True Nature (13 page)

And he said he didn't care if that's how today's world would view him. He only cared about being true to himself...and about how I viewed him.

And there in lies the problem...how
do
I view him?! How do I reconcile the loving, gentle man who takes such attentive care of me, to the one who makes me wet ordering me around, to the one who scares me with how much he demands?! I don't know what to think!

I gulp the last of my tea and put my forehead down on my knee. Sitting on the cold wooden steps, listening to the night move around me, I feel tears starting. My eyes are warm, my chest tight, stomach in a knot, I let out a groan and let the tears come.  I only cry for a minute, but I feel better, clearer.

I can't decide everything tonight. But I do know that I love Max. That's why I'm so scared, so confused. I don't want to lose him, but I don't know if I can be what he really wants.

I lift my head up and stare into the moonlit sky. The trees are darkly defined. Not many stars visible. I feel calmer. I can admit to myself that I'm scared still, but I'm also excited. I need to see how far Max will take me into this strange new way to think, to be.

He's everything that I've wanted in a guy; even more, since I've only just realized what it is that I've wanted...what's been missing with past boyfriends. And I know that I've come to terms with how easily I've let Max take over. How much I've liked that he's taken over.  How scared he makes me and how my fear of him is just as exciting as my love for him.

I've been unable to admit to myself before now how much I've changed my thinking for him already. I think first about what would make him happy, pleased with me, before I think about what I want. And this realization makes me feel that same tingle in my stomach, along with a tension in my head...I still can't believe my own thoughts sometimes.

I'm wide awake again as I go back inside to try to sleep. I keep my hand on the deadbolt lock for a second. Good night, Max. I wish his arms were waiting for me in bed.

Chapter 19 HIM

I knew I needed to give Lucy more space this week. Give her a chance to think about everything. She needs to decide to stay with me on her own. But on my terms. So I decided not to push her to talk more to me about everything or to stay the night at my place this week. I didn't even go with to her Wednesday dinner since she said it was just going to be Tracy and Laura.

This has been harder than I thought...giving her space. Since last weekend, I've wanted to do nothing but the opposite. I want her. Here. With me.

Taking a deep breath, I check my phone again.

"Man, you need another beer!" Mike gets up from the table and heads towards the bar. Since I knew Lucy was out with her friends tonight, I went out with him and Dan after work.

"You really like this girl, don't you?" Dan is smiling at me. He's tried hooking me up with Becca's friends and others since we were roommates. We don't have the same taste in women though. I always joked that he was just sick of double dating with Mike and Steph.

"Yeah...I really do." I take the beer from Mike. "Thanks."

"So you took her up to meet the P's last week? That is a brave girl!" Mike is sitting down again and laughing.

"She did great."

"How did Ron like her?" Dan and Mike have both met my parents; Dan even spent a few holidays with us since his family is on the East coast. They are like brothers to me, Dan especially.  So he knows how intimidating my Dad can be.

I just smile and say, "He really liked her. Gave me his seal of approval."

"Wow...I don't think I got that until we graduated." Mike clinks my bottle.

"You never did!" Dan and I say together, laughing.

"Fuck yous." But Mike is laughing too.

"But you've only known her for...what...a month?" Dan is playing big brother.

"And you were already crying over Becca dumping you for some asshole after a month!" Mike laughs when I say this. We like to make fun of Dan and Becca...the old married couple of our group.

"She never dumped me for any asshole, asshole!" He throws a peanut at me.

"So when are you two going to make us proud Uncles?" Dan flinches at my question, a reaction I haven't seen from him before. Touchy subject now?

"We're working on it." This gets a prerequisite nasty comment from Mike and more peanut throwing from Dan.  "But Bec is trying to launch her own art in a gallery and I'm trying to support her...so we may hold off on the whole kids thing." He doesn't look me in the eye as he says this. He knows how I feel about family and careers. "For now anyway..." He turns the subject to Mike. "How bout you? When are you going to make Stephanie a poor honest schmuck by marryin her?"

"I'm waiting for her to ask me!" We both throw peanuts at him. "We talked about it again...over the Fourth actually." He sits up more. "I don't think she wants to get married...maybe ever."

"Well...not if you're just going to
talk
about it, schmuck! You have to actually get on a knee and ask her to get an answer!" Mike just puts up his hands and grabs his beer to Dan's comment.

