Toys and Baby Wishes (8 page)

Josh's arm hung tighter around Lexa's waist as he guided her
toward the wall away from collision and danger.  When they rolled to a stop, he
grinned reassuringly and over the organ music said, "I told you I'd keep
you safe."

She waved at the elementary school children rolling at a
speed she didn't want to contemplate.  "But you didn't tell me we were
going to race in the Indianapolis five hundred!"

"We'll hang around the edges.  You'll be fine."

"That's what you say," she muttered as a child,
not higher than her waist, ran into the back of her knees.  Josh caught her as
her legs buckled.  As soon as she stopped wobbling, she shook her head and
laughed.

"How about a milkshake break on the carpet?  People
travel slower out there."

Josh waved at people he knew, patted one little boy on the
head.  It was obvious Josh did want children.  But could he someday accept an
adopted child?  Could he be more than a stepfather?  Josh would never be like
Loretta, would he?  Questions and no answers.  She needed to know Josh more,
better.  Yet a relationship had to be built on honesty.  How much honesty?  And
how soon?

Josh capped Lexa's elbow as they rolled from the rink's
floor to the lounging area.  Lexa's steadiness on the carpet rather than the
slick rink floor gave her confidence as she rolled along next to him.  When
their eyes met, she smiled and raised her arms.  "I'm on my own."

His smile was replaced by a more serious line.  "That's
important to you, isn't it?"

"I can't help anyone else if my feet aren't planted
firmly."

"So everyone leans on you.  Don't you get tired of
that?  Doesn't it sap your energy?"

She rolled in front of him along the counter at the snack
bar.  "No, I haven't found that.  You won't believe the strength I get
from, for instance, the lady I'm tutoring.  She's fifty-eight and she's never
been able to read street signs or menus.  Her life has been limited and
confined.  All her life she's been ashamed of herself because she felt like a
failure.  Her children know she can't read, and she's always felt inferior to
other parents.  Last week, something clicked in her head during our session and
she can finally sound out words that were hieroglyphics before.  You can't
imagine her excitement.  And I caught it."

The barista asked for their order.  Josh paid for the two
chocolate coffees, and he and Lexa rolled to the fence overlooking the rink.

After a pause, he asked casually, "Are you busy
tomorrow night?"

"I'm driving up to Penn State after work."

"Is something wrong?"

Dani was miserable without Rob and feeling totally alone. 
Lexa couldn't tell Josh that--not yet, but she couldn't lie to him either. 
"Dani's having some problems."

"You're going to her rescue?" 

His tone indicated that his question might not be
complimentary.  "You don't think I should?"

"I don't know.  I guess she's not as independent as
you.  Do you always go when she calls?"

He was the most perceptive man she had ever met,
uncomfortably so.  "I try to help her when she needs it."

"I thought you might like to come to the store and
watch the kids race their cars Sunday afternoon."

"I was going to come back Saturday evening.  I have a
luncheon appointment on Sunday."

He eyed her carefully.  "Man or woman?"

She smiled.  "Some of each.  They're people who can
help with fundraising for the teen center.  We're going to kick around ideas
and find out what sites are available, what kind of budget we need to work
with.  But that's at noon.  I can come to the store afterwards."

Josh dropped his arm across her shoulders.  "After the
races are over, you and I can go to dinner...or...curl up in front of the
TV."

She knew what he was suggesting.  More kisses.  More
intimacy.  She wasn't ready for that yet.  "There's a new movie I'd like
to see."

His arm stiffened slightly, but then relaxed.  "If it's
a movie the lady wants, a movie the lady gets."

CHAPTER FIVE

It was almost four o'clock when Lexa parked her SUV among
the shopper's cars in The Toy Tank's parking lot and walked around to the
back.  She was late--too late to watch the races and she wondered if Josh would
be upset.

She crossed to the course indicated by fluorescent orange
pylons and tin cans where Josh was crouched down next to a little boy around
six years old.  They were both holding a radio controlled car.  Tears were
running down the child's cheeks.  Josh was comforting him and patting his
shoulder.  A thrill danced in her heart at the sight of Josh and she curiously
watched him with the boy.

