This Christmas (8 page)

Bree headed for the back staircase and took a deep breath before she made her way upstairs. Her mother was not going to be easy. All the anger she harbored toward Jake was based in the fierce love she felt for Bree, but what she needed from her mother was support, not wild emotions. Nope. Being angry wouldn’t change anything and it wouldn’t be good for Charlie.

Bree would have to remember that herself.

She’d really let Jake have it. Sabrina rarely raised her voice, but she’d lost it with Jake and he’d let her. He didn’t fight back, and took a lot of the blame on himself. It wasn’t fair, really, and at some point she’d have to talk to him about it because as angry and as hurt as she’d been, there was no excuse for keeping Charlie from him.

Just seeing them together, seeing how much Charlie wanted to know her father, showed Bree how big of a mistake she’d actually made. It was sobering, and the only thing she could do now was make sure they had every opportunity to get to know each other.

Stopping at the top step, she heard her parents talking in their room, so she went the opposite way, toward her own. She made short work of her clothes, pulling on a pair of old Christmas pajamas, and headed toward Charlie’s room.

There was only one lamp on when Bree walked in, but it cast a quiet, peaceful glow over the space. Charlie was on her side, under the covers, fast asleep. Bree leaned in to kiss her and noticed Charlie was still wearing the hoodie Jake gave her.

She couldn’t resist and laid down next to her daughter and tucked herself neatly against her back—with one arm draped over the sleeping child, and the other clutching the pillow, Bree marveled at how soundly her daughter slept, but then, considering what she’d been doing all day, it made sense. The shot to her heart came when Bree inhaled, that was when the magic took over.

Jake was there. Each time she drew in a breath, Bree realized she was in far more trouble than she’d thought. His scent was all over that jacket, sharp and clean, mixed with a combination of the salt air and snow from outside. It triggered memories she wasn’t sure she was ready for.

Memories of him. Memories of them.

But those memories couldn’t drive her decisions. He’d left her once and he could do it again. He’d be there for Charlie, but Bree wouldn’t risk her heart on him or anyone else again. Love wasn’t in the cards for her.

Kissing her beautiful girl on the cheek, Bree rose from the bed and wondered if she should suck it up and talk to her parents now, or wait until morning.

Morning won. After confronting Jake for the first time in ten years, Bree was spent, and Jade’s idea of crawling into bed with a romance novel, sounded really good. But like everything else that day, this wasn’t going to go as planned. No... her mother was in her room, waiting.

She and Charlie must have gathered up the contents of the box of memorabilia and put it on Bree’s bed, because that was where her mother was sitting while going through pictures. Proof of the relationship her mother didn’t know anything about. This was not going to be fun.

“I guess we have to talk?” Bree settled herself on the bed and pulled her legs up.

“I can’t believe you snuck around behind our backs.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say.”

“More than anything, that’s what hurts.” Her mother looked up, and never in Bree’s life had she felt as small as she did that moment. The disappointment was all over her mother’s face. “Sabrina, I always trusted you and you never gave me reason not to. I never had delusions about anything. I figured you would have boyfriends and that you would have sex, but... I don’t know. Why were you so sneaky?”

“Did you want me to tell you everything?”

Her mom shook her head. Bree felt awful because Mom’s feelings were so obviously hurt. “No. not necessarily. I’d like to think I respected your privacy. But why didn’t you tell us you were seeing him?”

There was the million dollar question. Why hadn’t she? Yes, there was a big age different between her and Jake, but it wasn’t illegal. Granted, on the experience scale there was a greater difference. Jake was a pro athlete, he’d been around, he’d even been engaged to a wealthy young woman he met in the city. Sabrina, as popular as she was in school, hadn’t really dated. Hadn’t shared more than a few chaste kisses with one boy during her junior year.

No, Jake was totally out of her league—then and now. Bree knew it, and her mother would have known, too. Sabrina kept him a secret because she didn’t want her family and her friends telling her she was in over her head. She didn’t want her parents to make him leave; she didn’t want her brother freaking out and she didn’t want her friends pressing her for a play-by-play every time she and Jake saw each other.

