What She Left Us (4 page)

“Jenna.”

“Won’t
you help now, when things are getting so bad? When I might be facing a
life-threatening disease? When you know I love you this much,” she lifted her
tattoo and showed it to him, and grabbed his wrist to match the tattoos
together.

He
didn’t move his wrist from hers. He looked into her eyes.

Jenna
grasped his fingers into hers, “When you knew I loved you then, but I didn’t
know what was going on in my head because of what was going on all around me?
Why won’t you give us another chance? We’re bonded.”

They
were quiet for a moment, fingers wrapped around each others, their tattoos
matched up together. Their stillness gave Jenna hope.

Finally,
Darren spoke. “Jenna, it wasn’t me who did this. It was you. It was all your
doing. I would have never left. You pushed me away. I would have never left
you. You pushed me out of your life, and I can’t do this. I’m in a totally
different place. There’s too much going on at work, some new opportunities, and
it’s not… it would be bad timing for us.”

He
uncurled his hand from hers and placed her hand into her lap, then stood up to
go.

“I’m
sorry.”

When
Jenna was sixteen and Courtney was eleven, their world fell apart. One day their
father was in their lives, the next, he was gone. The funny thing was, they
should have seen it coming. The fights were so frequent, they wouldn’t have
known what to do if they walked in one day to their parents actually getting
along. So, the day they came home from school to their parents sitting calmly
in the kitchen was a surprise to both of the girls.

“It’s
happening finally, isn’t it?” Jenna asked, full of attitude and anger, while
Courtney’s eyes got big and she looked from her mom to her dad.

“Please
know girls, that this has absolutely nothing to do with either of you,” their
dad said.

Their
mom nodded in agreement, and then spoke. “We both love you very much, but
obviously, and you are both old enough and certainly mature enough to
understand that things have not been good around here, we know it will be a
better environment for everyone if Dad were to move out.”

“You’re
separating?” Courtney asked.

“Getting
a divorce is what they’re doing,” Jenna said, her eyes hard and cold, glancing
from one parent to the other.

Both
her mom and dad nodded, and then her mother spoke. “Your father has taken a job
in Illinois. He’s been offered a great position, and we know neither of you wants
to move away from your school and friends, so we’ve decided that it’s best for
him to go. But you’ll be able to visit him during holidays and the summer.”

“I
can’t wait for you girls to come see the city, and spend time with me,” their
dad smiled, but Jenna, wise beyond her sixteen years, could already tell this
was the beginning of the lies, that she wouldn’t see her father much anymore,
and that what she grew up thinking was a normal family was no longer.

She
looked at Courtney, who was crying uncontrollably, and gave her parents another
hard, angry stare. “I hate you both. Come on Courtney, let’s get out of here.”

She
took her sister to Dairy Queen and fed her a hot fudge sundae while she cried.
Jenna told Courtney everything would be okay, and that they’d always have each
other, that they’d always be sisters, and it didn’t matter if their dad didn’t
want to be their father any more, they’d always have one another. They’d
forever be sisters. No matter what. Nothing could ever change that. 

Courtney
left Mitch’s room at three in the morning. She couldn’t believe she stayed and
talked to him for four hours. It seemed like she had been there for twenty
minutes and when she finally looked at her cell phone to check the time, she
was shocked to see how late it was.

“Oh
my God, it’s three!”

Mitch
ran his fingers through his hair and grinned at her. By now, Courtney knew
these things: He had gorgeous dimples when he smiled, and apparently she made
him smile a lot; he was the oldest of five kids – the only boy; he thought her
toes were adorable; he wanted to be a music instructor someday; and the most
important thing – she really, really wanted to kiss him but wasn’t going to.

Hours
ago, he had propped himself up against pillows along the edge of his bed and
she was on the other side propped up with some comfy pillows as well. Together,
they sat and listened to every single John Mayer song he had on his MP3 player.
He had been to sixteen live shows and even met the singer in person backstage.
Mitch said he didn’t seem like the ass that all the tabloids made him out to
be.

When
Courtney first got there, after his comment about studying her, they had
laughed it off and he offered her a beer, then, realizing that he wasn’t
supposed to have beer in his dorm, he said, “Root beer.”

“Wait,
you’re a junior, so you’re at least twenty-one, right?” Courtney said.

“Twenty-two.”

“So
you’re legal,” Courtney said. “You can have a beer.”

“You
want one then?” he asked.

“Do
we live by the policy of what happens in Mitch’s room, stays in Mitch’s room?”

“I
knew you were a smart one,” Mitch bent down to his dorm-sized fridge and
grabbed two Coronas. Courtney couldn’t help but notice how nicely his jeans fit
and also saw the waistband of his navy blue boxer-briefs peeking out as he bent
over.

He
turned quickly and caught Courtney staring. “You want a lime in yours?”

“You
have limes?”

“I’m
very prepared for unexpected visitors,” he said.

“Do
you get many?”

“Nah.
Remember, no one knows me here.”

“Gotcha,
and yeah, lime sounds great.”

Mitch
grabbed a lime from the fridge, a small cutting board, and a Swiss army knife
from the shelf above his desk and sliced the fruit. He opened the beers, and
expertly shoved the limes into the Coronas.

“Here,
don’t let the RA catch us,” he grinned at Courtney.

“Your
secret’s safe with me,” and they clinked their bottles together.

From
then on, they talked about the music they loved, both of them big fans of Dave
Matthews, (“I’ll jam for you when it’s not so late that we’ll get busted by the
RA,” he teased.) David Gray, Jack Johnson, Adele and Amy Winehouse (they
toasted to her unfortunate passing).