Lexa stopped a few feet away and heard Josh say, "Your
car ran a terrific race.  It beat mine.  Maybe next time it will win."

The tears stopped and the child's expression was hopeful. 
"Do you really think so?"

Josh stood and looked down at the child affectionately. 
"I really think so."

A car pulled into the parking lot and the driver honked the
horn.  The little boy grinned, waved at Josh, and ran to the waiting car,
yelling, "I'll see you next time."

Josh waved back and called after him, "You keep
practicing.  You're getting really good."

Lexa's heart contracted.  She had suspected Josh would be
good with children.  But what about an adopted child?  Could he give love
freely to a child who wasn't his own?

As she approached him, she apologized, "I'm sorry I'm
late.  The lunch took longer than I planned."

"Was it successful?" Josh asked as he appraised
her hunter green suit and the colorful silk scarf at her neck.

"We didn't have a specific objective in mind.  We
brainstormed and came up with some possibilities for sites and fund
raising."  She looked around at the empty course.  "How many kids
showed up?"

"About twenty.  We had a good time.  Minimal number of
crashes."  He put the radio control car he was holding down on the
macadam.

"Josh, I really am sorry I couldn't get here
sooner."

He straightened.  "You're here now."

She shifted on her high heels, attempting to explain and
divert the sensual vibrations that always forked between them.  "I don't
want you to think I'm late because I didn't want to come."

His stare was steady.  "Do you honestly want to know
what I think?"

"Yes, I do."

He was gentle but firm.  "I think you're a very busy
lady and you have to decide what's most important in your life."

What he wasn't saying was as clear as what he was saying. 
If they got involved, she might have to make some adjustments.  Was she ready
to do that?

She said softly, "It's been two years since I've been
involved with anyone."

"It's been about that for me, too," Josh admitted.

She didn't want to trade why-it-didn't-work stories.  She
gestured to the car on the macadam.  "How do they run?"

His eyes narrowed and she thought he might challenge her
change of subject.  But he didn't.  "They're not complicated.  How would
you like to learn how to race a radio-controlled car?"

"My father wouldn't teach me how to drive because he
said he didn't have enough patience.  If this is anything like driving, you
might want to think twice before offering."

"This will be a piece of cake," Josh assured her. 
"Besides, I'm a great teacher."

She bet he was.  She could imagine him teaching her about
making love with him.  She switched her attention to the course around them. 
"If you can teach me how to maneuver through that obstacle course, you're
a superior teacher."

He stooped over and picked up the model.  "This car has
a three point suspension system with front coil springing."

Her look was blank.  "Is that important to know?"

He chuckled.  "It is for an RC enthusiast, but not for
you."

"Good," she said.  "Because I'm a 'show me'
person.  If you tell me I probably won't get it right.  If you show me, I
will."

His eyes twinkled mischievously.  "I could show you lots
of things."

She picked up his meaning all too well.  "The car,
Josh.  Show me how to work the car."

He grinned, set the car on the ground and picked up the
control box.  "First thing you need to know is the car is controlled by
radio signals.  There are two channels--one for speed, one for steering."

"Here, you take it.  Doing is learning."

"Sometimes it's better to learn first."

"Not with this.  Go ahead and try it."

She tried to coordinate the speed with the motion. 
"Are there many of these clubs?"

The car surged ahead and ran into a pylon.  "Don't
worry.  Back it up," Josh advised.  "This isn't the standard club
because it's just for fun.  Official RC owners take this as a sport and very
seriously.  They have elimination heats, Grand Prix races, registration, rules
and regulations.  We just have fun.  The kids learn how to handle their cars
and themselves."

Lexa attempted to take the car around a curve.  "Are
all the courses like this?  With obstacles?"

"No, this is a gymkhana course.  The idea is to avert
the obstacles and complete the course in the least amount of time."

Lexa's car zoomed ahead and sideswiped a tin can.  Josh
wrapped his arms around her with her back resting against his chest.  With one
hand he covered her fingers to help guide the model.  With the other, he
pointed to the car.  "Keep your eyes on the forward area, the area in
front of the car.  If you only watch the car, you can't keep clear of the
obstacles."