The thing her mother didn’t understand was that Bree hadn’t told
anyone.
And while the girls found out about Jake when Bree discovered she was pregnant, they weren’t only shocked beyond words; they were also hurt and angry. Fortunately, her friends had gotten over the slight, but it made Bree think. How would she feel if Charlie kept something from her that was so important? She’d be pretty upset.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about him,” she said as she laid her head on her mother’s shoulder. “I shouldn’t have been so secretive, but are you saying you would have been okay with it?”

Her mother pursed her lips and shook her head slowly. “Absolutely not. I probably would have told him to leave you the hell alone and found him a new place to live”

Bree grinned. Her mother was predictable if nothing else. “I figured you’d say something like that.”

“Well, I mean come on, Bree, look at all this stuff.” She waved her hand to everything on the bed.

“What about it?”

Picking up the t-shirt from the University of Wisconsin where Jake had gone to school, Sabrina held it close to her face, feeling the softness of the faded fabric, and wishing it still held his scent like the sweatshirt Charlie had worn to bed. She’d worn this shirt for weeks after he’d left just to feel close to him, to hold onto him a little longer.

It was sad, really. She was so young, and if she had gone to her mother, maybe she wouldn’t have stayed with him. Maybe they would have gotten Jake out of her life. However, that would mean no Charlie, and there was no way she could ever consider her beautiful girl a mistake. Ever.

So while Jake had certainly brought her a lot of heartache, he’d also given her the greatest joy in her life. Her baby would never be a regret.

Laying the shirt across her lap, Bree reached for the pictures, and then held them out to her mother. “You looked at these already, I guess?”

Mom nodded but she still plucked some of the photos out of the batch and looked at them again as Bree let the memories seep into her. It seemed like she took a picture every time they were together. The collection spanned their short relationship in surprising detail from walks on the beach, to dinners, to a camping trip they took that August to Acadia National Park.

That trip was the biggest lie she’d ever told her parents. She certainly wasn’t in Boston with a college friend. But she didn’t second guess her decision. There was something new with each picture, just as something was always constant.

Both she and Jake looked happy. They looked like they were in love.

Because they were.

Thankfully, there were tissues on her nightstand, because the tears she had been fighting came with a vengeance. Sniffling, she dabbed at her eyes while her mother reached out and rubbed her back. “Why did he leave me? God. We had everything.”

“You had everything but honesty. Without that, a relationship would never last.”

“We were honest with each other.” Sabrina remembered their talks, long and intimate. Feeling like they were inside each other’s heads connected by so much more than physical attraction. Bree needed Jake like she needed her own breath.

Gazing at the picture from the Maine trip, she remembered laying out on a blanket with him and looking up at a sky, so filled with stars it appeared almost white. The Milky Way cut across the deep blue-black backdrop and Bree could feel herself changing. It was like the stars allowed her to believe she could have it all. She was no longer just a daughter, a sister, a student. or a friend. Bree felt like a woman.

She still felt that way when she thought of him, so she let herself sink into the memory.

“Are you cold?” he’d asked. “I have an extra sweatshirt if you need it.”

“No, you’re very warm, and I can always pull this side of the blanket up if I need it.” Tilting her head, she looked up again. “I can’t believe how many stars I can see out here. It’s endless.”

“It reminds me of home. In the summer, my dad would take us to one of the lakes to give my mum a break. We’d camp for a few days, and it always amazed me.” She remembered him pointing a finger and tracing the Milky Way. “You see that? It’s even brighter in northern Manitoba. Sometimes it’s filled with color from the auroras and it’s like looking at fire and ice. I want to take you there someday.”

He kissed her lightly, pulling her so close she could feel his heart beating. “I want you to meet my parents,” he whispered. “And my brother and sister.”

“Really?”

“They usually come down the first month of the season.”

