Awakening the Wolf (10 page)

Making his way back to his hut, he heard a caw. Christopher glanced up at the treetops and a pang of longing hit his heart. In his periphery, he saw a flash of raven feathers and heard the subtle flap of wings slicing through the air. Most of the time the birds were silent, but normally he could detect them. All the time he listened for a familiar sound of Illiana’s wings. When the breeze stirred up, he tried to see if she was in the shadows watching him. All these months the space in his heart called out for Illiana. After everything he had said to her, Christopher knew nothing was ever going to heal the hurt he had inflicted on her. In the few moments he had alone, sometimes he wondered if he should climb one of the ladders into the trees and find Illiana. He longed to see her once more and hold her in his arms. When he held Jalisa or kissed her, all he could dream of was Illiana. The one thing he wanted, he could never have. One day he had to see her and beg her forgiveness in hopes of reestablishing some semblance of their friendship, if that were possible.

Now that the wolf had appeared, he knew he should tell his father, but the boldness of the female was something he had never encountered before. She was larger than him and all black. The most intriguing part about the new arrival was her eyes. They were entirely silver, not gold. He had never seen that within their pack. Maybe she was expelled from another pack and had traveled to theirs. He shook his head because there were too many questions whirling around in his mind.

He trotted back to his house and grabbed his pants that were lying on the ground. Christopher slipped back into the hut and saw the stacks of scrolls and parchments. There was more for him to study. Candle nubs were thrown into a bucket to be melted down later and reused. He stared at the reading material and remembered that Illiana had loved to read. He often lent her scrolls with stories from the pack’s history, and she would tell him stories of the flock heritage. He wished he could share all of what he was learning.

I can’t keep thinking about her. My father was the happiest I had seen him when I told him what happened with Illiana. Now he’s all about setting up the mating with Jalisa and the unification of the two wolf packs to cement the trade routes. But he never thought about how I would truly feel. What would he say to this new wolf that had entered into the village? Did the wolf even want to join the pack?

Christopher smiled. Maybe that was pushing it a little too far. The last time any lone wolf had been initiated into the pack was more than fifty years ago. Even then he was still considered an outsider to some. Although seeing her, he wondered what she would be like in human skin. If she was bigger than him and with black fur and silver eyes, she had to be a rare specimen. None of the wolves in his pack were completely black. It gave him shivers to think about what she would look like. He gathered the scattered things on this desk, and underneath all the papers he came upon a dusty black feather. He shook off the grime and was amazed it still had not lost its blue-black sheen. He ran it under his nose and could still smell Illiana. It was the scent of clean air and pine, mixed with her womanly scent. Christopher remembered when she gave it to him. It was right after his mother had died. She had flown down from the aerie and plucked it from her tail. When she became human again, she had given it to him. It was something he had always treasured. Now it seemed he had forgotten all about it. He held it up to the candle so he could see the subtle sheen. For some reason it reminded him of the wolf’s fur he had seen tonight.

He stared at the shape of the feather and thought about Illiana. Longing coursed through him.
If you only could be a wolf instead of a raven, then I would never have to mate Jalisa. You could be in my life, and we would never have to be apart.
Christopher kissed the feather and set it up on his shelf, where it would not blow away and where he could see it. Maybe one day soon he could find her and apologize for everything he had said to her.

Illiana stared at her reflection in the mirror and saw what she wanted to be: a woman who was comfortable with herself. She no longer saw the girl who was shunned by the rest of the flock. Instead, she saw a woman who had a few secrets. No one could tell her what to do anymore and she had finally dragged some of the truth from her mother. It might not have been all of it, but it was enough so that the other woman knew Illiana was aware of her dual nature and she was not going to stop delving into the past until she got what she truly desired. Even though she felt stronger than ever and for the first time at peace with her life, she did not know where Belik fit in. Illiana never assumed someone from the flock would be interested in her, let alone want to pursue her for mating. All she had ever set her sights on was Christopher. From his own lips, he was going to be mated. Now that she had planted the seed of doubt or intrigue within Christopher’s mind, Illiana had to be sure that she made another appearance. She hoped he would not have the whole pack present waiting to pounce on her. She was not worried about Jalisa. Illiana could take her with no problem. With every fiber of her being, she knew it.

