The Rocker That Needs Me (The Rocker...) (3 page)

Don’t worry abo
ut it. See you later
.


That evening when I got home, Layla was more quiet than usual. Last night she had asked me about Drake, and I had shrugged it all off. He was my friend—my only friend! I wasn’t about to let her step in and ruin it because she felt l
ike I couldn’t handle myself; even if my feelings for the rocker were stronger than mere friendship. I brushed it off as just a silly infatuation.

After dinner, I texted Drake to ask if he wanted to come enjoy the night air with me. It was still warm out at night, and I was feeling suffocated inside the guest house. When he texted me back saying that he would be right out, I gathered up a sheet and all the little candles we had.

By the time he met me in the yard, which separated the guesthouse from the main house, I had it all set up. It looked romantic and I had to keep reminding myself that nothing about Drake and my relationship was romantic. He would run for the hills if he knew I was crushing on him, and really I couldn’t blame him. He must have had plenty of that drama in his life being a rocker.

Drake surprised me when he produced a sketch book and a set of charcoal sketching pencils. “Can I draw you?” he asked, sounding a little unsure.

“Sure. If you want to…I didn’t know you could draw.” I arranged myself on the sheet so I could watch him over the sketch pad while he worked.

His fingers moved fast and with obvious skill. I ached to see what he was drawing. The concentration on his face as he watched me made me ache for a different reason altogether.

“It’s something I do as a stress reliever,” he said after a few minutes. “Art was my favorite class in school. For my eighth birthday my dad got me a professional art kit. It had paint and charcoal and a million other things that an eight year old doesn’t understand how to use.” He smiled and I could see the little boy that he had been shining in those blue-gray eyes. “My mom argued that it was too expensive, that it would be destroyed by the end of the day, but I took care of it and found that I really liked using the charcoal to draw. When I was thirteen, I entered an art festival in town and actually won a hundred dollars by coming in second place in the art show.”

“Wow. I can maybe draw a convincing stick figure if I had to,” He laughed. It was a gut-deep laugh that made me so happy it had come from something I said. He didn’t seem like the type of guy that laughed often.

“So if art isn’t your talent what is?” he asked as he continued to draw.

My attention kept going to his hands
—those long, slender fingers as they moved with sure strokes across the sketch pad. “I like to dance,” I told him. “And I’m a decent long distance runner.”

He cocked a brow at my answer. “Dance?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I love to dance. When I was little, before my mom kicked Layla out, Layla would take me to this little dance academy when she got home from school. I got to learn tap dancing, ballet, and jazz. I’m a big jazz and swing fan.”

Drake grinned. “So you like Michael Bublé and Sarah Brickel. Maybe Robbie Williams?” I shrugged and he leaned forward, tapping me on the end of the nose with a finger. “There’s nothing wrong with liking them. I’ve met Michael Bublé a few times at the Grammys. Nice enough guy.”

“I might have every song of his on my iPod.” I shrugged again. “Who is your rock hero?” I asked, determined to know every little thing about this man. Just being with him like this, talking about nothing more important than our tastes in music, was perfect. I wanted to freeze time and hold onto this moment for the rest of my life.

“Keith Richards was always my hero.” He was back to concentrating on his sketchpad. “The man has talent. When I was twelve I mowed grass for an entire summer and saved up to buy my first guitar. I taught myself how to play it by watching and listening to Keith Richards. That’s how we got started. I was Keith and Nik was Mick Jagger. We were just playing around. But then Jesse and Shane joined us, and we actually sounded pretty good. We started playing at parties for the kids at school. From there it was bars close to home. When I was twenty-one some talent scout heard us and told Rich, our manager, about us. A week later, we were on a tour bus, officially rock stars.”

“That’s wild!” I pulled my knees up against my chest and rested my chin on them. My hair fell in my face, and I pushed it back. “Is it all you hoped for? All you ever wanted?” Pain crossed his face. Drake grew quiet and I wondered if he was going to answer me when he finally shook his head. “No. It isn’t all I ever wanted. After the first year or so, I was already burned out. I want more from life than rock-and-roll. We all do now. Don’t get me wrong, Lana, I love making music. I love the thrill of playing for a crowd. But I hate the life that comes with it.”