She
told him about her mother’s recent death, and how she began to draw after everyone
in the family decided she couldn't play the piano, and how she wished she had
more time for it. She talked about how much she loved her sister but how it was
hard growing up and being the young one living in her shadow.

He
told her he knew all about what it was like living with sisters, how he felt
neglected, even though, and because, he was the only son. All his sisters came
along and he sort of got forgotten. How he lived with all the makeup and
hairspray and how annoying it had been to deal with all that. But it had also
made him more sensitive to women in a way.

They
drank and talked, and listened to music until suddenly it was three in the
morning.

“Wow,
it’s pretty late,” he said.

“I
should go,” Courtney said.

“Yeah,
I have an eight o’clock actually.”

“You
have an eight o’clock class and you let me stay this late!” Courtney said.

“Hey,
I was enjoying the company,” he smiled.

“Me
too,” she said. “If the RA finds out you had some chick in here till three, you
may get written up.”

“I
know. I hear she’s a tough one. You better get outta here. Want me to walk you
back so
you
don’t get caught after hours?” Mitch asked.

“I
think I’ll be all right.”

Courtney
stood up and wobbled a bit on her heels. Mitch moved toward her to steady her
as he also got to his feet, and he held onto her shoulders. She shivered at his
touch.

“Whoa,
you okay there?”

“Yeah,
I’m fine.” Courtney noticed nine empty beer bottles on the desk.

“Did
we drink that many?” she asked.

“I
drank maybe one more than you, but you did all right for such a little girl.”

They
stood side by side in the small room. “Who you calling little? And I’m your
superior, so you better watch it buddy!”

Mitch
took her hands in hers and looked Courtney in the eyes. “I want to make sure
you’re okay? You okay, RA?”

“I’m
okay.” God, he was holding her hands, and his were so smooth, and warm, like
the perfect feeling of warm, like when a towel comes out of the dryer perfect
warmth, Courtney thought. She imagined what his arms would feel like on her
body, wrapped around her in a hug. Those lashes, they were so long, and his
eyes, and he was so nice, and sweet. It had been such a long time since
Courtney had spent time with such a nice, sweet guy.

She
placed her head on his chest for a moment, giggled, but quickly got hold of
herself. “I gotta go.”

“Can
I walk you to your room?”

“No,
that’s okay. I really don’t want anyone seeing me come out of your room.”

“Like
it’s a scandal that you’re in here, right?” he smirked, still holding her
hands. He played with her fingers, his fingers intertwined with hers; they were
such long, guitarist fingers. Perfect fingers. She imagined his fingers in her
hair. He looked into her eyes, and she thought he might want to kiss her.

She
had to look away, because if she didn’t, she was afraid she would stand on the
tips of her toes, lean into him, and kiss him.

“I
gotta go,” she said.

“Okay.”

Still
holding her hand, he walked her to his door. Slowly, he opened it, as if giving
her a moment to say that she didn’t want to leave. She didn’t want to leave. She
stood there for a moment, halfway in and halfway out. She would have loved to
go back inside, to sit on his bed, have another beer, listen to more music, and
just lay next to him. To have him touch her hair and look into her eyes for the
rest of the night. That would have been enough. That would have been perfect.

“Next
time, why don’t you come over earlier, and I’ll play the guitar for you?”

“Yeah?”
she asked.

“Definitely.
For sure.”

“Okay.”

“Night
RA.”

“Night
Mitch.”

He
leaned down and took her face in his hands, moved her bangs away and kissed her
forehead.

“On
your way back, watch out for that RA, okay? I hear she's brutal.”

Jenna
walked out of the doctor’s office dazed. She knew she shouldn’t have gone
alone. What a stupid, stupid thing to do. So much information thrown at her at
once, she couldn’t comprehend it all. What she did know was that she was
overwhelmed and she had no one to talk to. Not her mother, not Darren, and she
certainly couldn’t call Courtney and worry her over this.

She
was going to have to tell Courtney in person.

The
doctor had been nice enough, and calmed some of her fears, but he did let her
know that there was a very strong chance that she and her sister would be
carriers of the gene and that both of them may have hemochromatosis. But he
also let her know that in this stage in their lives, with no symptoms of
fatigue, joint pain, or other indications of liver or kidney problems, it was
unlikely that they’d be severely affected at their young age. Most likely the
situation would be that they’d have to, worst case scenario, have a liver
biopsy to see how much iron was being held in their bodies. The best case
scenario, if they were carriers and afflicted with hemochromatosis, they would
have to relieve themselves of a pint or two of blood once or twice a week for
an unforeseeable time in the future. Even the best case scenario scared the
hell out of Jenna.

Mostly,
Jenna was worried about how Courtney would take the news. They both needed to
have two separate blood tests done to determine if they had the gene, and Jenna
was sure that Courtney was a carrier. She had been so weak as a child, and
always still so tired all of the time. She seemed to have bags under her eyes,
and Jenna knew she never got enough sleep. She worried so much for her younger
sister, and now that their mother was gone, she was going to have to step it up
and really make sure Courtney was okay. But she didn’t know how she was going
to break this news to her, that they could both be inflicted with the gene that
had ended their mother’s life.

She
knew she had to see Courtney in person to discuss this with her; Jenna didn’t
want to tell her over the phone. She also knew Court was stressed out at
school. Being an RA hadn’t been what she had expected, and she was overworked
in her classes and probably not getting enough sleep as it was. Jenna had hoped
she was going to be able to come home for a visit soon, and that they could get
the blood tests done together; she didn’t want for them to have to go
separately. If they had something strange and horrible going on inside their
bodies, the two of them needed to be together.