In the Rain (7 page)

I
hadn't realized the car had stopped moving. "Of course."

I
got out with his help, and the bit of electricity that jumped
from his fingers to my own sent a shiver over my spine. I swallowed and
cautiously hooked my arm with his, forcing a smile when he glanced at me.

"Nervous?"
he asked, digging in his other pocket for his keys. "Don't be. You'll be
fine."

The
music isn't what concerns me.
Okay, so that was
a lie. I was still worried about how I'd sound seeing as I didn't have a violin
to practice on, but that wasn't why my stomach had tied itself in knots or why
my fingers twitched.

I
withdrew my arm from his once we were inside and, very casually, removed my
coat to hide the shaking of my hands.

"Coffee?"
Thayre threw back over his shoulder as he headed toward the kitchen.

Like
I need my hands to shake even more.
"And
get stuck staying up all night? I think I'll pass."

"You
wouldn't mind if I got some for myself, would you?"

"Not
at all. But tell me you aren't planning an all-nighter again tonight."

He
offered me a sheepish grin once I joined him in the kitchen. "You know me
too well."

"You
really haven't changed all these years, have you?"

Thayre
filled a pot of water and dumped it into the coffee maker before turning it on.
"It wasn't for my lack of trying. I tried a few odd jobs, but none of them
ever felt right. When I was grooming flowers for arrangements, all I could
think about was how some of the steams felt like the
bow of a violin, and when I tried out a job tuning pianos, I spent more time
playing than I spent fixing them—and I don't play."

"Well,
you obviously did."

"By
ear maybe, but certainly not as a career choice."

"So
how did you get the gig as a conductor anyway?"

He
shrugged. "Those jobs were back in high school. By the time school ended,
I figured I may as well stick with what I'm good at. Got tired of the music
programs on campus, started looking for other people I could practice with, and
everything else fell into place." Thayre removed a pair of mugs from one
of the cabinets, filling one cup with the fresh coffee after setting the other
on the counter. "Are you sure you don't want anything?"

"After
that milkshake?
No thanks."

"I
have hot chocolate."

"Tempting,
but for now I think I'll pass."

"Fair
enough." After adding sweeteners to his coffee, he gestured toward the
basement door. "I'm sure you don't need to be shown the way."

I
shivered as much from his smile as the thought of playing in front of him
again.
You're here now. No sense backing out.
Even if I did, I'd
probably regret it in the morning.
It's just music.
God, I hope what I wrote sounds as good as it reads on paper.

As
soon as I reached the last step, something inside me clicked. It was as though
all my doubts melted away. There was something about this room that put
me at ease, even with
Thayre following close behind me. It felt familiar. Like I'd been here before; not
just in
this room, but in this frame of mind.

The
melody played in the back of my mind, and before I knew it, I was humming loud
enough for Thayre to hear.

"No,
don't ruin it," he said, grabbing my hand before directing me into his
studio. He sat me on the stool, smiled, then turned to pull Angie out of her
case. "Feel free to tune her if she doesn't sound right."

I
studied his beloved violin once he'd plugged it in. Fortunately, Angie was
tuned perfectly. Thayre was still in the room, but like last
time, he stepped behind me where I couldn't see him. Not that it
helped my nerves any. The sense of calm I'd experienced after stepping into the
basement was gone. My heart skipped as soon as I pulled my rough sheet music
out of my purse.

I
could sense Thayre watching me, his eyes on my posture, and I quickly corrected
it on the off chance I was slouching.

"Are
you okay?" he asked gently, not moving from his place behind me.

That tone.
No,
I was putting too much thought into this. No way Thayre was a Dom, but if he
wasn't, everything I'd experienced since I hit that last
step suddenly made sense. The calm of my comfort zone, of knowing what came
next would release me mentally. I'd completely forgotten the freeing sensation
paying music gave me, and it wasn't until now I started to connect the dots
between falling in a trance with my music and subspace.

