Awakening the Wolf (7 page)

“Good. Now we can try this again or you can run off to Christopher half-cocked and not be in true form. What do you want?”

Illiana understood what her aunt was doing. Coret wanted her to realize her true potential before she went to the man who she thought was never going to mate Jalisa. Maybe if it were someone else, she would have been happy for him. Hell, that was not true either. She would never be happy until she had Christopher all to herself. All the years she had been kidding herself, trying to be his friend, when all she ever wanted was to be in his arms, feel his muscled body against hers, and taste his lips. For one instant that had happened, and then he realized what he was doing. Kissing someone who was not his own kind. Was he always going to think of her that way? She had to know. This was the only way she could figure out if he truly loved her and if they could be together. If she could become part of the pack, then there might be hope. Illiana gritted her teeth and knew she had to harness her powers. These past three months, she wondered if she would get anywhere. If nothing worked out, then she would accept that and move on. If it did work out . . . well, she did not want to get her hopes up. Something had to come out of it. The time for sulking had come to an end. Illiana had been wallowing and feeling sorry for herself. She was tired of failing. All of her life, she had to work twice as hard in order to prove she fit into the flock. Even then, that never mattered. The harder she tried, the more it seemed she was an outsider. Nothing worked. She brushed her fingers over the brand on her breast, a raven, wings outspread, soaring to the sky. Escaping to the clouds was not her problem. It was dealing with the ramifications of who she was. All the taunting and the bullying had worn on her. Would she ever find a home? What her aunt said was true. She felt as at-home on the ground as she did in the air. It was in her nature to run and hunt but also scour the skies to find the best breeze that would take her even higher.

The air wrapped around her, boosting her confidence. Illiana let its power lift her off the ground a few inches, caressing her. It was trying to tell her something she could not quite understand. It tickled her fingertips. The raw power of the element blasted against her mind. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the fire spark higher. It blazed until she noticed it. She reached out and felt the heat wash over her. Coret had asked her if she had ever asked the fire to work with her or if she commanded it. Illiana placed her hand over the flames.

“What are you doing?” Coret asked her as she grabbed her hand and tried to pull it from the fire.

She turned to her aunt and said flatly, “Doing what you told me to do. Taking control of my powers.” Illiana pulled her hand from her aunt’s grasp and peered into the heart of the bonfire. The longer she stared, the more she could make out the individual flickers that comprised the whole fire. It hit her then. She had only been talking to one or two of the spirits and not all of them. Concentrating, she saw there were stronger spirits inside the flame, each competing for dominance as they ate up the fuel they lived off. When she touched upon them, they woke from fighting over one another and paid attention to her. Her hand started to burn from the heat, but she fought against the pain.

“Will you work with me from now on?”

The embers sparked, sending ashes into the air. The fire spirits jumped together. The smaller ones died off after being consumed by the bigger ones, until they were one element.
“Why should we?”
it asked her back.

Illiana was surprised because she had never actually expected it to talk back to her—the air did not.
“Because we can help one another.”

“You think because you’re able to speak to us that we should listen to you.”
The fire leaped up taller than it had been before and touched the underside of her wrist. She bit her tongue but did not pull her hand from the fire.

“Maybe I am special, but you have no right to be snarky with me
,
”
she replied and exerted more of her will, feeling as though she were wrestling a snake. All it wanted to do was slip from her grasp, but she held onto it
. “I promise not to use your element for harm
.”

The fire broke apart into individual flames for a moment, crackling again, whispering amongst themselves. Whatever they said was beyond her understanding. The wind curled through the coals, and they burned brighter orange than before. The bonfire sounded like creaks and groans, with a couple of pops in between until finally it burned down and became one voice again.
“You speak to us and understand us. The mark of the fire has already been branded upon you from what the air has told us. Step into the flames and be baptized to ignite the hunger in you.”

Illiana glanced back at Coret and saw the panic in her eyes. She felt it with her racing heart. If she stepped into the fire, she could suffer serious injury or worse. But that was the point, conquering her fears and taking control of her life. It all went along with her accepting who she was. Her aunt shook her head, but Illiana ignored that and swallowed her terror. She stepped directly into the heart of the fire. Once her foot crossed the threshold of the hearth, the blaze swallowed her whole. The heat seared her flesh. She prayed that when she emerged it would be without any marks. Coret was at the edge of the fire, yelling at her and beckoning for her to come out. She could barely hear her aunt the flames were so loud. They wrapped around her arms and twined through her legs, building their heat, claiming every inch of her flesh. It hurt, but it did not scald. Illiana inhaled the smoke. It scratched her throat, drying out her mouth and piercing her nostrils. The flames seemed to light up her insides. When she closed her eyes, she saw that the darkness that had always hidden the wolf had now cleared away. Her other animal stood before her. It was larger than any wolf she had seen before, even Christopher. Its pelt was black with a hint of purple in it, giving it the same sheen that her feathers had. Its eyes were silver instead of gold. It stared at her, and she felt welcomed by the animal. This time it did not fight her. Before Illiana could take in all of its beauty, the fire flared to life again and she opened her eyes.

The flames had formed shackles around her arms and legs, pinning her in place. She tried to stay calm, but the oxygen was being sucked from her lungs. It seemed Illiana was dying. It was all she could do to hold on to her consciousness. Black spots appeared before her eyes. When she tried to sink to her knees, the fire held her up. Terror set in and pushed her heart into overdrive. When she thought she would be completely sucked under, the fire had parted and was not burning her.

“You have passed the test. All fire spirits will know you now. The air can witness if there is any doubt.”
The voice died, and the pressure left her body.