"So buy the biggest ring you can find and ask her!" I'm on Dan's side. Stephie is not my idea of good wife material, but Mike always seems happy with her.

"I'll ask Stephie after you ask Lucy!" Mike is holding his beer out to me.

I know he's making a joke, but I'm serious when I clink and respond, "Deal!"

"You're
that
serious about her?!" Dan is leaning forward to look at me closer, big brother again.

I sit back and swig my beer. "I am..." Dan and Mike both shake their heads and laugh at me.

                                                                      .....

Standing on the curb, it's just Dan and me now.  We're standing next to his car. "Hey, I just want to say...Lucy's a nice girl..."

"She is."

"And Bec and I both like her...but take it slow, OK, man?" He pats my chest with the back of his hand hard. "I know you had your heart broken by Nat..."

He doesn't know the details, but he knows that it ended abruptly and I had been really into her. "Lucy's not like that." I cut him off. 

"Good...just...ya know...take it easy."

I smile at him, "I will..." I walk away before he can say more though.

Chapter 20 HER

"Do you need a cab, Lucy?" The big bouncer at the entrance stops me before I head up the stairs to the street.

"Oh...uh...no...thanks." I wave as I quickly walk pass their table.

This has been an odd night. It's been an odd week.

Max has been staying away...he still thinks I need some space. I haven't shared with him any of my thoughts, any of the insists I've had this week about how I feel about him and what he said. I still haven't slept much either without him, but I'm hoping this weekend we can talk more and he'll spend the night again.

I was grateful that I didn't have to explain his coming along on Wednesday, though. Tracy would've made a big deal out of me not standing up to him and saying he wasn't invited along to a girls night. And I know that if he had pushed to be there, I wouldn't have stood up to him.

And it felt nice to have the girls-only dinner again. I like Josh and Tad is sweet, but they can be immature sometimes. And Tracy gets bolder with Josh around, laughing and talking louder, making out in the hall outside the bathroom.

It was also a relief when I told Max about our Friday night plans, he wasn't upset at all. Just insisted that we go to a club that's a part of the LPE Group. I didn't realize how different tonight was going to be though.

From the moment we got in line to get into Club French, I was treated like a star. A bouncer came over to me and asked my name, then he led us passed the long line right into the club. We didn't even have to pay to get in. He introduced me to another guy at the bottom of the stairs and he showed us to a table in the roped off VIP section.

Tracy and Laura just followed along. Once we were seated, they took turns saying "Oo-la-la" and poking at me. A bartender came over with a bottle of champagne and a bucket. He didn't even say anything, just opened the bottle. More Oo-la-la's.

We danced and drank like usual, but I felt very conspicuous. Like all the bouncers and bartenders knew who I was and were keeping an eye on us. If a guy came up to talk to us, I swear the bouncers seemed closer, ready to step in.

Tracy started saying that Max was keeping tabs on me, but Laura just said it was sweet of him to treat us to a night out like this. I didn't tell them that Max had made me promise to leave by midnight, too. I just said that I was feeling tired and ready to go.

They both wanted to stay, which was fine with me, but Tracy kept joking that I was leaving to be with Max and it was supposed to be our night out. Laura just laughed and said, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do..wait...don't do anything Tracy
would
do!" I left with them laughing and pushing each other. Looking back, I could see another bottle of champagne being delivered to them.

On the street I turn towards the corner, but am stopped by a yell. "Lucy?"

"Jeff?!" He's walking towards me.  "What are you doing here?"

"Max wanted me to make sure you make it home ok." He extends his arm back the way he came and I can see the car parked.

"Oh...OK...thanks!" I walk back and let him open the door for me.

In the car, I look at my phone for the bazillionth time tonight. No call or text from Max. Just the one he sent at 6:00, "have fun tonight. be safe!" I know it's late, but he'd want me to call.

He picks up on the first ring. "Hey."

"Hey!" I'm excited to hear his voice. I realize that I've missed spending so much time with him, falling asleep with him. "I'm heading home, just wanted to say goodnight."

"Good girl...it's midnight on the dot....Are you with Jeff?"

"Yes...thank you for the ride...and for everything tonight. Tracy and Laura were really impressed with our star treatment!" I put my feet up on the seat and relax. It no longer feels weird to have a private driver.