It was a state of being present
and yet, not there at all. A sense of calm overcame me, and as the beginnings
of subspace tingled at the front of my mind, I zoned out. Out of the room, out
of my own body and away from Thayre's intense gaze.

"Moyra, you okay?" His
voice seemed muffled, but was enough to bring me back to the sound room in his
basement.

"Yes."
I cringed when my voice squeaked. "Nerves."

"Take
your time."

He
didn't say anything after that,
but I could hear him breathe. Slow. Even. And without thinking, I started to
inhale when he did. Exhale when I could feel his gentle breath cool the air
behind me.  

Closing
my eyes, I cleared my mind and gave my notes a second glance before placing
them on the stand in front of me.

I
set the bow on the strings, tested the notes, then started to play. The opening
melody was soft—similar to what the first violinist might play to warm the
crowd before the rest of the orchestra joined in. I could almost feel
the thrum of the other instruments around me, but no, I was the only one
playing.

I
already knew what notes to play before they jumped off the page, so I fell into
the music and closed my eyes. The next scale built, and it was then I started
to sing.

Right
before me

I
was too blind to see

All
the damage you've done to us

The
damage done to me.

Blinded
by your lust

Fueled
by your control

You
took my trust

You
let me fall.

Standing
here now

Under
a cloud of rain

There's
nothing left

Nothing
to justify my staying here.

Climb
over the rubble

Cover
all my scars

Be
the person you're meant to be

Not
the one he thinks you are.

Get
past the damage

Cut
through all the pain

Justify
what's left

To
be who you truly are.

I
released the final note into the room and opened my eyes.

Thayre
was standing in front of me, his eyes as wide as his smile. "That was..."
He released a long breath. Before I could react, he cupped my face and kissed
me. Gently. Passionately.

I
held on to the violin the best I could, fearing it might break if I let go. Thayre
must've sensed my apprehension, for in the next instant, he took the bow and
violin from me, carefully setting them on the ground before pressing his lips
to mine again. I wanted to reach for him, to pull him close, but I'd never been
kissed like this.
I didn't know the rules.
There are no rules, Moyra. You gave that up,
remember?

I
didn't need his permission to touch him. To kiss him back.

He
broke our kiss before I could wrap my head around what had happened, his hands
trembling as he reached for my own.

"Amazing,"
he said, as out of breath as I was.

"Do
that again,"
I said.

And,
bless him, he did. Pressing his lips to mine, we fell into a gentle, slower
kiss—the kind that was
sure to make my head spin if we didn't come up for air soon.

"I've
wanted to kiss you since high school," he said with a smile, resting his
forehead against mine.

I
had no answer. My gut twisted with guilt. Here I was, pouring my soul into my
music in front of my old crush, and I couldn't decide if I was thrilled to have
him kiss me, or angry he hadn't done it sooner. Before Bret. Before the damage.
The abuse. Then, as I remembered Thayre's last statement, I continued. "What
took you so long?"

"Well,
I knew you weren't really seeing anyone, but I wanted to be sure."

"Sure
of what?"

"That
you were actually looking at me the other night and it wasn't my imagination.
Or you didn't come tonight for the music. Don't get me wrong, I loved it, but I
was really hoping you'd be okay with me kissing you."

I
couldn't help the grin on my face. "You have no idea."

"Enlighten
me. Was I off the mark?"

I
shook my head. "Not at all. I wish it had happened sooner, though."

"Like
when we were young and slightly stupid?"

"Well,
maybe not that far
back, but before now. God, we have so much catching up to do."

"I
hope you enjoy music then, as it's probably what I'm going to end up talking
about. And you, of course." He rolled his shoulders. "Speaking of
music, I want you to hear something."

Thayre
excused himself to deal with the sound system. I turned the stool so I faced
the back of the room and watched as a media player appeared on one of the
monitors. In the next moment, the song I'd played filled the space around us.

