Cowboy Desires: The Complete Collection (6 page)

I should have known the sex wouldn’t have solved anything. It was a natural reaction to being close to someone I missed and loved. But now he was going right back to being the old Mason. He was putting his walls right back up and accusing me when he had been the one who walked out on the relationship we had built.

“Who the fuck does this Austin guy think he is? He doesn’t know shit about what we went through. He has no idea how much I loved you. How much I still love you. Are you in a relationship with him?”

“I have only gone out with him once, but I like him already. He at least stayed long enough to dry my tears instead of running from them. And no, he doesn’t know what we went through. The only people who know about that are me, you, and the doctor. I didn’t tell anyone, Mason! I have been dealing with this huge loss alone. How can I ever forgive you for that?”

He got out of bed and started getting dressed. I was so angry that I couldn’t admire his naked body. I was so mad at him that I was shaking, and the room suddenly felt very cold. When he was dressed, he didn’t walk out like I expected. Instead, he came and stood right in front of me.

“Jamie, I don’t care what anyone else says. You and I belong together. I made a huge mistake, but I will make it up to you. I will show you that I am better for you than Austin. You just need to give me a chance.”

He was begging, and it tugged at my heart, but I wasn’t ready to forgive and forget.

“I know that you’re sorry, but it takes more than that to prove that you’re ready for the future. What if we had a child and you decided it was too much for you then? I can’t take that chance without knowing for sure. I need time.”

“I will give you time, but I’m not going anywhere. I will be wooing you and showing you that you are everything I could ever want and need. You are never going to doubt me again.”

My heart wanted to believe what he was saying, but my head knew better.

“I think you should go now. I need time to process all of this. I need to think about whether I can let you back in.”

“Okay, I’ll go. But I hope you will consider it seriously. Baby, I love you so much. You will have my heart until the day I die.”

“I will always love you, too. I just don’t know if it’s enough to save us. I will talk to you soon.”

“I’ll be waiting. I love you, Jamie.”

He leaned over and kissed me softly and turned to walk away. As he was leaving, I said the words that I knew would leave him reeling. Words that I hadn’t spoken to anyone.

“By the way, it was a girl.”

He turned around with wide eyes full of tears, nodded, and walked out of the room.

Talking about her made it real again. She was too small to survive. It was too soon. But Mason hadn’t stuck around to find that out. I had even named her without him. I had a little box with memories of her hidden in the top corner of my closet. I was a mother, and no one knew but Mason and my doctor.

Since it hurt too much to think about her, I pushed the memories aside and focused on the issues at hand. Mason was back and expected me to fall into his arms.

Then there was Austin, with his promises of always being a gentleman and taking care of me. But he also had baby mama drama with Andrea. And if she was still on his wall and in his phone, then he still had feelings for her. I was in the middle of a huge mess.

All I wanted to do was be alone, watch sappy movies, and eat whatever I wanted. I headed back downstairs and threw away the crackers and cheese since they had been sitting out for a while. I heated up some leftover pizza, grabbed my wine, and settled on the couch with Netflix and my phone.

I saw the light blinking on the phone, so I entered my code and saw that I had three text messages. They were all from Austin. The guilt started to creep in as I opened the first one.

Hey pretty lady. I hope your day is going well. Thinking of you.

              That one was sweet.

              Did I tire you out? Maybe you’re asleep. I hope your dreaming of me. I can’t get you out of my head darlin
.

              That one was even better. He couldn’t get me out of his head.

              Hi Jamie. Either you’re sleeping, you’re busy, or you’re ignoring me. I hope it’s not the last one. I had so much fun with you last night. I want to see you tomorrow. Let me know beautiful.

              He was thinking of me all day while I was having crazy good sex with the ex who had broken my heart. I wasn’t in a relationship with Austin, but I still felt guilty for jumping into bed with Mason just a few hours after I left his bed. Even though seeing Mason had been great, I wasn’t sure that I was ready to give up on Austin. After all, Austin had not let me down, but Mason had. Big time.

              I sent a text back to Austin.

              I was a little busy and you tired me out. Sitting in my bathrobe eating ice cream and drinking wine. I would love to see you tomorrow. Thinking of you, too.

              About a minute later, my phone beeped again.

              Your bathrobe, huh? I’ll feed you ice cream as I take your bathrobe off of you. That picture in my head has me nice and happy. As for tomorrow, I’ll pick you up at 11:00. Can’t wait to see your pretty face.

Just thinking about him taking off my bathrobe and licking the cold ice cream off my body had me squirming, but I knew I needed to cool it after all the sex I had in the last 24 hours. Why did he have to be so gorgeous and charming? And why did I meet him one day before Mason decided to come back?

              I’ll be ready and waiting. Oh, and the naked ice cream party…I’m in. See you tomorrow, gorgeous. I’ll be naked in bed thinking of you…

              He got right back to that one.

              Not fair, baby! I might have to take care of business on my own! See you in the morning. Sweet dreams.

              I sat and thought about him taking care of his business and was immediately aroused. I must have been turning into a horny 18-year-old-girl in my old age. I never seemed to be able to get enough sex. I brought the image of Austin naked into my head, and it was all too quickly blurred by a picture of Mason. I had no idea what to do.

              I sat there for another two hours feeling sorry for myself and watching ridiculously sad movies. I went through two pints of ice cream and a bottle of wine. I also cried through an entire box of tissues. I finally forced myself off the couch and went upstairs to bed.