"Good...I'm glad you had fun." He pauses before asking, "Were you a good girl tonight?"

My stomach tightens and I feel the familiar tingle in my pussy from his deep voice. "...Yes..."

"You didn't over drink...you didn't flirt with anyone..."

"No. I was very good...I danced my as...butt...off though." I stop myself from cursing, smiling to myself that he is probably smiling on his end too.

"But I like your ass just the way it is." I can hear the smile...and the desire.

I open my eyes as we stop at a light and realize that Jeff isn't heading in the right direction. "Hey...did you tell Jeff to take me to your place?"

"Yes...I've missed you."

"Good. I've missed you too."

"And I want to make sure that you've been a good girl..." Same tingling from my stomach down to my pussy at his voice.

"Well...I'll be happy to see you...I've missed sleeping in your arms."

"You'll be in my arms in a minute, baby."

Chapter 21 HIM

I open the door and grab her arm, yanking her into my chest. She's laughing. "You have missed me!"

"Yes." I growl this into her hair, breathing in her perfume.

"I've missed you!" She stands on tip-toe and kisses me. I can see that she's wearing a tight dress, not one of my favorites, her body too on display.

"I thought you said you were a good girl tonight." I can feel her freeze in my arms.

"I was." She sounds a little defiant, but only a little.

"That's what you chose to wear out with your friends?" We've already had several talks about how I expect her to dress around me.

She looks down at herself and back up to me. The look of guilt is gorgeous, eyes wide, mouth soft. "I like this dress."

She's trying to kiss me again, but I lean my head back a little so she can't reach my face. "And I bet every guy there liked it too."

She stands flat again, only her eyes raised to me, her hands behind her back on my arms. She knows I like how small she is, how sexy she looks this way. "Are you jealous?" She has a half-smile, a laugh waiting to escape.

I wait until she lifts her chin up towards me, no longer confident in her sexiness. She's searching my face, the guilty look back in place on hers. She swallows hard, her throat moving up and down.

"No. Not jealous." I squeeze her to me, lifting her off the ground back onto her tip-toes. "Possessive." She starts to smile, but stops before it reaches her eyes. She's searching my face again. "You belong to
me
." She completes her smile at this.

I push her away. "Take off that dress." I allow some anger into my voice. "Now!" She jumps in place a little and reaches behind her to unzip. I grab her shoulders and twist her around. Putting my hands at the base of her neck, I rip the dress down the middle, tearing the zipper apart. She half gasps, half cries out.

I push her slightly towards the wall. "Take it off." She moves with her hands shaking and pushes the sleeves down her arms, stepping out of the dress without facing me, standing close to the wall. "Turn around." She slowly turns to me, her breathing short, eyes down, hands crossed in front of her pussy. I like watching her like this.

She finally takes a deep breath, her ribs pushed out, tits pushed up. She raises her chin and meets my eyes. "You didn't have to tear it." She's trying for defiant, but I can see the fear in her eyes. I wait until she blinks away all defiance, leaving just the fear and need to please.

"You won't be wearing that again." I take a step towards her and she takes an involuntary step back, the wall stopping her from moving further. I smile, the steel staying in my eyes, the fear in hers.

I reach out my hand to cup her face and enjoy how she flinches away. I pull her towards me with my hand on the back of her neck. She keeps her eyes on me and doesn't move her hands. The wary prey. But when I kiss her, she melts into me, her body relaxing and hands going around me to claw my back. I hiss and bite her lower lip so she stops.

I take her hand and lead her into the bedroom. She quietly follows, the willing prey now.

We stand facing each other next to the bed. I reach around her and undo her bra, pulling the straps down gently. She remains still and looking into my eyes. I gently push her boy shorts down and she steps out of these towards me.

She pushes my t-shirt up and I help her getting it over my head. She pushes my sweatshorts down, taking my boxers with them. She stands with her arms at her sides, waiting for me to make the next move.

I rub my hands up her arms. My touch is smooth and almost tickling her. I gently take the weight of her tits into my hands. Her breathing is picking up again. I squeeze hard. Her eyes open wide, her breath in sharp. She puts her hands over mine. I only shake my head at her, giving her a warning look. She slowly drops her hands to her side again. I continue squeezing until she lowers her eyes. I move my fingers to her nipples. I start to pinch, her eyes jerk up to mine again, I pinch harder. Her eyes plead. I pinch harder. She squeaks out a cry. As I let go, she gulps a breath in.