Drake

I wasn’t sure why I was so drawn to Lana. I tried to stay away. For about a minute, I succeeded, but I found that it physically hurt to stay away. I refused to give my feelings any name other than friendship. Being friends was safe. I could work with that. So what if just looking at her made me ache deep inside in a way I couldn’t ever remember aching before.

She drew me in and I went willingly. Lana, my sweet, beautiful angel, was easy to talk to. I found myself confiding in her about things no one else knew. I hadn’t even admitted hating the fast pace of the rock-and-roll world that I had gotten caught up in all those years ago to Emmie. With Lana it just came naturally.

I spent every evening with her. Talking about the stupidest things, getting to know a girl—fuck anyone—just for the hell of it. Some nights we would just sit and I would sketch the angel. Others we would lie on the beach and listen as the waves crashed against the beach. With each wave that hit the beach, I felt as if I was being washed in the sweetest peace. It was soothing to be with her. I was able to go without a whole bottle of Jack Daniels to help me fall asleep for an entire week. When I woke each morning I wasn’t drenched in sweat like I normally was. Of course I still had the nightmares. I doubted I would ever be free of them, but that week they didn’t haunt me like they normally did.

Friday, I took Lana to dinner. There was a great little Greek restaurant that I loved. I picked her up, refusing to think of it as a date. I had never taken a girl on a date in my life, and I wasn’t about to think of this time out with Lana as one. That just screamed
wrong
to me.

It was fun. I enjoyed every second of it and dreaded the time that I would have to take her home. After dinner I found a park, and we sat on the swings just talking like we always did. I had only known this girl a week, and yet she probably knew as much about me as Emmie did. Well, except for the parts that I refused to tell Lana. I didn’t want to put those images in her innocent mind.

And maybe I was scared that if my angel knew about my past she would be too disgusted to want to continue with our friendship.

I drove us back to Malibu in the Escalade. When I pulled into the driveway it was just after ten. Instead of getting out right away, Lana turned toward me and smiled that smile of hers, which I still hadn’t been able to get perfect on paper. There was something about that smile, the way it filled me with so much peace. There was a hint of mischief that sparkled in those whiskey eyes of hers that calmed my need for the bottle, at least for the most part.

“Thanks for tonight, Drake,” she said. “It was fun.”

“Would you like to go shopping with me tomorrow?” I didn’t know where the idea had come from. What the fuck did I know about shopping? I had a shit load of money and had barely touched a cent of it. Emmie took care of my bills and bought everything I needed. I guess I was a little helpless when it came to certain things, but I wanted to spoil Lana. Friends could do that, righ
t?

“Shopping?” She raised a brow and grinned. “You want to take me shopping?”

I shrugged. “Yeah. Bring Lucy. We can make a day of it.” I wanted to spend every minute possible with her. Maybe she was a new addiction―one that brought me more peace than the bottle did.

Somehow we ended up talking for nearly an hour, just sitting in the SUV, talking about something I doubted I would remember in the morning. I made her laugh and it was like bells ringing in my ears
―the best music I had ever heard.

When I nex
t looked at the clock on the dashboard it was a little after eleven. She was just as reluctant, if not more so, to end the night. I reached out and pushed her long, midnight black hair away from her beautiful face. My fingers burned where they touched her flawless skin. After only a small hesitation, I leaned in and brushed a soft kiss over her cheek. “Good night, Lana,” I murmured.

Pink filled her cheeks and she bit her lip. “G-goodnight Drake,” she whispered and slipped out of the Escalade. I waited until she was out of sight before getting out. I needed the time to calm my racing heart and aching body.

When I entered the house, Shane had gone out—not that it was a big surprise. I shuddered a little at the possible places my little brother could have been tonight. The bottle might have been my crutch, but Shane’s addiction was worse in my book. His constant need to have sex—the orgies, the sex clubs—was going to kill him long before the bottle pickled my liver. Emmie insisted that we all get tested regularly, mostly because of Shane.

