Vegas to Varanasi (Fortytude Series Book 1) (22 page)

Thirty-Seven

That same afternoon, I can no longer go without talking to Kiran. My stomach is queasy and my mouth dry, as I dial his number. It rings three times, and I expect it to go to voicemail when he picks up. “Anna!”

“Hi.”

“Hold on one second.”

I hear shower water running, and then it shuts off.

“I’m so glad you called.”

“Yeah... well. I’m sorry I didn’t call sooner, I just—”

“No. I don’t want to hear sorry from you about anything.”

I swallow the lump in my throat. “Okay.”

Silence follows for a good five seconds. “Can we talk? In person? Will you let me tell you what happened?”

“Yes.” Ohhhh, my chest hurts. It’s gonna be bad. I just know it.

He exhales on the other end. “Do you mind coming over, so we can talk privately?”

“Okay.” Now my stomach again. My entire body is staging a mutiny. “What time?”

“Will you come over now? I can’t take this anymore.”

“Ummm, sure. I’ll be there within a half hour.”

***

Kiran answers the door in a buttoned shirt and navy cargo shorts, and a part of me is relieved to discover he doesn’t look so great. Handsome as ever, of course, with a little stubble growing in, but appearing worn, like maybe he hadn’t slept much last night.

“Hi.” He looks me in the eyes, and there’s such earnestness in his face. That’s a good thing, right? If he were going to end things, he’d avoid my gaze. Wouldn’t he?

“Hi.”

He pulls me into an embrace and doesn’t let go for several moments. “Come in,” he says as he releases me. “Do you want something to drink?”

“No, thanks.”

We’re standing in the front room of his house, and he starts to walk toward the family room, the room that looks onto the lake, when I say, “Can we sit in here?” I don’t want to go in there, and be forced to relive the amazing night we shared together. The night that I did my silly striptease.

He frowns at me, bewilderment in his expression. Then after a few seconds, his features soften and his shoulders drop. I think he understands my reluctance. Maybe not. Maybe I’m just imagining that he’s so in tune to my thoughts that I don’t have to say anything, but why would I do that to myself?

“Of course. We can sit in here.”

I take a seat at one end of the sofa while he hesitates, briefly looking from the sofa to the chair adjacent to it. He decides on the opposite end of the couch from me, leaving an empty seat cushion between us. The emotional and physical distance is almost more than I can bear.

He leans forward and clasps his hands, his elbows on his knees. “So...”

“So.” Clearly, he doesn’t know where to begin. “Kiran, whatever it is, you can tell me. Just tell me.” I draw my lips inward. “You’re still in love with her, aren’t you?”

He lifts his eyes to meet mine. “What? No!”

An ache settles in my throat. “Then what happened?” My voice is nearly a whisper.

He drops his head and groans. “When she followed me, she insisted that I hear her out. I wasn’t interested in anything she had to say, but she wouldn’t relent. She just kept talking.”

“What did she say?”

He leans back and lays his hands in his lap, staring at a light fixture on the wall. “She wanted me to know the reason she left wasn’t what I thought. It had to do with her weight loss, but not the way I believed.”

“What do you mean?”

He rubs his brow, hesitating. Then he sighs. “Anna, it doesn’t paint me in a very positive light. Especially since, looking back, I know she was right.”

I just look at him expectantly, waiting for him to continue.

“When she lost weight, I became this insecure, or should I say even
more
insecure, jerk. Suspicious, paranoid, ugly...” He turns to me. “That’s what she told me. And she’s right. I’ve had time to think about it, and that’s exactly what happened; only it was easier for me to blame everything on her. But the truth is,
I
changed. Not her.”

My throat constricts. What does this mean? I should be focusing on his pain right now, but all I can do is wonder if he
does
still love her. Now that he has accepted the fact that the breakup was partly, if not all, his doing. After all,
she
was his motivation for finally losing all that weight. He had gone his entire life that way, but when she broke his heart...

“Did
you
kiss her?”

“No,” he says gently. “And it wasn’t the kind of kiss you think.” He shrugs and slowly shakes his head. “She just wanted to tell me she was proud of what I accomplished, and happy that I seemed happy. It was a kiss good-bye. That’s all.” He searches my face, his eyes somber. “You don’t believe me. Do you?”

“I believe
you
believe what you’re saying.” How can I tell him all my fears and doubts, without coming off like the paranoid, suspicious person he described himself to be? “Did David know about you and her? Did she know you would be there?”

“I can’t explain any of that. Our conversation never got that far. But I want to go back to what you said a second ago. What do you mean, you think
I
believe what I’m saying?”

I take a deep breath. “How does it make you feel, knowing that if you hadn’t gotten all crazy after she lost weight, that you might still be with her now?”

“It makes me sad,” he readily admits. “But it’s in the past. I can’t change it, and I love
you
now.”

“But—”

Before I can say another word, he’s beside me, taking my face into his hands and kissing me feverishly. I willingly reciprocate, relief washing through every cell in my body.