"I
hope you don't mind," he said, "but I seem to remember how bad you
always got on yourself about your work. Figured if I recorded it, you could
hear it the way I did, and if not, at least I have a copy. I mean, if you don't
mind."

He
was right. It sounded amazing. I hadn't realized how true to myself the lyrics
were until I actually listened to them.

He
hit a few dials, and soon, a small bit of trance joined in with the music as if
it was meant to be there. I closed my eyes and started to bob my head. The
lyrics brought tears to my eyes as much as the melody did. Had I really been in
that much
pain when I was with Bret?

I
know I'd said as much in the lyrics, but there had to have been a time when it
hadn't been so bad. Granted, I'd wanted out for the better part of a year, but
what about the first few months? The first year? There had to have been some
reason as to why I stayed.

It
doesn't matter anymore,
Thayre's hand said as he gently rubbed
his thumb on the back of my hand. And it didn't. I'd fought so hard to get out,
that once
I escaped, I spent as much time running as I did looking at what was already
behind me.

Bret
was out of the picture, and for now, my music was enough to carry me forward.

I
exhaled. "I'm so glad it didn't suck."

"One
of your songs?" Thayre lifted his eyebrows. "Seriously, you need to
give yourself more credit."

"In
my defense, I didn't actually get the chance to play before tonight."

"You...wait.
You mean you didn't practice at all?" He knelt in front of me. "Composing
a bit too much for you these days?"

I
smiled. "Just about, but that isn't
why I didn't play. Couldn't." I glanced at my hands. "I seem to have
lost my violin."
Oh God, he's going to hate me now.

"Lost
it?"

"Okay,
not lost it. Well, not by choice anyway."

"That's
what I need," he said, as he stood to lean against one of the glass walls.
"I haven't found anyone as passionate about music as you. Ever."

I
laughed. "I guess it's because this is the first time I've played in close
to three years. Or well, before the other night."

He
furrowed his brow. "Seriously?" He dropped his arms to his sides. "I
know it isn't my place to ask but, the song—"

"It's
complicated."

He
nodded, and fortunately, the subject was dropped. "So, why did you stop
playing?"

I
chewed my bottom lip. "The one who caused me to write that song."

"Well,
at least he, or she, is good for one thing. It's amazing."

I
couldn't help laughing then. "You did say any emotion would do."

"And
I was right. Looks like I'll
be pulling an all-nighter after all."

"Feeling
a little competitive
now, are we?"

He
stepped toward me and took my chin in his hand. "I wasn't talking about
the music."

His
lips found my again, and thank God I wasn't holding Angie. I threw my arms
around him, then played with the curls at the nape of his neck as he deepened
our kiss.

"You
have anywhere you need to be?" he asked between breaths.

"If
I do, I can call in sick."

He
smiled against my lips. "Good, because you aren't going anywhere unless it
includes a flat surface and some condoms."

I
squirmed in his arms and inhaled his crisp cologne. "What are you waiting
for then?" I reached to pick Angie off the floor.

"Leave
it. If we don't get up those steps soon, we probably never will."

H
e
wasn't kidding. By the time we'd reached the middle of the staircase, we were
already shedding our clothes. His shirt was lost somewhere at the bottom of the
stairs, and as he lifted my t-shirt over my head, he added it to the pile. We
joined each other again in a feverish kiss. I trailed my fingertips up his
sides along his abs as he fidgeted with the clasp of my bra.

"This
would be a lot easier," I said, whimpering when his hard cock pressed
against my hip, "if we were upstairs."

"No
time." He moved down a step so we were more or less at eye level. "God,
I've wanted to do this since I saw you at the bar the other night."

I
released a gasp as my bra came undone. "Don't be sounding victorious yet.
We still haven't reached our destination."

"Hmm,
we should probably do something about that,
then."

He took my hand in his and led me
up two flights of stairs to his room. We'd barely gotten in the door when he
pressed me against a wall, kissing me behind the ear. Down the side of my neck
as he held one hand in my hair and used the other to work on the button of my
pants.