I pick her up by her arms and throw her onto the bed. I'm on top of her before she stops bouncing, straddling her hips. I grab her wrists and pull them over her head, crushing them with my weight. "...Max...?" She's pleading.

"Keep quiet." I'm harder at the light moan, her only response. I hold her wrists down with my left hand, letting my right hand travel back down her, roughly grabbing her hair and twisting her head to the right, I bite her neck. She squeaks and moans again.

My hand continues to travel down her, pinching one nipple again, not having to pinch hard to elicit a cry. I put my hand between her legs, pushing roughly, since my legs are still keeping hers together.

She's so wet. I shove three fingers into her, jabbing her pussy with my knuckles. Her cry is a little louder now, against my chest. I pull her clit with two of my fingers, pinching and pulling until her moan is long and continuous. Her hips are bucking against me, my cock pressed into her hip.

I can't wait any longer. Keeping her legs together, I shove my cock into her wet pussy. My next thrust is slower, pushing up, feeling the full length of my cock against her bone as I go in and out. I drag her clit down with my cock and her moan deepens. I continue this slow pace, with her hips pushing her clit into me at the beginning of each thrust in. When I cum, I stay deep in her and grind her clit with my finger as she finishes cuming on me.

I slide to her side, releasing her wrists, she wraps herself around me, pressing her body along my side.

Her breathing is starting to even into sleep. I quietly kiss her head, "You do belong to me, Lucy." I put my hand in her hair and press her head against my chest more. "And I have missed you this week." She turns her face up to me. "I don't want to spend any time apart again. I've given you all the time to think that you're going to get from me."

She lowers her face again and presses into me more, "OK," is her meek reply.

                                                                                    .....

I wake to the sounds of cooking in my kitchen...and burnt toast. In just my boxers, I go see what Lucy is making.

She is so beautiful, moving between the stove and counter, humming to herself, my t-shirt hanging to her knees. She jumps when she sees me leaning against the wall. "Morning, sweetie!" She comes over and gives me a big hug, before turning back to the stove. "I made coffee...probably not as strong as you like though." She laughs.

"I wasn't sure you could cook..." I'm laughing, pouring coffee into the mug she left out for me.

"Ha! I can make breakfast...and spaghetti!" She is putting scrambled eggs on a plate next to sausage patties.

"So long as you don't make spaghetti for breakfast..." I take a plate from her. "Thanks."

"Ha ha." She turns to the toaster and pulls out the burnt pieces. "Oops...apparently I'm not good with toast, though! Sorry. I can make some more real quick..."

I stop her. "This is fine." We take our plates to the dining table. "You must've been up early...I didn't hear you wake up."

"I finally got some sleep!" She takes a bite before adding, "I haven't slept well all week without you, ya know!" She says this accusingly and with a pout.

"Me neither." I finish a patty. "This is really good, Lucy. You'll have to start making breakfast every morning." I wink at her. She just smiles and keeps eating. I finally do what I've been waiting until today for, "Did you think...about us...like I told you to?"

She looks down at her plate, fork moving eggs around, but not eating. Shyly, "...Yes."

"And what did you think?" I keep eating with my eyes on her.

She's fidgeting with her napkin, finally putting it back in her lap before she speaks. Sitting back and looking directly at me, "I love you."

I smile. A good start. "I love you." I wait for her to continue.

"And..." She takes a deep breath looking up to my ceiling before meeting my eyes again, "and I want to be with you."

Good. "...On my terms?"

She is swallowing hard again, eyes not blinking. "...Yes..." I can tell she's twisting her napkin in her lap again.

"You understand that this means things will change...between us?" I keep my hands flat on the sides of my forgotten breakfast.

"I think so..." Her voice is tiny, eyes wet from not blinking still. She finally lowers her eyes. "I don't really know what you mean..." She looks back up to me and her eyes are still wet. "All I know is I trust you...and I want to be what you want..."

I push my chair back and put out my arm. She jumps onto my lap quickly, pulling herself into a ball. I hold her close, my arm around her waist and knees.

"You've made me very happy, Lucy."