He stops suddenly, his piercing gaze relentless. “Please believe me, Anna.”

I nod stupidly.

“I planned to tell you we can’t keep seeing each other as long as David’s in the picture, but I can’t do it.”

Again, our lips lock.

“He’s out of the picture,” I say, breathless. “I’m through looking out for that jackass. Let Christine do it.”

We laugh and accidentally bump teeth.

“Oww.”

“Sorry.” He smiles sheepishly, touching his thumb to my mouth, before showering small kisses on my lips.

“This has been the longest day of my life,” I gush as I unbutton his shirt.

“You have no idea. I was sure I’d lost you.” He pulls my shirt over my head. “I went to your house last night, but you wouldn’t answer. I was absolutely sick.”

“I was at Luke’s. I just couldn’t face you.” Once more, I pause to taste his lips. “I was so afraid you and Christine got back together.”

He stops and stares at me, shock in his eyes. “What? God, Anna. That’s what you thought? I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not okay. It kills me that you were thinking that.”

Now I sort of wish I hadn’t said it. It was kind of a buzz kill. That’s when he slows things down and pushes the hair away from my face. Ohhhh, those eyes! They get me every time.

“I’m going to tell you something,” he says, “and you’ll probably think it’s the sappiest thing you’ve ever heard, but it doesn’t matter.”

All I can do is respond with a nervous smile.

“Remember that night we had coffee after the Shark Reef?”

“Yes.”

“You teased me, saying that you’d be the one to repair my heart. And it wasn’t even your job, it was mine... But you did. You repaired it.”

He
has
to go and make me cry
.
“That’s not sappy,” I squeak, my nose beginning to burn. “That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.”

He chuckles and kisses my forehead. “It’s true.”

“Thank you for becoming a suspicious, paranoid jerk with Christine. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here with me.”

“Happy to oblige.” The corners of his eyes crinkle. “I was thinking, maybe I should just kidnap you, and we’ll move to Varanasi. No David. No Christine.” He looks upward and scowls. “But then again, there
would
be Nisha. She’s a bit of a pain.”

I laugh. “No, she’s not. She’s just looking out for her precious Kiri.”

“Hmmm. And I’ll look out for my precious Anna.”

And then, we have the best make up sex of my life.

Thirty-Eight

Over a month has passed since Carly’s birthday, and there’s been no word from David, making my life with Kiran drama-free. What a difference. I will say, despite his behavior, I still worry about him, and hope he’s not lying in a gutter somewhere. Maybe I shouldn’t, but I Google him from time to time, and assume I would have read something on the Internet if anything bad happened to him. Not that he’s the most famous person in the world, but the buzz about his book has yet to die down;
December Sky
is hanging on in Amazon’s top ten, receiving hundreds of glowing reviews.

I’m in my office, getting some work done before Kiran picks me up for dinner, when I hear a knock on the office door. I look at the clock, and it’s only 5:30. Kiran must have left work earlier than expected. When I reach the reception area, I see David standing at the door.

I stop in my tracks.
Holy hell. Please, not again.

He already sees me. There’s no way I can pretend like he doesn’t. Sizing him up, I try to determine whether or not he’s sober. I’m not sure why. Sober or not, he doesn’t deserve one more second from me. All he’s done is wreak havoc on my life, but that very admission shows in his face, and his eyes plead with me to let him in.

Shit!
This is ridiculous. I walk to the door, unlock it, and poke my head out. “I’m not doing this, David. Kiran will be here soon, and I’ve told you I’m done.” I start to pull the door closed when he grabs it.

“Anna, please.”

I freeze, and we stare at one another for a long moment.

“I don’t deserve another chance to talk to you. I know I’ve done everything I can to sabotage your happiness. Even Carly’s.”

“You’re right. You have. And I don’t understand why you would do that.” There’s a quiver in my voice, and I wish I could sound detached. “And how the hell did you know about Kiran and Christine?” I shake my head at allowing my curiosity to get the best of me. “You know what? Never mind. It doesn’t matter. Good night, David.”

I close the door and lock it, and he stands there looking at me, hands hanging at his sides.

How did we even get here? I think back to when we first met, how funny and charming he was; how determined to get me to agree to a date, and I start recalling all that endeared me to him.

The nights he stayed up with Hayden for hours, helping him with his Trigonometry.

The time Trixie was really sick, and I thought I would to have to put her down. Somehow, he managed to make me laugh by doing an impression of her, telling me about all the fun she would have in doggie heaven if it was in the cards.

The sweet gesture of making that God-awful Beef Wellington.

Ah, hell!
What if I let him in and Kiran shows? I can’t keep putting Kiran through this.

I rub my forehead, drop my shoulders, and open the door.

“Thank you.” His voice quiet, he steps inside.

I won’t invite him to my office. If he wants to talk to me, he can do it standing right here in the waiting area. Folding my arms over my chest, I wait for whatever he has to say.

“I want to apologize for the night of Carly’s birthday. I never meant to hurt anyone.”

