I am grateful. I
see what we have and I found you and I trust that you're going to be okay.
Coming here made me see that."

"I
love you, Eli."

He
kisses my lips softly, "I am grateful for you."

I
nod and open the door. He grabs my arm and pulls me into his embrace. I close
my eyes and it's perfection. The kiss is needy and desperate but it's closed mouth.
It's the words we don't say. Words like I needed you more than anything in the
entire world and here you are. It's the sentences neither of us can say.
Neither of us likes grand gestures or big words. But the kiss says it all, the
desperate tremble of his fears against mine, speak volumes compared to the
words we may or may not be able to say.

When
it breaks he whispers, "Let's go home."

I
don’t know where he is. It was his stupid idea to move into together. I look
out over the snow and in the window and grimace at the first snowfall of the
year. I look around and wonder where he is. I rode the elevator alone, carried
the groceries to the kitchen by myself and put them away.

I
sat on the couch for ten-minutes waiting for him to attack me savagely, but he
never graced me with his presence. I sit down and tap my finger against the
sofa and remind myself of Dr. Bradley. I stop and look around, sighing,
annoyed. I get up and walk down the hallway to have a bath. I hear something
that makes me stop. It's in the bedroom at the far end of the hall. The one I
made him put a lock on.

My
heart pounds, excitement and terror take up equal amounts of space. The hair on
my head even tingles. I shudder and slip my boots off. I tiptoe to the end of
the hallway to the large door. I swallow.

I
close my eyes and turn the knob. It's locked. I drop to my knees as a new
terror begins to creep in. What if he isn’t alone? Is that a possibility that I
have not ever considered out of foolish naivety? I place my fingers around the
cold knob and peer into the keyhole on the wooden door. He insisted on it being
an old fashioned key, an intricate looking one that would look like it belonged
on the boudoir of a man and his mistress. I roll my eyes thinking about the way
he said it, all pretentious and ridiculous.

Now,
however, I'm grateful he's a snobby bastard. I'm trying desperately to control
my breathing as my mother's words about him loving me more than anything in the
world are flashing through my mind. I blink in front of the key.

I
jump and scream when I see his eye, also peeking through the hole.

The
door is unlocked and opened. He has the wickedly cocky smile.
"Spying on me? Really? Are you so insecure?" I frown. He's in that
mood. I want to argue, I know what that will entail.

He
steps to the side, leaving me just enough room to enter. I walk past him with
my head high in the air. He loosens his tie and rolls his sleeves up. I catch a
glimpse of his tats and scars. I lick my lips and forget about the bath. He closes
the door, grinning.

He
walks to the corner and sits in his chair.

He's
in luck. I had planned on us having savage sex in the living room. Mostly
because he refuses to do it anywhere but a bed, but I've been working on my
seduction. Today I came prepared.

I
unzip my jacket and let it drop to the floor. It's the only sound in the room.
I pull my ponytail out and shake my head back and forth. Walking closer to the
bed I undo one button on my blouse. I turn and face him as I slowly get the
others. His mouth opens when he sees what's underneath. He's shocked. I like
that.

I
bite my lip and shoulder out of the blouse. I'm wearing a strapless white
bustier with a lot of push up. Maintaining eye contact with him, I undo my
jeans. I turn around and pull them down, bending over completely. I have on
ruffled white underwear that matches the bustier. His head tilts slightly as he
watches, making a sliver of a smile grace my lips. I stand up and turn around.

He
looks flabbergasted. I have a small mental dance party and turn around. I bend
over the bed and wait for it.

When
I hear him get up I brace for the hand on my ass. He's rushed from the
unexpected aspects of this and not grabbed a paddle or hairbrush from the wall.

What
I get surprises me. His warm lips press against my left ass cheek. His hands
slide up and down my thigh. It's nice.

I'm
about to beg, he likes it when I beg, when he pulls his face away and his hand
makes contact with my right cheek.

I
moan into the bedding.

"You
like that don’t you? You thought I was going to go easy on you because you wore
pretty underwear?" He slaps in the same spot. I writhe and mouth breathe
into the blankets. "What you didn’t know, is I like you in your cotton
underwear. I like you that way."

I
do know that. I know how he feels about slutty underwear. I grin as his hand
makes contact once more.

"If
you want to dress that way. I can treat you that way."

I
bury my face to hide the smile crossing my lips as I hear the buckle of his pants.
He spreads my legs with his and slides my underwear to the side. His fingers
slide up and down me, soaking in the moisture. He plunges a finger in, making a
gasp rip from my parted lips. His body bends over mine as his finger plunges in
and out. He grabs my shoulder and pulls me back a bit, arching my back more.
He's pumping in and out and I'm clawing at the bed. I pull away before I
orgasm, making him chuckle.

"Not
the orgasm you want baby?"

I
shake my head.

He
rips the panties off me, making me a bit sad momentarily. They cost a small
fortune and matched the bustier.

He's
between my thighs and pulling my butt into him. He rubs himself up and down me,
before slipping only the tip in. I try to push back, to get more, but he
doesn’t let me. He slowly enters, not rough.

"You
will come when I let you." He growls. He bends and kisses my back softly.
He knows how much I hate soft slow sex. I clench my jaw.

He
rams me once hard and fast. I cry out but then he slows again. He's driving me
insane with the inconsistent thrusts. I'm ready to knock him out and ride him
my way. He slides his hand up my back, massaging and rubbing. He is thrusting
slowly and evenly. His hand slides up the back of my head. He grabs a fist full
of hair, right in the sweet spot and pulls my head back. Then he starts to
buck, the right way. He's slamming me and pulling my hair like a savage. I'm
crying out and clenching him. I orgasm as he growls, "You like it that
way, don’t you?"

He
moans as my clenching and squeezing forces his orgasm. He collapses on my back
and kisses it softly.

We
roll up into the bed and lie there for a minute, trying to catch our breath.

He
strokes my head and looks at me, "What time are you going to the
rings?"

I
smirk. There is no weird pillow talk and no pretending we're soft delicate
people. No apologies, limits yes, but no shame.

I
glance up at him, "I'm meeting Angelo at seven. We're going to try to get
as many places involved as we can. The program is looking like it will go
ahead. Self-defense classes for free for every girl on Saturday afternoons.
Angelo is cool with teaching it as long as he gets to kick my ass the whole
time."

He
arches an eyebrow, "Yeah that's realistic. Stuart picking you up?"

I
nod, "Yah. He's taking me driving later with Jake." I roll my eyes,
"They are so mean to me about my shit-ass driving."

He
laughs and kisses my forehead, "You suck, that’s why."

I
shove him but he grins harder, "Hey, I watched you take driving lessons in
New Mexico. I saw what was happening there. Why do you think I hired Stuart
when you moved here? That driver's-ed guy said you had been trying for years
and the church finally said no more. You cost a fortune."

I
furrow my brow, "Hurtful."

His
face softens. He kisses my face again. I climb out of the bed and shrug on my
robe. I pass him his. He stands and I trace my fingers along the cross on his
left side. I bend forward and gently kiss her name. I walk to the door and
offer him my hand. He takes it, kissing it, letting me lead him for a change.