              Seeing the bed didn’t help the situation. It was still a mess from my romp with Mason. I could still smell him in the room. I brushed my teeth and washed my face and crawled into bed. I let his smell surround me and let my mind take me back to a time when we were happy.

              I remembered the day I found out I was pregnant. I was terrified to tell him since I had been on birth control. I waited a few days, but when I kept refusing alcohol and threw up during dinner at a restaurant, he wanted to know if I was sick. I confessed it to him and braced myself for the worst, but it never came. He was thrilled. He held me and kissed me and kept rubbing my stomach. I think that was the happiest I had ever seen him. Little did I know that three months later he would walk out on me.

              My phone beeping brought me out of the past and back into my present predicament.

              Jamie, it was so good to see you today. The picture in my mind was nothing compared to how beautiful you are in person. Being away made me love you more, if that’s possible. I want to be with you forever. Please forgive me. I want to come home. I’ll be thinking of you every second until I see you again. I love you with all my heart. Just like I would have loved our little girl.

              If I hadn’t completely lost it earlier, that last sentence sent me back into a fit of sobs. I ended up crying myself to sleep thinking about Mason, our baby, and what could have been.

              I woke up on Sunday morning to the sound of my phone ringing. I recognized the song as the one I used for my younger sister, Laney. The clock n my nightstand said 8:30.

              “Hello?”

              “Hey, babe. What’s up? I heard from Erin that you had a hot date with a cowboy, and I needed the scoop ASAP. Spill!”

              “You needed this information this early on a Sunday morning? There isn’t a whole lot to tell. His name is Austin. He saved me when I ran out of gas. He asked me out, and I slept with him twice. He’s been texting me ever since. Oh, and he’s picking me up at 11:00 today for our second date.”

              I stopped and waited for the frenzy to follow.

              “Holy shit! All this happened and I didn’t get one text or call? Bitch! Erin already described what he looks like and that he drives a big truck. How did you manage to get so lucky?”

              “I’m not sure, but I like it.”

              “Actually, you deserve it after what Mason put you through. You deserve the best, Jamie.”

              “Aw thanks. Speaking of Mason, I have some news on that front, too.”

              “What? Did he fall off a cliff and break both his legs?”

              “No, he showed up here late yesterday afternoon.”

              “What? He had the nerve to just show up at your door?”

              “Yes. And he was full of apologies. We fought. We yelled. We cried. We had incredible sex. We fought again. Then he left.”

              “You had sex with him? I can’t believe you even let him in your house!”

              “I needed to hear him out. He’s really sorry. He’s been out of state with family working on a farm. He said he needed to get himself together.”

              “So he left you broken with no way to contact him? He’s still a jerk in my book. What are you gonna do?”

              “I don’t know yet. I still love him so much, but I like Austin. I need to see which one of them is truly right for me. And I told Mason that.”

              “I bet he was pissed! Wow, I can’t believe all of that went on in two days. Where the hell have I been?”

              “I can’t believe it either. Listen, I gotta get my ass out of bed and get ready for my date with Austin. I promise I will call you later.”

              “You better. I’m always here for you. Plus, I don’t want to miss a second of your love triangle. Love you.”

              “Love you too.”

              I hung up the phone and dragged myself out of bed. I went directly into the bathroom to brush my teeth. Then I turned on the shower nice and hot and got in. I took my time shampooing and conditioning my long hair. Then I scrubbed my whole body clean in an attempt to rid myself of the sex smell. I shaved all of my important parts in preparation for any spontaneous sexual activity that the day might have in store. I rinsed off, dried off, then got out and covered myself in lotion. I plucked my eyebrows then put on some light makeup.

              I stood in front of my closet staring at my clothes for a good 20 minutes before I decided on a pair of navy blue cropped pants and a white, flowing tube top with tiny blue flowers on it. I wore a pair of white lace boy shorts and a beige strapless bra underneath. I put a pair of black flip-flops on my feet before drying my hair and putting it up in a pretty ponytail. It was too hot out to deal with the frizzy mess it might become.

              When I was finally ready, I threw a few things in a small purse and headed downstairs. I turned on my phone on the way down and found another text from Mason.

              Good morning, baby. Wish I was waking up next to you. You always looked so beautiful when you slept. I want to hold you in my arms every night. I don’t want to pressure you, but I hope you will let me see you again soon. I love you so much.

              Here we go again. Austin was due to pick me up any minute, and Mason decides to remind me that he still loves me. I blinked back the tears while I sent back a quick text.

              I love you too. I always will. I will let you know when I’m ready…

              As soon as I sent the text, there was a knock on my door. I went to open it and found Austin standing there in a pair of cargo shorts, a black t-shirt, and sneakers. He smelled amazing and his smile had me feeling weak.

              “Good morning, darling. You look amazing. Damn, I am a lucky man. Are ya ready?”

              “Absolutely. And you’re gorgeous. Do you ever look bad?”

              He laughed as he took my hand and led me out to his truck. As always, he helped me up and shut my door. Then he climbed in his side and started it up.

              “I hope you’re up for some fun in the sun. I borrowed my buddy’s boat for the day, and I’m gonna take you on a picnic on the lake.”

              “That sounds perfect, Austin. You’re already spoiling me.”

              “There is no way I could ever spoil you. You’ve already brightened up my life more than you could imagine. I wanna do the same for you. Along with doing some unspeakably dirty things to your body.”

              “You know I can’t say no to that.”

              His hand rested on its normal spot on the inside of my thigh. I placed my hand on top of his and enjoyed the Sunday morning countdown that was on the radio. He headed north toward the lake and I took in the scenery next to me.