I roll my eyes and snort. “You really expect me to believe that. You seem to forget the look you gave me when you hugged her that night. Don’t try to pretend now like the whole scene was unintentional.”

“No, you’re right. It
was
intentional when I was blasted. You know by now that I’m a self-centered, blithering idiot when I drink.”

I put my hands on my hips. “You’ve got that right. So why do you keep doing it?”

He stares down at his feet, then meets my gaze. “Look, I joined AA about a month ago. I had to. I wasn’t keeping my commitments to my publisher, and they were about to drop me. Both my agent and Christine convinced me I had no other choice, and after seeing how upset you were when you left with Luke that night, I knew they were right.”

I narrow my eyes at him. I really want to believe he’s turned a corner, but how can I not be skeptical?

“I assume you and Kiran worked things out. I’m glad to hear that.”

I walk to a chair and sit down. “What happened that night? Carly told me she’d mentioned we’d be there, but how did you know Christine and Kiran were once an item?”

He takes a seat in the chair across from me. “You knew I was seeing her. I told you.”

“Yeah, I knew you were seeing someone, but I didn’t know it was Christine!”

Hesitating, he rubs his mouth, like he expects what he’s about to say will upset me. “She told me about the night she ran into the two of you at the symphony. The minute she said Kiran’s name, and described you and Carly, I knew. It was really bothering her, and she shared the whole story about their engagement, how she called it off and why. Afterward, I told her about you and me.”

I shake my head ever so slightly, disappointed that he used the information the way he did. “And you totally set her up, didn’t you? Set us all up!”

He looks me straight in the eye, owning it. “Yes and no.”

“What does that mean? Yes and no.”

“Christine said she’d always wanted to tell him her side. That she didn’t have the guts to do it at the time. She just ended it... I figured this would give her the chance.”

I can’t help but smirk with displeasure. “At Carly’s twenty-first birthday. You thought
that
was the time to give her the opportunity?”

He looks at the floor and holds up a hand. “You’re right! You’re right. You have every reason in the world to hate me for the way I’ve acted.” He raises his eyes. “But that’s why I’m here. Every recovery program requires that you make amends, and I’m trying to do that. Anna, I’m sorry. Extremely.”

I look out the window and say nothing. Even though deep down, I know he’s a good person, that he’s not truly vindictive, but I just can’t trust a thing he says.

“I finally accept that it’s over between us. And like you said, I’m not sure a lot of this was about us anyway. It was about me and my own demons. I’m trying to figure all that out.”

I turn back to him, and for some reason, maybe it’s the childlike need for forgiveness in his face, I can no longer hold onto my anger.

He slowly rubs his hands up and down his pant legs. “I like Christine. Really like her. I think I might actually have a chance of something with her.”

I let out a sigh. “That’s good. But, David, you need to try to be right with yourself.”

He nods vigorously. “Yeah. Yeah, I get that... I will.”

“You’re so talented,” I say gently. “Don’t throw it away with all this bullshit.”

We continue to gaze at one another, and I’m pretty sure my eyes mirror the melancholy I see in his. I don’t love him anymore, so why do I feel so sad? I just want him to be happy, to be okay.

We’re startled by a light tap on the window, and I turn to see Kiran standing there, looking in on us. I can’t read his expression, but as I approach the door to open it, I give him what I hope is a reassuring smile, that all is well.

“Hey.” I put my hand on his shoulder as I greet him with a brief kiss.

“Hey. Everything okay?” He eyes David rising from his seat.

“I think so. Yeah.”

Kiran takes my hand. Uncertainty, and maybe even a little resentment, is in his face.

“I just stopped by to tell Anna I’m sorry. For everything.”

“Okay,” Kiran says, drawing out the word, his face like stone.

“I owe you an apology, too.” David laughs nervously. “I’m lucky you haven’t kicked my ass by now.”

Setting his mouth firmly, Kiran gives no indication of a reaction.

David holds out his hand to him. “You won’t be seeing any more of me.”

Shooting me a glance, Kiran reluctantly shakes his hand, and David pumps it heartily.

“You really do have some killer abs, man. Sorry about when I, uh...” He motions to Kiran’s stomach. “Well, you know.”

Oh, good Lord.
Turning toward Kiran, I bite down on my lips to keep from smiling. He’s such a doofus, and I’m surprised to see the corners of Kiran’s mouth quirk up a tad.

“Forget it,” Kiran says.

As David reaches for the door, Kiran stops him. “David.”

He turns around.

Kiran clears his throat. “Tell Christine thank you for me.”

David nods, gives me one last look, and walks out the door.

Once he’s gone, Kiran tugs at my hand. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah.” I smile. “He said he joined AA. Christine was the one who convinced him.”

He raises his eyebrows. “That’s great news.”

When he pulls me into his arms, I let my body go limp of all the tension I’d been holding since David arrived. “I think I can finally breathe now.”

He exhales, long and heavy. “Breathing is good.”