Meeting his parents. He wanted that? “I’d like that.”

He propped himself up on one arm and raised himself over her. She could see his face in the starlight, the blue glow reflecting on the angles and planes of his forehead, cheeks, and jaw. “I want to meet your parents.”

“You know my parents. You’re living at the house.”

He brought his face closer to hers and kissed her lips. “I want to know them as your boyfriend. I don’t want to be the hockey player staying in the guest apartment. Get me?”

Sabrina reached out and cupped his cheek. There was light stubble, nothing too scruffy, but he wasn’t like any of the boys she’d ever dated. Jake was a man. A man who wasn’t afraid to tell her what he wanted and, probably, what she needed to hear. “I understand.”

“I don’t know if you do.” He bent in and kissed her again. “I love you, Sabrina. I love you with everything I have. But you need to tell your parents about us.”

Her heart swelled and was so filled with happiness Bree thought she might drown in it. He loved her. But what he was asking her to do could cause so many problems. Her parents were wonderful people, but they were overprotective. “I’m worried about how they’ll react.”

“I get that. But it’s time for you to be brave.” He kissed her again. And again. “They love you, and the only way for me to show them that I do, too, is for you to tell them.”

Bree remembered pulling him in and holding him so close she almost couldn’t breathe. It was Jake who shifted his body, and kissed her with an intensity that swallowed her up. And there, under the stars, in a place that was pretty much made of magic, Jake made love to her.

When they’d returned to Holly Point, Bree promised herself she’d talk to her folks, but she hadn’t ever worked up the nerve to tell them. And in the end, it was probably for the best.

“You are lost in thought, my girl.” Her mother’s voice, as always, brought her down to earth.

“I know I disappointed you, Mom. I know you expected more from me.”

“Is that what you think?”

Bree nodded, feeling more like a little girl than she had in years.

“Oh, Sabrina. The only thing that hurt was that you didn’t trust us enough to tell us about Jake. That’s all. Otherwise, you’ve made Daddy and me nothing but proud.”

That was hard to believe. Their valedictorian, pre-med daughter got knocked-up by a guy she’d dated less than three months, who then left her. Bree had to finish her schooling near home, had to change majors, and except for a year living away at college, Bree didn’t have a place of her own.

She and Charlie loved living with her parents, and she worked really hard at being a mother and at building her career, but she didn’t have much of a life.

“Now who’s lying, Mom?”

“No, that’s the truth. Now it’s your turn. Tell me about Jake.”

Her mother wanted the truth?
Crap
. The truth was the one thing that completely terrified Sabrina. How could she tell her mother about the man who pretty much had her heart from the minute he walked into her life? No matter what she did or how she tried, Jake owned her, and at times she cherished how much she still loved him, and at others she felt ashamed she couldn’t let go.

“What do you want to know? He’s taking Charlie out tomorrow.”

“I know that. He’ll be in Charlie’s life from now on. That’s a given. The question is do you want him in yours?”

Bree swallowed hard and grabbed for another tissue, blowing her nose loudly. There was no easy way to say what she had to say, mostly because she was going to have to admit the truth to herself. There was no more being tough. No more hiding.

Looking into her mother’s warm, brown eyes, Bree said, “I’d like to give you an answer one way or another, but I’m so scared. I thought I was over him, but when he’s around, my heart just aches, Mom. I want him in my life. I don’t think that will ever change, but what if he leaves again? Forget that. What if he doesn’t want me at all?”

“Then you’ll go on, knowing that just like everything else in your life, you did your best.” Her mother extended her arms and Bree inched into them, sinking into the warmth like it would save her.

“Oh, Mommy. I’ve missed him so much. I thought I might die when he left. I don’t know if I can take a chance like that and go through it again.”

Her mother hugged her again, tighter this time. “I know you’ve been playing the toughie, Sabrina, but don’t stop yourself from loving, my darling. That would be a real tragedy. Your big heart is what makes you so special.”