The floor squeaked outside of her room and the door swung open. She looked over and saw her mother standing there, studying her. For the first time she saw Lelana as more than her mother or the leader of the flock. Instead she was another woman who tried to keep her family together. Her mother still had another century or more before she had to step down. Once she could not shift anymore, then her role as leader would be turned over to someone else. Illiana wondered what that would do to her. How would Lelana change when she could no longer lead her people? Had she been trying to protect her from the flock? Or had she been hiding Illiana’s true nature because it would hurt her status in the flock the way bearing a child who could not shift did? It was a rare thing, but once it happened the stigma put on those was similar to how the flock had treated her. When a child turned five or six, ravens knew whether they could shift judging by the down that grew around their ears. When they shifted and first molted, the feathers there fell away.

“Belik is here to see you. Do you know what you’re doing with him? If you’re using him to get back at Christopher because he’s planning mating, then you really shouldn’t string him along. He’s worth more than that.”

She sighed. “I’m not stringing him along. I told him to come here today so we could talk and get to know one another. He says he cares about me, that he’s been wanting to come up to me for a long time, but his father wouldn’t allow it. Now that he’s considered an adult, he doesn’t have to worry about his father. Do you have any objections to him?”

Her mother shook her head. “He is a fine young lad, but he deserves you to be honest with him about your feelings for Christopher.”

“Why do you care about my feelings for Christopher? He’s going to be mated, so he wants nothing to do with me.”

Lelana nodded. “These past few months, I know, have been tough for you. Until last night I didn’t really know what had made you so withdrawn. Those words he said to you were hurtful, but you should know they were true. Ravens and wolves cannot mate. The union would be shunned by both species, and you would be disowned from the flock. Would you really want to live a life on your own without ever being around your own people again?”

She gritted her teeth. “You fell in love with a shifter from a different species and hid the child’s nature. Are you afraid some mixture of child will be born from the wolves and the ravens—and then what?”

“That’s enough. It’s not your business to worry about the role of the flock. Wolves and ravens share resources and land, but never do they cohabitate. That has been the law since who knows when we can remember. There might be love shared and friendships, but when it comes down to it, each species knows to procreate with their own kind.”

Illiana grabbed the necklace her aunt gave her that was her father’s and slipped it over her neck so the metal settled over her heart and made her feel comfortable. When she turned around, her mother’s eyes widened.

“Where did you get that?”

Illiana walked to the door. “Coret gave it to me. I understand it was my father’s.”

“You need to take that off.”

She glared at her mother. “Make me. It’s part of who I am, and don’t you forget it. All these years you never told me who I was. Now I’m embracing it. I thought you’d be happy. Now excuse me while I go meet with Belik.” She slipped past her mother and went downstairs to find Belik waiting for her.

A smile spread across his lips when he noticed her. He straightened up and wiped whatever dust was on his robes. “Good morning.”

“Good morning. I wasn’t sure if you were going to come.”

Belik captured her hand and brought it to his lips. The warmth from them ran along her arm and made her realize he was really into her. He had come back after what he saw last night even though he knew her feelings for Christopher. “I told you I’d be here. You are the most amazing creature I’ve ever met. Illiana, I really want this chance to get to know you.” He reached inside of his robe and pulled out a small square of cloth and then handed it to her. “Here. This is for you.”

“Thank you. But you didn’t have to give me anything.”

He shrugged and turned crimson. “It’s just a little something. It was one of the last things my mother wove before she died. Her fabric was sought after even in trade.”

Illiana stared at him and realized how important the object was to him. She ran her fingers over the smooth fabric and saw the tight weave. It was a scarf dyed light blue. Upon the material was a scene of the moon and stars with a wolf underneath it. “It’s beautiful. You didn’t have to give me anything.”

“I wanted you to know how much I cared about you.”

Illiana slipped the scarf around her neck. “We should talk, but not here. It’s bad enough being around my mother and having to listen to her. I’m sorry if you overheard us upstairs.” She felt her cheeks flush as she replayed their conversation. It must have carried down to the lower floor.

“Don’t worry about it. There’s a place I wanted to show you. It’s where I go to relax. Will you come with me?” Belik asked.