It felt so good to have his arms around her--so right.  She
took a deep breath, relishing the feel of him, the closeness.  But she couldn't
get any closer unless she was honest with him.

Lexa's hands went still and the car stopped.  She turned in
Josh's arms, control box in hand, until she faced him.  "Josh, there's
something I have to tell you."

"What?"

"Dani's pregnant, and I'm going to adopt her
baby."

Josh was still for a stunned moment, his eyes wide with
surprise.  When he spoke, it wasn't what she expected.  "So that's why
you've been backing off."

There was another reason too, but one thing at a time. 
"It's not something I could just blurt out to a stranger."

"Am I a stranger, Lexa?"

"No.  Not any more.  That's why I had to tell
you."  She cleared her throat.  "So how do you feel about it?"

His smile was uncertain.  "It's a shock."

She hadn't known what to expect.  His reaction wasn't
negative exactly, but he wasn't telling her what she needed to know.  She'd
simply have to ask straight out.  "Do you still want to see me?"

He took her by the shoulders.  "Of course, I still want
to see you.  Why wouldn't I?"

She murmured, "Some men would find a baby hard to
accept."

"I'm not some men.  And don't forget, kids are my
business."

True, Lexa thought, but owning a toy store and liking kids
on a once in a while basis was not the same as being a father.

He must have seen her doubts.  "Lexa, If you had ten
kids, I'd still want to see you again."

Relief seeped through her and she wanted to hug him. 
"Really?"

"Really.  But I can certainly understand why you don't
want to rush into anything.  You're thinking about someone other than
yourself."

"Josh, any type of relationship has to be strong to
support a child.  I have to be absolutely certain..."

"That I'm the right guy?" he filled in.  He gently
rubbed up and down her arms.  "I understand.  Believe me, I do.  Is your
sister sure she doesn't want to keep the baby?"

Josh's hands scorched through her suit jacket.  The motion
was meant to be comforting, but it was arousing instead.  "She's
positive.  Her boyfriend deserted her.  She wants to have the baby but she says
she can't raise it alone."

"And you can."

Her eyes didn't waver from his.  "I can."

"You're a brave woman."

"Bravery has nothing to do with it.  I love Dani; I'll
love her baby."

"Maybe you won't have to do it alone."

Apprehension tinged her voice.  "It's too soon to make
any kind of commitment."

"But it's not too soon to hope in the future," he
insisted.

Josh smiled and she smiled back.  One bridge successfully
crossed.  All she needed now was the courage to tell him the rest.  But not
today.  Soon.

***

As Josh pulled up in front of Lexa's townhouse, a glare of
hidden sun fought the clouds.  He'd called Lexa and asked her if she still
wanted to go bicycling on the Gettysburg Battlefield with the lower
temperatures.  She'd insisted she liked to ride in cold weather.  The sky
looked ominous.  They might have to cut the afternoon short.

But that wouldn't bother Josh, not at all.  They could go
back to his apartment, curl up on the sofa together, let whatever was going to
happen, happen.  For three weeks, since the day she'd told him about the
adoption, he'd kept everything light with Lexa, letting her set the tone.  He
was "activitied" out.  Bowling, the fall craft fair, the recreational
vehicle show.   Everything to do or see so the chemistry between them didn't
explode when they were alone.

He realized Lexa needed time.  She was still holding back
and he couldn't figure out why.  Was it the idea of becoming a mother?  Or was
it something more?  Something she wasn't telling him?  He was a firm believer
that physical intimacy led to deeper emotional intimacy.  And he was ready to
deepen their relationship.  But Lexa...

She was a one-woman crusade, spreading herself over more
organizations than he could count.  He was beginning to understand that it was
much easier for her to give than to receive.  But why did she have to give so
much?  He respected her causes.  He liked the idea of her adopting a child, if
she was sure that's what she and her sister wanted.  But if their relationship
was going to grow, she'd have to give it more time.  Today was the day to bring
it up.  Today was the day he was going to kiss her somewhere quiet, somewhere
comfortable.  Maybe tonight would be the night.