Jesse and Nik were sprawled out on the sectional with beers in their hands, and Emmie snuggled up to Nik. It had taken me a little while to get used to the sight of Emmie with Nik. It wasn’t that I didn’t like the idea of them together. It was just hard to see her as anything other than our sweet little Emmie. Now, I was forced to see her for what she was. A sexy woman who was serious with one of my scumbag band brothers.

Her belly was peeking out of her Demon’s Wings shirt, and I cringed at the thought of the little spawn growing inside of her. That little demon child made my Emmie evil at times. When she saw me, her big green eyes lit up and Nik helped her stand. She wrapped her arms around me and wanted to know all about my night out, but I wasn’t ready to tell her about it. For now, I wanted to keep the time I had spent with Lana locked inside, holding onto it for as long as I could before I shared it with Emmie. I hated to admit it but I was probably the least closest with Emmie and it was my fault.

I loved her and would lay down my life for her, but because of what had happened all those years ago, I held a part of myself back, even from her…

Shopping with Lana and Lucy was fun. I was enjoying watching Lana try on clothes that looked as if they were made just for her.

The fun ended when I bought all the clothes that Lana tried on and a couple pair of shoes. She exploded on me and became the fierce little bitch that lurked under the surface of all her angelic beauty. I refused to let my body respond to the sight of how incredibly sexy she looked spitting mad. Instead, I got mad too.

Lana stormed out of the exclusive boutique while I finished paying for the clothes and accessories. Lucy sighed and shook her head but helped me carry the bags to the Escalade. We gave each other the silent treatment while shopping for Lucy.

When I pulled into the driveway a few hours later, Lana jumped out without so much as a word. I followed behind her, and Lucy, weighed down with all the bags from the shopping expedition, walked at a slower pace. Layla met us at the door. Lucy was already talking a mile a minute about the day.

The bedroom door slammed shut just as I entered the guest house, and I glared at the closed door. Even though I was steaming mad, I still wanted to be close to her. And now that stubborn little brat—really she was a bitch sometimes!—hadn’t even let me tell her goodnight.

“Lucy, go watch some cartoons,” Layla told the still bubbling Lucy. “You can tell me all about your day later. I promise.”

“Okay.” Lucy sighed. “Don’t yell at Drake. It isn’t his fault that Lana is so rotten.”

I dropped the bags on the floor. “How was your day?” Layla asked, and I heard the amusement in her voice.

I turned my glare from the closed door to Layla. There was a ghost of a smile on her face. “Your sister is so stubborn,” I told her.

Her lips twitched into a full blown grin. “I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.”

“She didn’t want me to buy her anything. Nothing! Not one little thing. Then, when I bought them anyway, she stormed out of the store and left me there with poor little Lucy. She refused to speak to me the rest of the afternoon…” I broke off, running a hand through my hair and pulling on the ends. I probably looked demented or something, but that was the way I felt right then. “She makes me f…” I stopped before the curse word left my lips and corrected myself. “Freaking bonkers!”

“Give her a little while. She won’t stay mad forever.” Layla assured me with an encouraging smile. “Lana’s the type of girl that doesn’t want material things. She learned the hard way that people trying to buy her affections doesn’t exactly mean that they care about her.”

My heart clenched at her words. Lana had told me a little about her childhood, but like me, she had mostly evaded the subject. The last thing I wanted to do was treat her like some douche bag from her past.

“She would rather you stop and pick her a flower beside the road than buy her one from the flower shop.”

“I wasn’t…I just wanted…” I raked a hand through my hair again, stopping the flow of words that didn’t make sense. I guess I had really fucked up, and I felt a little nauseated that I had hurt Lana, even if it was unintentional. “I’ll call her later,” I muttered.

I couldn’t sleep that night. All I wanted to do was text Lana, but I knew she needed a little while to calm down. To keep myself from picking up my phone, I swallowed a fifth of Jack and let the numbness take me off to nightmare land for the night. I woke at dawn in a pool of sweat and rising bile in the back of my throat.