Illiana saw his hopefulness and the gleam in his eyes. “All right. I should change so that we can fly.”

“No. I’d like to walk there, if that’s okay.”

She nodded, appreciating that Belik wanted to actually walk through the forest and not use their other forms. Illiana slung her cloak around her shoulders. They left the aerie and were silent while they walked. Every time they stopped, Illiana noticed Belik glancing at her, but never saying anything. They came to the last ladder that led to the forest floor.

“After you,” he said.

She smiled and wrapped her cloak around her. The breeze stirred her hair. She jumped down, letting her cloak billow around her to slow her descent as the wind helped her to glide down. Belik clambered down the ladder and jumped down the last few rungs. He caught his breath and came up to her.

“That was amazing. Why don’t you do that more often? I’ve seen you fly without your feathers before. Why don’t you use that gift?”

She shrugged. “It makes others uncomfortable so I try not to when there are others around. When I’m alone, then I can. I love it. I enjoy our raven form, too; flying is the other part of me, but this is also who I am.”

Belik slipped his fingers through hers and squeezed them. “Well, I don’t want you to change who you are because of what other people say. You need to discover all of who you are, even if it leads you down a different path than what others think you should walk.”

Illiana thought about his words. She had to go forward with her plans to become part of the pack. The gift of being a wolf was hers for a reason. Her mother’s words suddenly trolled through her mind about telling Belik the truth. She owed him that. She squeezed his fingers in return and pulled her hand away before pacing.

“What is it?” he asked.

“My mother said I should be honest with you. You seem determined to accept everything about me and court me. I know you mean well, so I don’t want to lie to you. I’ve had to lie about who I am for so long, I’m exhausted doing it. Everyone in the flock knows of my friendship with the alpha’s son, Christopher. I’ve had a crush on him since I was a teenager, and over the years it’s blossomed into something else. He told me he didn’t want me, but I could tell he was lying. I found a way that I might be able to change his mind about me, maybe even consider me for a mate.”

Belik drew in a breath through his nose and took a long time before he answered her. A variety of emotions played out on his face. “Even though mating outside of your species is against all of our laws?”

“It’s not outside of my species,” she whispered.

“What do you mean?”

She glanced around and wondered who was listening or looking in on them from the shadows of the forest or the treetops. “Not here. Let’s go where there are no prying eyes, and I’ll show you. I promise.”

“Follow me.”

Illiana walked behind him, trying to keep up, and wondered if she had hurt his feelings. She wanted to be honest with him and also learn more about him, but first she had to see how he would react if he saw her transform. He had been following her and watching her with Coret. She hoped it would not drive him off. They strolled through the forest until it thinned out and she could no longer feel as though they had eyes on her. They were in a clearing by a pond where lily pads floated on the surface and a few frogs soaked up the sun. The only singing birds were cardinals and a robin or two, which added a splash of red into the environment. Belik knelt by the water and ran his fingers through it, sending ripples through the water. The air blew through the clearing, and she felt it caress her.

“You were going to show me something?” Belik stared right at her, and she saw the hardness in his gaze.

She assumed that he was silently cursing her for saying what she did about wanting to mate outside of her species. What would he think of her when he had been raised, when they had both been raised, with the knowledge that had been drilled into their heads to stay within their own species? She nodded. Illiana took off her necklace, the scarf Belik had given her, and her cloak, and then she unwound her robe. She folded them neatly and left them on the ground. For the first time in a long time before others, she felt naked. She nearly covered herself, even though being naked was something natural. The way Belik looked at her, as though he was devouring her with his eyes, she had never experienced that kind of look before. She felt the heat splash across her cheeks and also the wolf step forward in her mind. It moved into her muscles, and she welcomed it. The feeling of letting go and surrendering was freeing in a way she had not felt before she discovered her wolf side. Maybe it was because all of her was coming together and she had finally embraced who she truly was. Illiana dropped to all fours and felt her body morph into the wolf. There was less pain than there was the first time. When she was done, she walked over to Belik and sat before him. His eyes grew wide, and she could smell the fear wafting off him. It gave him a sour scent that nearly made her lift her lips and growl, but she held it all in. Instead, she placed a foot on his leg and waited to see what Belik would do.