Illiana stepped from the fire, and Coret grabbed her. Once she stepped from the blaze, she felt the air return to cool and calm her. Her aunt led her to the shade and offered her a dipper of water she pulled from a rain barrel. All Illiana could taste was the freshness of the water and how crisp it was.

“Are you all right?” her aunt asked.

Illiana ran her fingers over her wrist where the fire had touched her. There was a raised scar that had not been there before. When she listened, she heard the fire whispering to her, but it was mostly babbling until she focused on it. The air wrapped around her, hugging her, but the rest of her was not burned—not even her clothing. She shivered and smiled, knowing she had gone through another test and she had passed it. The next thing was to see if she could hold onto her wolf form and learn to shift into it with the same ease she had with her raven form. By accepting the fire, she had claimed another part of herself.

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

“What was that all about?”

Illiana smiled at her aunt as she felt the heat of the fire spirit spark within her. “Trial by fire.”

“I figured that, but why?”

“The fire isn’t like the air. Air is all one big spirit—so big I can’t hear its voice—but the fire is different. It’s composed of smaller spirits that fight for dominance. When they work together, they become this whole other entity with one voice. When I was talking with them before, trying to get them to cooperate with me, I was only talking to some of the smaller ones within the whole. The element has something to do with the wolf, too. But I saw it, the wolf.”

Coret shook her head and had an astonished look on her face.

“What?”

“I can’t believe how strong you are. You really should train for the priesthood because if people get wind of this, I’m not sure what they would do. If you were in the priesthood, then they could not touch you. If someone ever discovers this is all a farce, what you really are, then I don’t know how they would react.”

“Was that the reason why my father left . . . because he was different?” Illiana asked. She took another sip of water before standing up. More and more she had begun to wonder exactly why her father had left.

Coret shook her head. “I’m sorry. There are many things you need to talk to your mother about. That is one of them.”

“What are the other ones?”

“You have to ask your mother those questions. I think she’d be the best one to answer them.” Coret stood up and brushed herself off.

“Where are you going?” Illiana asked.

“It’s late, and I think you’ve done enough for one day.”

“I thought you said you wanted me to try again and transform into the wolf?”

“I do. Why not get some rest and try tomorrow? There is time. And your mother is worried about you. Go home and talk to her.”

Illiana nodded. She watched her aunt’s form shrink and change into the raven. When she disappeared from sight, Illiana stood and dusted off her dress. The weight of the day piled on her shoulders, and the news of Christopher’s mating swam inside her thoughts. She turned it over and over again, wondering how or when she would confront him again. It would have to be soon and when he was alone.

* * * *

Belik kept to the shadows the way he had over the past three months, watching Illiana. After their initiation, he tried to see her. He had gone to her house once a day. Most of the time Illiana was not there and Lelana promised she would return. Other times when Illiana was at home, she would not see him. But those instances were few and far between. His father told him to give up. Of course that was what he wanted. He did not understand that Belik was not going to abandon his hope of having Illiana for a mate. Every time he thought of her and saw her, it stirred his desire and nothing else mattered. Every thought he had was focused on how to win her. She was the kind of woman for whom material things did no justice. She needed something else, a show of devotion that would make her realize he was the only one for her. When he reached that understanding, he realized that he really did not know Illiana that well. After trying to ask her mother about her, he came up empty-handed. Lelana had told him if he wanted to get to court Illiana, then he had to ask her things directly. She had more important things than becoming a go-between.

So after a month of getting nowhere, Belik decided he had to approach Illiana another way. One night while he was on his way to try again, he saw her slip away from the aerie. At first he did not think about following her, figured that she was going out to fly, but she did not disrobe. Instead, she walked the whole way, moving between branches and bridges that connected the village. Then she was gone. The next night she did the same thing. On the third night he wondered if she was going off to meet her wolf friend. Maybe they were having a tryst and she did not want anyone else to know about it. Of course if anyone did find out about it, then Illiana could be exiled from the flock entirely. He had only ever heard of that happening once before, and it was hushed about within the flock. Belik had shivered to think about it. However, he decided it was time for him to follow her. If there was any impropriety, he decided he was going to watch out for her. Belik had slipped off his clothes and was flying over the trees. He followed her to their sacred grounds and saw her meeting with her aunt.

After three months’ worth of watching her during the night, he was becoming a little sleep-deprived. It did not matter. Once he discovered her routine was learning with her aunt, he figured she was training for the priesthood. That did not change his feelings about her. It only intensified them. Priestesses were allowed to mate if they wanted, but some of them did stay solitary. Belik never truly understood the faith the ravens believed in, but he knew there was something more. He prayed that Illiana would wish to share her life with him.

After all the observing he had done and what he could hear, he learned she was trying to take control of something else inside of her. Another element that she had access to, but during all the times she had tried, she could not get the hang of it. Tonight was different. The bonfire she had built rose higher and higher the more she stared at it. Sparks floated along the breeze, and the scent of cedar reached him in the trees. Belik watched her step into the flames. A caw escaped his beak that he could not stop. The terror that possessed him almost forced him to drive into the clearing below and interrupt the ritual. Coret screamed at Illiana to get out of the fire. But a miracle happened. The flames surrounded her until she was completely covered. For what seemed like an eternity, his heart threatened to escape his chest. The fire turned white instead of orange, with the tops burning blue. When he thought Illiana might be burned alive, the bonfire died down. Illiana stumbled out of the fire, and her aunt caught her. Seeing her come out of the flames set his heart to a normal pace. However, it only made her more mysterious. It also opened his heart so that he was not going to give up on her. The fire had bathed her. He knew that someone or something had accepted her. It also cinched something in his mind. He was not going to wait any longer.