When I had my shit together, I forced down some breakfast and finally pulled out my phone. My fingers didn’t hesitate as they raced over the keys.

I’m sorry
.

I didn’t do that often. There wasn’t much I felt I should apologize for, but I knew I had been wrong this time. I should have listened to her when she said she didn’t want me to buy her anything.

A full minute went by before my phone buzzed. I glanced down to see the message across the screen and felt the tightness around my heart ease.

I’m sorry, too! I was a bitch.

My hands hovered over the keys.
Can I come over?

I was hoping you would.

I tossed my cereal bowl in the sink. It took me exactly two minutes to get through the house, cross the patio and small yard, and knock on the front door of the guesthouse. My knuckles barely touched the door before it opened and Lana was throwing herself into my arms. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

Wrapping my arms around her small waist, I held her tight for a moment and breathed in the sweet scent of her shampoo and the lotion she always seemed to be putting on. Lana didn’t do perfume. Her fingers combed through my hair, and I closed my eyes tight, basking in the peaceful feeling of having her in my arms for the first time.

“I hate fighting with you,” I muttered as I set her on her feet. “I’m not sure I’d survive if I really pissed you off.”

A small smile tugged at the corners of her bee-stung lips. “Nah. You can handle it.”

I grinned. “Let’s not find out, okay?”

“I’ll do my best.” She rolled her whiskey colored eyes at me, and I smacked her on the ass as she turned into the living room. Her squeal was music to my ears. I picked her up and tossed her on the couch and then spent the next five minutes tickling her until she had tears running down her cheeks. I didn’t normally get so close to her, but my relief at making up with her after our fight was too overwhelming for me not to find a reason to touch her. 

Our playing woke Lucy up, and I spent the rest of the day just hanging out with them. Around noon Lana started getting worried about Layla, and we went over to the main house to ask Emmie if she had heard from either Layla or Jesse. I figured that Jesse had been unable to contain his feelings the night before and the two were shacked up in a hotel room somewhere, but I didn’t dare speak my thoughts aloud.

After Emmie assured her that she would call Jesse and make sure they were okay, I talked Lana into a swim. It wasn’t hard to do, but after seeing her in her bikini for the first time, I was seriously regretting my decision to spend a few hours by the pool. What sick bastard invented bikinis anyway? Lucky for me Lucy made a great chaperone, and I was able to keep my reactions in check for the most part.

When I found myself drooling at the sight of Lana’s chest in the lemon yellow top barely containing her curves, I knew it was time to order some dinner. Anything to get some clothes on my angel so I wasn’t constantly in a state of pain from just looking at her.

A movie and some good Chinese rounded out the day. I didn’t want to go back to the main house, but I knew that staying wasn’t an option. Lana and Lucy both had school the next morning, and I had to go into the studio. I placed a kiss on top of Lucy’s dark, curly head and one on Lana’s cheek. “I’ll text you,” I promised.

“Okay.” She bit her lip and I saw the disappointment in her eyes. She was just as reluctant for me to leave as I was to be going. “Thanks for dinner.”

By the time I reached the house, my chest felt like I had an elephant sitting on it. I raced up to my room and found one of my fifths and swallowed a third of it in one go. I was used to the burn as it flooded my throat. The heat as it hit my stomach was a welcoming distraction from the pressure around my heart, and I dropped down on the edge of my bed before swallowing another third.

I didn’t want to be alone, so I ended up on the sectional, watching football with Nik and Shane. They didn’t say anything as I sat down between them and swallowed some more of my Jack. The bottle was nearly gone, and I was still feeling like I couldn’t breathe. Fuck! I hated this feeling. All because I couldn’t stand to be away from a girl I had no business having anything but brotherly feelings for!

Jesse came home sometime later. I wasn’t exactly sure what time it was. By then, I had found a second bottle of Jack Daniels and started chasing it with beer. I had no idea what was going on with the football game and no clue as to who was even playing. I was numb but still unable to breathe.